> My Little Cartman
>  by Moon Flame
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter 1. Cartman Meets Twilight Sparkle
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stan Marsh’s mouth dropped in disbelief as he watched the winged cow on the TV screen reunite with her friends in a cheerful explosion of laughter. Beside him were his friends Kyle Broflovski and Kenny McCormick.

  “Dude, this is so lame.” Kyle stated over the cheer of the kindergartners in the room that they were forced to watch the episode with.

  “What was this show called again?” Stan asked

  “Humph, hurm, humph!” Kenny said under his thick orange parka.

  “My Little Milk Cow.” Kyle answered statically as he watched the chubby cow princess take to the sky with her minuscule wings. Her breasts wavered underneath her with milk splattering all over. The episode kept going. Kyle face twisted in disbelief underneath his green winter hat.

  “Seriously? The evil overlord is literarily defeated by the power of friendship?”

  “Dude, that is so gay.” Stan stated under his blue beaner.

  “Humph.” Kenny agreed

The door to the kindergarten room opened. A big presence entered and wobbled inside due to his heavy overweight. Stan looked sideways at Eric Cartman while he joined them in watching the magic of lameness. Stan could already hear the words of Cartman before they would be spoken. ‘What in the world are you watching dudes?!’ or ‘Dude, are you going to leave here, or stay until the entire school knows that you’re watching My Little Milk Cow?’. Or plainly ‘Dude, you guys are so gay.’ If only that had been the case. But instead of Cartman, Stan got Lameman.

  “Could I borrow you some money? I need to buy some school equipment.” Cartman asked with a sophisticated voice. Stan frowned.

  “Dude, don’t you have your own money?”

  “You see Stan, I have a poor mother who makes very little in wages.”

Stan could already hear the real Cartman answer sail past inside his head. ‘My mother is a cheap bitch Stan, I’m a poor victim of the failing America that needs charity.’

Of course, Stan was OK with Cartman calling his mother poor. But it wasn’t about what he said so much as how he said it. Ever since Cartman had entered that lawyer school for troubled youngsters he hadn’t been himself Stan felt. His eyes stared dead and emotionless at him as he talked. It was almost like he wasn’t really sincere, and not in an incredulous mean Cartman way but in a dry way, almost like Cartman didn’t know himself what he thought anymore, which wasn’t like him. Stan missed the old Cartman, the Cartman that would invite his friends for cinemas and tell them how he actually felt about the movie, even if that meant pissing of everybody inside the cinema. But nowadays Cartman was all just a polished shell, nothing interesting.

   “Sure. Here you go.” Stan said reluctantly and gave him some coins.

   “Hey Cartman. Do you wanna go to cinema later?” Kyle asked.

   “I would gladly go with you to the cinema. I will consider it over my evening tea.” Cartman answered politely with perfect pronunciation. Stan looked frowning at his fat friend. It was one thing that Cartman made up excuses for studying instead of hanging out with his friends, but couldn’t he at least have chosen a less smug way to say it?

   “Dude, do you always have studies to do?” Stan asked.

   “Let me see here.” Cartman brought up a small calendar.

  “On the other hand, forget it. Just call me when you have the time.” Stan felt like My Little Milk Cow would be more interesting. He decided to test Cartman.

  “What do you think of this Cartman?” Stan asked and motioned the TV.

Cartman looked at the TV screen. He saw the cow princess milk breasts give a glow. ‘I guess that means that your mission is complete.’ A voice in the episode said. Cartman seemed to wail his eyes around, as if he was looking out for someone. He then answered statically without looking at Stan.

  “It’s humble.”

Stan felt like he might as well have been standing on the other side of Earth. He folded his arms, lowered his head and let the fuzzy top of his beaner cover his face. On the TV screen the milk cow princess was now spinning through the air like a ballerina. She slammed her milk breasts and had them spurt. Her milk sailed through the air and landed on a birthday cake in the middle, creating a cream layer for her cow friends to feast on.

  “Friendship is milk!” The cow princess dictated happily.

  “Friendship is milk!” The kindergartener girls repeated. The boys remained silent, although a few of them mouthed the words.





Twilight Sparkle had her wings capture the rising winds, allowing her to ascend over the clouds and take in the rising sun behind the tall spiral mountain that laid ahead, the one named Corkscrew Top.

It was a merry day in Equestria for the princess of friendship. She was on her way to Canterlot for princess duties. Much like her studies, Twilight took her duties as one of the alicorn princesses of Equestria very seriously, but sometimes one might have to choose between them.

Twilights eyes widened at the familiar pulsating sound. She looked down at her cutie mark. Twilights cutie mark was neatly placed at the side of her flank. It consisted of a pink star surrounded by several other white stars. It now flashed with a bright light. Twilight gasped. The cutie map was calling her back at her castle. She felt an old joy boil up inside her.

For so long Twilight had been not much more than a symbol, a pony for fillies to look up to, all while all she did was to smile and wave while all her friends was called by the cutie map to do the dirty work. Finally, it would be her turn to actually do something for the friendships of Equestria. Twilight made a banking turn. She sailed down toward her castle, which rose majestically with its base shaped like a tree trunk. A giant star speared the sky on top of it. Its structure was completely made out of crystal rock and sparkled brightly.

The door to the main hall slammed open. The alicorn princess did not waste any time galloping her way into the conference room where the cutie map was located. Once she arrived the cutie map already had a viewer leaning over it. The table itself was round and was surrounded by seven chairs. One chair was for her and the rest for her friends representing the element of harmony. The seventh chair was smaller than the others and was for an older friend, a reptile friend.

Spike was Twilights dragon assistant of whom she had hatched as a filly. Being a dragon, Spike could only grow larger by taking stuff. But since Spike was a humble dragon that prided himself in serving the princess he had remained a baby dragon. He had his eyes riveted on the cutie map and the mark that hovered over a familiar area. Spike was to confounded to react to Twilights hooves closing in behind him. Twilight was in ecstasy.

  “Oh! I am so exited! Where am I going?!”

  “It looks like the map is calling you to the Tree of Harmony.” Spike answered. Despite him being a baby dragon, his voice still sounded like a slightly above teen-aged waiter apprentice, ready to take order at any notice.

  “The Tree of Harmony?! But that doesn’t make any sense, there’s nopony living there.” Twilight turned and smiled nervously at Spike. ”Is it?”

Spike folded his arms.

  “Well, maybe if you left your books alone for a while you might be able to go out and discover it for yourself.” He muttered to himself. He then proceeded answering the question.

  “Well, there’s only one way to find out.”

  “Great. I better get going!”

  “But what about your meeting with princess Celestia?” Spike asked.

  “We’ll send her a letter. I’m sure she’ll understand when we mention the cutie map.”

  “But she said that this meeting could be a matter of Equestrian security. Are you sure you don’t want someone else to go in your stead?”

The humble dragon Spike had always prided himself in serving Twilight. His white teeth smiled in a begging manner. Twilight giggled.

  “I’m sure it’s nothing that serious, but if you’re up for it?”

Spikes happy smile quickly faded into a confident smug face.

  “I don’t know. I’ll have to check my schedule.” Spike brought up a calendar and read before answering while bowing his dragon head. “I am your humble assistant, princess.”





The humble student Eric Cartman stepped into school principal Demandoras office. The middle aged woman was looking out of the big window situated behind her desk.

  “Your results are dropping.” Demandora remarked darkly. She had a lowly pitched voice that had the effect of smearing itself inside the mind of the receiver.

  “I am your humble student, I will not disappoint you further.” Cartman replied nervously. Despite Cartmans big build his voice was highly pitched.

  “Right you won’t.” Demandora replied while turning her head, her dark hair hanging down at its sides. She looked at Cartman with her green eyes. “Do you want to be a rich man Cartman or do you want to spend the rest of your life working at City Wok?!”

  “No. Of course not ma’am. I am your humble student. I thank you for shedding light over my gracious side and helping me rid me of my un-humble demeanor's director Demandora.”

Demandora turned and looked out the window again. There was a moment of tensioned silence.

  “No desserts for a week.”

  “FUCK...!” Cartman pressed his hand over his mouth, his face dropping in regret, his eyes having round lines around them. Demandora turned around like a ghost woman. Her eyes burned green fire.

  “What did you say?!”

  “I...I mean...I am your humble student.” Cartman stammered.

Demandora walked up to Cartman. She reached out her hand and pinched his arm. Cartman moaned in pain.

  “No humble student, no innocent child in my school should demeanor themselves by CURSING as long as I am principal!” Demandora tightened her pinch as she said the word ‘Principal’. Tears poured down Cartmans closed eyes as he pleaded in a broken voice.

  “I am your humble student. I am your humble student. I am your humble student. I am your humble student.”

Demandora released the pinch. Cartman quickly wiped the tears away and swallowed his cry. Demandora walked over to her desk and sat down. She brought out a document. She looked down at it as she talked.

  “This is no Sunday school young man. You know it’s for your own good.”

Cartman snorted, but he kept his cry away from his face.

  “Of course, Demandora, I am your humble...”

  “You might as well stop saying that!” Demandora said firmly. “Words means nothing if the sayer do not know what they mean, and when I read your latest test results it is not hard to figure out why you belong in that category.”

  “But I know...”

  “No, you don't!”

Cartman looked at Demandora with hopeless eyes.

  “No, I don’t.” Cartman gave in with the cry hanging inside his throat. Demandora spoke slowly.

  “Humbleness and humility is not that much unlike one other. Humility is a good way for accepting when something is clearly better, it is good when you have to learn by repetition. But as we both clearly saw just now with your overuse of the word humble, true humbleness is always better. When you are truly humble not only will you accept what is clearly better, but you also invite yourself to respect your own ability to learn. You will then learn to believe in yourself and, as every study ever made shows, you cannot learn anything unless you believe in yourself.”

Demandora looked at Cartman.

  “Do you understand?”

  “Yes Demandora.” Cartman answered.

  “Do you understand why it is so important that you embrace true humbleness and stop with the swearing and other un-humble demeanors?”

  “Yes Deman...”

  “Repeat the lesson!” Demandora demanded.

  “I need to embrace true humbleness to be able to believe in myself and learn.”

Demandora looked down at her papers again. The silence laid itself inside the office. Cartman was getting ready for the last word to slam his hope of greatness to the dust.

  “No desserts for three weeks.” Demandora said.

Cartman breathed a sigh of relief as the phrase ‘You are expelled’ faded from the conversation.

  “Thank you Demandora.”

  “Principal Demandora, please.”

  “Yes, principal Demandora.”

  “You can go now.”





Cartman still felt his right arm burn as he walked out of Demandoras office. The rest of his unspoken phrase still went on repeat inside his head.

  FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID BITCH!

Cartman was wobbling down the hallway when someone suddenly walked up behind him. It was one of the school monitors.

  “What did you say?” The monitor asked darkly. Cartman looked at the monitor. He managed to keep his horrified face away as he suddenly realized that he probably had whispered the phrase out loud.

  “Nothing.” Cartman answered hesitantly.

Demandora walked by not far from them. The monitor looked at her, then at Cartman. Cartman gulped. The monitor reached out his hand and wavered his fingers. Cartman reached down into his pockets and gave him the money that Stan had given him. The monitor smiled.

  “Smart move.” He said and walked away.

  FUCK YOU! I'M GONNA KILL YOU! The phrase exploded inside Cartmans head. Luckily, he held his breath. He made his way through the library. He caught a glance of the books that he would had bought with the money.

  FUCK YOU STUPID LIBRARY INSIDE THIS STUPID SCHOOL!

  “Shhhhh.” The librarian hushed as she heard Cartman mumbling to himself.

  FUCK YOU STUPID LIBRARIAN!

Cartman made his way to the stairs leading down to the main hall. He glanced back and caught sight of the monitor again. He was talking to Demandora before pointing his finger at him. Demandora squinted her green eyes at Cartman from afar. Cartman felt his arm burn again while he gasped in fear. He sprinted to the stairs and grabbed the railing to hurl himself down. He lost grip of the railing. He crumbled his fat ass down the stairs and saw the hard floor come closer. But the floor did not stop him. Cartman screamed while he kept falling down into a flashing light.





Twilight suddenly heard a scream coming from inside the cave. Curious, she proceeded inside. Her hooves sent echoes along the stone walls as she slowly made her way toward a voice that sounded like a rusty gear trying to rotate. Twilight folded her wings. Her eyes widened in disbelief when she caught sight of what was hanging down the Tree of Harmony.

