Hospital Visit
Hospital Visit
Sin tapped his hoof impatiently on the bed, every so often losing himself to the constant muted beeping of the heart moniter and going in rythem with it.
He'd been here for a week and a half and was ready to strangle the next pony he saw. He'd sent Uppity out for a bit, saying he needed time alone. She made him promise to stay in bed and he agreed, he just wanted to have a few minutes to himself, being constantly surveyed and cooped up in the room had rubbed his last nerve raw, alone time was very much in order.
Alas...
'Will you calm down, already?'
Fuck off, if I stay in this place much longer, I'm going to kill myself.
'Yea, because suicide worked out so well for you last time, didn't it? Besides, I think you've got a few ponies who'd miss you if you killed yourself now.'
Sin snarled, usually his inner critic was background noise, something he'd be able to tune out if he concentrated hard enough. Now, though, it was a constant companion, reminding him of all the things he'd messed up on in life. Sentimentality and reflection had taken up the majority of his mind, making his memories and decision more vivid and impacting. He had all but forgotten about his previous suicide attempt. He lifted a hoof and cringed at the memory as he rubbed his neck where the rope held him aloft, digging into the muscle and suffocating him.
'It's understandable, you know. You'd just been run out of the Senate, jeered at by the very ponies you'd sworn to serve and protect. You'd given up on the entire population of North New Equine and were depressed to know that it would fall into ruin.'
The Federalist felt his muscles tighten as the memory continued to push itself into his minds eye. He wanted to stop the thought, to push it out of his mind and leave the joke as what it was meant to be, but his inner critic was already on a roll.
Stop...
'You'd given up! You abandoned the Liberty Syndicate, told them they were wasting their time because you knew fighting the coming collapse was a futile effort.'
Yes, I'm well aware of what happened... Now will you fucking drop it!?
'And after the rope snapped, there was nobody there... Granted, you hid yourself away, but besides your family, there was nobody there who'd care that you were dead.'
His body beginning to tremble, Sin bit his lip to stop himself from lashing out, he felt tears threaten to spill from his eyes as he recalled the feeling of mud on which he lay that night. His body sucking in much needed oxygen and with his mind screaming at him to finish the job, but he couldn't. All he could do was look at the tree from which he tried to hang himself, stewing in his self pity and loathing of all of the ponies who'd scorned him for trying to tell the truth. Trying to help save their lives and the lives of the generations to come.
It was then, in those moments of wishing for death that the stallion's heart hardened to the world around him. He'd held a hot liquid rage for the population that spit on him before, but after that... after he'd failed to end his life, that hot rage cooled into bitter mold of cold hatred. Hatred for the population who'd rather live in their instant gratification, regardless of how unsustainable it was. Hatred for their willful ignorance and helpless victim hood mentality. They were sentencing their young to a life of poverty and suffering, and they were doing nothing to stop it, hell they even justified it!
His critic was right, nobody but his family would have missed him. But that's the way he wanted it, to die and not have others be sad over his loss. He'd planned it so that he'd just disappear, no one would ever find his body in the Northwood Forest. It was stupid to want someone there to help him, to save him, when he'd done everything in his power to ensure he'd be alone.
Breathing deeply the stallion finally got himself under control.
Why was he feeling all of this now? Why was his mind so focused on the past? There was nothing to be gain from it besides pain. The pain of failure, of knowing that he couldn't convince the population to see where their state was going. He'd tried, he'd studied and planned as best as he could, presented charts, consulted Syndicate and non-bias ecnonomists alike, dumbed down the rhetoric and terminology as best he could so even the simple minded could understand.
Yet all his efforts lead to nothing.
'Exactly, it's understandable you'd try to end it. But let me ask you this: Do you still-'
Where's all this coming from?
'You haven't noticed?'
Noticed what?
'You're really thick, you know that?'
GET TO THE POINT ALREADY!
'For a long time, you haven't been afraid to die.' Sin furrowed his brow, yes he had. He could remember fearing for his life on multiple occasions and fighting with everything he had to save it. 'No, that was your sense of self preservation, the primitive desire to live. On a subconscious level, you haven't been afraid to die ever since that night. Until recently you've actually been wishing for it.'
