"You have got to be pullin' on my leg." Applejack rested her head between her hooves on the apple cart, her hat slowly sliding down her mane. She shook her head before speaking again. "Twilight, you've had some ridiculous ideas before, but this one takes the cake."
Twilight frowned through the bite of an apple. "Come on, Applejack," she protested. "Don't you get what this could do for Ponyville? Just think about it—a world without any grammatical or spelling errors anywhere. No more confusions among businesses! No more indecipherable notices on the bulletin! No more spelling mistakes to make me cringe wherever I go!" She sighed. "Oh, just the thought of it is beyond my wildest dreams. You understand... don't you, Applejack?"
"No," Applejack responded, scowling. "Now, listen, Twilight, this... erm, gathering—"
"Convention," Twilight corrected. "It's a convention. The Conventions Convention, to be specific. Isn't that clever?"
Applejack groaned. "Well, to anypony who knows what in Equestria you're talking about, yes, I suppose it is. But the truth is, well... how do I put this lightly?"
"Hey, what's the holdup?" an earth pony called from somewhere in the sizable line that had formed behind the librarian. "Some of us are on a schedule, you know!" Several grumbles of agreement sifted through the line.
"My apologies!" Applejack called to the unsatisfied customers. "I guess some of us just don't understand that this is a business being run here, and not a social gathering!" She shot a glance a Twilight, who gave a nervous smile.
"Alright, I can take a hint," she said. "Spike, do you have any of those flyers ready yet?"
"Three," the previously silent dragon grumbled. "It's hardly enough to—"
"Okaythanksbye! Be right back, Applejack!" Twilight sprinted to the middle of town square, simultaneously snatching the three completed notices from the dragon's claws. The sudden jerk caused Spike's quill to slip, leaving a stray mark of ink on the parchment he had been working on. In a huff, he crumpled the parchment up and threw it behind him, where it landed with a clunk in the trash can across the street.
"Nice shootin', Tex," Applejack complimented, giving a smile.
Spike huffed and crossed his arms, a puff of smoke escaping one of his nostrils.
"So, what's the deal with our little prodigy this time?" Applejack quipped between serving customers. "I mean, she's always been sort of a stickler with grammar, but this is a bit over the top, don't you think?"
"You're telling me," Spike agreed. "Honestly, one horribly written love letter riddled with errors, and she's all up in arms and ready to teach Ponyville as if the fate of Equestria depended on it."
Applejack nearly fell face-first into the pie that her most recent customer had ordered. "Heh, sorry. I must have misheard you there Spike. I could have sworn that you just said something about Twilight getting a love letter."
"You didn't," said Spike. "And I did. Anonymous, too. You should've seen the look on her face when she read the letter. I thought her mane was going to catch on fire again."
A chill visibly went up Applejack's spine, almost causing her to spill a batch of apple crisp. "Spike. What... exactly did this letter say? Are you sure it was a love letter, and not just Twilight overreacting like she normally does?"
Spike shrugged. "It just said 'you're beautiful'. Spelled incorrectly, of course. I might not know a whole lot about romance or anything, but I'm smart enough to know when one pony's showing interest in another."
Ignoring a customer's request, Applejack rapidly spun to Spike's eye level and grasped his cheeks with her hooves. "Spike," she began, speaking with the urgency of a mailmare running late. "I need you to listen very closely to what I'm about to say. Do you understand?"
Spike, eyes widened, nodded.
"Good. Now, listen. I think we might have a huge problem on our hooves here."
"I'm lithnig," Spike replied through clamped cheeks.
"Alright. Here's the thing. Twilight might know almost everything there is to know about magic, Equestria, and any one of those fancy gadgets she's got in her basement, but she knows as much about romance as a snake knows about walkin' on four legs. Heck, I've seen her break stallions' hearts just because she didn't know that they were trying to ask her out on a date! I'm no hopeless romantic like our friend Rarity, but I at least know the basics of dealing with a pony that's after your heart!"
"I don thee what thith hath to do with the conventhun," Spike spat before breaking away from Applejack's grip. "Don't get me wrong, it's a crazy idea, but it's just a grammar thing. The letter's just what made her do it."
Applejack groaned. "Spike, you said it yourself. If she's really that upset about the letter, she might end up... oh, I don't know, using it as an example or something. One way or another, the news of the letter's gonna get out because Twilight doesn't understand how to deal with this kind of thing. How would you feel if you wrote a letter like that to Rarity and she showed it to everyone, even if they didn't know it was you?"