I was a blob. A blob with a red jacket and blue cap. It was wavering its arms frantically while it bounced on one of the branches.

  “Wie... Wie... Nie... Nie...”

The blob sank lower. Its huge brown pants came down. Twilight Sparkle could see the blobs bouncing fat ass hover like a moon ahead.

  “Aaah! Wie... Nie... Nie...”

The branch snapped. The blob screamed and went rolling down the trunk like a bowling ball. It stopped right in front of Twilight. He pulled up his pants and rose on his two chubby legs. Once he stood up his short body had his head barely reaching up to Twilights mouth level. He looked at Twilight.

  “WAAA! Man Bear Pig!” The blob backed away and fell over a root. Twilight Sparkle could see the blobs chubby ass crack peak forth behind his pants while he tumbled through the muddy ground. Twilight realized that she had made a bad first impression. She laughed.

  “Man Bear Pig? Now, I have no idea what that is, but it’s nice to meet you.” The alicorn had a teaching voice. Cartman rose up. His eyes wailed around in confusion.

  “Eh... Where am I?”

  “You’re in Equestria. Hi, my name is Twilight Sparkle and I am the princess of friendship!” Twilight unfolded her wings and smiled. Cartman stared bewildered at the purple Unicorn thingy with wings.

  “The princess of friendship.” Cartman said blankly.

  “Yes. My job is to spread friendship across Equestria.”

  “Woa, that is sooooooo cool.” Cartman sailed the word, his blank stare of disbelief hovering on his face.

  “I know, right.”

  “That is totally not gay at all.”

  “Well, I do have some friends who are gay, although I'm sure you mean homosexual. But that is way of course. I have been sent here specifically by the cutie map.” Twilight informed.

  “The cutie map.” Cartman mirrored. This just kept getting better and better. Twilame continued.

  “And now I’m here to find and handle a friendship problem until my cutie mark here pulsates, signaling that my mission is complete.” Twilight turned and showed off her pink star. Cartman nodded.

  “But now is not the time to dwell in the future.” Twilight raised her wings. She looked at Cartman and proceeded talking faster and faster.

  “As I said, I was sent here by the cutie map for a reason, and since you show up here for whatever reason I am lead to believe that this have something to do with you. Or if it hasn’t I'm sure you can help me find that reason so I can complete this first mission that I had gotten in a long time and not return as a failure to my boring life as a princess that smiles and waves all day. Or maybe you are the reason? Well, in that case we might as well get it over with and tell me what your friendship problem is because I just realized that I FORGOT MY CHECK LIST AT THE CASTLE!”

Twilights purple and violet streaked mane became raggedy as she lost her mind, her teeth jutting out of her mouth crazily.

  “Wait? So, you are saying that you are a purple Unicorn with wings...”

  “Alicorn.” Twilight corrected.

  “...Alicorn with wings that is named ‘Twilight Sparkle’ that is destined to spread friendship all over the land of Equestria guided by a cutie map, and you know that your mission is complete when the pink star tattooed on your butt gives a pulsating light, and when all that is done you will return to your life as a princess that smiles and waves all day?”

  “Yes!” Twilight exclaimed crazily while spreading her right wings in opposite directions clockwise.

  “Woooooa.” Cartman awed dreamily while nodding his head. This was simply too good to be true. And Cartman had thought that My Little Milk Cow was lame. This was like the holy grail of lameness. There were simply no words. Cartman wanted to explode and roar out his disapproval about having any part in this. But since this thing had managed to go so far in terms of gayness Cartman couldn’t help but feel a tinge of privilege being the first one to behold its glory. He simply had to stay and see exactly how far this could go.

  “Well. What are we waiting for?” Cartman asked.

  “Waiting?” Twilight blurted.

  “Go on, take me to your castle.” Cartman insisted, his sarcasm buried underneath his flat voice.

  “Aren’t you going to tell me what you are first?”

  “Cartman.”

  “OK, and you are?” Twilight asked.

  “I’m human.”





Twilight soared the winds over the vast land of Equestria. Her horn was glowing fiercely while she used her magic to carry Cartman through the sky. Twilight was happy.

  “Isn’t this exiting!? It’s been so many moons since I had a student, but I'm sure you are as excited as I am.”

  “I am flying over a fantasy land guided by a purple Unicorn.” Cartmans shirt wavered in the wind. He had his chubby arms raised, as if he was using them as wings. His blank stare of disbelief was riveted at the horizon.

  “Hi Twili!” A rainbow blur exclaimed as it rocketed by. It stopped and hovered in front of them.

  “Hello Rainbow Dash.” Twilight addressed the blue pony with wings but without a horn. “This is so exiting! I have just gotten myself a friendship student!” Twilight exclaimed like she just had kidnapped Cartmans fat ass. Rainbow Dash face bent in bewilderment.

  “Eh...? What is it?”

  “It’s a Cartman Rainbow Dash... A CARTMAN! His name is Human and I am going to teach him everything I know.” Twilight said proudly. Cartmans big eyes festered on the pony with wings whose mane had the colors of the rainbow. Her name went on repeat inside his head.

  Rainbow Dash...Rainbow Dash. 

Cartmans face remained in subdued disbelief, but his mind rocked in horror.

  Oh no. The homosexuals. THEY FOUND ME!

  “Do you mind escorting us to Ponyville Rainbow Dash?” Twilight asked.

  “Sure Twilight!” Rainbow Dash saluted.

  Ponyville. The name gave Cartman vomit reflexes. They almost made their way up his throat when the actual place came into view.

The sky was filled with ponies that had wings. Below him were some kind of school house with small ponies playing about. A huge castle could be seen glittering about in the distance like some gay version of a Disney movie, gayer than they already were. Some kind of party was going on by what looked like the town hall. Cartman could hear cheering along with a ditty electric tune. Colorful party balloons flew up and joined the Cartman balloon. Cartman felt himself sail downward as Twilight and Rainbow Dash landed. A highly pitched voice greeted the ponies.

  “Hi Twilight and Rainbow Dash, what are you up to?” A pink pony asked as she approached them. She had neither wings nor a horn. Either that made her lamer or not Cartman wasn’t sure.

  “Pinkie Pie. Look, I have a new student!” Twilight exclaimed, her smile stuck between sane and crazy. Pinkie Pie looked at Cartman and gasped.

  “Wooooooooooooooooa!” Her happy blue eyes sparkled while confetti soared down behind her.

  “Pinkie Pie, I want you to meet Human. He is a Cartman that sprouted from the tree of harmony and now the cutie map has given me the task of teaching him about friendship!” Twilight informed happily. Pinkie Pie started jumping up and down on all four hooves. Her party smile was almost as big as Cartmans ass.

  “A Cartman?” A bright yellow pony asked as she approached the group. This pony had wings like Rainbow Dash. She had a soft and gentle voice. “That’s not an animal that I have heard of.”

  “Nor is it anything that I have read about Fluttershy.” Twilight addressed the yellow pony with wings.

  “He almost looks like a big overgrown apple.” A yellow wing and hornless pony remarked as she approached. Cartman almost gasped when he heard her speak. Her accent almost sounded like she came from South Park, or at least the outskirts.

  “Manners, Apple Jack.” A white Unicorn without wings scolded the South Park accented pony. She curved her backside in a womanly manner as she walked up to her. “He just needs a makeover, that's all. A sweet costume might be in order?” The white Unicorn looked at Cartman with dreamy eyes. Twilight now turned to him.

  “Human. I want you to meet Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Apple Jack, Rarity and Rainbow Dash. These are my friends!”

  Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Apple Jack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash. Cartman let these amazing names sink in. Yes indeed. Cartman thought that the lame train would derail and take it’s coarse to uncharted territory. And derailed it had. In fact, it had not only derailed, but derailed over a cliff, grown wings and soared over the mountains while blowing its whistle like a mechanized bird having a raging orgasm. Would it soon reach out into the heavens and discover aliens before the human race did? Cartmans blank stare of disbelief floated as his mind pondered.





  “Where on Earth could he be?” Kyle asked as he looked around the town of South Park with Kyle and Kenny. To the right they had Kentucky Fried Chicken, the fastest cure against a healthy lifestyle. Behind the shops the tall mountains rose with their snowy tops.

  “Hrumph, hurumph!” Kenny said. Stan raised his arms incredulously.

  “Who cares where he is? He's probably alone somewhere studying. Forget about him.”

Kyle turned to his friend, his face twisting in anger.

  “How can you say that Stan? I know he is an asshole, but he has been our best friend asshole since kindergarten. We can’t just turn our back on him!”

  “Well I CAN!” Stan roared and walked toward the mall. Kyle watched his oldest friend walk away, his eyes lowering in an upset manner.

  “What’s gotten into you Stan? I know Cartman is an asshole, but he hasn’t done anything to you, has he?”

Stan stopped. He looked down at the ground as he wailed.

  “...No! I mean...” Stan paused. He sighed continued in a soft voice. “...I don’t know.”

  “What do you mean you don’t know?”

  “I don't know Kyle.” Stan turned to his friend with the green hat. “I don’t know him anymore. He doesn’t talk to me like he used to. He doesn’t fool around like he used to.” Stan sighed again and closed his eyes, like if he was trying to reach for a distant memory. “He’s not an asshole like he used to.”

Stan turned around and kept walking. He stopped again as Kyle proposed.

  “Well, then let’s go and talk to him again. Maybe we will like the new Cartman.”

Stan had his face turned as he answered

  “I don’t want to like him Kyle. I want to know him.”
> Chapter 2. Cartman Makes Fluttershy Cry
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilights horn gave a shimmering light. The silverware went floating over the table and landed in front of her new friendship student Human. Twilight saw Human look around the big dining hall with its huge banderoles and towering crystal walls. Twilight agreed on Humans overwhelmed look, this dinner hall was way too big. Despite her being proud of her castle Twilight still preferred her old comfy oak tree library as homestead.

  “I know it must be a lot for you to take in, being a Cartman berry and all. I must be honest with you, I've never seen a berry grow from the Tree of Harmony, let alone a berry that walks around. Tell me, are there any more Cartman berries in Equestria?”

Twilight was sure that Human would reveal his friendship problem once she managed to get him to open up about his family or friends.

Cartman heard Twilight call him Human as if that was his Christian name while Cartman was his race name, or a berry blossom if you asked Twilame. Cartman felt his muscles hang. All this was simply to incredulously stupid that he just didn’t had the stamina to bother. It was easier to just go along with it. Who knows, maybe he would even be able to get a laugh out of this later.

  “Oh, yes, us Cartman berries blossoms here and there. We barely see each other though since we’re kind of dicks.” Cartman immediately regretted his words. He felt his arm burn again. Twilight giggled.

  “Now, there's no need to make those kinds of references young colt. Is it OK if I call you colt? That's what us ponies call our boys, that’s all.”

  “Oh no, that's fine.” Cartman reassured. At this point Twilight could have called him dandelion leaf and he would have still gone along with it.

Twilight studied Human. She watched his big eyes wail around the room. He still seemed a bit overwhelmed to her. She wondered how usual it was for berries to simply fall of a tree and walk away. Maybe Cartman berries only grew from the Tree of Harmony once in a hundred or so moons or so. But where did that put her?

  “Do you have any friends or family where you come from?” Twilight asked.

  “Oh yea. I have a few. One of them is a...” Cartman hesitated. He was going to say ‘One of them is an asshole, one is a Jew and the last one is a poor kid.’ He felt his words jam though, once Demandoras green eyes suddenly glared at him in his mind. He felt his arm burn again by her pinching fingers. Cartman gulped. He continued answering the princess in a nervous tone.

  “One of them is named Stan, the other is named Kyle and the last one is named Kenny.” Cartman paused. He then ended in a hurry. “...I am their humble friend.”

Twilight looked at her student. Her mouth was formed somewhere between a smile and a bewildered grin.

  “Humble?” Twilight asked.

  “Yes. I am.” Cartman hesitated before stating. “I am your humble student.”

There was a moment of silence. Twilight wasn’t sure if this ‘humble’ talk was all about. Was it part of who he was or was it a proposal?

  “Why humble?” Twilight asked.

Cartman opened his mouth, but no words came out. In his head he could hear his teacher, Twilight Sparkle, explain to him firmly the nature of un-humble demeanors. But now she was asking him, like he would actually know anything himself.

