My Little Cartman

by Moon Flame

Chapter 7. Cartman Farts on Twilight's Horn. Epilogue

“Wie…Wie…Nie…Nie…” Eric Cartman grunted while he wobbled down the rocky stairs. Ahead laid the cave that housed the Tree of Harmony. Cartman hoped that he would find his way back to South Park from there somehow. Once there he needed to find Butters. He needed someone to abreact himself on before squaring things with Demandora.

That, or tell her that she’s a bitch, hear her say ‘You are expelled’, go home, eat chips and drink cola all day. Rich or not, the world could go and fuck itself, and Kyle too if it had the time. Cartman misjudged the height on one of the steps. He screamed and crumbled his fat ass down to the bottom below. The cold, wet cave floor sparkled by the moonlight that patched itself from above.

Cartman rose up and glanced toward the Tree of Harmony. The tree itself was glowing. It was the only tree that grew inside the cave and its branches twisted and turned in graceful ways. At the end of each branch the elements of harmony were placed in the shape of coloured stones. The six stones each were in the shape and colour of Twilight and her friend’s cutie marks. The last thing Cartman noticed was the figures that stood between him and the tree as his eyes adjusted. Cartman stood up. He pointed his chubby finger.

“Get out of the way Jew!”

Beside the boy with a Jewish family stood Kenny with his orange parka and Stan in his pony form. They didn’t move a muscle. Stan glared angry at Cartman.

“MOVE!” Cartman demanded.

“No Cartman.” Kyle said.

“Damn you Stan!” Cartman cursed.

“We won’t move Cartman, not until you go back and apologize to the princess of friendship.” Stan said.

“Apologize to the princess of friendship.” Cartman mimicked girly.

“Cartman!” Stan scolded.

“Friendship isn’t always easy, but there is no doubt that its worth fighting for.” Cartman mimicked Twilight Sparkle. He frowned while looking at pony Stan. “Seriously Stan, one can almost believe that you are falling for her.”

“Falling for her!? Are you crazy? She could be my school teacher!”

“Of course, you wouldn’t, because everybody already knows that you’re a faggot.”

“I am not a faggot!” Stan blasted.

“Then what are you?” Cartman asked teasing.

Stan angry face softened. “Your friend.”

Cartman opened his mouth to rant some more. It just ended up being another one of his blank stares. Stan continued.

“The princess of friendship may not understand why we hang out together. In fact, I don’t think anybody in South Park does. But one thing can I understand Cartman: The time I have spent here in Equestria I have had more fun with you than what I’ve had in a long time. In fact, it’s almost starting to feel like the good old days. I mean, just think about it, you just called me a faggot.”

“Yes.” Cartman agreed while nodding. “I know I did, and based on how lame you sound now I’m not about to pull back on that statement.”

“Exactly! Haven’t you missed this?!” Stan lit up.

“Missed what, you wanting to fuck me?”

“I don’t want to fuck you Cartman, I want to banter with you, I want to KNOW you!”

“You know me.” Cartman said. His voice had actually started to soften.

“I do know you. I was wrong before, Cartman. I thought that we couldn’t be friends because I didn’t know you anymore, but I have always known you Cartman, but all that was about to end.” Stan empathised the last word. For the first time Cartman’s blank stare seemed to gain an emotional core. Stan continued.

“When I first came here I swore that I would delete you from my mobile phone once I got back. Everything that we’d been through since kindergarten, all the adventures that you, me, Kyle, and Kenny shared. Everything from the banter, the ‘fuck you’s, all of it would be a thing of the past. That was, until I met Twilight Sparkle. She may not fully understand us four, but Twilight believed in us when no one else would. If you don’t believe me, then take a look yourself, she believed in you!” Stan pointed his hoof at Cartman. “She wanted us to remain friends because she believed it would make you happy.”

Stan lowered his hoof. His voice gained a firmness. “I was there, Cartman. I heard everything. After you left the castle I saw Twilight Sparkle walk out of the room and break down in tears in the hallway. She wanted to help you, but you left the princess of friendship in the same condition as you left our friendship back home. Now, do as I say and turn your fat ass around and apologize!”

Cartman said nothing. Apathy was to be expected from Cartman by now, but this time the meat mountain actually seemed speechless. Cartman looked at Kyle, who answered his look.

“At first, all I wanted was for us to go home. But after hearing all this, I suddenly realized that you were probably sent here for a reason. Maybe we are all here because of this?” Kyle brainstormed. Cartman looked at Kenny.

“Hrlummm? Humruluhumbr! Humbruluhumu!” Kenny explained. Cartman nodded

“I see.” He said.

“You see?” Kyle asked.

“Are you going to apologize?” Stan asked.

“They have all gotten to you, have they?” Cartman asked.

“Gotten to us?” Stan asked bewildered. Cartman shook his head. He continued passionately.

“You have all been deceived by darkness. Break free and realize that you can resist the Rainbow Dashers!”

Kyles and Stans faces twisted in bewilderment.

“’The’ Rainbow Dashers?” Kyle asked confounded.

“But Rainbow Dash is the name of the pegasus pony with a rainbow colored mane.” Stan pointed out.

“Oh yea, that is what the homosexuals wants you to believe.” Cartman said.