Spike shot into the air and shrieked. "What are you talking about? I don't like Rarity!" he panicked. "It's not like I think she's the most beautiful mare in Ponyville and that I think about her all the time or anything! I mean, heh, come on, Applejack. She's a pony and I'm a dragon. That's just silly, right?"
Applejack couldn't help but crack a smile. "Whatever you say, killer. I'm just being hypoth... I'm just using an example. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Sort of." Spike scratched his chin. "I guess it would be pretty embarrassing for someone to read a love letter I wrote to Rarity—not that I would ever do anything like that, of course."
"Right. So do you get why this is such a problem?"
"Yes, I get it. But what do we do?"
Applejack didn't have the chance to answer.
"I'm back!" Twilight chirped, panting. "Whew! Posting flyers really can take it out of you if you're sprinting around town. I gotta hand it to you, though, Applejack, you took care of all those customers pretty quickly!"
A puzzled look made its way onto Applejack's face. "What're you talkin' about, Twi? There's still quite a few—" She paused, looking for the line of customers that had occupied the space in front of her apple cart, but they had seemed to have vanished into thin air. "Oh, consarn it."
"So, Spike, do you have any more flyers ready?"
"Not yet, Twilight. I was talking to Applejack."
"Well, get back to work! We aren't going to get anywhere just standing around!" Twilight scolded. Spike frowned and set the quill to the parchment, grumbling once again. "So, Applejack, I have something I need to ask you. A favor, if you will."
"And just what would that be?" Applejack asked.
"Well, as I told you earlier, I'm hosting the Conventions Convention at Town Hall later this week. Since I want as many ponies to come as possible, I was hoping that you might be able to cater the event?" She gave a massive smile. "Pleeeeeease?"
Applejack raised an eyebrow. "Why can't you have Pinkie Pie do it?"
"Well, I just thought... that ponies would be more interested in apples on a Friday night, you know?"
"Twilight, this doesn't have anything to do with that advertisement of mine that I posted on the bulletin last week, does it?" Applejack inquired. "You know, the one you rewrote without asking because it was 'covered in so many errors'?"
"What? Oh, no no no no no," Twilight insisted. "It's just that, well... I might have already written it down on the flyer that you're catering."
"You cannot be serious," Applejack deadpanned. "Twilight, please tell me you're joking."
Twilight shook her head with a nervous smile.
Applejack shot a look at Spike. "Spike, please tell me she's lying."
"Um... she's lying?"
Applejack gave a deep sigh. "And I promised Apple Bloom I'd take her and her friends kite flying this Friday," she mused. "That reminds me, Apple Bloom said I needed to buy some really strong rope. I suppose I could ask Rarity to do it, though. Plus, it would probably be good for business..." She thought for a few seconds before nodding. "Alright, Twilight, you've got yourself a deal."
Applejack found herself being twirled around in a circle shortly after, a purple blur filling her vision.
"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Oh, thank you Applejack! You have no idea how much this means to me!"
"—on one condition," Applejack uttered between spins.
Twilight halted her celebration, allowing a dizzy Applejack to tumble to the ground. "What was that?"
"I'll cater for your little Convention on one condition," Applejack repeated. "You see, Spike here told me about the little love letter you received today."
Twilight's ears perked up. "Oh, he did, did he?" She narrowed her eyes at Spike, who hid himself behind the parchment, scribbling furiously.
"Yes, he did," Applejack continued. "And listen, I get how much it frustrates you, but no matter what, you cannot talk about it at the Convention."
"Why not?" Twilight asked, puzzled. "I had a speech centered around it in which I would show all the mistakes and—"
"Twilight," Applejack interrupted. "Listen to me. That is a very, very, very bad idea. I know the bad grammar and whatnot upsets you, but if you show everypony a letter that was meant to be a secret, you could end up hurting somepony's feelings really badly."
"But it was sooo bad," Twilight whined.
"Yes, I know," Applejack retorted, "but you need to find other ways to teach ponies that don't involve embarrassing them in front of the entire town. Haven't you ever had a secret you've never wanted anypony else to know?"
Twilight blushed.
"I thought so. So do you promise not to use that letter? No matter what?"
"I suppose I could always use your advertisement from last week..."
Applejack took a deep breath. "Sure. Yes. Whatever. Use it a hundred times if you need to. Just don't use the love letter. Promise?"
"I promise!"
"Pinkie promise?"
"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."
"Good. Then in that case, I look forward to seeing you at the Conventions Convention on Friday, Miss Sparkle." Applejack held out a hoof, which Twilight took in return.