  “I...I...” Cartman stammered. “I need to embrace true humbleness to be able to believe in myself and learn.”

Twilight laughed. She waved her right hoof about.

  “Human, being humble and believing in yourself are two different things. You saw Rainbow Dash up there. Granted, she isn’t that patient and therefore not much of a theoretical learner, but she undoubtedly has good self-confidence and learn things practically. She can be humble to if she needs to, but mostly she’s a pony with spirit and confidence.” Twilight’s face lit up. “You know what, that's not such a bad idea! Why not just have you meet all of my friends? You could learn from them while I take notes!” Twilights proposed happily.

It would be one tragic fate to be forced to hang out with these ponies, but to have it all written down on paper for all to read? Cartman felt like crawling down underneath Twilights dining table.





  “As I said, I have no idea what table your clammy friend may have crawled himself under!” Demandora said firmly. Kyle, Kenny and Stan looked at each other.

  “Are you sure? We know he went here before he disappeared.” Kyle stated. Demandoras green eyes squinted.

  “Is that an accusation?” She asked darkly.

  “No ma’am. We’re just worried.” Stan answered.

  “Can you at least tell us if you saw him leave the school?” Kyle asked.

Demandora picked up some documents and appeared to be reading them.

  “He is trouble that friend of yours, doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut.”

The silence laid itself inside the office. The only thing that could be heard was the papers that Demandora was reading. Her face was now completely buried in them.

  “I saw him fall down the library stairs. I ran to see if he was OK, but when I looked down from them the boy was gone.”

Stan, Kyle and Kenny looked at each other in bewilderment.

  “Gone? What do you mean gone?” Kyle asked.

  “Well, it only took me five seconds to reach the stairs. Do you mean to tell me that chubby friend of yours would have been able to fall down from them, pull himself up again and sprint out of the front door several meters away without me catching sight of his clumsy butt?”

Stan couldn't say that he liked this character. But he couldn’t lie to himself either.

  “Well, not many do.” He agreed with a frowned face.

  “But what do you think happened to him?” Kyle asked.

Demandoras silence were as thick as the wooden furniture's inside her office. She lowered the documents.

  “Well, I can't possibly know that for certain now, can I? But if I were to guess, you are probably gonna have to leave this world to see him again.” Demandoras green eyes almost appeared to be shining. She buried her face in the documents again.

  “Another world?” Stan asked.

  “Hurm, hurm?” Kenny asked.

  “What other world?” Kyle asked

Demandora kept her face hidden behind the documents she held.

  “Demandora?” Stan asked.

  “You better leave.” Demandora said.

  “But we need your help.” Kyle wailed.

  “Leave now.” Demandora demanded.

  “No. We won't leave until we know what happened to our friend!” Kyle exclaimed.

The light from the window flowed over the right side of Demandora. The light threw her shadow on the left wall. Slowly a new shape seemed to appear at the top of her head, out of eye sight due to the documents in front of her face. The shape rose with its edge sharp. There was a sparkling sound.

  “I told you to leave.” Demandora said.

Stan, Kyle and Kenny felt themselves slide against the floor.

  “Oaaaaaaah!” They all screamed when they were suddenly dragged out of the room by an invisible force. The door slammed shut behind them.

 “What was that?!” Kyle exclaimed.

  “How the hell did she do that?!” Stan wailed.

  “Hurumum!” Kenny blasted.

  “I don’t know. But I have a feeling that we need to find out if we’re ever gonna se our friend again.” Kyle said.





The door to the cottage opened, answering Twilights previous knockings. The yellow Pegasus pony named Fluttershy stood with a yellow welcoming face like sunlight in the morning. Her house laid just outside the forest and the yard was riddled with the sprinting of small rodents and jumping of rabbits.

  “Well hello Twilight.” Fluttershy greeted.

  “Hello Fluttershy. Are you doing anything special?” Twilights face of excitement sparkled as fiercely as her sharp horn, which were having a parchment and quill magically hovering over her head.

  “Actually, I was...” Fluttershy paused as she caught sight of Cartman standing behind Twilight. Fluttershy leaned her head sideways to look at him. “Is that your new student?”

  “Yes. In fact, that’s exactly what I wanted to talk to you about Fluttershy. I was wondering if you could show Human here what you do around here.”

  “Sure. I was just going to have a rehearsal with the bird choir anyway.”

Fluttershys voice was kind and sweet. It infused the already mellow sight of green leaves, pretty flowers and happy animals with even more cutesy. Cartman wanted to pull down his pants and have Twilight and Fluttershy watch as he unloaded a big dump on the gravel path here and now. Twilight turned to Cartman.

  “Human, meet Fluttershy. She is the animal expert of Ponyville and the element of kindness.”

Fluttershy smiled modestly. She curved her backside and showed of her cutie mark, which consisted of three lightly violet butterflies mixing perfectly with her mane, which hanged down the side of her head with a slight curve, just like Cartmans hamburger filled stomach hanged down from below his shirt with a slight curve.

Cartman followed Fluttershy, passing a slight curve further away from her cottage. Fluttershy used her Pegasus wings to hover in front of a tree. One of the protruding twigs carried a bird choir that had lined themselves up. Fluttershy looked at them and raised her hooves. The birds raised their beaks. Fluttershy lowered her hooves and started conducting.

  For so long I have wondered... Cartman thought

The twitter of the bird choir formed a natural harmony in the rhythm of which the Pegasus pony provided. Small birds started to fly in circles around Cartman, his blank stare of disbelief blurring somewhere behind them.

  ...Yes indeed, for so long I have wondered what it truly means to be gay. But now, alas, the answer has been unveiled, this feeling inside that I never knew I had.

More birds joined in. Butterflies started flying underneath Cartman. He felt himself rise into the air. He was hovering with his chubby arms raised whilst the Pegasus pony herself started to sing a marry tune.

  “Wa waaaa wa waaaaa.... Wa waaaa wa waaaaa.”

  And so, finally I have found it. All this time I told myself that I knew the rules of that cause, of which I still do not know. But I cannot deny the soaring sensation, that blurry vision, that path of which I thought only a few chosen ones would take.

Now animals on the ground join in as well in the singing. Indeed, Fluttershy was a well-respected creature among the animal population surrounding Ponyville. Her beautiful voice filled the air beside the birds. Twilight was standing on the sideline and writing in her parchment. The wind intensified as mother nature herself seemed to have joined in on their merry tune. Cartman felt merry alright.

  I always knew it would find its way into my hollow bones one day. Will I ever be the same again? Only time will tell. May the devil and the fags have mercy upon my soul.

After the initiation process was done Cartman was invited into Fluttershys house. Twilight turned to Fluttershy.

  “I’ll leave you two for a while, I have to check of a session with the school fillies.”

  “Sure Twilight, I’ll let you know how things went later.” Fluttershy replied. They both nodded at each other before Twilight trotted out of the house. Cartman looked around. The walls were as wooden as you’d expect when living inside a house that literarily had a tree crown as a roof. Cartmans blank voice stated what he saw.

  “There is a squirrel in the kitchen.”

  “Oh, look. He just wants a taste.” Fluttershy awed while watching the cute animal looking at her with begging eyes. “But you will have to wait, you know dinner will be served for everyone later.”

  “You know they’re just gonna come back again if you keep bringing them food.” Cartman pointed out. Fluttershy lit up.

  “Oh, come back. I wouldn’t wish for anything else!”

Cartman turned his blank face.

  “There is a parrot on the table.”

  “Well, hello there. Where have your friends gone now, little one?” Fluttershy greeted the bird.

  “Little one.” The parrot mimicked.

  Gone to the jungle maybe?! Cartman almost blasted. He looked toward the couch.

  “There is a bear in the living room.”

  “Hello Harry, do you want a massage?” Fluttershy asked.

  “Seriously? He’s a bear, he will tear you to pieces.” Cartman said.

  “Oh no, not Harry. Harry is harmless. With a little kindness one can make friends with any animal, and me and Harry have been friends for a long time, haven’t we Harry?”

Harry answered Fluttershys kindness with a smile. He demonstrated his harmlessness with the softness of his eyes, having them gain a dark core once he turned them to Cartman, as if to say. Right you are human - if you even think about harming Fluttershy. 

Cartman gulped.

  “See Human? Sometimes, all you need is a little kindness.” Fluttershy used her wings to hover behind the bear. She pressed her hooves against his back. The bear looked down at Cartman and smiled, as if to answer. That’s right Human, taste the kindness now mother-fucker or you’ll get a taste of something else.

  “Yes. I’ll be kind.” Cartman replied nervously.

  “That’s the spirit.” Fluttershy complimented Cartman. There was a stomping sound coming from the kitchen. A white rabbit looked irritatingly at Fluttershy while stomping his foot on the counter.

  “What is it Angel Bunny?”

The rabbit folded his arms.

  “I know you’re hungry Angel Bunny. I’ll make some dinner right away.”

  “Angel Bunny?” Cartman asked.

  “Yes. He’s my pet rabbit.” Fluttershy replied. Cartman studied the small patch of white fur on the counter. Cartman could already imagine showing Angel Bunny up where the sun doesn’t shine.

  “He’s your pet?” Cartman looked bewildered around the decorated zoo attraction. “Then what are these other animals?”

  “They?” Fluttershy looked bewildered at Cartman. “Well…” She hesitated. “They are my animals to.”

  “But Angel Bunny is your pet?”

Fluttershy looked at Angel Bunny, who looked at her with expecting eyes.

  “Yes, he is.” She answered.

  “Really? What makes him so special?” Cartman asked.

  “Uh…” Fluttershys voice dwindled. She hadn’t thought about this. “…Well, the thing is…” Fluttershy looked around the cottage. The other animals looked at her like they expected an answer. Fluttershy felt her heart soar as the answer reached her tongue.

  “…They are all special to me.”

  “But Angel Bunny is your pet.” Cartman said.

  “All of them are my pets.”

Cartman looked down at the rabbit again, who looked at him with confused eyes. “But I just asked you ‘Angel Bunny?’ and you stated clearly, ‘Yes, he is my pet rabbit.’ you said.”

Fluttershy felt her soaring heart go for a spinning dive toward the ground, about to crash land. The silence laid itself inside the cottage.

  “He is special, but…” She hesitated.

  “But what?”

  “But I love all my animals.” Fluttershys voice had started to sway.

  “But you love Angel Bunny more.”

Fluttershy felt all the animals looking at her at once. Her heart touch downed.

  “No! I mean yes…I…I” Her blue eyes filled with tears. “I mean…I don’t know.”

There was a shadow closing in over Cartman. He barely had time to get scared before Harrys glaring eyes were only centimeters in front of him. His warm breath sipped out between his growling teeth.

  “Or I guess it’s no big deal.” Cartman said rapidly.

  “Yes, it is! I feel awful!” Fluttershy sobbed.

The bear head-motioned the Pegasus pony while glaring at Cartman. Cartman imagined Harrys giant paw against his face.

  “No, really. It’s no big deal, all your animals are special.”

But Fluttershy didn’t hear him. Her hooves crumbled to the ground while she exploded into uncontrollable crying. Harry moved slightly to the right, placing himself between Cartman and the door. He head-motioned the crying Pegasus pony again.

  “No, really. Its fine Fluttershy. You love all your animals!” Cartman exclaimed.

But Fluttershy was to deep inside her own bubble to hear what Cartman said. The bear made growling sounds. Cartman knew what he needed to do. He felt himself move miles away of his comfort zone as he walked up to the Pegasus pony, got down on his knees and put his arms around her mane.

  “There, there. It’s all right. I’m sorry.”

  “Why are you sorry for?!” Fluttershy sobbed.

Cartman opened his mouth, but his words delayed. Inside his own eyes he could see something, an unknown speck of land in the middle if an ocean of Mountain Dew. The island had a green tree and a colony of happy rabbits. Cartman felt the peace flushing over him as he imagined himself laying on this island, feeling the tall grass embrace him, the sound of the wind rustling the tree. Cartman flinched. He felt an odd ball forming inside his stomach…

What a beautiful feeling this was, thinking about all the money that he would make after building a tourist resort on this island. He could just lay here on the beach, waiting for the money to flow in while having a glass in his hand and scoop up an unlimited supply of Mountain Dew. But until then, all that this were, was a peaceful island in the middle of an ocean made out of Mountain Dew.

