• Member Since 8th Jul, 2018
  • offline last seen Last Monday

BlackjackNinetyNine


Comments ( 23 )

So babs is a stalion or a futa?

Occasional unexplained linebreaks and frequent spelling errors make this unpleasant to try to get into.

First off. The fact that you tell us Babs is a mare here, when we already know that, does not speak highly going into the story.

9202350
Yeah, Babs is a stallion in the fiction.

9202752
I thought, it's important to note to avoid misunderstanding.

9202496
Where did you find spelling errors?
Send me a PM, if you think.

9202898
Then you're telling us one thing, but the story is saying something else. If Babs is a stallion, then that should be said up front.

If Babs is a stallion in this fiction then why does the description says he is a mare

Ponyville was known as a peaceful, quiet little town, the little hamlet that many colorful ponies had come to call home. In this quaint little town of a village, there lived a family, just like any other.
This famy was situated in Sweet Apple Acres, located just on the outskirts of the town, right beside the Everfree Forest. Those who knew of this Ace knew that it was only a fifteen-minute walk from Fluttershy’s cottage. This family, just like any other, had a mischievous little scamp of a
foal named Apple Bloom who was always looking
for excitement and mischief.

I recommend getting an editor. Also, remember how to space out paragraphs.

Ponyville was known as a peaceful, quiet little town. It was a little hamlet that many colorful ponies had come to call home. In this quaint little town of a village, there lived a family, just like any other.

This family was situated in Sweet Apple Acres, located just on the outskirts of the town, right beside the Everfree Forest. Those who knew of this Ace knew that it was only a fifteen-minute walk from Fluttershy’s cottage. This family, just like any other, had a mischievous little scamp of a filly named Apple Bloom, who was always looking for excitement and mischief.

Crossed out words are irrelevant information.

Please find someone to edit your story. Request one in the group Looking for Editors.

9202909
Oh. I understand you. Sorry! It's my mistake!

9202909
Thank you!:twilightsmile:
I edited the description.

Comment posted by doomie-22 deleted Jul 14th, 2019

Don't give up, try again!
But I couldn't get past the first paragraph. It hurts to read, darling. The spelling errors alone are just...
Well try again.

This wasn't the worst story I've ever read. Not even close, and honestly doesn't deserve the amount of down votes it has.

Though, I do agree with everybody else on here. You most definitely need a new editor. Formatting errors aside, there are some very basic mistakes that shouldn't have made it into the final draft.

Best of luck to you though. Can't wait to read this once all of the kinks have been ironed out.

9203535
I completely agree that there are some minor problems here, it is not something that is not easily solved and taking into account that it is the first story that the public here, is not wrong, they are just rookies mistake, and the time will fix it.

AB99 Do not be discouraged and continue your story, good luck

(It is also very true the amount of dislikes is excessive, it is not a bad story or a bad concept only badly written)

9202920

Crossed out words are irrelevant information.

You should have crossed out all of those words, then.

Not gonna say anything new that others haven’t already pointed out; the idea isn’t a bad one, but needs an editor to help you fix the jarring problems

This has got a LOT of downvotes.

Edit: I can see why. The paragraphing needs sorting out. Also, why do you suddenly switch to Babs' POV midway through the story?

9203728

You should have crossed out all of those words, then.

Depends on what you're describing in the story. But, otherwise, I see your point.

9202979
Nah, don't be sorry. I don't have Google Docs, so I stick to Grammarly. Don't let yourself down so soon.

Thank you everyone.:pinkiehappy:
First, I agree with the comments. Everyone is right. This was my first fic, maybe we have very much work with it, (with doomie 22) but something was very wrong with the conception. So... thank you for your comments and help. To be honest, this is not the worst result. Maybe the amount of dislikes is very much, but everyone who hit a dislike, they are right. I will working on my next fic and I hope once I will be able to give you an enjoyable fiction. And I hope you will help me with your comments. Thank you everyone.:twilightsmile:

weekend with his favorite cousin and the crusaders

Ohhhh, I can see where this is going.

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