"And you as well, Miss Applejack," Twilight replied, giggling. "I think Spike and I need to get going now. We've got lots of work to do to prepare!"
"I bet you do. Have a good one, Twilight!"
"You too, Applejack!"
Twilight trotted off, humming a tune, with Spike still standing at Applejack's side.
"You aren't really excited for the Conventions Convention, are you, Applejack?" Spike moaned.
"Heavens to Betsy, no. But let's just keep that our little secret, shall we?"
A smile was exchanged between the two before Spike ran off, parchment and quill in hand, ready to perform whatever demeaning tasks Twilight had in store for him next.
When the two were out of earshot, Applejack looked back and forth between the nearly-full shelves of goods that decorated her apple cart. She bit her lip as she imagined the hours of hard work and care put into making them as delicious as possible, all lost because of a simple distraction.
"Oh, shucks. Big Mac and Granny are gonna have my head on a silver platter for this."
-- -- --
Rainbow Dash could see it now—the finish line, her key to glory, only a hundred meters ahead of her. She couldn't see anything behind her, but she didn't have to look to know she was several body lengths ahead of the closest racer. Even Spitfire, who was the clear favorite for the Derby, didn't stand a chance against her unparalleled awesomeness.
She crossed the line to be greeted with cheers louder than she had ever imagined. Confetti rained down from the heavens like the most soothing rain, drenching her in delight and fame. She put a hoof to her ears as the crowd chanted her name over and over again like some sort of harmonious chorus.
She looked over her shoulder and saw a news reporter approaching her. Of course, she thought. Who wouldn't want to interview the fastest pegasus in the world?
She stood tall and proud as the reporter approached. Rainbow Dash felt like she was on top of the world. She was ready for any question, no matter how difficult, and she would answer it with the utmost confidence. It would be a cool answer, an awesome answer, one that would be remembered for ages.
"So, you've come to interview me?" Rainbow asked. She almost laughed. Why else would this pony be here?
The reporter nodded.
"Let me have it," Rainbow challenged. "I'm ready for whatever you've got."
"Blossomforth, that's a terrible idea!" the reporter screamed.
"Um, what? Sorry, but that's not exactly a question."
"I said, that's a terrible idea!"
Rainbow Dash shot up from her makeshift bed—a comfortable cloud that hovered above Ponyville—and looked for the source of her alarm. Below her, two ponies from the weather team, Cloud Kicker and Blossomforth, appeared to be quarreling. Very loudly.
Un-awesome.
"Hey, what gives?" Rainbow Dash called, gaining the attention of the pair. "I'm trying to get my afternoon nap here!"
"Sorry, Rainbow Dash," Cloud Kicker apologized, albeit halfheartedly. "It's just that Blossomforth here wants to go to some grammar convention this Friday. How lame can you get?"
"Heh, yeah, that is pretty lame," Rainbow Dash agreed as she touched down next to her friends. She yawned and stretched her wings before folding them back to her sides. "Who in their right mind organizes a grammar convention for fun, anyways?"
"I'll give you three guesses, and the first two don't count."
"Twilight?"
"We have a winner!" Cloud Kicker declared. "I saw her running around and putting these up earlier today. I don't get why she was so excited for something like this. Seriously, Rainbow Dash, why do you hang out with her sometimes? She seems like a real egghead."
"She is an egghead," Rainbow Dash agreed, "but she's actually pretty cool once you get to know her. A good friend, too. So hey, move out of the way. Let me take a look at this flyer."
Cloud Kicker and Blossomforth obediently stepped aside for Rainbow Dash. Rainbow squinted her eyes at the faded parchment and read:
Come one, come all, to Ponyville's very first...
Conventions Convention!
Ever wanted to learn more about proper grammar? Now's your chance!
Meet this Friday at 6:00 PM in Town Hall to be wowed by the wonders of our language!
No RSVP necessary, just show up and be ready to learn!
Catering to be provided courtesy of Sweet Apple Acres.
Rainbow Dash burst out laughing. "Okay, that really is lame," she concluded. "Looks like Applejack's in on it too, though. Huh."
"What? Where does it say that?" Cloud Kicker asked.
"Right here. It says that Sweet Apple Acres is bringing food, which I'm pretty sure means that Applejack will be there."
"Hm. You know what, Blossom? I have had a bit of a craving for apple pie lately."
Blossomforth grinned. "Oh, Cloudy! So does that mean you'll go with me?"
"Well," Cloud Kicker pondered. "Sure. I guess. If anything, we'll get a good laugh out of Twilight Dorkle up there."