Was this what if felt like to actually give a crap? Would Cartman ever be the same again after this? He decided to compromise. He said about himself what he would have said about others.

  “I’m sorry for being a fat and cynical piece of shit.”

Fluttershy didn’t understand. She kept crying. Cartman heard Harrys growling behind him.

  “What I meant to say was that it doesn’t matter what you call Angel Bunny. You love all your animals and they love you equally.”

Fluttershys sobbing halted.

  “Really?”

  “Really. They all love you equally and you love them equally, no matter what you call them.”

Fluttershy snorted. Her crying stopped. She raised her teary eyes and looked straight at Cartman. A smile formed on her face.

  “Thank you, Human.”

  “Eric.” Eric corrected.

Fluttershy smiled silently at Cartman. She snorted until she was able to raise her hoof and wipe away the last tears. Cartman continued.

  “My name is Eric Cartman. Human is my race name.”

  “Oh,” Fluttershy giggled. “Twilight must have gotten really carried away to mix that up.”

Eric remembered when he confirmed wrongly to Twilight that he was a berry.

  “You know what Fluttershy? Don’t tell her yet, let me handle it later.”

Fluttershy looked bewildered at Eric Cartman. Even though she hadn’t meet any more of his kind she felt that there was something special about this Human. But either that was good thing or bad thing, one thing was defeatedly certain. Right now, that special thing had just taught her a friendship lesson.

  “Of course, I will wait for you. Thank you, Eric.”

  “You’re welcome.”

Eric hoped that no one in South Park heard about this, or else he might need to…

  “And please don’t let any of my friends know about this.” Eric added.

  “Why not?” Fluttershy asked.

Eric imagined a poster of him and Fluttershy glued onto his locker in the South Park elementary school.

  “Because if you do…” Eric paused, then ended quickly.

  “…I might need to come back here and take a crap on your doorstep.”

Fluttershy stared blankly at Eric Cartman. Her mouth slowly raised before she busted out in giggly laughter.
> Chapter 3. Apple Jack Calls Cartman's Mom A Whore And A Dirty Slut
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stan Marsh made sure not to topple any of the statues on top of the drawer. He tightened his grip around the window frame. There was a sudden drop of the rope that hindered him from tumbling down one story to the ground. Stan gasped.

  “Kyle, be careful!” Stan shouted in whisper range.

  “Sorry Stan.” Kyle answered from the ground. “Can you see anything?”

Stan spotted a drawer.

  “I’m going in.”

Stan made his way inside with the climbing rope still tied around his belly. For a personal office there seemed to be very little family photos around Stan remarked, that being none. Stan opened the drawer. He found pile of papers below a heap of pencils and rubbers.

  “What are you hiding Demandora?”

Stan pulled out the first paper from below the junk. It immediately rolled into a tube.

  “Who is using parchments these days?” Stan muttered while rolling it up. His eyes squinted. “And who the hell is writing letters by quill?!”

Stan read it out loud.

  “Dear friend and old student. I am starting to wonder if you’ve received my previous letters. But assuming you have, you know that I am more than happy to hear that you are doing so well for yourself. It is regretful that we haven’t had more time to see each other. Those last words you said to me still circulates my mind, I hope you didn’t take my advice to literarily before you went away on your mission. While we are on that subject though, I must say that I am more than pleased about the vast amount of information that you have managed to gather for me and my subjects. I only hope it didn’t come at the cost of my best friend. I love you. Your one and only…”

Stan bent his mouth in bewilderment.

  “Who the hell is Celestia?”

  “None of your business.” A voice said.

  “WAH!” Stan wailed around, the parchment flickering by his shaking hands. He festered his shameful eyes toward the dark part of the office, ready to face the music. He wondered how long a burglary trial would take. He hoped he wouldn’t serve to much time inside the juvenile hall. He prayed that Kyle and Kenny had made it out of there.

Out from the shadows a face slowly illuminated. It walked over the wooden floor toward Stan. Ko klock…Ko klock…Ko klock…Ko klock.  Stan's shameful eyes quickly turned from ‘Regret for being sent to prison’ to ‘Horror of being kidnapped by a daemon.’

  “I told you to leave.” Demandora said darkly.

Outside, Kyle and Kenny had their eyes festered on the window above. A scream resonated from inside it.

  “Kyle?! HELP…!” It was cut by an explosion. Kyle's face dropped in horror.

  “Stan?! Stan!”

  “Hrumhu!” Kenny wailed.

Kyle pulled out the rope. It sailed limply out from the window and landed on the grass. The end of the rope that recently had been tied around Stan's belly gaped empty and had been burned black. Kyle's face widened in horror. He screamed with his mouth open.

  “AAAH!”

The silence laid itself around the smoking rope end. Kyle's mouth remained open.

  “AAAH!” He screamed again.





The smoke from the frying pan soared up and laid itself against the roof. Eric Cartman watched Apple Jack somehow manage to pick up the frying pan with her hoof and shake its content. One pancake went sailing and got mushed up against the wall.

  “Ah shucks!” The orange pony cursed.

  “My cooking is being done by a horse.”

  “Now, there little human, there aint no horses around here yao, and thank Celestia for that, for that means we’re all gonna have these delicious pancakes for by ourselves.” Apple Jack leaned her head closer to Eric and whispered. “They aint jokin when somepony’s sayin, ‘darn, you sure am eating like a horse’.”

Eric Cartman was on a visit to Sweet Apple Acres and the farm where the Earth pony Apple Jack lived with her family. Earth ponies was the name of the ponies that had either horns nor wings. Carman remembered Twilight lecturing him that Earth ponies had a close relationship to Earth. She also lectured him that winged ponies were called Pegasus ponies while horned ponies were called Unicorns, like something the South Park elementary school teacher Mr Garrison would lecture when he had lost his puppet Mr Hat and developed MPD. The other ponies now joined the table. Apple Jack was proud.

  “Apples, I would like ye all to meet Human, the Cartman that Twilight found down there by that Tree of Harmony.”

Eric looked at the other ponies. One was a red stallion, the other was a small filly and the last one was an old mare. She squinted her crumpled eye lids at him.

  “A Cartman, you say?” She asked suspiciously with an old voice.

  “Human, I would like you to meet my family. This here is my big brother, Big Mac.” Apple Jack hoof motioned the red stallion, who nodded while answering.

  “Yup.”

The silence laid itself over the dining table.

  “He aint much of a talker, and this here is Apple Bloom, my little sister.”

  “Is it true that you grew from a tree branch?” The small filly asked Eric enthusiastically.

Is it true that horses are going to the bathroom in this world!? Cartman almost exploded. He kept his blank stare and answered.

  “Oh yes, me and my friends always grows this time of year.”

  “That’s mighty interestin Mr Human.” Apple Bloom said.

  “And where are those friends of yours?” The old mare asked Cartman. Her voice had a dark core of suspicious.

  “And who are you?” Cartman asked.

  “Me?” The old mare squinted her eyes. “Somepony you wanno impress, that’s who.”

  “Human, meet Granny Smith. Even though I’m officially in charge here, she has as much sayin on this farm here as the very Earth we harvest.” Apple Jack said proudly.

  “Really?” Eric looked sideways at Apple Jack. “Why are you telling me this?”

Apple Jacks smile remained static.

  “Why Ima Tellin?”

  “If you’re officially in charge then why are you indulging your grandmother? Why not claim the entire cookie for yourself?”

Cartman asked Apple Jack what had been his way of saying. Lady, get back into your knitting chair, I’m in charge here.

  “Excuse me young’uns. I may be old, but I’d be darned if that meant I couldn’t indulge myself!” Granny stretched her hoofs so that her bones made clicking sounds. Apple Jack laughed nervously, remembering the time when Granny wanted to impress everypony by climbing her shaking old hooves up a ladder, trying to beat a high diving record.

  “Now there my little Cartman, let’s not get carried away. I may be in charge of all the chores around here…” Apple Jack stretched her neck proudly. “…But I have to be honest with ya, and the honest truth is that Granny has the experience and she handles all of our business contacts.”

  “Right.” Eric agreed.

  “As right as an honest Apple can be.”

  “So, you’re honestly doing all the hard work while leaving the privileged part of your job for your grandmother?”

The awkward silence laid thick around the dining table, so thick that it could have been poured into a frying pan and made a pancake worthy of a horse. Apple Jack opened her mouth, but no words came out. Her nervous green eyes swam with hesitation. Apple Bloom looked around as if to say What in tarnation is going on? Big Mac looked at Cartman with an angry face, it quickly faded as his pupils seemed to gaze into a fog, like if he was thinking something through. There was an old voice breaking the silence.

  “He aint givin you any ideas now Apple Jack, huh?”

The sweat parted ways around Apple Jacks nervous eyes.

  “Ah, ehehe, you know, while we’re on the subject of family, can you please tell us about your family Human?” Apple Jack tried to bank turn the conversation.

  “You mean my mother?”

Apple Jack felt relief.

  “Yea, that’s right! Your mother, how is she?”

  “She’s Great. Granted, she’s a bitch. She pulled a gun at me once, but I had one to so it worked out alright.”

Apple Jack felt Granny Smiths piercing eyes on her.

  “Ah…Ehe. It’s always nice…” Apple Jack gulped. “To make sure that you and your family get along…” Apple Jack threw her hoof in a ‘Bet you’ manner. “…Like we all are sayin here at Sweet Apple Acres, it is obvious that your mother is an Apple to the core.” The C sailed upon Apple Jacks country accent.

  “Did you just call my mother a whore?”

Apple Jack didn’t notice difference between the consonants.

  “Core?” Apple Jack blurted. Her hooves started shaking. Her cornered mind then had her answer happily. “Yes. It is obvious that your mother is the whore of your family.”

Big Mack and Granny Smith looked at Apple Jack with pupils small like breadcrumbs. Eric Cartman stared just as blankly at Apple Jack as he did when he first arrived. The un-eaten pancakes laid slobby on their plates, having turned cold long ago. Eric opened his mouth and delivered his response within the awkward silence.

  “You know what? So many times, my friends have tried to tell me. But now you, Apple Jack…” Eric paused. Apple Jack felt that there had been a misunderstanding. Her nervous face dropped in horror before Cartman continued. “…you have become the horse that finally made me realize that they were right all along. Thank you, Apple Jack.”

Apple Jack felt relief poor over her.

  “You’re welcome Human.”

  “Can I count on your support now that I know the truth?” Eric asked.

  “I don’t know if you’ll need it, but I’ll be here for you.”

  “You’re a real friend Apple Jack.” Eric said. Apple Jack laughed. Eric nodded his blank face. “She’s a slut.” He concluded.

Granny Smith made cutting signs with her hoof. Apple Jack didn’t see her.

  “She’s a slut.” Apple Jack confirmed. She had no idea what they just agree on, or what ‘slut’ meant. But at least the conversation was over.

By now Granny Smith and Big Mac had acquired the same blank stare as Cartman. Indeed, they had some difficult terminology explaining with Apple Jack ahead of them.

Meanwhile, far away into the thickness of the Everfree Forest, a yellow pegasus pony was gathering food supplies. What a fiasco that dinner had been so far. Fluttershy thought about this as she gathered ingredients for both Harry and Angel Bunny. She was sure that she had seen some great ones down by that ditch. She flapped her wings and hovered above it. She saw a straw that looked like the grassy plant that she needed.

It wasn’t a plant. Fluttershy's face widened in worry.





Stan Marsh though he heard his mom calling.

  “Mom?”

Stan opened his eyes. It wasn’t moms voice that answered her. It was a kind and gentle voice.

  “There, there. You just hit your head, that’s all.”

Stan felt the fear come back to him again while his vision became clear. What was it that Demandora had turned into? Stan didn’t know, and neither did he know why there suddenly were a yellow coated version of the same creature in front of him. She seemed nice enough though. He swallowed his fear.

  “I’m sorry, I think there’s been a misunderstanding. I was kidnapped.”

The face of the yellow pony dropped in worry.

  “Oh, my. I’m sorry to hear that, I guess we’ll have to get you home to your family again. Where are they?”

  “In South Park.” Stan growled while feeling his head ache. “Where am I?”

  “South Park? I have no idea where that is, but you’re in Equestria now, in Ponyville to be exact. My name is Fluttershy.”

