Hangbow Smash on Line Two
Starlight smiled at Trixie through the glass of her radio booth. “Well, Trixie, who’s our next caller?”
Trixie looked up from her magazine. “We have a caller from Ponyville on line two, he says he’s having trouble with his marefriend.”
“Not for long he isn’t.” Starlight adjusted her headphones, pulled her chair closer to the microphone, and pressed the button on her switchboard to connect the call. “Hello, caller. I’m listening.”
A scratchy voice came through her headphones. “Uh, hi, Starlight. Thanks for talking to me.”
Starlight frowned. That voice sounds familiar. “Of course.”
“My name is, uh… Hangbow Smash.”
Starlight’s face fell. Oh. She looked at Trixie to see her friend and producer stifling a giggle. “Well, then, ‘Hangbow’, what can we help you with?”
The caller – which Starlight could now decisively identify as Rainbow Dash lowering her voice in a very poor impression of a stallion’s – coughed and cleared ‘his’ throat. “I’ve been having some problems with my marefriend. I don’t know if this relationship is gonna work.”
“Really, now?” Starlight rolled her eyes and slumped to the side, resting her head on her hoof. “Why is that?”
“I can be pretty brash and forceful, and she’s really quiet and meek. Except I don’t do romance stuff well, so we can both kinda be quiet on dates.”
“You don’t say?” Starlight muttered. Starlight saw Trixie snort and laughed out loud in the protective silence of her producer booth. Lucky you. “How long have you two known each other?”
“Since we were fillies. But we’ve always been very different ponies. I really do love her, but maybe she would be better off with someone more like her. What do you think I should do?”
Starlight sighed. “Well, that really depends on you. If you actually think you and Fluttershy have a future, you should try and improve yourself and make this work.”
“Huh?”
“Self-improvement is a long process, but it’s worth it. You—”
“My girlfriend isn’t Fluttershy.”
Starlight suppressed an annoyed grunt. “What’s her name, then?”
“Um… Mufflefly.”
“Sure it is.”
“Is it!”
“Okay, cut the act, Rainbow, we all know it’s you!” Starlight snapped. “And these kinds of defensive reactions to open displays of emotion are why you’re afraid of your own feelings. Just be open to yourself and others for once and stop putting on that self-aggrandizing pride show for yourself you call ‘awesomeness’.”
Starlight slammed her hoof on the button to cut the line. She shook her head before leaning to the mic again. “And if you’re still listening, ‘Hangbow’, next time pick an actual alias and not some stupid made-up name a foal signs their Hearts and Hooves Day card with. Try a better voice, too!”
Starlight took a deep breath and put on a pleasant smile. “Trixie, do we have another caller?”
“We do. We have Rainbow Dash on line three, she wants you to know that wasn’t her.”
Starlight snapped her head to stare at Trixie. Trixie smirked and pressed the button to put the call through.
“Uh, Starlight?”
Starlight swallowed. “Yes, Rainbow?”
“Yeah, that wasn’t me. Hangbow lives down the street from Sugarcube Corner, his marefriend Mufflefly is an assistant at the mayor’s office. Also, I’m not gay. I mean, Fluttershy is awesome, and I’d go for her if I swung that way, she’s a great catch. But I ain’t gay. Just FYI.”
Trixie grinned. “Ooo, what a plot development. Starlight, anything to say to any former callers who may be listening?”
Starlight gave a forced smile and put her hoof on the cut call button. “Well, I’m sure that if Hangbow is listening, he’ll understand that I am friends with Rainbow Dash, who is fond of pranks, and given the similarities in name and voice I thought Rainbow was just playing a prank on me. I’m sorry. I’m sure that if you just take the time to talk to Mufflefly about how you feel and are honest with her, she’ll respond positively.” She took a breath. “Trixie, do we have any other callers?”
“We have Mufflefly on line two.”
Starlight shot Trixie a glare that could burn down a forest. Trixie responded with a wide grin that could reflect sunlight. Starlight slowly shook her head and said, “are there any other callers?”
“Nope!”
“Really?” Starlight grit her teeth and looked at the switchboard. “It looks like line one has somepony.”