Sin pressed his lips, he wanted to believe that such a thing wasn't true, that he'd gotten over it the night he'd tried to kill himself and put that little bitch victim he used to be behind him. But he couldn't deny that on a small level, he did want to die. Not enough to contemplate suicide again, but the small thought was present.
Alright, fine, what's you're point?
'My point is that you've always put freedom and liberty, and the importance there in, first and foremost throughout your entire life. The question I was going to ask is: is that still the case?
He'd never placed much stock into his life before. Yea, his liberty and freedom were more important than his life ever was, and he'd prefer death to the loss of either. Yet... now? Was that the case anymore?
'Rhetorical question, Sin. You've willingly submitted to a princess on multiply occasions and have a parole officer out on an errand for you who is subsequently someone you're falling in love with. You've given up your liberty and freedom on both a literal and emotional level for the sake of preserving the life you want and protecting your "captors". Are you seriously asking if your priorities have changed?'
His frustrations compounding, Sin rubbed his head. Confused wouldn't begin to describe how he'd been feeling the last few days. Things used to be so clear to him: Don't commit aggression, enforce the non-aggression principal with an over reaction of violence to show that aggression wouldn't be tolerated, assist those willing to fight for their freedoms and maintain emotional detachment from those around him. Simple.
Now? He was a dog of Celestia, a city fucking planner working for a small and local government to serve the ponies of Ponyville. How did an anti-social anarchist, living in the woods who wanted to watch the world become a pony with friends and dedicated to serving the very institution he'd sworn hatred against?
'Character development?'
What?
'Character development.' His critic repeated. 'You're not the pony who just wanted to watch the world burn because the world burned him anymore. You've changed, found the paradise you've wanted and tried to find happiness there in. Even before Tyken spoke with you about that, you'd become emotionally attached to Shade, Macintosh and Spike. You went up to bat for Shade twice, and stood trial for the "crimes" Celestia brought against you. You tell yourself that you did it because of your code of honor in agreements and punishment, but the real reason is because you wanted to stay in Equestria, to try to start fresh and maybe , just maybe, make the life here that you'd denied yourself back in North New Equine.'
The realization hit Sin like a brick wall, it was true. Deep down, that's exactly what he wanted.
Why are you bringing all of this up now?
'I've got your undivided attention for once, I'm not just here to make funny quips, you know.' The Critic replied smugly. 'Aside from that, you've had a near death experience while your emotions were more intact. You were scared on a conscious level about dying when Chrysalis was about to kill you, and now you're confused about how to feel about it. Because, you know, you're actually feeling instead of just thinking.'
That made sense, in a twisted sort of way. Though, a knock at the door drew his attention from the internal conversation. "The hell?" Sin whispered to himself before calling the intruder in.
"Sin. You have a couple of visitors here to see you." Said a... Lunar guard? What?
Slightly off put by the strange scene, Sin was reluctant to agree but ultimately shrugged with indifference. He didn't care who was here to see him, he'd had enough talking to his inner critic.
Three ponies entered through the door and Sin's eyes nearly bulged out of his head in utter disbelief. All three of them were wearing the tanned cloaks of the Liberty Syndicate. The first two he recognized immediately, the last was cloaked from head to hoof in the decor meant to hide the member's identity with a tanned scarf, not an uncommon appearance for an organization that makes big enemies.
"Hello Grandson." Said Mandylion as he walked into the room, his tone was soft and gentle, his eyes looking over Sin grew heavily concerned.
"Grandpa?" Sin asked, still to stunned to believe what he was seeing. The grey earth pony nodded and smiled sadly down at him. The oaken stallion rubbed his eyes and make sure they weren't playing tricks on him then looked at the IV, wondering if he'd been drugged. "Grandpa Mandylion?" He asked in a hushed whisper.
"Yes Grandson Sinbad?" He asked with a slight chuckle. "Surprised to see me?"