Stan now felt that he was lying on a bed. He stretched his limbs and said the first thing that came into his mind.

  “Fluttershy.” Stan's voice sounded dreamy. Fluttershy blushed. It was now that Stan felt that he was naked. He stared nervously at the pony girl.

  “Pony lady, what is going on?”

  “What’s your name colt?” Fluttershy asked.

  “Colt? What…?” Stan let his hand protrude out from under the bed sheet. His eyes widened in horror at the sight of his front hoof surrounded by orange coat fur.

  “OAH!”

Stan used what in his mind was his two human legs to stand on the bed. His pony body toppled by the side weight and fell hoof fallen onto the bedside table, the sound of porcelain breaking following. Fluttershy had no idea what the fuzz was about and backed away. Stan tried to stand up again but his human mind wasn’t prepared for the change of the centre of gravity in his new body.

  “WAAAAAH!” Stan fell forward and face planted a chair.

  “Are you alright sir?!”

  “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!? WHAT AM I!?”

  “You’re scaring me.” Fluttershy said weakly. “But if you need to know then I guess you’re still a pony.”

Stan realized what must had happened. It wasn’t just herself that Demandora had turned into a pony. Stan tried to stand on four hooves but his mind still imagined him trying to balance his entire body weight on his hands. He wobbled. Fluttershy placed her hoof around his back.

  “Now, careful. Let’s take this slow.”

Stans human mind still imagined his dick exposed without pants. He slammed her hoof.

  “LADY PLEASE! Hold On!” Stan toppled sideways. He paddled his hooves in panic while looking down at his body. It was a light orange body with a blue tale. It was the last thing he saw before he passed out from shock.
> Chapter 4. Cartman Is Afraid He'll Get Rainbow Dashed
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

  Alright. Tail? Scales? Arm muscles?

Spike raised his tiny baby dragon arms and bent them in front of the mirror.

  Looking good Spike! Looking REALLY good!

The door to the room opened. Spike stopped posing and turned around. It was one of the guards.

  “Spike, the meeting is about to start.” The guard informed.

  “Alright. I’ll be just a moment.”

After more than a moment passed Spike finally felt ready to head to the throne room. It confounded the dragon why he felt so nervous. He knew princess Celestia well, he knew princess Luna well, he had even spent some time with Starswirl the Bearded. He shouldn’t be nervous about representing princess Twilight on this meeting. So, why was he? Could it be because he remembered the last time he did Twilight Sparkle’s duties?

Oh, how could he ever forget the time when Twilight fell asleep inside a Canterlot suite after working too hard on preparations for the Grand Equestria Pony Summit? Twilights fear of failure did lead her to cross her own boundaries now and then, and then Spike had been in charge of making sure that she did not get disturbed by the various ponies that needed her. But instead of simply doing what he had been told Spike had crossed his own boundaries and started making decisions on her behalf. Details of what had happened next blurred inside Spikes memories, but he did remember the flooded summit hall covered in garden remains along with the broken statue.

Ever since those events Spike had been caseous about moving outside of his comfort zone of humbleness. But now was the time to exit it again and be bold, but not to bold.

  “Oh my.” Spikes legs started shaking while the door opened. He put on a confident face and entered the hall. There was already arguing among the attendances, Starswirls irritated voice raging right now.

  “Is this really all that we’ve been able conjure up with the information we’ve received?!” Starswirl blasted, his white beard waving underneath his face.

Princess Celestia stood opposite of him beside the throne. Her white coat laid beautiful behind her blue, green and pink striped mane. Unlike other hoofed creatures, Celestias mane was constantly wavering about, rising like an air marker from her royal head. Her cutie mark consisted of a sun neatly placed on her flank, marking her as the raiser of the sun in Equestria. Celestias voice was motherly and clear.

  “Anabella has proven herself to be a much stronger foe than any of us expected. Her TV show are at the top of the viewing charts in South Park while our own has yet to pass pre-production.”

  “The more I realize how aware I am of that the more I wish I wasn’t, how is this possible?!” Starswirl exclaimed.

  “It is good that we have your contact Celestia.” Luna spoke up. “Otherwise I’m not sure if we’d even been aware the existence of the My Little Milk Cow show.”

Much like her sister, Lunas light blue mane wavered from her head, making it almost look like clouds in the night sky in front of her dark blue coat. Being in charge of ponies’ dreams and the raising of the white majesty in the sky, her cutie mark consisted of a white half-moon.

  “Demandora is a formidable spy Luna, but I wouldn’t put too much pressure on her.” Celestia said worried.

Starswirls face grew soft and understanding.

  “I know that you and her have a long history Celestia, but she has probably already been approached by Annabella. Do we know that we can trust her?”

Celestia closed her eyes, as if she was trying to control her emotions. She opened them again and spoke with a soft but clear voice.

  “I know that she wasn’t always the best pony while she stayed in Canterlot, but while her manners may be mean I do not doubt her conviction to the ponies of Equestria.”

Celestia hoped with all her heart that she was right. She needed it as much as Equestria needed it, especially if cow princess Anabella still had her sights on destroying Equestria and create an inter-dimensional friendship empire.

  “The question is how much her conviction matters now? If recent reports are right then Anabella might have won the propaganda war. I say we pull Demandora out of there and create a barrier between here and South Park.” Starswirl proposed.

  “I know it is risky to keep it open Starswirl, but I fear the consequences closing it might have. Remember, we do not know yet the full extent of the forces the dimensional wormhole has.” Celestia said.

  “As the one studying it I am more than aware of that old pupil, but time is running out.”

  “I’m afraid that I must agree with Starswirl sister,” Luna broke in. “With the propaganda war won by Annabella we might be looking at a full-scale invasion soon.”

  “I know that things look dark, but there have been some polls out in the dimension of South Park showing the popularity of ponies are rising, maybe it isn’t too late for the My Little Pony show?” Celestia brainstormed.

  “Are you saying that…?” Princess Luna was interrupted.

  “Ahum, excuse me?”

  “Ah. Spike the humble dragon. I was wondering when you would be joining us. Tell us, how are things going for princess Twilight’s new pupil?” Celestia asked.

  “Great!” Spike answered, remembering the letters Twilight had sent to him about Human. He then felt his humbleness flushing over his confident answer. “Or, I don’t know…” Spike hesitated. “I mean, I haven’t seen him yet. But judging on the letters I’ve been receiving from Twilight, he seems to be learning.”

  “I am glad to hear that Spike.” Celestia said.

  “Do you know what we were talking about Spike?” Luna asked.

  “I heard it was about the cold war against the cows.” Spike recalled.

  “Against Anabella.” Celestia pointed out. “We still have yet to make real acquaintance with her subjects.”

  “What about her?” Spike asked. Celestia sighed. She turned to her guards.

  “Send him in.” She ordered.

A colt entered the hall.

  “Shadow Hoof, tell us about the time I sent you to the Milk Empire.” Celestia requested her spy.

  “You sent me there to talk to…” The spy hesitated. He closed his mouth, as if he was trying to hold something in.

  “You can make it through this Shadow Hoof.” Celestia comforted.

  “You sent me there to talk to cow princess Anabella. She obliged and introduced me to her cow friends. She told them ‘We have a lovely visitor here, let’s give him a welcome worthy of a pony’ And then…” Shadow Hoof closed his mouth again. His stomach jerked.

  “And then what? You can do this, there is nothing to be ashamed of, you’re among friends now.” Celestia reassured. Shadow hoof continued with horror in his voice.

  “They charged me. Her cow friends held me down. Anabella sat down in front of me. She made me… me…” The stomach of the pony retracted inwards. “She made me-HURG...” There were the sound of slobby things splatting against the castle floor when Shadow Hoof vomited all over it. The splatter continued for almost half a minute. The light brown puke laid like a mountain whilst acidic rivers ran down to the sides.

  “Urgh… Sorry princesses. She made me taste her milk.”

  “It is alright Shadow Hoof. You’re a brave stallion to tell us this. Thank you. Now, go home and take the rest of the day of.”

  “Thank you, Princess.”

After the mess had been cleaned up Spike had some questions for the princess.

  “Excuse me Celestia, I heard you say that Anabella was a princess of friendship to. It sounds like her and Twilight have a common cause. Why not use that to make peace with her? If that doesn’t work then we can just use the elements of harmony against her.” Spike proposed.

  “I have tried to talk to Anabella Spike, but it seems like she has a completely different idea of what friendship is. Regarding her hatred for ponies, I am afraid that Anabellas intentions are crystal clear. She will stop at nothing until the ponies of Equestria have been driven to the darkest part of the universe. Regarding the elements of harmony, I have been thinking the same thing Spike but… Well, Starswirl?”

Starswirl the Bearded touched what his last name implied.

  “I have been studying the wormhole for a while now and I appears that our magic can make it through, but not beyond it.”

  “Why not?” Spike asked.

  “We do not know for sure Spike.” Luna took over. “But it seems like the magic of friendship gets stuck in limbo somewhere in… eh.” Luna hesitated.

  “Somewhere in?”

  “I do not know how to say this right, Celestia?” Luna turned to her sister.

  “It is alright sister, say it the way we concluded earlier.”

  “Our data is conflicting Spike, but it looks like the place called South Park is such a self-aware, sky-soaring, fantasy-like, bona fide shithole that the power of friendship is rendered powerless once we try and channel it.”

  “You forgot ‘mother-fucking’ sister.” Celestia pointed out.

  “Shut up BITCH!” The saliva sailed through the air whilst the princess of the night cursed. The silence laid itself inside the throne room, although Celestia didn’t seemed angry at all at her sister’s outburst. Lunas face dropped in regret.

  “I am sorry sister. I do not know what got into me.”

  “It is alright sister, we are all having a hard time containing the urges.” Celestia said motherly.

  “Indeed.” Starswirl broke in. “It is accommodable Luna, how fast you snapped out of the South Park spiral FUCK YOU STUPID CASTLE, I’M GONNA KILL YOU AND T BAG YOUR CORPSE!” Starswirl covered his mouth, his eyes widened by shame. Celestia laughed.

  “It’s alright Starswirl, I know your room is cold. I will have my interior designers put some fabric in there. Maybe I’ll even send for Rarity.”





  “That sounds like a splendid idea!” Rarity awed.

  “Splendid?” Erik Cartman blurted, having no memory of giving any proposals.

  “Oh, I’m sorry Human, I just got a little carried away.”

Despite her apology Rarity didn’t seem to slow down at all as she trotted around her wares. Her white horn lit up. A roll of fabric went sailing from one of the corners of her Ponyville boutique, the one she called Carousel Boutique. Her white coat was dotted with her cutie mark, which consisted of three diamonds, neatly placed on her flank. There was a gust of wind blowing from the entrance.

  “Hello Rarity!” Rainbow Dash greeted.

Upon entering Raritys boutique Rainbow Dash immediately noticed Twilights new student and, as always when there was a new creature in town, she felt the excitement grow within her. She couldn’t wait to spread her wings and watch Human’s mouth drop open in awe while she rubbed her awesomeness in his face. If normal flying wouldn’t do it then a Sonic Rainboom definitely would. A Sonic Rainboom was a phenomenon that occurred when Rainbow Dash flew so fast that she achieved sonic speed, causing a massive rainbow to explode in the sky. Rainbow Dash was famous all over Equestria for the move.

  “Hello Rainbow Dash. I was just giving Twilight’s new student here a rundown of…”

Rarity kept talking about her new gowns, but Eric Cartman wasn’t listening. Only one phrase echoed inside his mind.

  Rainbow Dash…Rainbow Dash…Rainbow Dash.

Eric Cartman’s eyes remained bland, but his mind erupted into panic.

  Oh no, the homosexuals found me again!

Rainbow Dash turned to Cartman.

  “Hello Human. Nice to finally see you got away from Twilight!” Rainbow Dash laughed at her own joke. She had a raspy voice and her face grinned in a rad manner.

  “Hi.” Cartman answered plainly.

Rainbow Dash’s laughter got stuck while Cartmans bland response sank in. Cartmans mind raced on.

  He is trying to decide whether I’m worth the risk!

  “I heard you were staying at Twilights castle.” Rainbow Dash bumped her hoof on Cartmans shoulder. “I hope she didn’t make you go through too many of her boring checklists!”

  He knows where I’m staying!