“Oh? Lemme check.” Trixie reached to her switchboard and hit the button to cut the line. “Nope, must have been a glitch. But we still have Mufflefly, holding on line two.”
Starlight’s glare intensified to steel-melting as she slowly raised her hoof to the switchboard and pressed the button to connect the call. “Welcome to the show, Mufflefly.”
“Hangbow Smash isn’t my coltfriend.”
Starlight raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”
“He’s my neighbor, he’s been trying to get me to go out with him for months but I’ve told him I’m not interested! Why would you encourage him, now he’ll never leave me alone!”
“I didn’t know!” Starlight protested, leaning forward. “P-perhaps you just need to give him a chance!”
“Give him a chance? He’s taken pictures of me in my sleep and snuck into my house to clean!”
“I-I…” Starlight groaned and rubbed her head. “If he’s doing such things then it’s out of my hooves, you need to speak to the police!” She paused as she heard a small snicker in the background of Mufflefly’s phone. “Mufflefly?”
“Yes?”
Starlight pursed her lip and sat back in her chair. “Where are you calling from?”
“Sugercube Corner.”
“I see.” She rapped her hoof on the desk. “Is Pinkie Pie listening in the background?”
“No.”
“…Is that because Pinkie Pie is on the phone with me now?”
“…Maybe.”
“Is Rainbow Dash listening in the background?”
“Maybe.”
“I see.” Starlight slammed her hoof on the button to cut the call. “We’ll be right back after this word from our sponsor.” The On-Air light of the booth turned off. Starlight stomped to the door to Trixie’s booth and threw it open. “From now on, if you suspect Rainbow or Pinkie are calling in to prank me, give me fair warning!”
“If it makes you feel better, Trixie knew it was them and didn’t care.” Trixie replied.
Starlight’s eye twitched. “How is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“You know you have a top-notch producer who recognizes the prank calls.”
Starlight groaned and walked back to her desk. Trixie called after her.
“You’re welcome!”
Brilliant! Good job
Hello, Fraiser Crane!
I was wondering who would use this idea first.
Starlight rubbed her forehead before depressing the button on her microphone.
"Hello, caller. I'm listening," said Starlight, murmuring a short series of expletives under her breath involving rainbows, pies, and large hammers.
"Please help," came a distressed voice from the other side, breathing heavily. "My name is—u-uhh—Schlining Schlarmor. I've barricaded myself in my Horse Cave, because my wife has gone COMPLETELY INSANE!"
"Whoa, whoa, stay calm! What do you mean she's gone insane? What's happened?"
"I-It wasn't my fault! I was just asking a mare we passed by for the time! But then she turned around a-and—I didn't even look at her flanks for that long! Like, two seconds, maybe!"
A loud crash came from somewhere in the caller's background.
"That hussy thinks she's got it better than me to try and flirt with you like that?" shouted the vaguely familiar voice of an angry mare. "We're not resting until I show her that I can make you squeal!"
"Oh goddesses, help me!"
There was another, softer crash, then the line went dead. Starlight glanced at Trixie, hoping for some semblance of an explanation, but she was equally as confused; and a little mortified.
Starlight slid down from her seat. "I'm going on break."
Oh this will be fun.
Yeah I think a lot of us old people immediately thought Frasier when they heard that line in the episode.
This is a brilliant little story, and it sounds like something Pinkie and Rainbow might do if they weren't bound by the show's demographic. Nice job!
Nice one.
And whenever Starlight has to call in sick, Twilight takes her place with the slogan, "Let's get better!"
How many prank calls does this station get, I wonder?
The only part I didn't like about this story was the "Complete" tag. We need more! When is Starlight's Dad going to move in with his ratty chair? Who will Niles be? How many more prank calls will Pinkie and Rainbow pull off?
8973484
Well, since Starlight is Frasier, then I'm all for Sunburst and Moondancer as Niles and Daphne. Of course, Maris is Chrysalis and Lilith would have to be Maud's Twigbanger coltfriend or what'shisname. Ad if Martin isn't Cranky Doodle Donkey or Sombra, I'll be mad :D
Also, well done rolling all Frasier booth tropes into one story.
But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs...
A+ staying in character.