Blossomforth embraced her friend. "Oh, thank you, Cloudy! Thank you so much!"
"Don't call me that."
"There's just one thing I don't get," Rainbow Dash said. "Why in the world would Twilight bring this up so suddenly? I mean, sure, she's corrected my grammar more than a couple times, but it's never seemed like that big of a deal to her."
"Well," Blossomforth began, "a little birdie told me that Twilight got a love letter today. Not just from any pony, either. It was from a secret admirer! Apparently, it was so badly misspelled that she just had to do something to bring justice back to the written word."
Rainbow Dash jumped as if she had sat upon a bramble patch. "Um... where exactly did you hear this, Blossomforth?" she questioned, sweating slightly.
"Yeah, Blossom, that's kind of a far-fetched explanation, don't you think?"
"I just told you. A little birdie told me!" Blossomforth replied. "That one, to be precise." She pointed to a portly cardinal resting upon the sign of a nearby store. "His name is Mister Chubs!"
Cloud Kicker facehoofed. "Blossom, that's ridiculous."
"Heh, yeah, that is pretty silly," Rainbow Dash said, backing away from the pair slowly. "Tell you what. You two have your fun, I've gotta go take care of some... things."
Cloud Kicker shrugged. "Alright, Rainbow. See you later."
"Okayseeyoubye!" Rainbow Dash took to the skies, her telltale rainbow streak trailing behind her. In seconds, her figure was but a speck on the horizon.
"Jeesh, what's got her tail all twisted?" Cloud Kicker wondered aloud. "She was acting pretty... uncool, and for Rainbow Dash, that's saying something."
"Should we ask Mr. Chubs?" Blossomforth suggested.
Cloud Kicker sighed, laying a hoof on Blossomforth's shoulder.
"Blossom, it's a good thing you're a looker," she said.
1784396 Mo' has just been made.
It
BEGINScontinuesPfft, conventions convention
Can't wait till the others get caught up in Twi's shenanigans.
Suspicious Rainbow is suspicious
Oh. Oh dear.
Does Rainbow Dash think Twilight is beutifull?
I was hoping it was Derpy, but I might have been looking too deeply into the character tag... then again, Rainbow could know that Derpy sent the letter to Twilight, and is getting upset because she thinks Twilight is about to make fun of Derpy?
Either way, the next chapter looks like it will be hilarious.
Cloud Kicker, you dare question the legitimacy of Mr. Chubs?!
1784724
Is Mr. Chubs gonna have to choke a bitch?
I knew Rainbow was barely literate, but wow!
So was that Derpy tag there to trick us? Well played good sir. Then again, RD could be nervous about something else… double the "Well played"s all the way across the sky!
Oh, Twilight. You're so adorably clueless as fuck.
My theory, Rainbow knows about Derpy's crush on Twilight and also knows she's not the best when it comes to grammar.
Was that Cloud Kicker part at the end a slight reference to "The Life and Times of a Winning Pony"?
Loved the chapter ^^
First few lines of words... and I already have a feeling the chapter will end with grammar work camps. "Spelling makes freedom"
1784973 Good theory.
Is Blossumforth.... Special, by any chance?
1785744
If I could talk to a bird AND someone named Mr. Chubs with a straight face, I'd feel pretty special too,
I wouldn't count on RD being the author just yet. The Rule of Funny tells me to. Maybe Tank wrote it, and Dash is being a bro(?) about it.
Calling it now, Tank wrote it. To Owloysius. Not Peewee, you freaks, he's like 1.
Now why da' Pegasi only seem to get the penchant fa' familiar speak? Ah dun' think that's particularly fair.
Watch this. Derpy is not the one who wrote the letter but the one who calls Twilight out on being an idiot.
This pleased me. I really enjoyed Spike and Applejack's conversation as a whole. It mixed Spike's sarcasm with Applejack's straightforwardness well. Twi is adorkable; that's for sure.
Braçe yourselves.
Twidash is coming.
TwiDash = Favourite ship, TwiDerpy = Something you don't see a lot and something that could potentially be awesome...
I'm not complaining about the current options, here.
1788026 Agreed
Conventions convention
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120514174826/mlp/images/7/79/FANMADE_Twilight_Sparkle_filly_dancing.gif
>>>Spike shot into the air and shrieked. "What are you talking about? I don't like Rarity!" he panicked. "It's not like I think she's the most beautiful mare in Ponyville and that I think about her all the time or anything! I mean, heh, come on, Applejack. She's a pony and I'm a dragon. That's just silly, right?">>>
This would be the perfect time for a Changeling disguised as Rarity to waltz up and kiss him full on the lips.