“The homosexuals? What the hell, where did they come from!?” Stan blasted incredulous.

“Yea. Where DID they come from?!” Cartman nodded.

“No Cartman, where did you get them from?!” Kyle asked.

Cartman raised his arms. “Come on guys, he calls himself Rainbow Dash!”

“So?!” Stan exclaimed.

“So, now you’re allowing yourselves to be part of the homosexual’s evil plans to take over the world. Only by admitting our blunt acceptance and by realizing the truth are you going to be able to free yourself from their influence, both in this world and in ours.” Cartman said.

Kyle shook his head. He knew there had to be more to this. He closed his eyes to think. They glimmered once he opened them again. It suddenly dawned for him.

“Hold on Cartman: Rainbow Dash? The homosexuals? Plans for world domination? You do know that the rainbow is REAL, right!?”

Cartman looked at Kyle, his face dropping in hopelessness.

“Oh boy. You have actually become one of them, haven’t you?”

“No Cartman, the RAINBOW! It’s a real thing, an actual object in the sky, not just a symbol for the HBTQ community!”

Cartman looked silently at Kyle. “What?”

“It’s a weather phenomenon. It transpires when the sun comes out after raining. The beams from the sun may appear white at first but they are actually made out of a set of colors. After the rain has fallen the sun patches through the wet sky. This causes the colors inside the sunbeams to reflect, creating a series of blue, green, red, yellow… eh.”

“Orange.” Stan helped.

“Right, and purple colours! All these colours are then fully visible from the ground, visible in the form of rainbow. If you don’t believe me, just listen to the name. It is called a rain-bow because you can only see it after it has rained!”

Cartman’s face, recently soaring with the noble cause of casting the homosexuals down to hell, was now hovering with a dropped chin.

“So, you see Cartman? The pony Rainbow Dash is named after a thing, not a cause!”

“Oh.” Cartman blurted. “You know? I think I owe somepony an apology.”

“You think!?” Stan exclaimed angrily. “And I also heard you calling her a ‘he’. Rainbow Dash is a girl, Cartman!”

“Wow. You knew that, Stan?” Cartman awed.

“Yes… I mean, obviously I knew…”

“No Stan, you would actually have needed to stand behind her and wait for her tail to wiggle in order to know that.”

Stan hesitated within the awkward silence.

“Are you sure the mane 6 haven’t seen your dick yet, Stan?” Cartman teased.

“Shut up fat ass!” Stan spit. Stan could hear chuckles at his sides. Kyle and Kenny were holding their hands over their mouths while laughing. Cartman’s mouth rose below his blank face. Soon his mean laughter also echoed inside the cave. Underneath Stan’s angry eyes his mouth slowly rose. Soon the cave was drowned by the laughter of four friends. The chuckles were cut by a gust of wind. Four hooves planted themselves behind Cartman. Kyle, Kenny and Stan looked in wonder at the beauty that just landed. Cartman turned around.

“Hello Cartman.” A gentle voice greeted. The yellow face of the pegasus pony smiled modestly with sad eyes.

“Hello Fluttershy.” Stan greeted.

“Hurlum, brluu.” Kenny greeted.

“Hi Stan. How is the trotting going?” Fluttershy asked.

“Great. Still wobbling now and then, but I’m getting used to it.”

“What are you doing here Fluttershy?” Cartman asked. There was a softness in his voice. Fluttershy’s modest face gained a seriousness.

“I am here because of two things: First, in the name of all the princesses of Equestria, I would like to apologize to you! That poster of us partying together should never have been approved for marketing without your consent. It was clearly a rushed move and I swear, if I had the chance to walk up to princess Celestia right now I would scold her for this clumsy and completely unnecessary mistake!” Fluttershy breathed a sigh to calm herself. She gained composure and continued. “And second: I am here to tell you that you must go back. Princess Twilight Sparkle and the rest of my pony friends are in serious danger!”

“Danger?!” Stan asked surprised.

“They’ve been kidnapped!” Fluttershy informed.

“Kidnapped?! By who?” Kyle asked.

“Hruumur!” Kenny exclaimed.

“By a cow princess that goes by the name of Anabella. She is a princess of friendship too, but unlike Twilight that believes in friends communicating with each other, Anabella believes that friendship can only be true when the friends in question are also drinking her milk. She now wants to overthrow the princesses of Equestria and force her milk on everypony, even if it means imprisoning them. She is mad and evil and she arrived just after you left.” Fluttershy explained.

Cartman’s blank face showed no signs of emotions. Fluttershy took it as a sign that she was right about him. She touched her hoof on Cartmans shoulder.

“You are a good colt, Cartman!”

Kyle and Stan frowned.

“Seriously lady?”

“Are you ill lady?” They asked.

“I am not ill, but what makes my friends ill right now are Anabellas milk. She is torturing them by forcing it down their throats, and every time she does they vomit it up again. I have tried to reach out to the other princesses but it looks like both Celestia and Luna have been captured. I haven’t heard anything from Cadence yet.”

“Cadence?” Stan asked

“The princess of the Crystal Empire, but listen, none of that matters now! Anabella sees Twilight as her arch enemy because she too is a princess of friendship, and because of that time is running out. Boys please, you have to save Twilight from Anabella!” Fluttershy pleaded.