Sin nodded. Again, surprised didn't begin to cover how he was feeling, but as soon as his senses came to him, Sin tried to stand up, embarrassed to being seen in his current condition, though, Mandylion was quick to push him back down. "Easy there, boyo. I heard what happened to you during the Changeling invasion of Canterlot."
"What? B-But how?! I mean- how could you have-"
"You were in the paper." Ace replied cooly, stepping forward and producing a news article from beneath his cloak. "Front page of the North Equine Harold." Sin took the news paper and began to read it. It detailed the battle of Canterlot, the fight in the wedding hall and statements from both Celestia and Luna. His name wasn't mentioned, but it did say a brown pegasus with goggles and no cutie mark was seen being taken to the hospital wing. "You didn't think you could be part of something this big and our attention not be drawn to it, right?"
It was true, the Liberty Syndicate operated heavily on the news, but Sin didn't realize that the attack would garner international attention. Though, it did make sense that the description would be enough to lead them to him.
"My grandson, fighting to protect the princess of our homeland. You can imagine how surprised I was." Mandylion chuckled taking a seat. "Surprised and scared when I'd heard you'd been injured."
Sin scoffed and looked away. "It looks worse than it is, anyway, how have you been, Grandpa?"
The grey stallion's smile dropped slightly to a sad turn of the lip. "I've been fine, you're grandmother's been wondering why you haven't been by to visit lately. Sure would be nice if you'd stop by and say hi once in a while. You know, after you're done fighting changeling armies."
A small chuckle erupted from around the room, Sin being the loudest of all. Nana was going to give him an earful when she saw him.
"How did you guys get in here? I thought the guard wouldn't let anyone up here."
Again, Mandylion's smile drooped a little. "You're brother called in a favor from Princess Luna, he wanted to come and see you personally, but things are... bad in the North Equine right now."
That caught Sin's attention and he asked if the collapse had occurred, to his begrudged relief, it hadn't but another problem was growing in his home state. Apparently a cult of Changeling hunting Zeboricans had been summoning the undead and were killing Federalists with impunity. The oaken pony questioned why and was shocked to hear Mandylion suspected his brother of harboring the dreaded insectoids for unknown purposes.
"Malich, harboring Changelings?" Sin asked before shaking his head. "No, no he's bad, but he's not that crazy. He knows about the Orvialian Infection that you and... had to put down."
Mandylion was about to speak, but Ace beat him to it. "I know what I saw, Sin." The golden unicorn said insistently. "And there were Triple M. Chariots loading refugee Zeboricans up with out K-9 units inspecting them. A while after that, the zebra necromancy cult: the Tal'derime began to summon the undead. They only do that when they know that Changelings are near, all of the evidence points to them, dude."
Sin couldn't believe what he was hearing: changelings knowingly brought in the Federation? What could Malich possibly be thinking? Unless it wasn't his doing, but what would his father have to gain from their presence any more than his brother? This didn't make any sense.
"Oh, before I forget." Ace said as he pulled out another piece of news paper, looked at it, chuckled and magicked it over to Sin. "If you wanna good laugh."
Upon his eyes touching the newspaper, Sin had to hold himself back from laughing. It was an article about Lady Fatchitaz "bewildering the Vice-President of Triple M. with her feminine charm and proposal for marriage."
"Oh shit. She really did propose to him." Sin's brow creased and he looked up, asking if Malich had really accepted her proposal. The third Syndicate member chuckled to himself. Sin didn't think anything of the pony at first, what with two of the three being more important, but did find his appearance rather unsettling now.
"No official answer was given, but it doesn't matter. Fatchitaz left the Federation to find you." Ace informed him, Sin knew the rest but found it rather amusing to let his old friend tell his spin on things. All three of them were surprised when Sin told them that he's already seen her, though their response wasn't what he'd expected.
Both Ace and Mandylion shared a stare and their eyes briefly trailed to their third associate, who stood stock still and shrugged. "You know, Sin. It might not be a bad idea to come back." Ace mused.
"Indeed, I think it's time I had a few great grandfoals running about." Mandylion agreed with a smirk, both their eyes going to the scarved stallion behind them. "They'd need constant exercise though, what do you think Felix?"
The third pony just stood with wide, fearful blue eyes.
