King of the Ponies

by PotatoJoe

Chapter 1

“ Aw, dangit Peggy.”

As Hank Hill stood up he frowned, holding the casserole dish in his hands. He shut the fridge with a sigh and set the dish on the table.

Peggy and Bobby were out of town for the weekend. So she’d left him some food, which he was of course grateful for. But he’d specifically told her not to make one of her onion and pepper casseroles, since they gave him indigestion and strange dreams. But, he’d have to eat that - his other option was to cook for himself and go out to get a burger, but since she’d put the effort into making it he couldn’t let it go to waste.

He dug a fork in, not knowing how much he would learn to regret that decision.

================

Hank Hill was, unlike most of the world, a morning person. He liked to get up and get to work - if he got to Strickland Propane first he’d get to unlock the place as well. He simply liked getting things done, the way a man was supposed to.

But as he opened his eyes, he felt like he’d ben through a ringer.

His body felt weird, like it was covered in wooly hair, but that was the least of his problems. He appeared to be outside in the woods - which were over ten miles from his house. Apparently, he’d have to add sleepwalking to the list of things that Peggy’s onion and pepper casseroles did to him.

He went to stand up and fell over.

Something was wrong. Very wrong. He looked to his feet and couldn’t help but let out a “Bwaaaah!” which echoed through the trees. What he thought was his leg was actually a horses hoof, but with a white coat of fur. He kicked experimentally a few times. It was his foot.

Gingerly trying to stand, he fell to all fours. There was a puddle nearby to he gingerly walked over to look at his reflection. To his dismay it seemed to be that of a ponies - he was too small to be a horse - and it was obviously him. His coat was the same as his white t-shirt, the unruly tail on his butt was jeans-blue, and the mane on his neck was the brown of his hair. His square glasses lay across his nose and on one wrist was his watch.

“...dangit, Peggy.” he muttered with a sigh. He was never eating that stupid casserole again - the dreams were just too strange. “ Well, if I’m asleep, I might as well try and wake up.”

He looked around. He’d had a lucid dream or two so he knew what to do. Nearby he spotted a small cliff-face. If he jumped off of it he’d feel like he was falling, which would snap him awake. He trotted over - a phrase he hoped to never need to use again - and leapt off.

He fell for several moments, waiting to awaken.

Then, he felt something grab his tail and pull him upwards. It hurt a lot but lasted for a only a few seconds before he landed back on the cliffside.

“ What the hay are you doing?” shouted a strange female voice. Trying to stand as he looked around, Hank saw something that made him flinch - a blue pony with wings and a rainbow colored tail and mane. It was quickly becoming one of those dreams that would haunt him for years.

“ Trying to wake up.” said Hank, finally standing. “ Now get out of my way.”

“ Wake up?” said the flying pony, blocking his path to the cliff. “ That’s crazy! You’re already awake!”

“ Uh, no I am not.” said Hank crossly. “ If I was, I wouldn’t be a pony and I would be talking to one!”

“ What?” said the pony, looking confused.

“ I am not arguing with a figment of my imagination! Get out of my way!” said Hank, trying to push past her.

“ A figment - hey, I’m as real as you are, buddy!” protested the pony, pushing him back. “ You know what? I think your crazy!”

“ Then let me jump!” Hank said, trying to dodge around.

“ What’s going on, Dash?” asked another voice, calling from the trees. Hank looked up in time to see another pony, this time one with yellow fur. It had wings as well - Hank was a little annoyed that he didn’t have them. He wouldn’t have minded a good old-fashioned flying dream. “ Oh, hello, I didn’t know she was talking to a friend.” said the pony, looking embarrassed.

“ Hey, Fluttershy, help me convince this nutjob that he’s not asleep.” said the blue pony that Hank assumed was named Dash. “ He tried to jump off this cliff to wake himself up.”

“....um....I don’t...really....know what to say.” Fluttershy blushed and backed away. “ Um, you shouldn’t do that, though. It’d hurt if you hit the ground.”

“ Great.” sighed Dash, flying around Hank in a circle. She was starting to piss him off. “ So, is Applejack around? She can talk sense into anypony.”

“ Oh, I get it.” said Hank, letting out a long sigh. “ Peggy told me about this once. You all represent parts of my subconscious or something. Applejack is probably my common sense. Take me...um, to Applejack.”

With a scowl Dash gestured though the woods and led him, Fluttershy following behind.

==============

The moment he saw the orange-coated pony he knew he liked her.

Applejack was hard at work kicking apple-trees to the apples fell into baskets, then carried the baskets over to a cart. The orchard looked well kept, the fences were mended, and the lawn was perfectly mowed.