“Cartman, we need to head back and do something!” Stan exclaimed.

Cartman remained emotionless. Despite this, the posture of the pegasus pony did not falter. In her heart she had full trust in him, and that was all the confirmation she needed.

---

The world almost became visible when Twilight adjusted her eyes. It was still blurry with the tears still floating in her eyes. Below her she had the reason for those tears, that being her vomited up dinner. She tried to position her tied up hooves in a slightly more comfortable position but it only caused them to hurt.

She still tried to remember what happened before this, but all she could recall was her falling asleep after crying. Once she woke up she was being dragged against the floor. She had then received a smack in the head. The next thing she remember she had been roped to the wall with this weird cone fastened on her head. It was filled with milk and covered her horn. It prevented her from using magic.

She glanced over to her right and spotted Pinkie Pie and Rarity. They were also tied up. She knew she had Apple Jack to her left. Closest to her now was Rainbow Dash. She was facing down toward her stomach content spread over the floor below. Of all the ponies imprisoned Rainbow Dash had received most torture, mainly because of her stubbornness. She had her eyes closed. Her breath had a raspy core. Her mule was dry from all the vomiting.

“Rainbow Dash?” Twilight attempted.

“Wo! When will we have some more milk? Tell me, somepony, please tell me!” Of all the ponies in the room Pinkie Pie was the only one in a good mood. On the other hoof, she always was.

“But Pinkie Pie, you keep vomit it up.” Apple Jack reminded Pinkie Pie of the cupcake mess that laid underneath her. Pinkie Pie’s smile faded.

“You’re right. It is disgusting.” Her party smile returned. “…But great too, because if I vomit I can eat more later!”

Apple Jack couldn’t help but smile inside. If anypony could make everything that was to come endurable it would be Pinkie Pie. Apple Jack felt like she was the bad side of that field. Of all her friends she had perhaps been the most gross pony for the cows to torture. Whilst her friends had almost immediately run out of food in their tummy’s the farmer pony had managed to eat both breakfast, supper, dinner and an evening meal before she was captured. Without going into too much detail, needless to say, Anabellas cow guards had been forced to move back across the room in order to avoid those details being spread all over their hooves.

Rarity had tears in her eyes. Not from the vomiting though.

“My beautiful dress, RUINED! Of all the things that could happen, this is the worst… possible… THING!?” Rarity turned her teary face down at her puke covered dress.

In front of the ponies the Cutie Map laid in the middle of a circle of crystal chairs. Each chair had the cutie mark of either Twilight or any of her five friends engraved on it. One of the seven chairs had three violet butterflies engraved on it.

“I hope Fluttershy managed to get help.” Apple Jack said.

In that moment the door to the map room opened. There were the sound of something sliding against the castle floor along with the ticking of pointy hooves. Anabella walked toward Twilight.

“So, princess of friendship? Are you going to tell me the words or not?”

Anabella referred to what she believed was a spell that would reveal what she called The Path of Milk. Twilight had tried to tell Anabella numerous times that no such spell existed, but Anabella kept insisting that there was, and that Twilight knew the words for it.

“I don’t know such a spell!” Twilight insisted.

“Then why does the books of friendship say so?” Anabellas asked with her cute voice. Anabella kept referring to a book that Twilight had no idea what it was.

“For the last time, I don’t know anything about a stupid book!” Twilight snarled.

“You don’t know? But if you are a princess of friendship, like me, then you should know about that book.” Anabella leaned her face closer to Twilight. “It is OK if you are not a princess of friendship. I promise you, if you abdicate then I’ll let your friends free.”

“Don’t listen to her Twili!” Rainbow Dash let out.

“Did I just hear a plea for a refill?” Anabella asked. Two cows with armor walked up to Rainbow Dash, each one carrying a bucket around their neck. The first guard forced Rainbow Dash’s head upward. She then forced the bucket of water down her throat. Rainbow Dash gurgled while struggling.

“Stop it!” Twilight begged.

“Leave her alone!” Apple Jack wailed.

After the bucket had been emptied the guards waited a couple of seconds. The other guard walked up to Rainbow Dash and forced the other bucket containing Anabellas milk down her throat. Rainbow Dash’s body immediately started jerking. She gasped for breath before her inner muscles pulled her stomach inward. A projectile of water and milk rocketed out from the pegasus pony’s mouth. She eventually ran out of water but that didn’t stop her body from pressing out gooey spectral liquid instead. Her eyes filled with tears while her raspy breath tried to give her air.

“Anabella, please. It’s me you want. Leave my friends alone!” Twilight pleaded.

“You friends? Oh, Twilight, Twilight dearie, these ponies cannot be your friends.” Anabella explained with a sad voice.

So many times, Twilight had tried to tell Anabella that friendship is about caring and listening to others, but the cow princess was completely obsessed by the fact that Twilight couldn’t swallow her milk, and since Anabellas belief was that friendship is milk, she figured that Twilight’s heart could not be open to friendship ether. That made Twilight a false idol and a fraud to the cow princess.

“Maybe in another universe will you ponies understand, but now you’re simply too far gone. You are forcing my hooves.” Anabella sounded like it was talking to small fillies. “At least one of your subjects is learning the true meaning of friendship.” Anabella looked over her shoulder at the baby dragon that had been chained behind one of her guard cows. The face of the dragon was lowered in hopelessness.

