Ash, a recently deceased man, wakes up in a strange realm with a strange figure claiming to be 'God' nearby. He soon finds himself offered a chance at a new life under one condition; join the game and play by the rules.
Page generated in 0.019 seconds
Total duration
1,065 users online
1,616,450 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Nice work, waiting for more. I'm not an editor but I think I saw a spot or two where you missed adding a word. I don't like searching for those types to point out, also not on a computer so that's a pain in the flank.
9330283
Well, now you got featured. Celebration time!
9349484
Sorry, I guess that's my fault :(
I try my best to catch all the issues I can, but there's always something you miss in a story as large as this.
Since this story got featured I guess I just need to get to work and do a second pass on everything!
Since this is the Displaced story there are some rules I’ve noticed with others when it comes to the tokens and how they work
* If you do not know how to shred verse the multi-verse or resister Resist when they user token you’ll be somebody against your will
*If you do not know how to return your own only the summer Can return you if your token is destroyed before you can return you were stuck in that world
*Those that are strong enough Can return without their token or resist or denied completely the Summoning
*A token usually made of something that has significant or emotional meaning to you
* most individuals cannot tell who or what is using their token winter talking is made usually get duplicates itself within the multi-verse entering other worlds
* individuals that know how can use the tokens sometimes to invade or to go to your world even if you did not summon them
These are the most common things I’ve seen with other displaced stories when it comes to the tokens
9349524
It's cool. I've read and liked stories with a FAR worse job of editing done on them, if any.
I wonder how long he will wait to get the dark magic license. Even without an enchanter, being the only one able to fill soul/arcane gems would certainly be profitable.
And now I wonder if [with enchantments] it would be possible to automate the process and scale it up. [mass production of filled gems in slaughterhouses]
Even if our protagonist doesn't, if he makes and sells weapons with the soultrap enchantment, someone will eventually get the idea and implement it if it is profitable.
Great work on the big reveal. The feels were on point, the characters all behaved rationally, and celestia is making future plans based on new information just like I'd expect. That's gotta be my favorite thing about the story. You took what should be an unarguably mad premise and made it feel like something that's entirely plausible. Major kudos on that.
One critique. When Ash was making his plans on what to reveal, he'd decided to reveal he was from earth, but pretend he'd been to Nirn. In fact, he said that trying to reveal it as fictional would be too dangerous.
I'm glad he changed his mind, it makes sense to have done so, but you probably need to explain that he did and why he did.
Again though, your world feels great, I'm thoroughly enjoying the story, and I can't wait for more!
You know, in all reality his connection to Aetherius DOES Technically make him a, at the least, DESCENDANT of Nirn. So I guess he is both an Earther AND a member of Nirns Human Race
As a Side note do you plan on getting into the Darker half of Humanity's Technology?
Bonus points. Yep, bemoaning the inability to re-upvote. Love this Cadence, Luna, Celestia, and even the protagonist proves, yet again, that one should just skip the prologue when judging a fic.
9362272
Same.
You say that, but in equestria it'll work, with alot more then just two. Also what about Daybreaker, and Molestia? As well as Molestia luna version (instead of Celestia, it's luna).
That might be because humans technically go into heat at the age of 12-16 (though we call it puberty), then we get used to it and stay in heat until we can't have any children (though we call it adulthood). But sometimes we are still in heat even when we can't have children.