Rainbow takes Applejack with her on top of a hill for the evening. Little does Applejack know that Rainbow has more planned than just a picnic.
Authors note: After reading the comments, I've made a few changes. Thanks for all the constructive criticism helping me making this story a bit better. If something is still amiss, please leave a comment telling me. I do not have English as my first language, and that may be why I have some mistakes.
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It was good, but the cliff suddenly crumbling was a little...flat. Maybe you could have used an onomatopoeia?
Could you continue the story? For Fluttershy?
This was really good! And yes, continue please
this must be continued
one can not drink a tee they can drink tea
Wow.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7h2hyLBxQ1qbygev.gif
Continue PLEASE
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With what? Their funeral?
Anyways, this was really good, and I hope to se more from you soon. I couldn't find any typos or grammar missis either, which is a huge plus.
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No...she could continue with them in the hospital...
1029811 Who said that they died? There's tons of different ways that someone could take this story.
(Not to mention getting them to a hospital)
If they did die we would see the rest of the Mane 6's reactions.
If they didn't die, we get to see them in the hospital (and if they survive then we get to see them together/cope with injuries) and we would see the rest of the Mane 6's reactions.
If one dies, we get to see Dash's/AJ's reaction, cope with injuries, and we would see the rest of the Mane 6's reactions.
i48.tinypic.com/2ign1uf.png
What did reading on this site taught me, you may ask? Well, as soon as you are about to propose, you they, or both of you will die horribly.
There were some grammar errors and the formatting is wrong. Whenever a new character starts talking, you need to create a new paragraph. But for the story itself, I'd like to see where this goes, even if this story is just a one shot
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I was originally planning to continue. I'm still not sure if I'm going to. I have an idea that I kinda want to make into writing, but not quite sure how. We'll see if I 'll continue, I might do it :)
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Yay
1041937 Yes, please!
Hmm.... some parts were a tad rushed, some lacked proper emotion.
However all in all I liked it.
1041937 THX
"I do not have English as my first language"
Wow, you could have fooled me!
I'm really glad that you continued this and great twist! Keep up the great work!
I thought it was complete and they both died but hey even more evil
three pinkies for you.
B-b-but I want a happy ending
Why can't you just make it a happy ending
Woah.
You don't deserve to live! You should just KILL YOURSELF!” Applebloom screamed
........you know what?
......im not even surprised anymore, i have seen alot of lil kids in the internet act the same way
...You suck. Applejack can't die, and she at least deserved to have a chance with Rainbow Dash.
................
"Complete"
)
Is this intentional or did you just accidentally leave the complete tag on from beforehand? I hope that you finish this; you can't just end it like that
(Well, you can, but please no!
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Well, I was planning to end it there. Haven't given much thought on this for a while now. But if you want me to continue, how should I go on from here? I'm not so sure about it.
1510068 Actually now that I'm re reading it, I must have looked over that Dash actually jumped. I had thought, at first, that it ended with Dash just running into the rain where from there someone could've caught up to her and stopped her or tried to reason with her.
Sure, from here where she has already jumped, you still do have a few options. For example, someone could have caught her right as she jumped (this most likely leads into a "why would you jump and leave us behind? Aren't we your friends Dash?" type of thing. Another might be that she did fall, didn't die, and was carried to the hospital in critical condition. This would also probably lead into the same type of scenario that my first suggestion had, albeit a bit different as Dash actually did it and is hurt. Finally, Dash could die and then you would analyze everything, but you don't necessarily want to keep dragging on the story with someone else dying. I don't necessarily like the last one as it becomes kind of...annoying to the reader if they begin reading the same scenario twice with two different characters. Note, I do like how you ended it if Dash died.
So really, you could definitely end it there and that would be a very good ending. Don't feel like you have to change it just because of what I said, please! I know that once it's done, a writer usually wants to move on, so either way I still really like your story.
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Yeah, I think I'm gonna leave it like it is. I, personally, like the ending too, so I don't want to change that. Thank you for appreciating my story :)
i cried through chapters 2 through 4 literally no stop except for when i had to put my contact back in cause it fell out with the tears its so tragically beautiful i just wish that applejack would have known and reciprocated the love rainbow felt so they would have felt love flowing from one heart to another when they both left
...Oh....
What's this stuff leaking out of my eyes?