“Help us, Spike!” Apple Jack pleaded.

“Save us Spike! If you do, you’ll get too be the one tied to a wall the next round!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed happily.

“Save me Spike!” Rarity damsel-in-distressed.

“Spike. Are you alright?” Twilight asked.

“Oh, Spike will be alright. It is you that should worry about yourself.” Anabella explained. Twilight was getting tired of Anabellas hoity toity voice. Her face twisted in anger.

“Speak for yourself, once I get out of these bindings!”

Anabella let out a giggly laughter. Suddenly the door to the map room opened. A chubby figure wobbled inside. Twilight’s eyes widened in joy.

“Cartman!?” Her eyes quickly lowered into worry again. What are you doing here?!

One of the cow guards came walking toward Eric.

“If I were you I would tell my guards to step aside and make way for the man who is going to make you rich.” Cartman explained confidently.

Anabella looked suspiciously at the fat creature.

“Who are you?” She asked.

“My name is Cartman, Eric Cartman. I knew I would find you here eventually, Anabella. We have a long history of partnership ahead of us.”

What is he doing? Twilight wondered. Anabella motioned her guards to stand down.

“Are you a true friend, Eric?” Anabella asked.

“If by friend you mean that my offering is going to put a smile on your face.”

Anabella walked toward Eric, who looked at her with confident eyes. His mouth remained hanging though. Anabella stopped in front of Cartman. She smiled and curved her backside in a merry way.

“Friendship is milk!” She dictated happily.

The second guard walked up with the bucket containing Anabellas milk.

Oh no! She is going to have him taste her milk! Twilight wailed inside.

Cartman raised his hand in a stopping gesture as the guard was getting ready to get forceful. Cartman reached out his hand. He grabbed the bucket from the guard. He then drank the milk inside. Twilight looked on with worry. If he vomits it up she’ll tie him with us!

Cartman put down the bucket. A little milk dripped down from the sides of his mouth. His blank face showed no sign of cracking.

“Tastes just as great as I imagined.”

Anabella looked suspiciously at Cartman. “What do you want?”

“I wanna make a deal. Ever since I saw your show in South Park I knew that our destiny was to become business partners.”

“What are you offering?” Anabella asked. Cartman remained silent for a dramatic effect.

“The universe.”

Anabella’s face gained a lustful gaze. It hardened again while the obvious question formed in her mind.

“If your purpose was to meet me then what are you doing here in Equestria?”

“A blind coincidence. I happened to become Twilights pupil by fate and I decided to go along with it. I knew you would be coming here sooner or later if I played along and bided my time. I would have helped you with the invasion if I hadn’t been under constant watch from the ponies.”

There was a raspy voice coming from behind Anabella.

“Wait? What do you mean Cartman?” Rainbow Dash asked darkly.

“Don’t mind her Anabella. The ponies have played their parts long ago. I only wished that I hadn’t felt so threatened by your friends.” Cartman said.

“Leave us.” Anabella told her guards to leave. She raised her head in a display of authority. “How do I know you can deliver?”

“The My Little Pony show will go on as planned, but instead of being propaganda for those evil ponies, you and I will remake it to spread your message all over the world. As Twilights pupil, clearly seen on the advertisement poster, I will be the face of the shows marketing, all while your people have full control of its content.”

“Cartman, what are you doing!?” Rainbow Dash asked angrily.

“Don’t mind her Anabella. The subjects can complain all they want now. Once I get in contact with my people in South Park I will set up a distribution chain to get your milk into the mouths of all the humans in my world. With the My Little Pony show satisfying the viewers need for ponies combined with your My Little Milk Cow show, except with you having full control of both shows…”

“She’s the enemy!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

“…There is nothing that is going to stop you from spreading your message across the universe and me from selling your milk and becoming the richest man in the world.” Cartman said.

“You said you were Twilight’s pupil.” Anabella still sounded suspicious. “Do you know where the sixth pony is?”

“Fluttershy? Oh yes, she is waiting for me to lead you outside so that she can enter this room via an open window and rescue her friends.”

“Twilight trusted you!” Rainbow Dash blasted.

“Why didn’t you contact me earlier?” Anabella asked.

“I needed to find a way through the dimensional wormhole from South Park to the Milk Kingdom. I knew the wormhole was located at Demandoras school so I acquired position as a student there. I had to be careful though not to get expelled, this opportunity we have here is simply too good to be squandered.”

“I knew it! You were nothing but a manipulator and a liar!” Rainbow Dash ranted.

“How very ironic. “Cartman almost laughed behind his blank profile. “So, what do you say Anabella?”

“Traitor!” Rainbow Dash exploded.

Anabella opened her mouth to answer. It stayed open in hesitation before reforming into a grin.

“You said you were Twilight’s student. She believes herself to be ‘The princess of friendship’. What is your take on that?”

“Yes Cartman. Tell Anabella about your ‘friendship’!” Rainbow Dash spat sarcastically. Cartman grabbed his chin.

“Friendship? What a curious thing. All this talk about listening to others instead of others listening to me. She told me a lot of these things that alicorn bitch.”

“Stop calling her that!” Rainbow Dash roared.

