- Member Since 1st Mar, 2017
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
Zachmoviefan
A brony who's a horror fan and reads MLP grimdarks on his YouTube channel. Here's a link to my channel if you're into that sort of thing https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo-w9D21D4hS7WgNw1IjS3A
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- Zachmoviefan · 1.2k words · 31 2 · 807 views
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Wow, that is insane.
Nice horror.
You should make more short horror stories.
8532244
Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it! I'll probably post another story sometime in the future, I'm not sure when though.
8532391
You're welcome.
Ok. I liked this. Short but sweet, sufficiently horrorific.
From reading both of your works on here, I’ve come to a conclusion: You know how to tell a compelling story.
Now, you asked for advice, so I’ll say that you should look into finding an editor or a prereader. There are several groups on the site dedicated to providing both, so you should be able to find someone. I say you should seek someone out because, while you tell a very compelling story, there are a few points where the stories stumble a little bit. Now... it’s not your word choices, because you have a varied and well-applied vocabulary. I think mainly the issue is flowscaping, which is a problem I have myself.
Anyways, the best way to test for flowscaping issues is to have someone who is not you read the story. They’ll be able to tell you “this doesn’t sound right,” or they’ll be able to ask questions that you thought were answered ( you wrote it after all, you as the author know everything, even things you don’t write down). Many a time I’ve gotten a “what are you trying to say in this paragraph?” or “who is talking in this paragraph?” from my editors. Just having that second set of eyes lets you also bounce ideas.
So again: I think you have excellent ideas, and your execution is good. But an editor or prereader can help you be even better.