Fallout: Equestria – Hold the Pineapple (Audio Files)

by MuseoSansPony

Epilogue: 210 Years Later – Bait, Set, Trap

“OUT OF SPACE!” the terminal blared, the warning capping off a rather odd series of audio logs.

The room sat in silence for a moment. The only sound coming from the rain outside and the sentinel, Spicy Meatball, scanning for hostiles.

“That's it?” the canterlot ghoul asked in bafflement, his rasping voice echoing in the small, empty room.

“You expecting something else, Bitty Boy?” a condescending, robotic voice answered. “I was very entertained. I always wondered what happened to the Changeling bitch. I would have never thought to imprint a constructed consciousness into another pony. That Dr. Proselytize was a sadistic genius.”

“It’s horrifying,” the ghoul rasped in disgust.

“It's the Calzone Crime Family, Binary Bit!” The robotic voice intoned, “Fucked up shit is our MO. Case and point: me, myself, and I.”

“Ok, ok, ok.” Binary Bit conceded, “Better question: Vial, why is this here?”

“A terminal in the middle of nowhere, wasteland that broadcasts a Calzone safe house signal? Then upon entry plays the collected ramblings of a killer’s alter-ego?” Vial asked sarcastically. “I’d normally say raiders, but this is too smart for them.”

There is a pregnant pause as the computer genius and the incapacitated, robotic sociopath contemplate the implications.

“Fuck.” Binary shouted.

“We need to get out of here, now!” Vial agreed, “Come on Spicy, get moving.”

“You’re not going anywhere.” a female voice echoed in the room, followed by the cocking of a gun.

“HOSTILE DETECTED!” Spicy announced a moment too late.

“Ah, I see you brought a gun to a robot fight.” Vial quipped.

“LOCKING ON TARGET!” Spicy responded.

“Sixers, we got heavy artillery!” the female called out to her allies.

FWOOOSH! BOOM! FWOOOSH! BOOM! A pair SATS guided missile enters into the room exploding in the side of the sentinel.

“MAMA MIIIIAaaaa!” the robot called out as it powered down from the damage.

“Whelp, there goes our big guns.” Binary lamented, regretting not having his own weapon, “Can’t say it was nice knowing you, Vial.”

“Cut the crap Eighty” the sentient augments attached to a lifeless, and limbless corpse called out to the changeling, “Binary isn’t a Calzone. You just want me….well and Spicy Meatball, but I think he’s down for the count.”

“Binary, Binary, hmmm.” Eighty-Six mused, looking over a list, not taking her gun off the two ponies. “Not in any of my records from wartime or wasteland, but the Calzones are ever expanding.”

“No, he’s right. I’m not a Calzone. I’m a computer programer from Canter–from Recurrence.” Binary added, “I just got so fascinated by the secrets of the Calzones that I decided to look into them. I had no Idea they were still around. I just used Vial as a database for Calzone strongholds.”

“Vial, Vial, Vial….alias of Fix'n Snitch. Calzone fixer. Vanished near the end of the war. Somepony told me he died at the end of something on the radio. Knew I should have double checked.”

“Hehe, I did...twice. Long story.” Vial laughed.

“If I may, Eighty-Six, Vial is defenseless. His augments, which house his soul, for lack of a better compassion, are attached to a pony corpse. He is worth more in this state than dead if you hope to truly wipe out the Cazones.” Binary suggested to the stubborn changeling.

“Sixers, stand down.” Eighty-Six called out and was answered by a few ‘Yes Ma’ams.’ “I find out you’re lying and you get eighty-sixed, you get me?”

“Loud and clear.” Binary sheepishly agreed, “Can you fix Spicy? He might be useful too. Robots are so rarely fighting on the side of ponies in the wastes.”

“Turing, see if you can get their bot working again.” Eighty commanded, “Can you can change the name and personality too? I’m not a fan of Italipone.”

“Yes Ma’am!” a lanky pony mare with a grey on grey color pallet, known as Turing Test, replied pulling out her tools and getting to work.

“Now Binary, Vial,” Eighty-Six began, sneering at the mention of the vile pony’s pseudonym, “we have much to discuss.”

“I do have one question before we begin. That Higgs fellow, who was he? He seemed to know more then he let on.” Binary asked the incredulous changeling.

“Its complicated. I did meet him again a few years back while I was traveling with a storyteller. Still a bit of a mystery wrapped in an enigma.” She replied nonchalantly.

“Care to elaborate?” Binary pressed.

“Well as an old friend was fond of saying: that is a story for another day.” She replied cryptically, winking at no pony in particular, “Today we talk Calzones.”

Author's Note:

Did I just tie this in into The Storyteller – A Fallout: Equestria Lore Series? Yes, I just did.

Let me know if you catch any spelling, grammar or tense errors....third person is not my forte.

Comments

[Mavka-1]

I almost forgot about your story, and only today discovered that it was already finished. A very good story, an impressive twist in Log #010! Glad to see old characters, but the final chapter left me confused. Hope to find answers in new stories.

P.S. Your Megaspell plushie is absolutely adorable 💕 Can't imagine before that one could sew a ghoul so realistic and cute.

[MuseoSansPony]

10008465

I was worried that the twist would not work or be too rushed. I just couldn't figure out a way to make the fic feel less rushed. As to the epilogue, it was intended to be a sequel bait chapter. It even referenced events of The Storyteller that have yet to happen. I did a vote on the plot thread to pull for the next fic. The Eighty-Sixers and Calzone plot line was not picked. Instead it will follow Static Spark from Brittleshine's Quest. Her fic is Find Your Spark.

P.S. Megs was specifically designed to be a cute ghoul....we did so by giving her more fluff than she rightly should have and using candy gore to cover the gross missing sections.