“ We’ll, morning Rainbow! Morning Fluttershy!” said Applejack, looking up as she saw them. “ An’ who’s this?”

“ Finally, a comforting accent.” said Hank with a sigh. “ Hank Hill. Your Applejack, right?”

“ Right as rain!” said the pony with a smile.

“ Well, here’s the deal. I’m asleep, you are part of my subconscious, and I need help waking up because this idiot - “

He gestured to Rainbow Dash.

“ - keeps getting in the way.”

“ Hey!” said Rainbow Dash, looking insulted.

“ Uh, thats a doozy of a story, Hill.” said Applejack with a laugh. “ Uh, so have you checked if you really are asleep?”

“ I can’t exactly pinch myself with hooves, can I?” asked Hank, looking to one of his feet. Applejack walked over and gave him a light kick to the side, which to Hank’s surprise hurt. “ What in ... dangit, I know that hurt, but I have to be asleep! I’m not a pony and ponies can’t talk!”

“ Hey, Ah know what happened!” said Applejack, her face lighting up. “ Twilight told me about junk like this. Y’all fell into our world from another dimension and got turned into a pony. Don’t worry, happens all the time.”

“ ....thats just stupid.” said Hank, blinking a few times.

“ Yeah, pretty much.” said Applejack with a shrug. “ Come on, we’ll head down to town and get a carriage to the palace. The Princess - uh, she’s in charge of the world and has really powerful magic - can send you back.”

“...well, thank goodness they brought me to you.” said Hank with a sigh. “ We got this sorted out in a reasonable and easy manner.”

Applejack laughed as she lead him down the path, a furious Rainbow Dash watching them go.

===============

“ - and thats only the initial benefits of using propane to heat ones house.” concluded Hank as the carriage came to a halt. “ Now, it wouldn’t work in that barn of yours - too much straw - but you’ll see a real change in your heating bill one you switch to propane.”

“ We’ll, I’ll be lookin’ into it!” said Applejack, getting out. Hank followed her and found he was in front of some sort of palace. A number of armored ponies greeted them - one of Applejacks friends had sent word ahead of their visit. “ Never thought ‘bout using gas for that. We’ve been going offa hydroelectric and wood for years.”

“ Yeah, electric has it’s place, but it’s just not sensible for heating.” said Hank with a nod. He followed as she led him into the palace, quickly finding himself in a throne room with a horse-sized pony with both wings and a horn - he hadn’t seen that combination before - waiting for them.

“ Good morning, Applejack.” said the horse with a nod. “ And to you, traveler. My name is Princess Celestia.”

“ Gooday, ma’am.” said Hank with a nod.

“ Thank you, the sunrise was some of my best work.” said the ‘princess’ with a smile. Confused enough already, Hank let it slide. “ I suppose you’d like to go home now.”

“ Or wake up.” said Hank, trotting forwards.

“ It will only take a moment.” said the Princess, closing her eyes. Her horn began to glow and the world around Hank began to grow lighter. He turned to Applejack.

“ It was nice to meet you.” he said politely.

“ Same here!” said Applejack, waving with a laugh. “ Hope the business keeps going well for ya!”

=================

Hank Hill woke up, this time in his bed. His alarm was going off, so he slapped it. He wiped the sleep from his eyes, walked into the kitchen, and dumped the casserole into the garbage.

He took an apple from the fruit bowl and bit in, walking back to his room to get dressed.

Comments

[Azarias]

Aww yeah.

I have no idea why, but KotH is one of my favorite animated series ever.

[Cerulean Starburst]

I'll read this, and I swear to Celestia if I do not see an "I sell X and X accessories" reference, I will end you.

[Zyggy]

...
Bob Saget.
Ya' made it too short.

[OMJay]

I have only one thing to say about this:
"BUOAAAUAAHHH!"

[PotatoJoe]

56118 Because it is gentle, real humor. Thats so rare.

56120 COME AT ME BRONY. I'M BEHIND SEVEN PROXIES

56121 You've never really watched King of the Hill, have you? If Hank meets someone with common sense, the plot ends pretty much instantly.

[ThePinkazoid]

56118 Applejack: I sell apples and apple related accessories

[BlueEricsson]

HANK HILL IS BEST PONY

I WOULD BE MUCH OBLIGED IF YOU CONTINUED THIS FICTION

GOOD DAY SIR

[AWSOMEPOSSUM16]

Sweet Jesus... PotatoJoe, this is one hell of a crossover, thank you for this.

[Gypsy]

APPLEJACK BUOAAAHHH!