Anabellas couldn’t say she liked the way this creature treated his mentor. But he swallowed her milk, which clearly meant that Cartman understood friendship better than Twilight did. Despite, she needed an ally in his world.

“I am happy to inform you that we have a deal, Cartman!” The cow princess reached out her hoof.

“Oh yes, the deal. We’ll make a deal.”

“I’ll get you for this, Cartman!” Rainbow Dash growled.

Cartman reached out his hand to grasp Anabella’s hoof. Just as they were about to shake the deal through Cartman closed his fist and let his pointing finger pierce the air.

“That brings me back however to your question about the alicorn bitch. Her annoying friends, her checklists that are about as fun as a school video about fire safety, her painfully antisocial basicness.” Anabella laughed meanly while hearing Cartman speak ill about Twilight. “…Her lame blabbing about friendship when clearly she is better friends with her books.” Cartman suddenly closed his eyes. He flinched. “And yet she’s totally not a better friend than me.” Anabella stopped laughing. “To be perfectly honest with you…” Cartman paused. Anabellas grin faded. “She is the best friend that a fat asshole like me can have.”

“What do you mean asshole, you’re not an asshole?!” Rainbow Dash screamed, sounding almost like parody now. Anabellas face twisted in confusion.

“And another thing.” Cartman added. “That milk of yours: It tastes like that white fever medicine parents buy for their kids, except this time it has been blended with real milk and stirred in a dumpster truck.”

“What do you mean, dumpster truck!? That milk was delicious!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed happily. A slight chuckle could be heard coming from her mouth.

“What?” Anabella shook her head. She turned around and spotted the pegasus pony, who was out of her rope bindings. She was hovering midair while pointing her hoof at Anabella.

“Got cha!” Rainbow Dash teased and let out a raspy laughter. She spread her wings and made her exit via the open window. Fluttershy’s face could be seen outside. She smiled modestly and waved good bye before flying after Rainbow Dash. Anabella looked below the window and spotted the ropes that recently had been tied around her prisoners. The ropes were lying limply at the floor with the princess and her friends nowhere to be seen.

“WHAT!?” Anabella turned her face toward the fat, sneaky liar that fooled her. Cartman was running for the door. He grabbed the handle and heard the clonking sound of the door being locked. He turned around in horror.

“Twilight. Your humble student requires your assistance!”

Anabella grinned. She jumped up into the air, landed on one leg and began her ballerina twirl. She came out of the twirl and made flips toward the horrified human, her tits flinging around the 1,5-ton cow like the throat of a pelican.

“Twilight! HELP!” Cartman wailed.

Anabellas flinging tits came closer. Cartman was just about to get smacked when he felt himself rise. The ground rumbled when Anabellas breasts slammed against the empty area were Cartman recently stood. Twilight flapped her wings and carried Cartman on her back.

“Hold on!” Twilight flew across the room and out from the open window with Cartman riding her, the dim light of the morning engulfing them. The cone filled with milk was still attached to Twilight’s head. Cartman wobbled sideways and almost fell off.

“Twilight!” Cartman screamed.

“Grab my mane!” Twilight instructed. Cartman did as she said. He felt his stomach fall as Twilight’s flight became uneven.

“Twilight. Can you please fly straight!?” Cartman wailed, his voice trembling with fear.

“How much do you eat!? You weigh like that cow back there!” Twilight blasted.

“Can you please land? I think I’m gonna be sick.”

Beyond the horizon twilight burst through the dim clouds, the time of day, not the princess. The mountain named Corkscrew Top towered with its side pathway running in circles toward its peak. Twilight went for a dive, the pony, not the time of day. She felt the air stir just as she was about to fly below the cloud line.

“Oh my god. The crazy cow bitch is following us!” Cartman screamed.

Indeed, behind the alicorn princess something big came flying with breasts hanging underneath her like a chopper carrying a bag of water. Anabella’s minuscule wings carried her to a degree that could only be described as impossible. Twilight knew she needed to gain height.

“Hold tight!”

“Are you kidding me!? Are we going higher!?” Cartman wailed horrified.

“She’ll crush us on the ground! We need to preserve the advantage.”

“I wasn’t meant for flying.” Cartman whimpered.

“If you would stop complaining and try to remove this thing from my head so that I can use magic on her then maybe we’ll stand a chance!?”

Cartman reached out his hand and grabbed the milk filled cone that covered Twilight’s horn. He tried to pull it off.

“Ao!” Twilight moaned. “Hey, be careful!” Twilight suddenly felt her head being pressed downward. Cartman screamed andcrumbled over her mane.

“TWILIGHT!”

Twilight quickly flew under Cartman and prevented him from plummeting. There was a shadow closing in over them. Cartman and Twilight looked up with horror filling their eyes.

“Hello.” Anabella greeted, her blue eyes fierce as a raging tsunami. She plummeted toward the human and the alicorn and went for a ram. Twilight dodged it, loosing Cartman in the progress.

“TWILIGHT! HELP!” Cartman plummeted toward the ground like a cannon ball. Twilight rocketed after him, flew under him and caught him. Twilight tried to pull up again but now Anabella was flying above them. Her giggly laughter filled the air as she used her huge body to force the alicorn downward.

“She’s forcing us down!” Twilight screamed.

