Big Macintosh was a simple apple farmer pony. He has a family who cares about him, a respected name in the Ponyville community, and enjoys his work tilling and caring for his beloved apple trees.
But when he's thrown into jail under false charges, he begins to think about the freedom he'd taken for granted. Suddenly, a strange package appears within his cell, containing tools for his escape and a strangely cryptic note that forces him to reevaluate his lot in life.
After; he comes across a strange and foreign stallion who teaches him the ways of freedom and liberty in a way that changes the young pony's life forever.
Freedom, Choice, Independence, and Liberty.
To some, these words are taken for granted, believing themselves entitled to the ideas simply because they draw breath. But what happens when you stop and think about them? What course of action does your mind take when your mind dwells upon these words?
And more importantly, what are you willing to sacrifice to preserve them?
(Special thanks to codejunkie for assisting in the editing of earlier chapters.)
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i hope you continue this it is a pretty interesting story
1005304 Seems to be getting a positive review so far, so i think i will.
Edit: And thank you for the kind words.
1005311 no prob if you do continue it i will look forward to it
Please keep going! This is going to be interesting
Are you kidding me?! Why wouldn't you want to continue this. This story managed to enthrall me with a single chapter, and not to mention that awesome letter that mac receives. This is awesome, and so are you for coming up with AND writing it well.
1008427 Thank you, Not one dislike so far, so next one will be up tomorrow at some point.
glad you are continuing it
1013074 This will be fun, I just hope nothing like it has been done already.
so it's not finished at the end i thought it was. but then i saw the comments and realized it wasn't good i like stories like this one
1016021 Now the difficult part, trying to not fuck it up.
Dude this is pure badassatude you ate a great writer keep up the good work!!!
man this is getting very interesting
That captured him perfectly Amazing chapter can't wait for more!
I don't think you rushed it. Spike has been putting up with twilight his whole life I wouldn't be surprised If he did accept it just like that. Great chapter
1035172 Thank you for the feedback.
i say keep spike in it they are both make this story
Another bucking awesome chapter!! I think that the focuse on Sin was a good prospective on the story because it showed a bit more of how wise he was and brings more depth to the story and as for spike I beleve that it adds tremendously to the overall plot.
i believed t showed he was not heartless
Great chapter and as for the chapter name it is okay not to much not to little.
1045656 Thanks for the feedback, and the compliment.
Outstanding as per usual, good sir.
1049824
thank you good sir.
Great chapter!
I think this conclusion is better then the alternative with him losing.
When you keep your readers interested you are doing a good job, and sir I am very interested.. Eyup, this is good stuff.
Sure why not..May makes things even more interesting..Great job so far looking forward to more
I'm not to sure why I'm trying to add some kind of comedy to his, maybe I'm reading to many com fics. All well, hope you all enjoy.
Alright, just a few questions for anyone who cares enough to address them:
1) Is the pacing ok? Need more description, less?
2) Is this getting a little to out there for anyone? Becoming unbelievable or anything like that?
3) Any suggestions on how to make this story better or more enjoyable/easier to read?
TEN YEARS DUNGEON.
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Now for real: I love the twist you added in this chapter, things just keep getting more interesting. You should edit the description of the story since it only reflects big mac's side of the story than the whole premise of freedom. This could probably give you more views and favs.
Keep up the good work.
1409820 Thank you, You're probably right. I was kind of making it up as I went along, though; now would be a good time to actually make a proper description.
nice chapter
1417999 Thank you for reading, hope things are still relatively simple to follow. Considering I have to constantly re-read chapters to make sure I keep everything in order.
Love the whole luna and mac bit
1418030 I had to put something like that in there. I love that kind of thing in other stories.
1418084 same here
i will never look at salt and pepper ther same
1434504 You're welcome.
YEAH
Totally loved this chapter. Quite interesting how you dealt with the issue of killing vs surviving. It is also understandable how sometimes it is necessary to apply physical force, and you made the point stand out well enough. Keep up the good work!
great chapter
Since this is the last chapter of this part I'll post my comments here. First of all, what made it awesome. You wrote the male characters with dignity, self respect and a little passion. Far too often when I read a MLP fic the males are frustratingly "anime". Weak willed, cowardly doormats or cliche, "evil because they treat women badly" guys. Your depictions, especially of Big Macintosh gave the character a voice, a reason to want growth and change, and the will to strive for it without becoming a Gary Stu super stallion without faults. He still needs to learn and has a hard time letting go of some of the more deep rooted traits he's learned along the way, but that's what makes him interesting to read about. One line in particular about wondering if applejack knew how she was browbeating him down into such low self esteem, or if she even cared spoke volumes. And while I typically steer clear of OC's, Sin is something interesting as well. Even if I don't agree with some of his policies at least he can argue them intelligently. You also found a way to give Spike a boost without him becoming the super uber dragon, so kudos for that.
That Twilight expecting different treatment for Rainbow Dash because she's a girl was very interesting and telling reaction. You've seemed to have written a subtle undertone of condescension towards males in this universe, something I can easily buy. All the leaders and positions of power seem to be held by mares; is it because they really are a bit smarter/better than stallions or is it simply their numbers affording them the lions share of power. This alone would make the subject of an excellent fic.
So there's my praise, take it for what you will. As far as I'm concerned you've certainly earned it. But I wouldn't be giving a very good critique without mentioning any negatives too. First of all I noticed right away you fell into one of the standard fic writer mindsets in regards to gender. There are far more stallions in the story than you'd typically see in the show, and damn near every villain, bad guy or just good old fashioned jerk is male. That's a bit of social conditioning we all go through, but in a world where there's clearly more females than male, it tends to stick out a bit more.
It's barely worth mentioning, but there were a fair number of spelling and grammar mistakes in there, but I don't expect a team of editors working to fix such fairly minor things in a fan fic.
I thought Spike leaving Twilight was entirely too rushed and really could have been fleshed out over a chapter or two. Yes it's already a long fic but when it's also good, who would be unhappy about having more?
Finally, Luna. What the hell? Why did she practically kidnap Big Mac and screw his brains out? When did they make any kind of love connection besides a few moment of eye contact? Was it purely for comedic effect? If not, then I find the scene a little creepy. She picks him up with her magic and he's powerless to do anything about it so soon after learning what true freedom is. Shouldn't he be angry at her imposing herself on him like that? And if it really was comedy, then I'm afraid it harkens back to the anime trope I wrote of earlier. A weak willed guy being lead by the nose because he just rolls over and plays dead for women. There's FAR too many ponies in fics running into one another and falling in love, fainting at a kiss (have you EVER seen that happen before) and beating on male characters for misunderstandings. I wish people would at least drop the harem boy stereotype and emulate good anime like Cowboy Bebop or Ghost in the Shell. Rant over.
Finally, the political machinations were sometimes a bit hard to follow, but that may be cleared up in time with the sequel you're working on.
Overall I found the whole read interesting and definitely refreshing. To see some guys acting with backbone took me by surprise and it was a pleasant one indeed. Add an OC or two that aren't gratingly perfect or seducing one of the mane 6 and what we have here is a story worth far more attention than it's getting. I dunno, maybe people are more comfortable with the anime-like wimpy guy who still gets the girl tropes. I much prefer these characters that act like a real person would, despite the setting.
The story is interesting, but I did notice various issues with spelling, grammar, and wording. Still, your stories premise has piqued my interest.
not bad
not bad
good chapter
good chapter
Do not worry, I am still lovin this story, and thank you for not deleting this story. And thank you for continuing it.
interesting
I wonder how Twilight is doing with new Spike.
He got out of dealing with Pinkie only to deal with an angry Luna.