• Published 12th Dec 2017
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The Equestrian Thieves Guild - Wrat



The chronicles of the greatest thieves in Equestria, and the legendary stunts they pulled for riches and fame.

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The Inquisition

It was a lovely day in Canterlot. The birds were singing. The sun was shining. There was not a cloud to be found in the sky. Spike, unfortunately, was spending the day indoors.

"Twilight, it's a beautiful day outside. Why are we cooped up in this stuffy old museum?" He complained. Twilight Sparkle, an enormous grin stretched across her face, turned to her assistant.

"Stuffy? Spike, the Canterlot Art Museum is hosting an exhibit on third century Equestrian paintings! Does that sound stuffy to you?" Spike simply rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on, Spike, we really got lucky with this. The exhibit was supposed to close a week ago, but an anonymous source gave a generous donation, so they kept it open. If they hadn't, it would have closed the day before we came to Canterlot for our meeting with Celestia!" Twilight's gaze zeroed in on a sign above the next gallery hall. "Ooh, Spike, look! This next room features the work of the great Paint Smudge! He's famous for his post neo-modern fusion cubism paintings! Isn't that exciting?"

"Uh-huh, sounds great," said Spike unenthusiastically. His gaze fell on the sign pointing towards the museum café. "You know what, you go on ahead. I need to... go to the bathroom." Twilight barely paid attention. She was enraptured by the display of Equestrian history. She entered the next gallery.

This room was not as empty as the last. A janitor in the corner was replacing the bags in the trash cans, and a pair of museum patrons were contemplating the main display. Twilight stared in awe at the painting that hung before her. It took up nearly the entire wall, and every square inch was filled with color. Twilight almost felt herself become lost within the endlessly swirling shades. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine Paint Smudge at work over seven hundred years ago, working on this masterpiece.

Twilight's daydream was interrupted by a sudden sickening smell. She opened her eyes to see a rag being shoved into her face. She tried to reel back, but the world around her abruptly swam out of focus and she felt herself collapse to the floor. Her eyes rolled back into her head, and within seconds she was sound asleep.

The rag had been held by one of the two patrons, who quickly shoved it into his back pocket. The other patron picked Twilight up and carried her over to the janitor. The janitor opened a large garbage bag, and the patron dumped Twilight inside. The janitor tied the bag shut, pausing only to cut a small slit for air. The two patrons turned and walked out of the gallery, as the janitor threw Twilight's bag onto his cart and left through the other door.

The janitor made his way to the rear of the building, near the dumpsters. A plain, unadorned cart was waiting for him. He threw Twilight's bag onto the cart then climbed up after it. The second he was in, the two ponies pulling the cart set out at a brisk trot.

Back in the exhibit, Spike entered the gallery, rubbing his stomach contently. He looked around for Twilight, but saw no pony there.

"Twilight?" He called out tentatively. He scoured the gallery, then checked the rest of the museum, but there was no sign of Twilight. "Maybe she went home early," he said to himself unsurely. He felt a growing dread that wherever Twilight was, it was not home.

Twilight awoke with a piercing headache. "Spike," she groaned, "next time, don't let me drink so much cider." Blinking, she raised her head to see that she was not in her bed. The room she was in was small, but cozy. She lay on a simple bed with clean sheets. The floor was made of fine ceramic tiles, and there was a wardrobe across from her. There were no windows, but a simple wooden door lay just past the foot of the bed. Twilight climbed to her hooves, then nearly collapsed as her head swam.

"Am I in the hospital?" She mumbled to herself. She shook her head to clear it, then stumbled over to the door and attempted to open it. It was locked.

Twilight felt a panic begin to grow in her chest. She banged on the door as hard as she could. "Hey! Is any pony there? Let me out!" She shouted. Hoofsteps immediately sounded in the hall. The door was opened a second later. On the far side stood a group of ponies.

One of them, an aged white unicorn, made a calming gesture with his hooves. "Calm down, your majesty, calm down. You are safe here."

"Where is here?" Twilight demanded. "Who are you and what do you want?" The unicorn gave her a kindly smile.