“Come to mama!” Anabella’s evil grin hovered over them.

Corkscrew Top came closer below in an accelerating speed. Twilight tried to zig zag but Anabella managed to stay on top of her. Twilight breathed heavily.

“Cartman!” She wailed, feeling the hope fade by the second. Soon they would both be in-between a 1,5-ton cow and the rocky slope of Corkscrew Top. Cartman looked at the mountain, then at the cone with Anabellas disgusting milk that covered Twilights horn. Out of ideas he turned around on Twilight’s back.

“What are you doing?!” She asked.

“Wie…Wie…Nie…Nie.” Cartman hurled himself backward until his fat ass cheeks embraced the cone over Twilights horn.

“WIEEEEEEEEEEE!”

The air rumbled when Cartman released the biggest fart that Equestria had ever known. Twilight’s head shook by forces that would make Richter impressed. The cone over Twilight’s horn started cracking. The cracks became bigger while the assquake, 7 on the Cartman scale, continued to an inhuman length of time. The Mountain Dew gasses blew through Twilights mane like one of Rarity’s mane blowers. The milk went sailing in all directions when the cone around Twilight’s horn cracked into little pieces. Once Twilight felt the cold air hit her freed horn it immediately gave a spark. Both the alicorn and Cartman disappeared out of thin air.

“NO!” Anabella roared. She looked around in anger. She caught a small glimpse of the alicorn princess flying above her before a pink light came rocketing toward her. Twilight’s spell hit Anabella’s in the back and rendered her wings useless. Anabella screamed and went plummeting toward the mountain. Twilight flew after her. Just as Anabella was about to hit the ground Twilight put a protection spell around her, blocking most of the impact. Anabella shook her head while letting the grogginess lay itself. She turned her angry face up and spotted the alicorn with her student by her side. All around them the edges of the mountain plummeted.

“You know nothing about friendship!” Anabella shouted.

There was a soft answer. Twilight’s purple eyes sparkled with understanding.

“You’re wrong Anabella. In fact, I know a lot more now than I knew before.” Twilight looked at Cartman, then behind her. “Isn’t that right girls and boys?”

Nine shapes appeared behind the alicorn. Apple Jack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy walked up to their friend. Kyle and Kenny grabbed Cartmans shoulders. Stan walked up planted his hooves firmly at the ground beside them.

“Twilight.” A boyish voice addressed. Twilight looked down and smiled at her baby dragon. Spike walked up and grabbed Twilight’s leg. Twilight looked up at Anabella. She hoof-motioned her friends.

“See here? This is what I am offering you, Anabella.”

Anabella’s face softened, but not with understanding. “You ponies are blind. You simply won’t understand that you’re living in a lie!”

“Friendship is never a lie, Anabella. Whether its somepony drinking your milk or a friendly gesture from a stranger.” Twilight turned her head to Cartman. “…Or somepony telling the other fuck off, as long as there is understanding between us we can all show it in our own unique way.” Twilight’s voice became regretful. “I only wished that I had seen that earlier and not get so caught up in my own way of sharing it.” Twilight turned to the cow princess again. She reached out her hoof. “Join me Anabella and I’ll show you what I mean.”

Anabella’s face widened in incredulous disbelief.

“Are you kidding me? Did you actually believe that I would live side by side with ponies?!” Anabella’s voice bathed in disgust. “After all my preparations, did you really think that I would let you stand in my way!? Hahahahahahah!”

Anabella’s highly pitched laughter echoed around the mountain. Twilight took a sad glance her pony friends, who nodded at her.

“We’re sorry about this Anabella, but you’re giving us no choice.”

A bright light engulfed the ponies while they slowly lifted from the ground. Cartman, Kyle, Kenny and Stan looked up at the gradually intensifying lightshow.

“What is going on?” Kyle asked bewildered.

Pinkie Pie’s balloons, Fluttershy’s butterflies, Apple Jack’s apples, Rarity’s diamonds, Rainbow Dash’s cloud slashing lightning bolt and Twilight’s pink star surrounded by white stars all started pulsating. A rainbow appeared and started circulating Twilight and her pony friends. It spun around them with an increasing speed. Twilight opened her eyes, revealing them as two glowing white lights. The circulating rainbow blasted out from its orbit and rocketed toward Anabella.

“What? WHAAAAAAA!”

And then it was over. Just like that Anabella was gone, immobilized and moved magically to the Tartarus prison, all through the power of the elements of harmony that resided in Twilight and her friends. Kyle frowned.

“Seriously? The evil princess was literally defeated by the power of friendship?”

“Dude, that is so gay.” Stan said.

“Humprh.” Kenny agreed.

Epilogue. My Little Cartman

The light of the morning intensified beyond the line. Twilight Sparkle and the rest of her friends were standing at the rim of Corkscrew Top, watching it bolstering. Twilight was talking to Spike and Celestia. She was filling them in about Eric Cartman and his human friends and how Demandoras demand for humbleness lead Cartman to stop being himself and eventually push away his friends. Celestia was impressed. Her motherly voice praised her former pupil.

“I must say that I am proud how far you have come since I made you an alicorn Twilight. I honestly cannot see how I could have figured out that behaving like a complete, bona fide ass wipe would actually be the reason why your friends love you. Great job solving that one.”