  “It’s a shame that you’ve been so busy lately with Twilights boring friendship lessons. I really wished that we could hang out someday!” Rainbow Dash leaned closer to him. “Who knows, maybe I’ll even give you a free Wonderbolt flying session? I am pretty fast, you know?” Rainbow Dash raised her wings while she offered Cartman to show off her flying skills. Rarity turned to the pegasus pony.

  “Tell me darling, I know this might sound pre-mature, but I have a design for a Grand Galoping dress here that I think might suit you.” Rarity offered, referring to the annual Grand Galloping Gala. Cartmans mind trembled at the sound of only half the phrase.

  Grand Galloping Dress!

  “Rarity, you and your dresses never give in, do they?!” Rainbow Dash asked incredulously.

  “What? It never hurts to plan for the future. Besides, you know that I always come prepared.”

  “Yea, right. Next thing you’d be telling me that you have something for Human here as well!” Rainbow Dash hoof motioned Cartman.

  “As a matter of fact, it so happens that I have. I was just about to measure him and see If he fits the prototype that I’ve made.”

Cartmans blood froze.

  Oh no, they’re dressing me up for the act!

Rarity had some of her fabrics hover over from a nearby chest.

  “Hold this.” Rarity gave Rainbow Dash a diamond, then added. “In fact, keep it. I don’t need it.”

  “Thanks Rarity!”

  She is paying him! She’s paying him for a rainbow dash!

Rarity brought out a ruler from the chest.

  “Alright. I’m just going to do some preparations. Would you mind taking of your clothes, Human?”

It was common in the land of Equestria that ponies only wore clothes on finer occasions, otherwise they usually walked around bare coated. Rarity had no idea that humans wore clothes in public all the time.

  “My clothes?” Cartman asked, his heart thumping in terror.

  “Yes, for measurements mainly.” Rarity explained.

  “You heard the lady, take of your clothes!” Rainbow Dash blasted in his face.

  “Rainbow Dash! That’s no way to behave, what if he feels embarrassed?!” Rarity scolded.

  “But we will never be done here if you never finish your preparations!” Rainbow Dash turned to Cartman and smiled. “If you give my friend the honour and take off your clothes, then I promise you that I will show you my Sonic Rainboom!”

The door to the boutique opened. An orange pony with a ponytail entered.

  “Hi their fellas, I was just checking if Human was here.”

  “Hello Apple Jack. You’re in luck, he is right here…” Raritys face dropped in disbelief. “…He was Here.” Rarity looked around the empty area where Human recently had been.

  “He is gone.” Rainbow Dash said bewildered.

  “I think I saw him run upstairs when I came in here.” Apple Jack informed.

  “I wonder why that could be?” Rarity looked sideways at Rainbow Dash.

  “What?! You were the one who told him to take his clothes off!”

  “I asked him Rainbow Dash, but you demanded!” Rarity scolded.

  “Yea, whatever.” Rainbow Dash retreated. Rarity sighed.

  “I guess I should go and apologize to him.”

The skin on Cartmans chubby legs flapped about while he ran across the bedroom. He opened the closet and pressed his fat ass inside. He closed the door a hid among Raritys clothes. His heart thumped with fear.

  He told me he would whip out his Sonic Rainboom! They cannot find me, I have to…

Cartman cut the thought along with his breath while he heard the sound of hooves entering the room. He watched the light from the gap darken repeatedly as a silhouette moved about outside. It moved back and forth until it stopped. The silence laid itself. The closet door slammed open. Raritys horn sparkled fiercely.

From outside ponies could behold the beauty of Carousel Boutique. The round building rose majestically with its wavering flag pole piercing the sky. Cartmans scream could be heard coming from inside the upper floor bedroom.

  “HELP! I’M BEING RAINBOW DASHED BY A UNICORN!”





  “Are you sure it is fine Human?” Twilight asked her student.

  “Yes, its fine.” Cartman assured.

Twilight and Cartman was sitting at the dining table inside Twilights castle, discussing previous events. Twilight had started to feel hesitant about the honesty of her student.

  “Really? Cause I talked to Rarity the other day about what happened at her boutique and she told me that you looked pretty scared.”

Cartman couldn’t let Twilight know that he was onto them and their rainbow dash scheme.

  “Yes. I was really scared at the time. I thought I would get rainbow dashed, as in taken for a flight again. You remember when we flew together from the Tree of Harmony, don’t you? You remember how scared I was.”

Twilight remembered Cartmans calm, eyes half-closed, blank stare of disbelief riveted toward the horizon, his chubby arms raised like if he was using them as wings while she carried him through the sky. Twilights mouth bent in bewilderment.

  “Really? You were that scared?”

  “I was terrified.”

Twilight Sparkle wasn’t sure what to think. But she was sure that some kind of misunderstanding laid at the bottom of it all. She wanted to press Human further but she couldn’t afford to lose her students trust in her, she couldn’t afford to fail the first assignment the cutie map had given her in a long time.

  “Alright, as long as the misunderstanding is sorted out. How are things going otherwise?” Twilight asked.

  “Some misunderstandings here and there, but otherwise, I’m doing great. I’m really learning a lot.” Cartman lied confidently.

  “Glad to hear that Human. What have you learned so far?”

Cartman felt his blood freeze. If he couldn’t convince Twilight that he was making progress with her friendship lessons she would probably cut straight to the chase, call for her pony friends and give him a round of rainbow dash here and now.

  “I have learned that all your friends love you equally, if they are indeed your friends, no matter what they call you or what you call them.” Cartman decided to feed Twilight the same bullshit that he fed Fluttershy. Twilight lit up.

  “When did you learn that?”

Cartman told Twilight what Fluttershy learned while he was in her house, except replacing the learner with himself, and leaving out the bear that threatened to crush the skull of the teacher. Twilight was overjoyed.

  “I must admit that I am impressed Human. I never knew that you would be learning by yourself so quickly. I guess having you meet my friends was a good idea.” Twilights horn lit up. She had a parchment hover over to her. She read it while continuing. “Speaking of. I have one more friend for you to meet that I believe…”

Twilights voice drowned by a sudden explosion of confetti followed by a pink blur. The biggest smile Cartman had ever seen widened only centimetres in front of his face, followed by a high ear-piercing voice.

  “SURPRISE!”

  “Pinkie Pie! Not now!” Twilight scolded.

  “Of course not, silly. The actual Welcome to Ponyville party dedicated to Human isn’t until this afternoon, this is only the celebration of the ten-day anniversary of Humans stay here at the Castle of Friendship!”

Cartman could not have imagined how annoying the voice of the pink pony actually was. To her credit though, despite her being higher in pitch, she wasn’t even close of being as annoying as Wendy Testaburger. In other words, at least she wasn’t giving hyperactive shout outs about the moral state of Equestria. Pinkie Pie stood on top of the table. She grabbed a cake and slabbed it all over the right side of her face. The marzipan went sliding down. Cartmans blank stare of disbelief showed no signs of a reaction.

  “There is no such celebration.” He said.

Pinkie Pie gave out an ear-piercing laughter. “Na, you’re just saying that. There is a celebration for everything.” Pinkie Pies high voice spouted words in an increasingly faster pace.

  “As a matter of fact, I already have four celebrations planned for you the next three moons, not that I believe it will take that long for you to end your lessons with Twilight but, who knows, I’m always good for preparing for anything. I know I’ve already prepared for Twilights, Apple Jacks and Raritys birthdays, unless Fluttershy visits her parents at that time, in that case I just move her birthday party to the day before Apple Jacks birthday party.” Pinkie Pie put on a smile wider than her head usually was. “The rest we can squeeze in later!”

  “Right.” Cartman said.

  “I KNOW, RIGHT!?”

  “Right.” Twilight said, putting on a nervous smile. Indeed, to out-friendship Pinkie Pie would be a task to great for any princess of friendship.

The afternoon came, eventually. It had felt like days for Eric Cartman while suffering through Pinkie Pies seizures.

  “Pinkie Pie. I know this might sound like an overly picky question, but do you ever run out of air?” He had asked. There had been a highly pitched answer.

  “Run out of air?! Of course not, silly! I’ll never run out of air, and the air never run out of Pinkie Pie!”

  Not much to argue with there. Cartman had thought. The pink pony kept bouncing all around her party cakes and confetti, making her indeed look like a party balloon with unlimited air. Cartman wanted to grab the Pinkie balloon and squeeze it until it made sliding sounds before rocketing upwards and kept going until it was beyond the clouds. He would have done it too if he didn’t know that Pinkie Pie would probably have enjoyed it.

The party now continued inside a place called Sugarcube Corner. Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Apple Jack all joined in eventually. They all danced to a ditty electric tune among a scenery of multi coloured party balloons, cakes and cups filled with lemonade. Cartman was standing right in the middle of it all, his mind gone numb with lame long ago. Cartman didn’t care anymore. His hanging arm muscles, built only by the pressing of the TV controller and opening of the refrigerator, flapped about while he made the same turning motion with them over and over again, dancing the samba of lameness. His blank stare of disbelief was riveted at the window.

Twilight looked at her student. So far, she had felt that Humans blank stare was part of who he was, the same way Maud Pie, a sister Pinkie Pie had quietness as part of hers. But the princess of friendship started growing restless. So far Human had been rather quiet about the friends he had before he got to Equestria. Twilight felt she needed to get Human to open up somehow if she ever hoped of solving his problem. At least she had image proof of her own friendships now. Yes indeed, at one point a photographer had showed up to the party. Twilight had asked him what he was doing there and received the answer.

  “Sorry princess, I’m only a photographer, but if you need to know then I guess you should ask Celestia. She wanted all of you in one picture together.”

Twilight assumed it was a memory gather thing. She shrugged and called all her friends to pose in front of the camera.

  “Do you want to be in the picture too Human?” Twilight asked Cartman.

  “Yea.” He answered disinterested and continued dancing like his life depended on it but he never really cared about his life. After the picture was taken a pink face immediately jumped up in front of Cartman. She made a ‘Woo’ sound of interest.

  “Woo, I see you’re enjoying the party so far Human.” Pinkie Pie piped.

  “Yes, I do.” Cartman answered disinterested while moving his arms back and forth. Pinkie Pie felt Cartmans disinterest, but she didn’t judge him. To her, any mindset could enrich a party as long as one approached it the right way.

  “Woo, I love your dance. Can I try?!”

Cartmans blank face showed no sign of answering. Pinkie Pie placed herself beside Cartman and did the exact same stale movement as him, putting on the same wide-eyed stare of disbelief. There were hooves walking up behind Cartman, followed by a soft voice.

  “Eric?”

Cartman turned to Fluttershy. She whispered in his ear.

  “Eric. I noticed earlier that Twilight called you Human. Have you not told her yet that your name is Eric Cartman?”

Of all the ponies Cartman had met Fluttershy was the only one he had told his real name thus far. Everypony else believed that Cartman was his race name while Human was his Christian name due to a misunderstanding that occurred during Twilight and Cartmans first meeting. Cartman was about to come up with an excuse why he hadn’t told anypony yet when Twilight interrupted them.

  “Hello Fluttershy. How are things going with that colt you found in the forest?”

  “He is much better. But it’s odd, because he swears that he was turned into a pony.”

  “I say you found yourself a crazy nut!” Rainbow Dash blasted herself into the conversation.

  “That was my first thought to Rainbow Dash, until he started walking. It looked like he actually needed to learn from scratch how to walk on four hooves. A colt at his age should have no problem with that. I don’t think he’s lying.” Fluttershy said.

  “What’s his name?” Twilight asked.

  “Cartman!?” A scratchy voice exclaimed in the doorway. All the party attendances looked toward the party crasher.

  “Look, there he is.” Fluttershy informed.

Cartman festered his eyes at the doorway. His human eyes meet with an orange colt with a blue mane and tail. He was years younger than the mares in the room. The surprised face of the colt kept exclaiming.

  “Cartman, what the hell are you doing here!?”

  “You two know each other?” Fluttershy asked bewildered.

Cartman recognized the voice of the colt, and yet he asked bitterly.

  “Who are you?”

  “It’s me Cartman, Stan!” The colt answered.

Cartman and Stan looked silently at each other for several seconds. Cartmans blank face showed no emotions.

  “Dude, you’re a pony.”

  “Yes, I noticed that, thanks to that crazy teacher of yours I’m not a human anymore!” Stan answered irritatingly.

  “And you’re naked.”

Stan opened his mouth to answer but got stuck in his breath. He grunted and shook his head in a display of incredulous.