"Do not worry, princess, we will answer your questions in time. For now, though, it would be best if you rested."

"I don't want to rest, I want you to answer my questions!" Snapped Twilight. "Tell me right now!" The unicorn hesitated, then nodded his consent.

"Very well, I suppose it could help to comfort you." He gestured to the room. "May I come in?" Twilight studied him warily. He was of average height and build, and the wrinkles on his face gave him a grandfatherly appearance. Twilight stepped back and gestured for him to enter. He tipped his head and walked past her. Pulling back a chair, he casually sat down to face her. "Now, what do you want to know?"

"Why am I here?" Demanded Twilight as she sat back down.

"My operatives uncovered evidence of a plot against you. A small hive of renegade changelings, still loyal to Chrysalis, had plans to kidnap you from your rooms at the palace. They were going to make an example out of you. It was decided that we needed to step in and intervene. I apologize for the somewhat abrupt manner of your entry, but we had to make sure the changelings were unaware of our actions."

"And who are you?"

"My name is Heavy Hoof, and I am the chief inquisitor of the Celestian Inquisition." Twilight stared at him in confusion. "I know, you have not heard of us before. Very few outside our brotherhood have. Our order was founded a thousand years ago, in the years following the banishment of Luna. A power vacuum had opened up, one which all manner of unsavory sorts rushed to fill. Celestia, struck with grief as she was, was incapable of the necessary action. It fell upon a high ranking captain of the royal guard to ensure the preservation of Equestria. He gathered together a group of like minded ponies, and set about to ensure Celestia's continued power. He and his companions worked to maintain the center of power on Celestia herself. Over the years, however, as threats to the power of Celestia have waned, we have expanded our focus. Today, we serve as an unofficial guard force for the kingdom. We patrol the streets of Equestria, and keep them clean of criminal filth."

Twilight's mind raced to process everything she was hearing. "Does Celestia know about you?" She asked. Heavy Hoof shook his head.

"We have never seen the need of troubling the princess. We choose to serve our realm in an unofficial capacity."

"So you're vigilante's," Twilight said flatly.

"If you wish to be crude, yes, I suppose you could call us that. But look at what we have accomplished. Thanks to us, Equestria today is free of crime, and her citizens live in blissful ignorance of the dangers of the world."

"What do you do with criminals?" Twilight slowly asked. Heavy Hoof sighed.

"When a farmer finds a bad apple, he must throw it away lest it spoil the bunch. Likewise, if a pony decides to break the law, they turn bad and must be removed from society. We never make them suffer, however. Quick and clean, no matter the crime." Twilight felt her stomach turn. Heavy Hoof spoke of murder the way another might speak of taking out the trash.

"I think I want to go now," she said quietly. Heavy Hoof sighed and shook his head.

"I wish you could, but with the changelings out there, it is not safe. You will have to stay here until we can find them and eliminate them."

"What will the princesses think when they realize I'm missing? They'll come looking for me, and they'll find you." Heavy Hoof gave a knowing smile.

"Oh, this place is harder to find than you might think. The princesses will not find you. And before you ask, no, we cannot send any messages. We have no way of knowing where the changelings have infiltrated, and a message might alert them to our location." Heavy Hoof rose. "Now, you really should get some more rest. The anesthetic we used will leave you weak for quite a while. The best way to recover from it is to rest." He rose and walked to the door. Twilight tried to protest, but she felt her eyelids begin to droop and her thoughts trailed off into mist. Heavy Hoof turned in the doorway and smiled at her. "Do not worry. We will take care of you."

"Princess, the search for Twilight continues without success." Celestia sat in a briefing with several of her closest advisors. Her sister Luna was there, along with Princess Cadence and Shining Armor, who had left the Crystal Empire immediately upon hearing the news. Several high ranking members of the royal guard filled out the table. All had bags under their eyes. It had been three days since the disappearance of Princess Twilight Sparkle, and they were still no closer to finding her. There had been no ransom notes, no word on the street, and most disturbing of all, the princesses divinations had failed to reveal anything. It was as though Twilight had dropped off the face of the earth.