Twilight cried tears of joy while the kind words of the princess sank in.

“Thank you Celestia!”

Rainbow Dash leaned her head between the princesses.

“I know you just fought a one thousand kilo cow, but I sensed a big disturbance in the air while flying here. It almost sounded like the entire Yakistanian winter wind came blowing through a small hole with two fluffy balloons jammed together in front of it.”

Twilight looked at Eric Cartman, who glared back with his famous blank stare. For the first time Twilight mirrored Cartman’s look. Rainbow Dash turned away her head and made a blocking motion with her hoof.

“Never mind. I don’t wanna know.” Rainbow Dash walked up to Cartman. She leaned in and whispered so that Twilight wouldn’t hear. “Listen Cartman, you have your un-cool sides, and I hope you have apologized to Twilight for what happened at her castle,” She grinned at him in a rad way. “But I have to admit, the way you threw Anabella off her game back there, that was totally awesome! That kind of scheme takes guts, and I like guts!”

“Thank you, Rainbow Dash, and I’m sorry that I thought you had a dick and was planning to take over the world with it.” Cartman apologized.

“Eh…hehehe, yea. Things happen.” Rainbow Dash laughed nervously, secretly hiding her inner wishes.

Apple Jack walked up to Cartman. She had a regretful appearance.

“Look here yao. I know I’ve already said this before, but after hearing you pointing it out to Twilight back there I must say that I am still sorry for calling your mother a slut.” Apple Jack apologized. Cartman shook his head.

“Oh my god, you ponies’ have no balls, have you?”

Apple Jack looked confounded at Cartman. He raised his arms and ranted.

“Do you want your grandmother to continue secretly running your farm instead of you or are you gonna put on the leader gloves? If you say that my mother is a dirty slut, she is a dirty fucking slut. Make your words final, pussy!”

“Oh, I donno.”

“Say it, Apple Jack.”

“Say what now?” Apple Jack asked. Cartman sighed.

“Say that my mother is a dirty slut.”

Apple Jack’s eyebrows lowered in hesitation.

“It is for your own good.” Cartman insisted.

“Okay yao, your mother is a…” Apple Jack hesitated. Cartman widened his eyes and nodded.

“Yes?”

“She’s a dirty slut.” Apple Jack bit her lips.

“See, was that so hard?” Cartman asked.

“Uh, yea. Somehow, calling her that was harder now than it was before.” Apple Jack’s accent sailed upon the last F.

“DID YOU JUST CALLED MY MOTHER A WHORE, AGAIN!? WHAT THE FUCK!!?”

Twilight flung a scolding look toward Apple Jack. The cold sweat poured down Apple Jack’s panicked face.

“I’m sorry yao! I didn’t mean… I mean, I wasn’t calling her… I mean I said whore, I mean before… Not said, as in said before, but I said before!”

Cartman relaxed his face and laughed.

“Na, I’m just messing with you Apple Jack.” He slammed his hand on her back in a friendly gesture.

“Ehehehe, yea yao.” Apple Jack let the moment slide, hoping it would keep sliding right of the mountain edge. Cartman suddenly heard hooves walking up behind him.

“What did you just say?” A grumpy voice asked darkly. Cartman heard his last ‘Fuck’ echo inside his head. He turned around. Despite her changed appearance, he knew who it was. His face dropped into submission.

“I am so sorry Demandora, I am your humble student!”

“You are not humble Eric Cartman!” Demandora scolded. Her blue pony face lowered in regret. “And I have to say, not me neither. I talked to Twilight earlier, Cartman. “Cartman looked at Twilight, who looked back at him with a smile. “I heard from her what transpired between you and your friends, and I must say that as pathetic your attempts of using big words are, the intentions of my teachings were never for you to shut away yourself from the rest of the world.”

Demandora kept talking about Cartman’s studies. Celestia and Spike were talking a bit further away. Spike looked at the blue pony.

“Who is that?” He asked. Celestia looked at the blue pony with green mane. She gasped while her eyes swam inside a fog, as if she was observing a scene that transpired long ago. Celestia turned her face away so not to get spotted by Demandora.

“Spike, you asked me before about a pony named Demandora.”

“Yes.” Spike hesitated. “Is that her?” He asked. Celestia sighed and nodded.

“Yes Spike. It’s about time I told you about her. Long ago, before Twilight became my pupil, I came across a lonely unicorn filly. Alone and afraid she had been abandoned by her parents. I searched Equestria far and wide to find her family but not a single relative stepped forward to take care of her. Knowing that she needed a home, I did something that I have argued myself doing ever since the day I did it.”

“You mean?” Spike asked.

“Yes Spike, Demandora is my adoptive daughter.”

“You daughter.” Spike awed to himself. “Do Twilight know?”

“I believe I’ve told her once, don’t know if she remembers. You must understand Spike, even though I am a teacher and a princess at heart, taking on the role as a mother is something that I had very little experience of at the time. I kept Demandora out of my princess affairs for as long as I could but eventually the many princess duties I had made it difficult for me to be with her. When she finally turned above filly age she started to wear her role as my daughter as a title. She began interfering in my affairs and started demanding special treatments from the ponies that needed me. It didn’t take long before things started to get out of hand. Ponies started growing bitter and angry at Demandora, even though she was young and didn’t know any better. I needed to find a solution without crushing her heart forever, so I taught her…” Celestia hesitated.

