pilots and titans

captain's log march 29, 2257

this has been a long two year scouting mission but it looks like we have finally found the secret IMC shipyard were they are shelling out there new capital killers as the gunmen have started calling them let's hope that my crew can cover me and the rest of the SRS as we infiltrate the station and plant the bomb.

well lets hope this works

signing off captain mack rogers, the loki

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Autumn Colors Fall

Autumn Colors Fall #1 · Feb 21st, 2018 · 2 · ·

Some very basic writing advice:

• The first word of each sentence needs to be capitalized, without exception.
• Names need to be capitalized.
• Switching from third to first person point of view is generally not a great idea. Pick one and stick with it.
• You do not need to call out what PoV is being used at the start of each paragraph. Your readers will figure it out.
• When one character is finished speaking and another is going to start, you need to end the first sentence, capped off with quotation marks, and begin a new one. Two speakers cannot share a sentence.

For some more specific feedback, you're using an awful lot of terminology here that is specific to Titanfall. Bear in mind that while most people here have a strong understanding of MLP, very few people will have experience with Titanfall. Remember that most people aren't going to know what something like an instabase pod is.

Finally, the line "prince blue balls uh I mean blueblood" might have been funny if telling the story out loud to a group of middle schoolers. In writing it just makes you look exceptionally immature.

DAMN HAMSTER