"We're doing all we can, but at this point," the guard speaking took a deep breath, "we may have to start assuming the worst." Shining Armor lunged to his feet.

"What! How can you say that? Twilight must be alive, she has to be!" Cadence gently pulled him back down into his seat, where he sat with his head in his hooves.

"Thank you for your input, captain," said Celestia in a monotone voice. "All of you, please leave the room. I wish to be alone." Every pony rose, bowed to her, and turned to leave. "Not you, Luna." The princess of night nodded and returned to her seat. The two sisters waited until every pony was gone before resuming their conversation.

"Oh Luna, I don't know what I'm going to do." Celestia's voice cracked. "If anything happened to Twilight, I don't know if I'll be able to forgive myself."

"Twilight is a strong pony," said Luna as she laid her hoof on Celestia's shoulder. "I'm sure she is fine."

"But we don't know that," said Celestia, "and our magic tells us nothing! I don't even know what else to try!" She sobbed faintly.

"We just need to have faith," Luna whispered. The two sisters embraced for a minute. Their comfort was interrupted by a knock on the conference room door. "Come in," called Luna. The door opened and one of the guards from earlier entered.

"Sorry to interrupt, your majesties," he said.

"Has there been an update on the search?" Celestia immediately asked. The guard shook his head.

"No, your majesty, but there is... something else." He looked down at his hooves and coughed uncomfortably. "I may have an idea about how to find Princess Twilight."

"Why did you not bring this up earlier?" Demanded Luna.

"It's... somewhat unorthodox. And it is highly questionable. In fact, thinking about it, it's really a bad-"

"Captain," interrupted Celestia, "tell us your plan."

"Well... do you remember about a week ago, when Lord High Tower was robbed? The thieves took that special necklace he owned?" Celestia and Luna nodded. "Well, my guards did a little digging, and they found something strange. It wasn't just some random crook like we thought. There was a whole group involved, calling themselves the 'Equestrian Thieves Guild'. We looked into their name, and it seems like almost every high profile crime committed during the last month has involved them in some way or another."

"And you think that perhaps this Guild has kidnapped Twilight?" Celestia's voice grew with anger. The captain shook his head.

"No, that sounds pretty unlikely. They don't seem to have any interest in kidnapping, just burglary. It's just that, well, they advertise themselves as being able to pull off any job." He paused and looked the princesses in the eye. "Any. Job."

"Including locating a missing princess?" Guessed Luna. The captain shrugged.

"They don't really specify, they just claim to be able to do anything. And, from what we've seen so far, it seems like it may be more than just idle boasting."

Luna tilted her head in thought. "Even if they could do it, it may not be wise for us to employ criminals for important state missions. Some ponies might view it as us sponsoring organized crime."

"It was just a thought," said the captain, "considering all our other ideas are falling short of the mark."

"Contact them." Luna and the captain turned in surprise to Celestia, who had spoken just louder than a whisper. She looked up, and both could see a spark burning in her eyes. "Tell them we will pay whatever price if they can find my student." The captain bowed.

"I'll put word out on the street." He turned on his hoof and left the room. Luna turned to her sister.

"Are you sure that was wise?" She asked. "Equestria has been free of organized crime for almost a millennium. If we allow this Guild room to grow, what might they become?"

"I do not care." Celestia's spoke in a voice of iron. "My student is missing. I will do whatever I must to have her back." Luna frowned, but nodded.

"Indeed. Whatever must be done."

That night, Luna stood out on her balcony. She surveyed the city of Canterlot spread out beneath her, knowing that Twilight could at that very moment be in one of those buildings.

Luna's stomach growled unhappily, and she realized that she had not eaten for several hours. She decided to go down to the kitchen to find a late night snack. She opened her door and almost ran straight into a servant about to enter. The maid let out a yelp of surprise.

"What is it? Have you need of something?" Asked Luna. The maid gulped.

"I have a message, your majesty."

"From who?"

"He didn't say. Just that he knew you wanted to talk. He said to tell you, 'My office will have a single white rose on the desk. Don't keep me waiting.'" Luna raised an eyebrow and the maid winced. "I'm sorry, I don't know what it means."

