Ash, a recently deceased man, wakes up in a strange realm with a strange figure claiming to be 'God' nearby. He soon finds himself offered a chance at a new life under one condition; join the game and play by the rules.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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......Oh by Luna's Backside what is it with me and Influencing stories as of late?!
I swear, if you are building up all of this AND NOT going to allow them to be together I will REEEEEEEEEEEE!!
But still Awesome Chapter and I do really hope it keeps this trend of Ash x Luna as they make a Wonderful Couple. I also hope he some how stumbles apon Immortality by accident, it would be a Load of Giggles and Drama
Also I only saw this due to Randomly checking my Feed, Fimfictions Feed system is done Broke again!
Okay, I truly LOVE Cadence. That was perfectly written dude.
Time for the typo fixes!
The verb "to cost" conjugates like: "It costs 4 dollars", "I bought it, it cost 4 dollars", "The sale finished yesterday. It had cost 4 dollars before.". Also, whoops, while typing that I accidentally semantically satiated myself, so the word "cost" stopped meaning anything...
Anyway, "it cost more Magicka"
"performed better than she expected."
"several wounds spread out over the entirety of her body, he only needed to know ..."
The Royal Guard is a single entity, it is (well... was) an army, but the guards are scattered throughout Equestria.
I would rewrite this as:
"A thousand years ago, the Royal Guard has numbered well over forty thousand - an army in and of itself. Now, though, it numbers about five thousand, with most of the guards scattered throughout Equestria, some focusing within the larger cities."
"most ponies did in decades."
Uh... Did you mean, "treated them like friends, not like rulers/goddesses"?
"who learned of her past".
"Do you need my help with something, Auntie?"
This formatting is a mess. You should not use single quotes for emphasis (especially when punctuation is involved), you should use emphasis tags (i.e. the
[i]
tags) instead."Celestia giggled lightly. “Not somepony, but someone. Sit with me, Cadence, for I have a lot to explain.” "
"millennia" is plural.
"millennium" is singular.
Either "had woken up" if Celestia entering woke him up, or "was awake" otherwise.
"and Shining isn't."
This story is updating at a scary rate - 5k words a day! I really hope you don't burn yourself out over this, as I'm really loving this story.
EDIT: Also, oh hey, I'm apparently an editor now :D - Feel free to PM me if you want to make things more official. I'd prefer not to litter the comments with my notes if I could avoid it.
I have a question writer, are you going to put the main character into that tourist or story trap of a place called Ponyville. The reason I'm asking this over and over and over again almost every story that is made they always put them in Ponyville meet the main six. Then it stops there no Adventure no nothing they don't even introduce Griffin's minotaurs or any other races there's even deer caribou even the everfree forest residence even Timberwolves there since it enough but no they always just put the main character in to Ponyville and stay there all the time. I see that your character is a mage so probably a magi Tower cuz he will need that if he's going to try to master any of the other magic Arts.
9326304
I too think it would be good if he turns immortal dosn't matter if he gets turned immortal by accident on purpose or if he finds a spell for it
9326390
. That's possible if you probably turns into a Daedra or one of the other type of those Immortal gods probably a probably a Daedra prince of magic
. For those that are heart aspiring to take . Path of magic. The path of magic is a hard and strenuous path. You need a few items and a place to practice. That's why for anyone that takes the path of magic your need these items and place. Magic garb magic staff and Magic Tower. I will explain these three. Magic garb is basically Armour that is needed and it's customized personally by and Magic wielder it's supposed to represent the type of person other being who created the magic garb. That's why some magic garb that are warring could be dark and evil for dark Magi or light robes worn by Hiller's. A magic staff that is created bye an apprentice level mage. The magic stuff might not seem like a important item by with some non- Magi overlook is that the magic staff represent the path of magic and also representing the growth of the Magi takes. The Magi Staff can represent certain items, the orb, the magic book, a branch, a staff, and a ring. To have one of the items can represent the path that you take to become a true Apprentice mage. Now on to the Magi Tower, the measure of tower is used as a base, study, practice area, and last defense, and warding ground. I would discuss the needs and the looks of a magi Tower. The need of a magic Tower can come in many forms Magi know when he needs to seclude himself or herself from outside interference take this phrase example in a magi is practicing or learning and Master Level spell when Interruption can or will kill a magi such as running a spell of Destruction at Master Level when interrupted it could either freezeor burn anything in the few mile radius. Such as transformational spells a master-level transformational spell when messed up could either kill or permanently change the user of the spell magical backsplash is more dangerous the higher level the spell is. The look of the Magi Tower is not that exactly of a tall tower as long has has a Bass to start from it could look as your typical house / cave slash tree stump tree anyting but as long as able to seclude you from any outside interference during you're delicate practices, magic Tower is a second line of defense for anybody that lives outside of the Tower you don't want to mess up a master spell most spell during practice because it will harm those around you so I taken Master Level necromancy spell do you really want a mass apocalypse to happen really student
when you have these three these are the path that you usually take to become a true Magi master
So this is where we are in the timeline
If you do have ponies learn magicka you should have them restricted to one school each.