“…You taught her to be humble.” Twilight broke in, having heard most of the conversation already. Celestias continued with a voice bathing in regret.

“Yes, Twilight. I did. After some harsh teachings and scolding’s Demandora stopped demanding special treatments from other ponies. I thought that we both had found a solution, but then I heard that she herself had grown extreme in demanding humbleness from her own students. I thought I had done her a favor, I never realized the grave consequences my own faulty teachings would have, until now.”

There was a softened grumpy voice addressing her. “Mother.”

Celestia turned and gazed straight into the green eyes that she knew from so long ago. Celestia snorted. Tears filled her eyes. She galloped forward and folded her wings around her adoptive daughter.

“Mother please, you’re embarrassing me.” Demandora said grumpy.

“I should have never let you go!” Celestia wailed.

“I have my own school in South Park, I don’t need to have my mother’s eyes hovering over my back.”

Celestia turned her teary face to look at Demandora. Demandora continued softly.

“I have missed you though, mom.”

Stan, Kyle and Kenny watched the happy reunion with surprised faces.

“Who would have known?” Kyle said.

“Hello boys, nice to see you again.” Starlight glimmer walked up to them. She looked at the fat kid. “Hi there Cartman, nice to finally meet you again. You know, I don’t think I told you the last time we met, but I was Twilight’s student before you.”

Cartman stared blankly at the sky colored unicorn with purple mane. Starlight hesitated.

“Eh, as I said. I was her student before.” Starlight hesitated again. She bit her lips while the awkward silence went.

“Yes, I heard you were.” Cartman finally said something. Starlight breathed a sigh of relief.

“Right. I was.” Starlight felt the words she planned to say fade away. She smiled nervously while Cartman’s creepy ghost face pierced her. He seemed to study her intentions. It then was like he already knew what she had planned to say. He nodded.

“I see.”

Cartman turned around and walked toward Twilight. Indeed, he did see now: The time had come to finally do as Rainbow Dash said and apologize to the princess of friendship.

“Right.” Starlight concluded, letting the awkwardness fade by itself. Starlight turned to the other boys.

“So. Are you guys heading home?”

Stan looked at Kyle and Kenny, then secretly at Twilight. He felt a smile form on his face.

“I think I choose to stay for a while, get a taste of my temporary pony life.” Stan looked at Kyle and Kenny. “Is that okay with you guys?”

Kyle looked bewildered at Stan. He wasn’t expecting him wanting to stay. He turned to Kenny.

“What do you say Kenny?” He asked.

Kenny hesitated. He thought back of his life as a poor that awaited him in South Park. It helped him make up his mind. However, that is another tale and shall be told another time.

---

Twilight felt human hands touch her coat.

“Oh, hi there, Cartman.”

“Hello Twilight Sparkle. What’s up?”

“Great. You?” Twilight asked, not sure what the small talk was all about. Cartman didn’t answer. He went straight to his apology.

“I wanted to apologize to you Twilight. Ever since I came to Equestria I have known that something wasn’t quite right with the way I behaved, but I was to blind to see it. When you rescued me from that tree that had diamonds on it like Elton John in concert I could have been honest with you, but instead I let you call me a berry, defile my Christian name, have me treat Kyle like a human being and appear as a poster child for 9-year-old boys still stuck in kindergartener. My silence and lack of communication lead me to falsely believe in a silly conspiracy to have Rainbow Dash raping me when instead we could have hung out together and take a crap on Fluttershy’s doorstep as buddies.”

There were catharsis inducing strings coming from nowhere, sounding in major. Twilight’s eyes sparkled with joyful pride.

“I could have been honest with you Twilight. I could have told you how I actually felt, but instead I was being in-sincere, the same in-sincerity that drove my friends away from me from the start. I shouldn’t never have pulled your mane back there, or do any of those stupid things I did to you back at the castle. I should never have called you a bitch, a child napper or farted on your horn. As a friend I should have been sincere with you from the start.”

Cartman reached out his hand. He let it run across Twilight’s mane. Twilight leaned her head against it in a loving gesture.

“Twilight Sparkle, I should have told you to fuck of long ago. But as a friend, I hope I can make it up to you.” Cartman let his hand run across Twilight’s mule. Her eyes filled with tears of joy. She opened her mouth to speak.

“Cartman…” She giggled instead of finishing.

“No, Twilight. Take a deep breath, let the consonants bounce upon the phrase.” Cartman instructed.

The strings gain a climax as Pinkie Pie conducts them to the rising morning sun. She turns her pink face and blinks to the reader. Twilight snorts and opens her mouth.

“Fuck of, my little Cartman.”

“Fuck of Twilight Sparkle.”

---

My Little Cartman

THE END

---

Authors note:

I would like to thank all you readers that stuck around. No matter how many or few you are, you make my writing worthwhile.

Thank you for reading my story.

/ Moon Flame

Comments

[Mr cold ghost]

Now that was a very good ending! Thanks for the story sir!

[Moon Flame]

8608705
Glad you liked it

[Makerofthebuttswagger]

Your 'offs' need another f

[angryface12]

pretty swell