  “Yes, I know I am. There are no pants for dude ponies here, Cartman!”

  “You’ve had the whole day to find something.”

  “Find something?! You try and find something to grasp with these worthless hooves!”

  “And yet you decided to come here where you knew there would be girls.” Cartman said and hand motioned the mane 6.

  “Yes!” Stan blasted. He shook his head. “…Or no. I mean...”

  “They can see your dick, Stan.”

  “No, they can’t! I have coat below…”

  “Someone should really call the cops.”

  “Shut up fat ass!”

  “Hold on a minute here fellas?” Apple Jack broke in. She hoofed motioned Cartman. “Did you just call this fellow here Cartman?”

  “Yes, of course. That’s his name, Eric Cartman.”

  “And you were a human before? So, you two are not Cartman Berries?” Rainbow Dash asked, her eye lids dropping in bewilderment.

  “Cartman berries? What the fuck, of course not, do I look like a fat ass like him!?” Stan asked angry.

There was a long moment of awkward silence. The faces of all the ponies in the room turned to the alicorn princess. Twilight laughed nervously.

  “A berry, a Human, an easy mix up. Ehehehehe.”

  “But if he’s not a berry that grew from the Tree of Harmony, then how did you two get here?” Rarity asked.

  “I have no idea how Cartman got here…” Stan answered Rarity before turning to Cartman. “…but I was turned into a pony after your teacher caught me breaking into her office. Demandora is a unicorn, Cartman.”

  “Demandora? Where have I heard…?” Twilights voice dwindled.

  “Did you come here to recue me?” Cartman asked.

   “Kyle came, not me.”

  “Kyle is here too?”

  “I don’t know where he is, but he’s probably in South Park still.” Stans pony face lowered into a combination of anger and sadness. “Look at me Cartman. This is all your fault.”

  “My fault? Weren’t you the one who broke into Demandoras office?” Cartman asked.

Stan's mind went back, but not to the break in. Stan's mind went back to all those times Cartman didn’t show up for the movies, didn’t show up for the LAN parties, didn’t show up for any of those normal all-day hangouts. Stans mind went back to the time when Cartman stopped being his jerk friend and started preferring staying home instead and being Demandoras ‘humble’ student. Stan shook his head.

  “You don’t understand Cartman, you’ll never understand.”

  “Well, I understand that you’re a burglar and an asshole!” Cartman raised his voice for the first time since he came to Equestria.

  “Right, so now you’re being sincere?”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Cartman said and raised his arms.

  “You don’t talk to me for weeks, you don’t call me for weeks and then suddenly, first now you’re being honest with me, first now when it’s time to tell me that I’m not your friend anymore.” Stan's voice started swaying. “Well I’m not your friend either. I’m going to find my way out of here, and then you can stay here.”

There was a moment of awkward silence, Stans emotional breathing being the only thing that could be heard. The ponies looked with bewildered faces at the arguing friends, all except Twilight, who had her eyes lowered in sadness.

  “Fine, I stay here.” Cartman said, his voice back to static.

  “FINE!” Stan roared. He turned and galloped into the denseness of Ponyville. The door slammed behind him.

Stan galloped far away from Sugarcube Corner toward the Everfree Forest. Once there he made his way behind a patch of trees and fell into sulking. Around him the forest widened with its trees high and crowns majestic. The sound of animals and critters jittered around him. He noticed a compacted patch of grass tuft in front of him. He kicked it as he laid on his tummy, watching it sway while he rid his head of both Cartman and unanswered questions of how he would turn himself back into a human again. The grass tuft loosened from the ground and sailed a half meter away from him, too far for him to reach again or bother rising up and get it. Yes, the grass tuft was now unreachable, much like how things was with his friendship with Cartman.

Was this it? After all those years of Cartman being his asshole friend since kindergartener was this finally the day when they stopped hanging out? And with Cartman gone would this be it for him, Kyle and Kenny to? They sure had a connection still, but without Cartman there to liven things up?

Stan laid on his tummy with his hooves crumbled, feeling the grass tickle him below. He reached out his hoof to touch the grass tuft, but it was simply too far away to reach. In fact, it was almost like it drifted away by itself the further he tried to stretch his hoof. Stan watched it lift from the ground and sail toward him.

  “Huh?” He blurted. The tuft landed in front of him.

  “Not that I’m having any idea what you plan to do with that but, here you go.” A female voice said.

Stan wailed around and spotted the same purple pony that he saw at Sugarcube corner. Her horn was sparkling like her pink eyes, her voice kind and sweet in a joking way. Stan looked bewildered her.

  “How did you do that?”

  “As an alicorn I can use my horn and do all kind of magical things?” She answered.

  “Can you make me and Cartman friends again?”

  “As the princess of friendship that is what I do, although I am afraid that is a magic trick that no horn magic can pull of.”

Stan looked down at the ground. He pressed his hoof against it and watched the grass part ways between his hoof.

  “This is silly.”

  “There is nothing silly about wanting to connect with an old friend again.”

  “This one is. Cartman has always been an asshole. He is cynical, he is mean, he makes inappropriate jokes, all on pure impulse. It’s like if Satan himself had a fat son and sent him to earth.”

There was a moment of silence. Twilight let the calmness lay itself before introducing herself.

  “I don’t know if you know who I am. My name is Twilight Sparkle, and I have been given the task of solving Cartmans friendship problem.”

  “Well, you’ll be hard stretched to accomplish that lady.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Didn’t you hear what I said?” Stan looked at Twilight. “Cartman has no friends. I don’t know how many bad ponies you meet princess, but whoever they are I can guarantee you that they aren’t even a fraction as bad as Eric Cartman. He is an evil kid, and he knows it, and he enjoys every second of it.”

  “Is that why you find it silly wanting to be his friend?” Twilight asked.

  “He is not my friend.” Stan looked away from the princess again. Twilight sat down beside Stan and leaned her head closer to him.

  “Stan. I may not know much about the place you came from, but I asked Cartman earlier if he had any friends where he came from. Cartman told me that he had three friends. He said ‘One of them is named Stan, one Kyle and the last one Kenny.’

Stan didn’t answer. He scraped his hoof over the grass.

  “But despite this,” Twilight continued. “I can’t say that I really know Cartman that much, the short time that I have spent with him. Now, from what I heard back there, it sounds like you do know him way better than me.”

  “I wish I did.”

  “Now, I only heard what you said back there, but as I understand you two lost contact a while back.”

  “So?”

  “So, how do you know that Cartman is not the same friend that he was before you lost contact?”

Stan didn’t answer. He could have told Twilight that Cartman didn’t want to be his friend anymore, but deep inside Stan knew that he would be wrong if he did, this grass tuft still seemed unreachable though.

  “Why can’t things just go back to the way they were?” Stan asked desperately. Twilight laid her hoof on Stans back.

  “Friendship is a give and take, and sometimes friends change. But as long as friends work together and talk about their problems things have the habit of working out in the end.”

  “Hm.” Was all Stan could say. Despite his lack of words, he felt a warm glimmer of hope ignite inside him. He raised his head from the ground, barely hiding his smile from the princess. Her friendly voice sounded like a fire sparkling while proposing.

  “Why don’t we say we head back to my castle? I can give you a private tour. You must be curious about all the new things around here. We’ll then see if we can’t squeeze in a meeting between you and Cartman, if things still don’t work out by themselves then, I will be there and make sure they do.”

Stan turned around and faced Twilight. Her pink eyes laid calmly above her smiling face. Her purple mane hanged with violet streaks like the time of day her name implied.

  “Sure, princess.” Stan agreed.

  “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.”
> Chapter 5. Celestia Want's Discord Tied to Her Bed, Cost of Leather Accounted For
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The city of Canterlot was the crown jewel of Equestria and home of the two sisters Celestia and Luna, raiser of the sun and watcher of the night. The city itself was riddled with old streets, filled densely with shops and other welfares. These streets offered a sophisticated every-day life for the ponies living in the town. They all trotted along the pavements, socializing or just enjoying a lonely walk. To the sides of the pavement the houses of Canterlot was towering like a long wall. The main castle was the biggest of all the buildings, its golden roofs with flags piercing the sky offering no contest in this regard. Its white walls glistened due to its slippery surface, causing the castle to shine if you looked at it from specific angles. But despite the light from the warming sun the otherwise cooling window into the throne hall had been tightly shut, preventing the calm and sophisticated discussions inside from reaching ears of unwanted pegasus ponies.

  “FUCK YOU STUPID ALICORN BITCH, THIS IS MY MAGICHIAN HAT!!!” Starswirl the Bearded roared.

  “TAKE YOUR STUPID HAT AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASSHOLE YOU DANCING BROOMSTICK MERLIN PIECE OF SHIT!!!” Princess Lunas face had almost grown black inside her otherwise blue profile. Her alicorn body shook with anger. There was a total of four characters in the room. Princess Celestia was standing beside her throne. She had an unbothered smile on her face while her motherly voice informed.

  “I believe I saw the hat-hanger by the entrance Starswirl.”

Starswirl shook his head.

  “Oh no, did I just succumb to the South Park urges again?”

  “I believe you did Starswirl.” Celestia informed motherly.

  “It is getting worse, isn’t it?” Luna asked worried, having snapped out of her urges.

Spike the dragon was standing beside Luna. His small dragon wings placed on his head had been lowered and his pupils diminished in terror. He quickly snapped out of it, fearing he wouldn’t be a worthy ambassador of princess Twilight Sparkle if he couldn’t pull himself together.

  “It is quite alright sister.” Celestia replied Luna.

  “Yes Luna, our friendship is still going strong.” Starswirl dictated.

  “Yes indeed, even though the shittyness of South Park may be so strong that it breaks the fabric of dimensions, the magic of friendship will always be there to guide us toward understanding.” Celestia said motherly.

  “And now we will spread our magic their world as well, with the arrival of our new show My Little Pony.” Spike said, secretly bracing himself.

  “I only hope that the townsfolk of South Park will see the advertisement that we’ve we put up.” Luna said worried. Her royal face quickly widened into pure alicorn fury. “FUCK YOU STUPID WING! I’M GONNA FLY OUT AND CRASH YOU UP AGAINST A BUILDING YOU ITCHING ASS WIPE!!!” Luna shook her right wing.

  “There is no need to worry sister, I got word from Demandora that the posters have been placed all around South Park.” Celestia informed.

  “Yes.” Spike said while glancing nervously toward Luna. “There is no way the South Park residents are going to miss the advertisement for the show.”

  “How are the production going?” Starswirl asked.

  “From what I’ve heard the first episode is ready to air.” Luna informed.

  “Who is playing who?” Spike asked

  “Nopony is playing. The show is animated by a company named Marsh Bro, owned by a guy named Randy Marsh, I believe he is also doing the voiceover for you Spike. He wanted to do the voiceover for Twilight Sparkle but our agents talked him out of it, barely.” Celestia said.

  “Who is doing the voiceover for her then?” Spike asked.

  “Tara Strong.”

  “Does she sound like her?”

  “You wouldn’t believe it if I told you.”

Spike grabbed his neck.

  “Celestia. I’ve been meaning to ask you, about this Demandora character. I think I remember you mentioning her once.”

Celestia took a glance at her sister. They exchanged looks.

  “I’ll tell you later Spike. For now, we need to focus on bringing down Anabella.”

  “I know you said that she wanted to destroy Equestria, but are we certain that bringing her down is necessary?” Spike asked.

Celestia lowered her head in shame, yet her face twisted in determination.

  “I wish we had better contact with her. But for now, unless she makes a drastic turn in her beliefs, I’m afraid that we don’t have much of a choice.” Celestias voice grew firm. “Anabella has to be removed from power!”





The city of South Park was the shit stain of America and the home of its all the numbers in the alphabet president. It was indeed, with lack of nicer words of putting it, and interesting small town located in the mountains. The police force was all dancing with Hawaiian kilts instead of solving crimes, half the population enjoyed annual anal probes by aliens, the school bullying had become a self-aware endeavour toward nothing more than pure human misery aimed for the weak and minorities. But all this was just every day fodder for the children living in the town. Kyle and Kenny had just passed the cinema to their left when they caught sight of a new poster that had been nailed onto a light pole. All around them the bolstering community of South Park sailed by in their cars and prejudging minds, passing them right now was Craig Tucker and Clyde Donovan.