[Violet Droplet]

That... was surprisingly short and to the point. The whole "It happens all the time," line made me snort a little, cause yeah, with this kind of community it kind of does

Anyway, awesome short!

[Wheelwright]

Laugh out loud funny. But you realize, now everyone will be bugging Peggy for her casserole recipe!

[Silverquill]

Dang et, Rainbow!

Aha Nice short!

Potato Joe wrote a KotH story...

Then I started reading Humans in Equestria fics...

Magical.

[Spikey G33K]

Hank Hill is the best pony
Anyhoof time to read it.

[gapaot]

Wow, you killed that cliche with one fic. Awesome.

[PotatoJoe]

56147 I was thinking about doing a chapter with Boomhauer, Dale, Bill and Cotton, each in this ones style.

I think I will ship Cotton and Fluttershy.

56456 " Hank Hill is the best pony" is the second most absurd sentence I have ever gotten to read. THANK YOU SIRRAH.

56269 Yeah. I totally would eat that crap, and I don't even like onions!

[Thorax]

He came, He saw, He sold propane.

My brain is yelling at me so hard right now

[warbler89]

Ha ha ha, they know it happens all the time

But seriously, if this site is to be believed, everyone and their grandma's dropped into Equestria by now

56708
That's the best part! By taking all the humans-in-Equestria tropes, and playing them completely straight, we find out what Luna does all day. There is a line in the castle for extradimentional migrants.

HAHAHAHA! funny, (I bet if dale show up, i can see Fluttershy actually giving him eight time the stare due to him killing bugs with rarity asking if he could do her boutique, "I despise vermin, so unclean, rarity gagged.

<Insert King of the Hill theme song here and various references to the show.>
Boomhaur: Dang ol' ponies man, with their dang ol' cuteness.
Hank: Damn it bobby what have you dragged me into?
Bill: I kind of like these things... I'm so alone though...
Dale: Must start exterminating something! I need to kill something!
Twilight: Confound these humans...

[Anonymous XXX]

56609 what was the first most absurd sentence you got to read?? incidentally, ive never seen king of the hill but this was still pretty awesome. maybe i should check it out.

[NSFWKazama]

I read every single sentence Hank said - in his voice:
It was glorious!

Them pegasi ain't right, ah tell you what.

[SolvableSphinx]

Hank Hill's cutie mark is a blue flame. Anyone who asks him why quickly finds out about propane, propane's chemical composition, how propane burns, why propane is a superior heat source...

[AWSOMEPOSSUM16]

I think it's about time for a sequel, wouldn't you think so, PotatoJoe?

[HighTreason25]

. . . huh. That was . . .

[Fat Autistic Weeaboo2222]

hank+pony=

[One-Of-Three-Names]

KotH is one of those shows that I enjoy and cant figure out why.
I expected to dislike this fic, but found it highly pleasing. I cant figure out why.

[The Doctor is cool]

BWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Applejack: Shut up. Hank:HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Applejack hits Hank in the face.

[Osiris]

Hilarious short story, crossing over two of my favorite things! I'm imagining their voices so clearly in this story! XP

Especially Rainbow Dash's offended reaction to being called an idiot~

[Darian Stephens]

One of the most major problems was that you say 'We'll' instead of 'Well'

Example
'It went well.'

'We'll have a great time!'

'We'll' is a shortening of 'We' and 'Will'. 'We'll'.

I'll direct you here for a description of the word 'Well'.

[EVILRAINBOWDASH]

lol NICE!

[The Sorcerer Supreme]

this should be longer!?!?

[Clicker]

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[LtMajorDude]

Haw.

[WitchFister Veo]

“ What the hay are you doing?” shouted a strange female voice. Trying to stand as he looked around, Hank saw something that made him flinch - a blue pony with wings and a rainbow colored tail and mane. It was quickly becoming one of those dreams that would haunt him for years.

Yeah, I've dreams like these. Though they twnd to end with a lot of gruesome and gory violence.

[Okie Brony]

“ Finally, a comforting accent.” said Hank with a sigh. “ Hank Hill. Your Applejack, right?”

That should've been "Finally, a comforting accent," Hank said with a sigh. "My name's Hank Hill. I sell propane and propane accessories. You're Applejack, right?"

He came, he saw, he sold propane. 🔥

I'd call this story awesome if it wasn't for the strange spacing after quotation marks, confusion between homophones like your and you're, and other annoying mistakes. The author also forgot about the existence of cutie marks.

But, it's the only King of the Hill story I've found, so I have no choice but to "Favorite" it. I used to love that show! I was so happy to hear about a new season, until I learned that it'd be on the internet, only available to people with credit cards and high-speed internet. 😡