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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Awwww, this was adorable.
And props to Luna for lasting this long with these two. I would have personally said something a long time ago.
Couple counceling by Cadence was perfect, as both Max and Twilight have certain hurdles that they obviously can't with on their own.
That's pretty sweet. Glad they figured things out
Woooot! Thank you Luna!!
Time tooooo read from the beginninnnng. I don’t remembeerrrrrrr what is happeninnnnng. I have to start over from the starrrrrt because it’s beeeen sooo long it haassss. I don’t have the tiimme to come up with moorrrre lyrics that sound better today. sooo i’ll jusst stoooooop.
Honestly? Max is going to be such a papa wolf, anything that threatens that child is going to face one brutal asswhoppin'. Twilight may end up as quite the Mama bear herself.
Will this story be as long as the previous one?
Dawww. this was a pleasent suprise.
And gotta love the baby names!
11008594
Your profile pic made me choke on my water !
11008705
Glad you got a chuckle out of it
Just curious. Is there a reason that flurry heart does not exist in this universe? Not that I mind, she was a hasbro toy promotion anyway.
11008736
Its ALL a Hasbro toy promotion
What your talking about is a plot hole.
11008874
I think the "Hasbro toy promotion" distinction would come from whether the design started from the show writers and was later sent to the toy people so that merch could be made, or if it started from the toy people and was later sent to the writers as a mandate to be included in the cartoon.
And I know it's never quite as simple as that, but it will always be more from one side or the other.
11008736
I can't temember how much of the timeline is the same as in the show, but, if we talk realistically, unless conception conditions were pretty much identical in both timelines, they'd have vastly different kids just because it wouldn't be very likely for the same sperm that made Flurry to be the one to do the deed in this universe.
11008874
tf you mean? cadance is the only alicorn to ever conceive in the show lmao. who knows if alicorns have alicorns or not. they are technically still a race in the show, just an extinct one
If Cadence takes on the role of therapist to these two, she's going to be a rich mare. More than she already is. She might even end up richer than Celestia!
Beautyful chapter
What will Twilights foal be like?
Cadance and Twilight foal friends forever
Welp... Here come human in constant survivel struggel to be a daddy... Delices chaos incoming...
Years of meme culture, wasted!
Being said, I'm glad this went as well as it did, twilight must have been terrified
will the foal be named Nyx
11008723
It looks so pissed off !
He's alive!
When did celestia and max swap bodies?
11009383
One of the fun chapters. They have a special marker
11009383
Couple chapters ago. If I recall while max was celestia he gave that body some improvements, teat piercings.
Plot twist: Twilight births Flurry Heart.
Well glad someone finally talked some sense into these two. Now I am mad we got to miss the twins birth. Still let’s see how the rest of the pregnancy goes.
11009532
I could see that happening................wow look at all the little butterflies just flapping in the wind.
Boop the two little newborn fillies on the snoot!
11009496
I swear a reference to the fact test piercings happened needs to occur sometime in the future.
I liked how this chapter went. I'm sure more chaos will arise eventually but some smooth sailing for now is nice.
Yes, thank God!
That he can so casually list off these things should make him pause and really reflect on his life.
Also, it would have helped to give a line summarizing Max's feelings, even if you just went over them in the last chapter. Sorry to say that I forgot. However, given the time between posts, these things happen.
Okay, I don't care how hectic the situation gets. I cannot accept someone simply forgetting that they had twins.
Nice to see things working out even if the idea that Cadence just kinda "forgot" she had twins sounds a bit farfetched to me. Surprised this is only the second fic I've seen where the author goes full King Solomon on Flurry heart. Other fic I'd seen (but can't remember what it was called) had a Pegasus named "Winter Flurry" and a unicorn named "Gleaming Heart", always found it to be a neat idea and it keeps the alicorn numbers more of a "Mystical awakening" kinda thing instead of just a product of breeding.
11008990
this is fiction, not a simulation.
11013405
It's still a plausible explanation for the change.
Well boys we did it, Flurry Heart is no more.
11013749
of COURSE there's a Watsonian reason it could have come out differently. We're looking for Doylist answers. Why did the author make this choice? What is its purpose?
How are you able to make slice of Life so interesting?
What are your writing methods to make it so interesting?
What do you keep in mind when writing the story?
And this is where it stops. Ugh! I hate it when it stops just when it’s getting good!
I can’t wait for the next chapter definitely following this story to the end if it continues if it doesn’t then awww man that sucks so much ass but oh well it was a great story regardless loved the parts of max and the three guards interacting now that shit had me laughing my ass off 😂
11013750
:(
Now I am sad. I had reached down to go to the next chapter... But the button wasn't there! I would like more please. More of this superb story!!
Alright.
