9459971
I wonder how such power would stand against someone who I have come to see as a Gary Stu slayer. A character from Bleach named Yhwach who has the power of BS where he can force the timeline to become one that is advantageous to him where shenanigans occur that would put your character into a hopeless situation.

9464267
I have heard Equinox was an old concept. I know the author Shaded Blood wrote a couple of stories about 2 of them. Here is an image I found of the Equinox 6. This is a link to one of Shaded Blood's Equinox stories. Any more info you would either have to find on tumblr or youtube. One thing you may or may not notice is that Twilight's Equinox version is what you might imagine if Twilight merged with the ink machine from Bendy.

Anyway, just some research in your spare time if you wanted.

I have no words as to how dumb this was but hey at least it was a fun ride

9500397
I saw that video with all the outcomes

10019170
Again a lot of your stories have errors.

10019170
Again a lot of your stories have errors.

10019170
Yes yes it is.

10019175
I am not a master of grammar and sometimes I don't notice mistakes, I still use word documents for my writing.

10019179
Its okay just think about either looking at the stories you've made for mistakes or find someone who would.

10019180
I don't really have anyone who could do that

10019185
Maybe ask around who knows you might be surprised?

10019186
Would you be up for it?

10019192
I don't have the time or patience though I hear there are groups on this site where you can find Editors. Ps I'm ADHD ADD and Autistic.

10019195
Fair enough, I have Aspergas so I can understand part of that.

10019201
Yeah that explains a lot.....Eh life can deal worse hands than ours.

10019215
Read the chapter.

10019216
I'm about to go to bed and I will forget by morning.

10019220
“It’s time for your memories to return.”

Sunset and Twilight suddenly flew backwards and they were floating into an empty void of nothingness, they frowned “Where are we?”

10019222
Thanks, goodnight

10019226
Night PS its 5:06 AM for me.

10019201
PPs I'm also OCD.

Again I'd like to see a certain Bug Queen find out that MOM managed to UN-Die.

10029542
That will happen after the next crossover chapter but that will take some time.

10029544
Okay.

Well what can I say . The general idea of the story I do like , but ...

As I read the story, it fell short in what is expected for a Dragon Ball story . It was basically a flash and bang story , with a slice of Mary Sue. The girls went in, overwhelming powerful, already knowing how to fight and use that power. Without a question on how this happened , the girls knew they gained power , but not the knowledge . If a bit of the past live knowledge came forward, then that was another question , but sadly there was no sign of this . Also the chapters felt to short for a story like this .

The story offers a good possibility of a story, the general idea is nice and I did enjoy it . More longer chapters, maybe inserting the girls in earlier of the Dragon Ball timeline, where they can learn to harness their power, fight beside the Z Fighters, you have help the story better .

10397304
Yeah, honestly I did plan on doing that with an earlier story but it didn't work. In truth I may leave this as an echo of something that will be left behind.

10397304
I believe I can make a much better story now, thank you for the comment.

10397536
If you need a suggestion at least for the battles . I suggest that you look up the Dragon Ball manga series . It would help you intergrade the battles better as you can describe by your own words. Also the manga will help with background stuff, as anime tends to move forward non-stop, unless paused and rewind, plus you can find all the Dragon Ball series on various free online manga sites unlike with anime, unless you got a free site or monthly plan, you are paying to make your creation .

10397914
Thanks, I want Sunset to grow alongside Goku from the start but in my own way. I have two major changes, one Sunset kind of ends being like an older sister to Goku but secondly Goku never bumps his head.

10398449
That knock to the head is what changed him from a world destroying baby into a fun loving baby we have today . So keep the knock to the head , allowing him to change for good, but allow Sunset to be at his side as a big sister role model make him think before he act , don't play with his foes, but keep his goofing nice nature , but a maturity being raised under Sunset . Also allow each major encounter allowing to break through the seal on Sunset's true self, if she has been reborn (your story does point to this).

((suggestion) if not what if she was forced to face a challenge so severe that it caused her to revert into a newborn, allowing her to slowly and safely recover from this devastating battle and slowly release her seal memories, the cause of the rebirth causing them to be sealed away until she was ready)) .

These encounters would allow her to develop to adapt to her true godhood . Hell having her show up on Namek to encounter Grand Elder Guru to awaken her hidden power, could be the key to unseal her memories of her past, slowly moving towards Dragon Ball Super, she would recall her past until the end of official series, Goddess Sunset is awaken. Then you can continue to do your own thing .

10398724
No, the reason she would form an older sister relationship due to finding him and both being taken care of by Grandpa Gohan. Also I want her to see part of herself in Goku, if he doesn't hit his head he will be a normal Saiyan, she will see the arrogant over bloated pride that she held. Giving her something to think on, I want her attitude to change not through memory loss but through her own experiences and choices.

Goku would be on a similar journey, learning discipline and reason under the tutelage of other masters.