Lovely stuff. Looking forward to more.
8973244 We've crossed Pony with "Frasier"... now we must become even more retro and do a "Cheers" crossover with Berry Punch as a washed up hoofball player now running a bar in Chicoltgo.
If I weren't reading this in the library, I'd be laughing my butt off.
XD Poor Starlight.
You had me at "I'm listening."
I'M GOING TO HAVE A GODDAMN ANEURYSM.
If there were phones in Equestria nopony would be safe from Rainbow and Pinkie.
Upvote.
Amazing!
This is everything I’ve ever wanted
8973589
Martin is obviously Spike.
8973484
More will come as I have ideas
I guess someone should run now...
Maybe they should try an Friendship Hotline next.
Well.
I read all of Starlight's lines in Kelsey Grammer's voice, and all of Trixie's lines were in Peri Gilpin's voice. Stellar job.
BTW, most of the callers on Frasier were actually very famous Hollywood actors.
This was lacking an opening so I decided to fix that for you
...Is it me or does Starlight in the cover art have really fat thighs?
8973795 But I can't think of a way to ponicize Boston. Chicago is pretty much the same. Just more murders.
8974645
That's Turag's art style, unique but funny.
So far the only close thing to a Fraiser/mlp crossover story
8974723
Turag isn't the artist though. It's Bobthedalek. Although that is his style, yes.
This reminds me of the phone episode in the Vinyl Scratch Tapes.
this was a wonderful bit of silliness thank you
8974692
Breton, of course. (a horse breed)
8973641
I thought it was Chicacolt
I have to admit that this IS a fairly funny first chapter. :-D I LOVED the exchanges, characterization and humor in this. Darn good Affectionate Parody of Fraiser. I particularly liked the Double-Subversion as far as the prank call went.
Other possible callers for future chapters:
1. Diamond Tiara calling on advice on how to be a better friend to Silver Spoon (i.e. she WAS my friend and I would like for her to be again, but I respect that it has to be her decision. I just need advice on how to be a better friend.") as well as try to do a better job making NEW friends.
2. Carrot Cake frustrated concerning all the false accusations of his wife Cup cheating on him that have been persisting since the twins were born and looking for advice on how to put an end to those rumors once and for all.
3. Firelight calling, not because of a problem, but just to try to keep in touch with his daughter (there could even be something where Firelight starts out "Hi there Pum - er I mean, Starlight. Sorry, I really AM trying.")
4. Princess Luna calling to invite both Starlight and Trixie to attend a support group for reformed villains ("And, if you get the chance, make sure to tell Discord that HE is ESPECIALLY invited.")
5. Spike calling looking for advice on how to deal with choosing between Rarity and Ember.
6. Chrysalis calling to make a comically-over-the-top "revenge threat" (with some "near-disaster" scenes very shortly afterwards that have Starlight dodging some really bad stuff by split-seconds and mere inches)
7. Fluttershy basically asking Starlight what kind of a pet she would want if she ever chose to get one.
8. Cadance calling to basically try to set Starlight up on a date with Sunburst.
and 9. Lyra calling on advice concerning stuff about Bon Bon's past that she is "not at liberty to discuss directly"
Of course, I can completely understand if you don't like any of these ideas. But, one way or the other, I'll definitely be looking forward to more as soon as you have the ideas and writing time.
Is it bad that in my head I alternated between GlimGlam and Fraiser Crain's Voice?
8975563 Oh, I kinda use that for Pipsqueak's home country: Great Breton, from the city of Trottington.
8975730 Eh, whichever. I didn't know there was a consensus on which way to use it.
8976093
idk
maybe there is
maybe there isn't
SPOOOOOOPY
sorry if I am being foalish
8976095 The proper pronunciation is... 'blargle'.
It's French.
8976142
ok
i don't know french
but i know some german
ICH SPRICH DEUTSCHE
Hahahaha brillant
Somewhere else in the universe, Twilight is in the human world. She stalking her Alternate self to replace her, “dump” Timber, and “hook up” with Flash Sentry.
It’s not a prank, bro.
I remember this episode well.
I kinda want this as a series
then
And I don't remember if there IS a police force somewhere in Equestria or they resort to the guards...