I was rereading a bunch of my old favorite stories, and I thought of Your Human and You. And I come back here only to find an entire sequel in progress (and active, it seems!) that I hadn't known about. So it was a good day.
But I found I didn't quite remember some details from the original story. Who is Sunny Breeze again? What's up with those three weird ponies living with Max and Twilight? Did Vinyl Scratch always call Max "brony"? (Love that, by the way.)
So I went back and just reread the original story, and reread the partially-complete sequel here for good measure.
I have to say the original story was a better read the second time; I think stories that you read as chapters which are published with delays in between them can suffer if the story is complex since it's easier to lose track, especially in the last 10-15 chapters which comprise the final act where Discord sets his plan into motion. We've been introduced to so many chess pieces, it ends up taking a long time switching between perspectives and telling all their stories. It might have benefited from a trim somehow, but I love it all so wouldn't know what to cut, except maybe the plunder vine stuff. That seemed excess and just made the epilogue drag on after Discord's defeat. But then you'd have to rearrange some other stuff like the Asylum scenes (which are great, I want Twilight to go into Max's nightmares to help him and run across Twila Sparks and T. Bright. Would be fun to see).
My favorite moment from the story:
And while I'm at it, favorite moment from the sequel so far:
Second favorite moment is Primrose enjoying tomatoes again. D'aww.
Most heart-wrenching moment is blind Sunny.
Loving the sequel so far, glad to see it's only a month since the last chapter so... probably still active? I hope to see more at least.
Only comment I have so far is it has a problem the original story had too, in that the beginning sort of meanders around without a clear path of where the story is going. I guess that's not really a complaint, the slice of life stuff is good, especially now since we've established our core cast from the first story. But it would be nice to get a glimpse, a foreshadow, a hint of where the story is going. Not sure how you write and how far in advance you planned the original story's ending though. Some of the explanations of events (such as why Max can't speak for most of the story) seem a little convoluted, like you only came up with the final explanation near the end of the story (again I'm kinda wondering if you planned the whole story from the start, at least a basic framework, or made it all up as you went along, or something in between).
Speaking of which I do like the way the language barrier was handled in these stories. In any sci-fi setting, aliens speaking English is usually handwaved away as being advanced translator technology, or simply never explained (don't want to spend time on that when you could be getting to the meat of the story). In a FiM fic "because... MAGIC!" is perfectly valid as far as I'm concerned, and Max's muteness keeps things interesting. There's some contrivance for the story's sake, though one of the weirdest things for me is why Max never considers it odd that ponies use English for speaking and writing. Especially when his chaos magic is removed, ponies being incomprehensible (and then humans being comprehensible) should make sense to him. And because he forgets his conversation with Deux Ex Harmony in his head, it should be very odd humans can now speak to ponies again, without any reason. At the very least Twilight should be freaking out about what is going on with that, even if it means she can talk to Max again.
Oh yeah I liked the name "Havoc" for Max's personal Discord. It really fits the theme of what Discord is trying to do. "Let slip the dogs of war!"
One last thing... there's a point where Max attains what Discord calls "godhood" if only temporarily. He's not aware of it, and it doesn't seem to do much important to the story other than allowing Havoc to grow in power, and presumably his godhood goes away when he's hit with the Elements to purge his chaos magic. But in between those points he snaps his fingers several times to do odd things which I think we are meant to presume is his godhood showing. The colored candle flames are presumably his doing though he doesn't realize it, and the overcharged fireball he burns the timberwolf alpha with is as well, though the ponies who see it think it's the enchantment on his armor doing it (though he snaps his fingers later after his chaos magic is removed to use the enchantment again so that IS seemingly the proper way to activate it). So I guess I'm wondering if the story was going in a different direction originally, if it was supposed to play a bigger role until you realized giving Max god mode (especially if he figures it out) was probably not workable from a story perspective or something.
Anyway looking forward to more, I hope you're still enjoying this enough to keep going.
Can’t wait for the next chapter
11098548
Thanks i read it later
Mans slowly coming to accepting bearing that fatherhood responsibility!
Him being buck naked during that whole wholesome bit with Cadence showing her bump and photos of the newborns is hilariously weird tho.
When is the next update?
This is lovely. I hope this story updates soon.
Great story so far; I managed to finish this and the first story in under a week.
Definitely, on one of my top lists of HiE stories with It's Complicated, How many friends have you made today?!, and A Survivors Guide to Equestria.
Can't wait to read the next chapter.
Parenthood is the adventure that even the bravest people blanche at. Dirty diapers, food messes and the crying at various times of the night. Then there's the sicknesses and their penchant for putting anything they can get their mouths on. You lock up the house cleaning chemicals so that they can't accidentally poison themselves.
Really enjoying this story please update soon
When will it be updated