It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on here.
'Seriously?'
"Malich?" Sin asked, the pony groaned and pulled back the cloak and scarf to reveal that it was. Sin immediately tensed up, confused now more than ever. "What's going on here?"
"First of all, I've already told you: I have no idea what you're talking about with the Changelings, secondly, you guys are ass holes." The grey pony glared at the elder ponies who merely gave wry grins and shrugged. "And I'm here to see you, of course. You may hate my guts, but you're still my brother and I care about your well being."
Giving his brother an angry stare Sin didn't say a word, only wishing the executive would leave the room and stay out of his life. He'd almost forgotten how to use the oppressive aura Triple M. agents were taught, but called upon it as best he could to get his feelings of loathing across. Mandylion stepped between the two and asked that any hostile feelings be put to the way side for the time being.
Sin obeyed, dropping it heavily but still maintaining a slight discomfort in the room.
"Okay, hold on." Sin put his hooves over his eyes and rubbed them. This day just kept getting more and more surreal. First his inner critic goes into a trip about the past, then his grandfather shows up and tells him his brother is using changelings, then it turns out his brother is actually there and... Yea, he needed a minute.
He lifted his head, expecting the three ponies to be gone and replaced with some kind of horrific image that indicated another nightmare, but still all three stallions stood.
Sin bit his tongue and was legitimately surprised to feel pain, this was no dream.
Apparently all of them were in Canterlot with the sole purpose of checking up on him. There were questions asked of course, mostly about what his part in the whole ordeal was, which he answered honestly. All three seemed rather impressed with him, and even more so when Malich recounted the story about how Sin was found half crushed by Golvec a few months ago.
"You fought a dragon?" Mandylion asked, quirking a brow. "By yourself?!"
"No, I had help from my friends." Sin answered bluntly.
"You have friends?!" The elder pony asked in surprise. He looked back to the other two who nodded in the affirmative. "And I'm the last to know of this for what reason?" Ace pressed his lips and looked away while Malich shrugged, stating he'd thought the old pony already knew. Mandylion gave a silent sigh and turned back to his grandson. "I would love to hear about them, if you have the time."
Sin was stuck in a hospital bed for at least the next week and a half, time was all he had. Plus, it was his grandfather, the pony he looked up to most in the world, he'd always have time for him.
"You two will need to make new arrangements to get back to Unitas." Malich stated abruptly before removing his cloak and scarf. "The undead really do need my attention." He bid Sin a good by and nodded to the other two before departing. Mandylion tried to stop him, saying that he'd wanted the executive to stay and discuss his part in the changelings, but Malich wasn't having it and pushed past him.
"Don't forget! Lady Fatchitaz is here somewhere! Give her a kiss for me!" Ace reminded with a shit eating grin.
"Eat a dick, Goldie!"
With the ashen ponies departure, the tension in the room lifted heavily, though Sin was curious as to why Malich was present and hidden in the first place. Mandylion explained that he was hoping that the former senator would be able to speak reason to his brother, convinced that Malich did have a part to play in the 'Tal'derime's activity in North Equine. Ace believed he saw what he saw, and Sin wasn't there to deny the claim, but he just couldn't imagine his brother would be stupid enough to willingly let changelings into the country.
"We can talk about that later." Mandylion stated, his eyes turning more light hearted and friendly. "I want to hear more about your life here in Equestria right now."
Sin hesitated for a moment, trying to figure out where to start, though another interruption broke his train of thought.
"Alright, Sin. I really think we should- Oh." Uppity halted, seeing that the room was occupied. "Umm, hello there." She called unsuredly, both of the new stallions regarding her with hardened gazes. The orange unicorn shifted uncomfortably than looked at her coltfriend. "Sin, who umm, who are your friends?"
The bed ridden Federalist pressed his lips, it would lead to a very agonizing interrogation session, but the truth was better than inevitably being caught in a lie. He introduced his grandfather and old friend Ace.
"Grandpa, Ace, this is Uppity."
Ace gave a small nod of the head, and Mandylion quirked a brow, asking if she was a nurse. He gasped when Uppity announced that she wasn't only Sin's friend, but his marefriend.