>>>"Yes, I know," Applejack retorted, "but you need to find other ways to teach ponies that don't involve embarrassing them in front of the entire town. Haven't you ever had a secret you've never wanted anypony else to know?">>>
Twilight blushed so deeply and let out a strangled gasp so wheezy that Applejack feared she might be having an asthma attack. In Twilight's mind, the previous night's steamy and incredibly vivid lucid dream involving her and Starswirl the Bearded performing multifarious 'experiments' revolving around 'fertility' and 'positioning' and the utilization of magical aids thereof came rushing back to her in that very instant. "Gotta... bathroom.. now..." she squeaked, her hind legs crossed and clenched tight as she teleported away, an unusually large burst of sparks gushing from her horn when she did so.
>>>"Oh, shucks. Big Mac and Granny are gonna have my head on a silver platter for this.">>>
Alondro trots over suddenly and buys the lot! "I'm gonna get fat and clog my ateries... and I don't give a damn! OM NOM NOM NOM NOM!!"
Applejack merely stares in horror at the ravenous carnage unleashed upon her poor pastries by the vicious desertovore.
This is a pretty grammar radical Twi version. I love it! XDDD
But what got RD´s feathers rustled? AJ i could understand cause she took the feelings of the one who wrote it into account but RD would be less sensetive expect she knows who wrote it.... or IS the writer which would be hilarious too.^g^
Oh, Twilight... You clueless pony you...
Darn it! How did everyone suddenly know about my letter?!?
Why do I have a sneaky suspicion the horrible spelling in the letter is going to turn out to have been deliberate?
Aww, the chapter ended.
:(
Why didn't Rainbow Dash do anything about them calling Twilight "Twilight Dorkly"?
I wood faevort it but i already haz
The Winningverse reference was bad and you should feel bad.
I'm enjoying this story so far, though.
1875712 Thank you! CK and BF will probably make a few more appearances, but there's not going to be any connection to the Winningverse here besides CK's character similarities.
1879026 Comet Tail's actually the placeholder name for a background pony, though he's definitely one of the lesser known ones.
I'd probably react the same way.
A lot of guys are intimidated by smart girls. I can't stand dumb ones.
fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/310/c/e/mlp__study_buddies_by_gammaeradon-d4fcv5d.png
Here take this two hundredth like just for you!
Can't wait for moar!
Okay one Cloud Kicker and Blossomforth? wow, two I think Twi just called everypony stupid, and C will there be word(s) Penal Code in the next chapter?
Yay Cloudkicker and Blossomforth cameo! Still, "Conventions convention"? Really?
This has potential.
And when Twilight figures out that Dash sent the letter, Cloud Kicker will be right there to tell them they should bang.
You had my interest even before I saw the nods to my work. Nice story, looking forward to seeing more.
For whatever reason, I really felt like the part where AJ tells Twi that she can't correct people's mistakes and embarrass them was unbelievably meta.
Especially given this site.
"No, you can't flame that fic! It's not polite!"
"But it was sooo bad," OtterMatt whined.
"I said no, dammit."
"Well, crap."
If there's one thing I love, it's character driven, perfectly written, grammar nazi Twilight! And believe me when I say, you've got her, and got her good! After seeing this story on EqD, I felt the premise alone would be worth a read, and I was right! And let me tell you I love being right. Anyway, this will most certainly go into the favorites pile.
I think you mean "might have already written".
I think we may have a culprit.
p00r g9l the 0n3 that wr0te the l3tt3r n0 0n3 sho8ld m1x 8p gr9mm9r 9nd l0v3, it's j8st d8wn r1ght cr883l.
1881270 You think correctly. Thanks for catching that.
Get ready for this, this is gonna be the best idea of all time.
APPLESPIKE SHIPPING
A convention about the wonders of our language? In response, I'd make a presentation showing the failings of the Equestrian (English) language. Seriously - homographs, homophones, ambiguous grammar, inconsistent pronunciation (ghoti, ugh.) There's so much wrong with it.
Maybe it will drive Twilight to try to invent a new one.
And then fail at getting it adopted.
I think it would have been hilarious if this letter was a prank designed to get Twilight to go off the deep end. Oh well maybe next time...
Oh My CELESTIA~!!!!
I'm excited-!!!! Because who doesn't love grammar.
Seriously though. I hope your latest chapter teaches some tricky grammar. ;D