Twilight conjuration
luna illusion
Celestia restoration
9326304
Well, you didn't so much influence the story as give me extra incentive to follow my plan. My current plan has been as it has been since before the Prologue was written. I just like the fact that your so into a Luna x Ash shipping. As for whether or not they actually end up together, I won't say. I'll just say that no one has predicted what will happen yet, though I few have guessed part of it.
9326338
Out of all the characters in the show, Cadence is my favorite. Out of all the characters in the fanon, she's my third favorite, with how Luna and Celestia can be portrayed as my favorite two. I am, in my core, a "Royalty Writer," those who have the Alicorns involved in every story in some way.
9326348
Fixed! And thank you so much for finally giving me a term to put to the phenomenon! I didn't know 'Semantic satiation' was an actual thing and not just me being stupid! And the story is updated every day because I can afford to keep that pace. Should I grow too busy or start to lose interest, I'm not afraid to step back and post a chapter every other day or every two or three days. I used to have a backlog where I could not write for a day and still make a post, but recent events made me burn through that. I'm hitting my old pace again, writing a chapter and a half a day, so I should have a backlog soon enough.
9326386
Ash will visit Ponyville in the future, but he won't be staying. I'm been arranging for his job to make him travel, hence the 'punishment' Celestia gave him in the chapter 'Awakening.' He's trying to get the funds to supply a workshop, not a Magi Tower, hence his interest in learning Transmute. He does need materials for his work, after all, such as the Arcane Enchanter, Apothecary Table, Alchemy Lab, ingredients, soul gems, etc. Point is, I doubt the 'action' will slow any time soon. If it does, I'll spice it up! With Skyrim lore, there's always something I can do, and I can fit it into my overall plans easily enough.
9326788
Well, that's pretty much impossible. No one can 'ascend' into Daedric Prince-dom like how ponies can ascend into Alicorns. The Daedric Princes are beings that were formed in the beginning and created their own planes of existences. The only exception to this rule is The Hero of Kvatch, and only due to the Sheogorath/Jyggalag curse.
9326929
Yes, but keep in mind that the timeline is not 'the' timeline. I'm more than willing to throw out certain events, change up others, and add new ones. Tirek may never happen, Twilight might not ascend, and none of the other stuff that happens in the newer seasons because I haven't seen them.
9326997
I already have the whole 'ponies learning Magicka' thing planned out. It wasn't hard. I won't reveal whether they are even capable of learning it, though. I'll let the chapters way into the future reveal that, when Ash finally has the power and understand to try.
Whew! That was a lot of replies. I know I didn't reply to everyone, but I tried to give those who I felt required a direct response one. I don't know what it says about me that I reply to so many comments.
9327109
I can respect that.
9327109
If you go look at the story "I am.... The Third KazeKage!" By Kohan you will understand why a said that XD
I could be normal and guess as to what is going to happen but what fun would there be in doing that
yuparooni what fun would there be in being normal! I mean there would be no surprises or partys or suger or even cupcakes!
Oh Hi pinkie! Been awhile since I have seen you in my comments, how are you doing?
oh I am doing just fine diddly fine! Just been busy getting this party ready for ashy here and practicing for my part! But I can't say any more than that as I pinkie promised the author I wouldn't!
Oh okay, well don't let me hold you up got to make sure the party is the best it can be after all!
9327656
A Pinkie in the comments is always fun.
I actually cant wait for him to master the Destruction, Illusion, and Restoration skill trees. Restoration for the top undead ward. That thing is really pretty. Illusion requires learning the spell to reveal that which is hidden from sight and that has so many uses in Equestria, and Destruction, because honestly who wouldnt love to see the sisters' reactions to him hurling a continuous lightning bolt the size of a pony? Or suddenly be the epicenter of an explosion akin to a bomb?
Found this to be a tad borish, there was a lot of retelling of information with very little to no variation. There was very little back and forth between cadence and Celestia when been could’ve been some conflicting ideas. Other than that I’m still enjoying this a great deal
though knowing how many chapters are left the lack of conflicting ideas could very well change