"Really?" Ace said with no small amount of interest. He looked her up and down again than looked back to see Sin looking away. "How do you put up with him?"
"Patience of a saint, I would sumize." The elder pony declared.
Uppity rubbed the back of her neck and blushed. "It's really not that bad, yea he's a hoof full sometimes, but he's actually really sweet."
Sin let out an audible groan as both Ace and his grandfather gave him a look.
'Wow, she just threw your entire hard core persona under the carriage, backed that carriage up and ran over it again with one sentence. Well done.'
Sin tried to salvage what he could of his reputation, but Uppity continually contradicted him at every turn. Explaining his service to the crown, her position as both his parole officer and Celestia's personal attorney, and many other events in which he'd assisted others. By the end of it all, Ace was too stunned to speak.
"You've changed a great deal, Sinbad." Mandylion declared with a smile. "But it's change I'm glad to see, even if it is under the hoof of a government structure, you appear to have found a new life in the old world."
"Yea, whatever." Sin huffed, thoroughly humiliated. This was not the way he'd intended anyone to find out about his life, not that he'd ever really planned on telling his family about it anyways. Fact was, he never wanted to go back to the Federation, so he had no idea how to handle what was going on. "At anyrate, Uppity, would you please wait outside while I-"
"Oh no!" The DA rejected pointedly. "This is my chance to hear from somepony who knows you about your life. And I'll be getting the juicy details that you wont share!"
"HA blunt and sassy! Boyo sure found himself a good mare." Mandylion laughed before donning a contemplative look. "Alright, lets see here, what's an embarrassing story about the boy that you'd find funny?"
"Grandpa, don't."
"Oh I've got one!" Ace declared with a mischievous grin. "Did Sin ever tell you about the time he broke into the power plant?"
'Oh, I hope the hospital staff brings a fork with them for lunch, because you're done.'
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This is why I like this story. Just... the whole bitterness of Sin, the inability to get the populace to understand/pay attention to his ideology... and the way that the emotional consequences of that ideology are shown. But also... that the ideology wasn't straightforwardly rejected. It's not that these kinds of things were shown as wrong, but that Sin's life included them and turned him bitter.
Hooray, another chapter! Let's get started!
Ah yes. The boring hospitable routine.
ain't that the truth.
That would get old VERY fast.
Oh.....I thought the inner critic was joking, when did this happen?
..........
..........
That hit pretty close to home for me. Differently I might add, since I was never a politician, but the sentiment is still the same.
..........
To die alone is the worst feeling to have.
..........Like my country.
I know exactly how that feels.
That is a good question, now that I think about it.
Nobody likes cryptic nonsense, so get to the point already!
Exactly.
The way the critic words it doesn't sit well with me. If I remember correctly, Sin agreed to be under the Princess's custody. He could have chosen to flee any time before that. And the fact that he CHOSE to safeguard the lives and liberties of his "captors" does not necessarily diminish his own freedom. He could have chosen not to save them, though that would have made him an immoral asshole if he did.
I agree with all except the last one. No way I'm going to be emotionally detached even if I tried.
That's what I was thinking.
The four weirdest and complicated dudes in the world.
I.....actually agree with that.....It makes a lot of sense.
My thoughts exactly.
......I don't know whether to say "VERY" or "That's a dumb question to ask."
Huh. I didn't know Mandylion use to be an Equestrian.
I find that humorous.
What the HELL has Sin's brother been doing?!
I'm not connecting the dots either. Sin needs more clues to this.
Oh?
Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
Who's Felix?
That's what I would like to know? I'm not liking this.
.....I'm at a loss of words concerning Mandylion's methods here.
This should be interesting.
Well done indeed.
Who can blame him?
LOL. Sin, you are screwed.
Huh, now I am VERY curious about what happened there. My imagination is running wild now. lol. decent chapter.
6658767 Ehhh, Mandylion isn't an Equestrian. The ponies of the Federation migrated there from Equestria; making it often referred to as the "old world" or "homeland".
Also, I guess this will begin the winding down for the story.