"That is alright. You have done me a great service. Please, take the rest of this night off." The maid gave a brief curtsy and scurried away. Luna shut her door and returned to the balcony. She looked out over the city streets, then closed her eyes and willed herself to enter the dream realm.

Being in the dream realm was like being underwater, surrounded by hundreds of bubbles. Each bubble represented a sleeping pony, and the dreams they were experiencing. Luna glided past them, searching for a white rose.

After a time, she found what she was looking for. She willed the dream to come closer, then passed into it. The dream was a simple room. The walls were bare of any adornment, there were no doors or windows, and the only furniture was a pair of chairs and a single desk. Upon the desk sat a single white rose.

Seated behind the desk was a shadowy figure. Luna realized that whoever the pony was, they were hiding their true form from her. "Impressive," she conceded. "There are few who could successfully conceal themselves from me in a dream."

The figure's voice was utterly flat, and Luna realized it was being concealed as well. "I understand you have a job for my organization?"

"Indeed," Luna said as she took a seat. "I am surprised you found out so quickly, as the offer was just given this morning."

"With the hunt for Twilight Sparkle dragging on as long as it has been, it was just a matter of time before you came to us. I have been waiting for you to reach out." The figure gestured, and a bottle of wine appeared on the table, along with two glasses. "Would you care for something to drink?" Luna nodded. The figure poured out a pair of drinks and handed one to Luna. She took a sip.

"Goldenbury," she said. "I see you have a fine taste."

"It was my father's favorite," replied the figure. "I lost him some years ago, but I find that drinking it keeps his memory close. But I digress. The job?"

Luna nodded. "Can you do it?"

The figure lacked a face, but Luna could practically sense it's smile. "Give us just a single day, and you will have Princess Twilight back safe and sound."

Luna failed to conceal her surprise. "Surely you jest? You cannot mean that you can do in a single day what the might of the princesses and the royal guard failed to do in three?" The figure chuckled.

"I mean just that. You may have more power than any pony in Equestria, but it is a hammer. It works best when it has a clear obstacle to oppose. But when your enemies are unknown, pure force is not enough. The hammer must be replaced with a scalpel. And my organization is just that; a scalpel. So I ask you. Do we have a deal?" Luna stared at the figure's outstretched hoof. Finally, she reached out and shook it.

"How much will it cost?" The figure leaned back in it's chair, staring up at the sky in thought.

"I believe five thousand should suffice. Provided you can accommodate such a sum?" Once more, Luna was taken off guard.

"If I didn't know better, I would think you were joking. Such a paltry sum? I don't mean to complain, but most ponies in your position would demand a fortune for this kind of work."

"I would do this for free, but an organization has costs to keep it running." The figure took in Luna's shocked expression. "Understand, I live in Equestria just as you. I understand who keeps us safe from our enemies. If one of the Elements of Harmony went missing, what would we do the next time Tirek attacks us, or Chrysalis? If Equestria was to come under attack, I would be in as much peril as any other."

"Well... in that case, we can meet your payment. How would you like it delivered?" The figure reached into it's desk and drew forth a piece of paper and a quill. It wrote down an address and slid it over to Luna.

"This is the address to a warehouse I own. Deliver the payment there, in cash. My associates will retrieve it. Do not attempt to apprehend them in the act." Luna memorized the address, then nodded. "I believe our business is concluded."

"I believe it is. Do not disappoint us." Luna turned and flew out from the dream. The figure sat at the desk a moment longer, savoring the taste of the Goldenbury. He looked down at the bottle.

"Do not worry, father," said Check Mate. "I have not forgotten my promises. Very soon, I shall deliver on them." He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, he lay in his bed. He rose and left the room. Downstairs in the living room, he found the rest of the guild already arrayed.

"We are moving ahead with the plan," he announced. "You all know your parts. I expect you to play them well. If we fail, everything we have built will come crashing down around us. If we succeed, we become legend." He looked each member of the guild in the eye, and each of them nodded their assent. Check Mate smiled.

"Do not disappoint."