The Equestrian Thieves Guild

by Wrat

How the Thieves Guild Stole Hearths Warming

'Twas the eve of Hearths Warming and all cross the land
Fillies counted the seconds like granules of sand.
Waiting, so eager, for moonlight to fall
And reindeer to come, bringing grand toys for all.

The city was decked out with holiday cheer,
All the fillies and colts had been good that whole year
On every street corner, the festive lights glowed
Snow had been dumped in the street, by the load

At the royal palace, the princesses sat
And ate of their supper, and discussed this and that
As the hour grew late, they prepared to retire,
when a letter dropped in, straight through the fire

The two ponies inspected this missive so strange,
As their thoughts and composure they did rearrange,
Then they approached the errant white note,
and opened the letter, and saw what had been wrote

"We reindeer are tired of making your toys,
and giving them out to your girls and your boys,
and so now we tell you, oh ponies of the south,
we are keeping our gifts, so just shut your fat mouths!"

As the sisters read on, their horror, it grew,
they wondered if the meaning they did misconstrue,
but alas, the meaning was perfectly clear
Hearth's Warming would have to be cancelled that year

Criers went out, into the dark night,
to alert all the ponies and tell of their plight
they travelled through Canterlot, and ran all around,
when one passed by a bar in the bad part of town

Inside were some ponies, a minotaur too,
toasting each other and the year soon to be new,
when they heard the announcement, the fell proclamation,
and their leader did stand, and make this declaration;

"This is a crime even we would not do!
Such evil and malice, and hatefulness too
The fillies and colts, tomorrow all will be blue
And some pony needs to give answer; but who?"

The ponies did ponder, and each racked their brain,
but among them the answer was one and the same
"We are known far and wide for our grand daring heists
and so we shall go out, and set this to rights!"

So the group did set out, through the wintery night,
and they travelled far north, where the cold it does bite
past the kingdom of yaks, and the mountains of snow,
till they found where the reindeer gift givers all go

There they did spy a strange looking sleigh,
with piles of presents all in disarray
Beside was a cottage, a small wooden shack
And from inside they heard all the reindeers yak-yak;

"Those darn greedy ponies think that they can just
ask us for presents, and then we all must
get down to work, making toys the whole year,
so we hardly have time to frolic like deer.

"Well no more! From now on, these reindeer are free
We'll do what we want, and we'll do it with glee.
The presents are ours, now and forever,
and the ponies will not get to see them, not ever!"

The four thieves crept in closer, and began to begin,
picking up presents and putting them in
to the sleigh, so that they might more quickly deliver,
and save Hearth's Warming by becoming gift-givers.

All through the night, the four of them worked
Till under the horizon, the morning sun lurked
All of the presents were ready to go,
when the reindeers came out, into the snow.

"What are you doing!" They cried with a shout.
"Stealing our presents and taking them out?
Stop that at once, or soon dead you'll lie!"
To which the daring thieves simply answered, "Goodbye!"

They leaped on the sleigh, packed in like sardines,
and frantically started to search for the means
by which the sled flew, so that they could escape
and rescue Hearth's Warming from it's saddening state.

The reindeer came closer, with anger and spite,
and the thieves could not start the sleigh, try as they might.
Till suddenly, the answer became clear as day
and the four thieves all shouted, "Up up and away!"

The sled flew into action, it pounced into the air,
and the reindeer could do naught but angrily stare.
The sled danced on the wind, as it travelled quite swiftly
and the thieves found their new form of transport quite nifty.

As the morning sun rose over poor Canterlot,
all the fillies and foals were resigned to their lot.
They knew that there would be no presents that year,
yet they worked hard to keep up the holiday cheer.

When up in the sky, what should appear?
The toy bearing sleigh which belonged to reindeer!
All the fillies and foals cried out in delight,
as presents began to rain down, what a sight!

All the day of Hearth's Warming, it travelled the land,
and the gifts were delivered by a four person band.
And the thieves shouted out, ere they drove out of sight,
"Merry Hearth's Warming to all! And to all a good night!"

Author's Note:

I have always been a fan of Calvin and Hobbes. It was more than just a source of entertainment for me, it was like a guidebook on how to be a kid (My friends still tell me I remind them of Hobbes). So when I decided to create a Thieves Guild Hearth's Warming special, I took inspiration from Bill Watterson and decided to write a holiday poem. Being thieves, there was of course only one thing Guild could possibly do, which was steal the holiday, a la Grinch. It is still early in the season, but I figure people probably have plans for the actual holidays, and those plans probably don't include much time for reading my stories. So here it is, in all it's glory. Tell me what you think of my poor rhyming skills in the comment section below, and a happy Hearth's Warming to you all!

Comments

[ShadowLDrago]

So instead of stealing Hearth's Warming, they stole BACK Hearth's Warming.

[Wrat]

9973791
Pretty much, yeah. There was stealing, there was Hearth's Warming, I decided close enough was good enough.

[StarzGecko]

Hope you come back someday