Inspired by "The X-COM Files" mod.
It's late 1996 and "The Extranatural Commission" is just an international supernatural investigation agency. They were created to combat the weird, but there's not much two field agents with Glocks can do.
This missing persons case started just like the previous two, but the outcome was nothing like they expected...
"Other" will include Spike, Snips, Snails, Luna, probably Coco Pommel, Starlight, Trixie, Celestia, changelings.
The cover uses pony vectors by AleximusPrime and the image the game picked for Kamran.
The introductory arc (former chapter 1) is snowballing and will take 1-2 weeks more. I'll try to update 2-3 times a week. Hoping to start real mayhem in March.
Is the human in the picture really from X-Com? I though it had better graphics than that...
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It's from the mod, which uses OpenXcom engine, which recreates the look of the early-1990s 320x200 VGA games Mind the spelling: the 1990s version had the dash, "X-COM", while the reboot spells it "XCOM". On the plus side, drawing new sprites is much easier
This was the portrait randomly picked for Kamran.
I think you just had little exposure. Only three stories in fimfiction even use the xcom tag. I just learned it existed! Regardless, I thought the flashlight quip was hilarious.
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I added this story to several groups, but the first version of the first chapter wasn't good enough, and it lost momentum.
I still don't like what I ended up writing. I can't decide should I continue as it is, or should I restart yet again. This is not the XCOM 2012, nor this is exactly the X-COM 1994. I need to explain a lot, yet I need to keep these explanations short and few. Should I restart, or should I finish "Monster Hunt" and move on to the next episode?
P.S. The flashlight quip will stay
8958175
I do not believe you need to restart at all, the vast majority of it is good. The interactions feel honest and believable between the agents. The ponies even fit the bill for "very nice aliens" quiet well. The only thing that really throws it off is the immediate loss of conflict. The agents sheathe their weapons too quickly. Having just walked out on a missing persons case and having their contact disappear should set them on edge. Try giving them something to spur them towards trying to negotiate. For example, they could look down from the platform and see some of the vendor humans walking in the market. This would give them a good reason to attempt a peaceful confrontation rather than the normal protocol of "Arrive at site. Find more giant spiders. Shoot everything" (because honestly there are so many spiders in that mod). It could also lead into a new issue that helps explain the tour better. Wanting to ensure that all the humans are alive and in Ponyville by choice is a good character motive, but it will make it hard to continue writing because every meeting will be largely the same and the resolution will arrive quickly. Maybe the agents are suspicious of mind control? Or you could move further with their suspicion of drugged food.
If you want the story to be short and conclude with "the agents find nothing wrong, report to the commander and the whole investigation is shuttered." then it looks great! That feels like a good and fun ending because it fits the theme of the X-files mod. After all, if there is no issue the agency has no reason to do anything aside from possible scientific studies. But if you want it to be longer (which I assume to be the case since you are having trouble feeling good about the current writing) try fleshing out the agent's motivations again.
Also, maybe keep the explanations for why they can speak, learn, etc in the ending reports. They are interesting and it will help dialogs such as Twilight's introduction form feeling bloated or unnecesary. As is the story feels a bit thrown off when twilight tries to explain things to them in depth, only to have it repeated at the end.
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Yes!
They don't exactly sheathe them. They can quick-draw them faster than a U-turn, but I failed to show that tension and readiness.
Yes, it gets repetitive. But those missing humans will prove somewhat important in the following chapters. Again, I can't find the balance between briefness and giving enough details. If you are familiar with the mod: the new math teacher has a shaved head, Rarity's new tailor wears a cheap black business suit just like the agents, the new pond cleaner has greenish skin...
Yes, missed that.
Have you seen the first version? I tried something like that. With two extra twists: Discord's magic boosts the agents' existing ability to foresee the future, and the gate shuts down, seemingly for good. But it's only the beginning, more gates will appear in the following months. Then I decided there wasn't enough about their interactions with Ponyville inhabitants, and I restarted it.
Too far to see. They could see a human on the balcony, but that should change a lot... Ok, let's say they were still on the platform, when another missing human arrived from Earth. Someone, who didn't rely on Spike's postal magic.
I thought about that, but can't come up with an easy way to quench their fears. Besides, they won't believe in mind control until they meet Sectoids in January
Ergo: at least alter chapter 2. Hopefully, it'll get me unstuck.
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I never saw the first version, so I was unaware of how it was previously written. Regardless, I do not feel as though you need to explain more than you have. Nothing really feels left out or confusing. I am familiar with the mod, but I do not think that feels necessary. Nothing seems too outlandish for someone completely unfamiliar with the games to understand, which is great!
Still seeing chupacabras of doom and yetis at the moment.
Don't chase any landed UFO's in your tiny cars. it was a bad idea.
Summary since I am not good with words: 👍
Good luck writing commander.