After Twilight Sparkle goes back to Equestria, Flash Sentry starts to feel down in the dumps and realises he's never going to be with her, will a certain muffin loving girl help him move on, or will he be alone and continue to think about what could have been if he could be with the magical pony Princess.
Yes I know but....Flash x Derpy one shot shipping story.
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Was hoping there be EG Flash x Derpy someday
The tease in camp Everfree was in my head pretty funny. The fandoms poster mare petting the shoulder of the fandoms scapegoat.
I saw irony, and a potential story. Cheers mate.
I thought of this one day when I was watching Friendship Games and Legend of Everfree...just came to my head and thought.
"Huh...what if there was a FimFiction where Flash just realises that he can't be with Twilight cause she was a pony princess, and decides to just move on"
You Really have Talent for this. I Wonder though if dinky is also derpy's Daughter in eg or her little Sister.
If only if there was a secret hideout where a harem can cut loose and have at it all the time.
9012221
Derpy came across as kind of mean, to me, whenever she basicalylly told him to stop going after the girl he liked because it 'was never going to work out.'
Also, the characters of Flash and Derpy aren't developed well enough. We're teased at the budding relationship, but there's no investment by the characters, there's no 'weight of history' or 'emotional equity.' What do they share in common? What do they like that the other doesn't? What about values? Do they have hot button topics which they're really passionate about? What about 'lines in the sand' ethics/morals/values? What about flaws? Vices?
Because really this story you could basically just replace Flash and Derpy's name with Male Character F and Female Character D and this would be a generic romance/lemon template. There's no emotional investment by the reader, because we aren't shown their lives, but only told them. Like with the Diamond Dog gang. We're never shown Derpy getting pushed down, hit, or kicked. We don't see her wince in pain, or hurt emotions. We don't see her aching heart when they call her names like 'retard,' 'freak,' or 'trash.' We don't see her cry.
Likewise with Flash, we never see him gazing at the sky with longing for a girl who only appears long enough to do whatever she came here to do before she returns to her world. We never see him bruised or injured from fighting Derpy's antagonists. We never see him question why he would hang with a girl with 'floating eyeballs.' Or resent Derpy and her Strabismus eyes. We never see him with wandering or lustful eyes whenever another girl passes by him.
They aren't human, but rather cardboard cutouts posturing as humans. They're trying to be human, but lack the qualities which makes a human interesting and complex, both in terms of the mind and the emotion and the actions they take.
With more work and revision, this could become a real story and not so much as a story template or rough draft.
I did like Flash being comforted by Derpy and Flash appreciating Derpy comforting him. I even liked the conflict element with Derpy being bullied. I just feel that this story has more potential than in its current manifestation. I hope that you find my criticism constructive and not be discouraged by the critique and points made in pointing my issues with this story. I wish you success and prosperity in your endeavors.
AuthorGenesis