  “Dude, what is that?” Craig asked.

  “It looks like an advert for a cartoon show.” Clyde said.

The four boys walked up to the poster. The title read in capital letters

  “MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC. There were seven characters on the poster. Almost all of them seemed to be some kind of ponies. They all had cute smiles on their faces. The title had pink glitter jittered around it.

  “Looks like a show for little girls.” Clyde remarked disdainfully.

One of the cute ponies was purple and had wings and a horn, she seemed to be the main character. The others were of varying kinds with either horns, wings or none. One was pink, one had a rainbow coloured mane, one was orange, one was white, one was yellow and… Kyles face twisted in disbelief.

  “Cartman!?”

In-between the purple and the yellow pony one could see Cartmans chubby face peak forth, making some kind of ditty dance move with his arms. Craig’s face widened into a grin.

  “Wa… Wahahahahah!”

Several other boys from the South Park Elementary school walked by not far from them.

  “Hey guys! Look over here, Cartman is starring in a girl’s show!” Craig shouted. Kyles face gradually went from ‘worry of seeing his friend stuck in a foreign land’ into a mean grin. Soon the air was completely swallowed by ten or so boys laughing around the poster. Some of them took photos of it and posted online. Kyles smile twisted into bewilderment while reading the bottom line.

  “Where the hell is Equestria?”

  “Hurmur!” Kenny said.

  “We got to find him Kenny. I bet Demandora knows something.” Kyle tore the poster from the lamp post.

Ever since Stans disappearance Kyle and Kenny had tried to prove Demandoras involvement to the police. So far, their attempts had been unsuccessful, that being trying to snap the chief of police out of his Hula. All they had managed to get out from Demandora was a half-hearted promise that Stan was probably OK. All that aside, Kyle couldn’t wait to see the face of that chubby meat mountain once he found out that the entire school had seen this poster.

Kyle and Kenny were now walking toward Demandoras office. Kyle knocked on the door.

  “Demandora?”

  “Go away.” They heard Demandora answer from inside.

  “We need your help to get to Equestria.” Kyle said it out loud. Only the sound of humble students walking down the corridors could be herd while the silence went. The office door opened. Demandoras angry green eyes glared down at the boys.

  “Come in, and keep your voices down!”

Upon entering the boys was immediately greeted with an office in turmoil. Demandoras table was blurry with papers. The garbage can was filled to the brink with scrupled up papers lying at its side. Demandora didn’t look back at the boys while she went back to whatever she was doing before. Kyle and Kenny walked toward the visitor chair.

  “Don’t bother sitting down!” Demandoras voice was angry and tired.

  “What is going on?” Kyle asked.

  “I will help you.” Demandora said irritatingly while still turning the papers on the table.

  “So, Equestria is a real place?”

  “I said, KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN!” Demandora spelled.

The boys remained silent. Demandora raised her dark-haired profile and pointy nose.

  “I will help you, but then you are gonna have to do something for me.”

  “Hurumph.” Kenny said.

  “But how will we get there?” Kyle asked.

  “Mission first, ways later. You are going to be sent to a world of magic that Hollywood directors would consider setting for clichéd love stories and stereotypical evil lords. Once you’re there you will look up princess Celestia.”

  “Princess Celestia?”

  “Hurm?” Kenny asked.

  “But how will we know how to find her?” Kyle asked. Demandora grumped.

  “She’s the ruler of the land. You are young and enthusiastic, you’ll find a way! Once you’ve found her you will walk up to her, and you will tell her that I accept her offer of fifty bits to keep Discord tied to her bed for a whole day, cost of leather accounted for.”

Kyle and Kenny stared blankly at the middle-aged woman.

  “Who the hell is Discord?” Kyle asked.

  “That is not important! Do you want to find your friend or not?” Demandora asked irritatingly.

Kyle remained silent. Demandora walked past them and approached the door of which they came from. She reached out her hand and locked it. Kyle felt all this talk about disharmony itself tied to Demandoras bed put his earlier worries into context.

  “Eh, what are you doing lady?” Kyle asked.

  “What I am about to show you now is going to make you want to scream so loudly with your annoying little child throats that the whole mountain side will hear you, but I promise you boys that of you utter as much as a vocal I am going to turn you both into wiggling bowling cones, do you understand!?”

  “But…”

  “Do you understand!?”

  “Yes, we understand.” Kyle said.

  “Good.”

Demandora reached down and un-buttoned her skirt. She let it fall down, revealing her half naked body to the boys.

  “Lady, you’re scaring me.” Kyle said.

  “You’re not scared yet, Kyle Broflovski.”

Demandora closed her eyes. There was a small sparkling sound. Slowly, the face of Demandora was surrounded by a dark aura, unnoticeable until she opened her green eyes, their green light standing out even more in the darkness. In front of her forehead a hole opened itself. The pointy edge of a horn slowly protruded out of it. The chin under her mouth widened. It seemed to grab the mouth and pull it downward, forming it into a bulb like shape. Her black hair turned green. Her backside grew bigger while she let herself fall forward and land on her hands.

The skin between her fingers mended. Dark blue hair started growing all over her. Her hands were now as big as her legs and her fingers had completely disappeared. Once they were put down on the wooden floor they made a Ko-Klock sound. On top of her head two long ears now pointed toward the roof. Out from her back a tail wavered. It was the same green colour as her long green mane. The horn of the blue unicorn gave out a green spark. Kyle suddenly realized that this was not a dream. He opened his mouth wide.

  “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Kyle and Kenny’s screams resonated inside a confined space. Demandora rolled her eyes while holding the bubble of silence around the boys. If someone would have happened to stand right beside Demandora one would only have seen Kyles wide open mouth while experiencing complete silence.

The minutes went. Demandora leaned her pony head out behind the curtained window and glanced over South Park. What a pathetic little town it was, not at all like the majestic sight of Canterlot. Demandoras horn lit up. She grabbed the letter that kid with the blue beaner drooled over before. Her green eyes stared dreamy at the footnote.

  I love you. Your one and only. Celestia

Demandora closed her eyes, a slight breath making up what was left of her flinching. She crumpled the piece of paper and threw into in the garbage can. She looked back at the two white bowling cones in the middle of the room. Her horn gave a spark. The cones turned back into Kyle and Kenny.

  “What was… What was?” Kyle panicked. He felt himself rise into the air. He hovered until he stared right into the green eyes of the blue unicorn, her blue horn glowing green.

  “Thanks for reminding me to never have fillies.” Demandora said and smiled. Her smile faded. “Now, keep your mouth shut and be glad that your knowledge of my home world leaves me with more than one choice.”

  “Of course. What are you?” Kyle asked after Demandora had put him down.

  “I am a pony unicorn from the land of Equestria. I was Celestias private…” Demandora paused. Her eyes grew hesitant. “…Humble student, before I was sent here.”

  “Sent here? Why?”

  “That is not important. What’s important is that you find Celestia and tell her that I accept her offer of fifty bits to keep Discord tied to her bed for a whole day, cost of leather accounted for.”

  “Tied to your bed? For what?”

Demandoras face twisted in anger. Her horn started glowing.

  “Never mind, we’ll do as say.” Kyle said rapidly.

  “It’s a code phrase you idiot. You will find your other friend there as well.”

  “You mean Stan?”

  “Yes, although you won’t recognize him other than through his voice.”

  “His voice? Why?”

Kyle never received an answer. He felt a cold breeze coming from behind him. He looked back and saw a forest widen behind an opening portal. He felt himself rise into the air before him and Kenny was tossed into an unknown world.





Kyle turned around and saw that the portal had disappeared. Instead there were only the darkness of the forest. The tree trunks were big and windy, not at all like the mountain trees found around the outskirts of South Park.

  “Kenny, where are we? Do you think this is Equestria?”

  “Humrumpu.” Kenny answered.

Kyle got up on his legs.

  “Come on Kenny. We need to find Cartman and Stan.”

Kyle and Kenny wandered the forest for hours, hoping to find a trace of those colourful ponies that could be seen on the poster. Kyle scanned the area they walked over now. The ground was covered in small wood pieces. He shook, feeling the cold wind burn his skin, his legs aching from all the wandering.

  “Maybe we should rest, try and make a fire?”

Kenny leaned himself against a tree trunk.

  “Huuuuurm.” He sighed.

Kyle reached down and grabbed one of the wood pieces. He had two in his arms already when he held the third one. It started shaking violently. He dropped the wood in panic.

  “What the hell?!”

One by one all the wood pieces in the area started shaking. Some of them had started to slide against the ground by themselves. The pieces moved in on one another and started forming shapes. The shape slowly took the form of a wolf. Two glowing red eyes opened before Kyle heard a growling sound that caused his blood to freeze.

  “What the fuck is that!?” Kyle exclaimed.

  “Hurum!”

  “Kenny, run!”

Kyle and Kenny ran as fast as their child legs could carry them. They could hear howling in the air along with the sound of twigs snapping behind them.

  “Kenny, this way!”

Kyle ran through a patch of bare-twigged bushes. He felt his skin cut. His panicked mind did not bother investigating his wound. Kyle felt his foot jam. He fell forward.

  “Waaaa!” Kyles scream was cut once the ground slammed him in the stomach. He lost his breath. He tried to move but his foot had been jammed under a root.

  “Kenny, leave me.” Kyle managed. Kenny shook his head. “Kenny please, you don’t have a choice!”

Kenny looked up and saw the forest rumble behind Kyle. Kenny picked up a twig from the ground. He tossed it to the right, resulting in a rustling sound. The wolf changed course to see what it was. Kenny sprinted to Kyle, grabbed the root firmly and lifted it, allowing for Kyle to break free. The boys proceeded into the woods.

  “I think we lost him Kenny.”

Kyle heard a growling sound in front of him. His face widened in horror at the sight of another wolf rising on two legs. Kyle heard the other wolf closing in from behind. He felt the hopelessness flush over him. The timber face of the wolf was only inches away from him when there was a sudden blast. The wolf whimpered and broke into pieces. Kyle heard a rustling sound behind him. The red eyes of the wolf Kyle saw earlier came pouncing out from behind the tree line.

  “Move!” A female shouted.

Kyle felt himself being pulled sideways by an invisible force. The wolf landed on the ground and turned his red eyes toward him. Kyle saw a unicorn with a purple mane and light blue stripes appear behind the wolf. She leaned her head forward. A laser sound followed. The wolf whimpered. His body evaporated into pieces while his head went sailing into the woods. The head broke once it hit the ground. Kyle took a minute to catch his breath. His eyes looked wondrously at the beauty in front of him. The coat of the unicorn was the same color as the surface of a diamond. Her purple eyes looked bolstering at him while she spoke modestly.

  “Timber wolfs can be a bit frightening at first but once you know the right spell.”

  “Thank you, ma’am.” Kyle said and turned to Kenny. “And thank you Kenny. I would have been a goner back there if it weren’t for you.”

The unicorn trotted up to the boys. She had a backpack on her.

  “I may not know who you are or what you are, but what are you guys doing out here? Don’t you know how dangerous it can be to travel the Everfree forest alone?” There was a genuine worry in the unicorn’s voice.

  “You’re telling us that?” Kyle asked teasingly. The unicorn laughed.

  “Oh please, I was the private student of the princess herself, I can handle a few timber wolves.”

  “You know the princess?” Kyle asked.

  “Princess Twilight? Yes, I know her.” The unicorn answered.

  “Can you take us to her?” Kyle assumed Celestia was Twilights middle name. The thought of two princesses in one kingdom never hit him. The unicorn smiled approvingly.

  “Sure. What’s your name…Eh, whatever you are?”

  “I’m a human. My name is Kyle, and this is Kenny.”

  “Humprumpu.” Kenny greeted.

The unicorn smiled nervously at Kenny.

  “Ooooookay. Excuse me if I may be being rude but could you possibly say that again? I can’t hear you behind that orange ball thingy.”

  “Hurumpu, prumphururur, prupurum!” Kenny said merrily while closing his eyes. The diamond unicorn looked at Kenny like she was observing a filly taking his first walk.

  “Right, I believe I understand.” The unicorn said rapidly. Kyle immediately noticed that the unicorn had a laid-back personality.

  “What’s your name beauty… I mean…” Kyle blurted without thinking. The unicorn turned her blushing face downward and giggled. What cute little creatures these humans were.

  “Now, that is the first time somepony I just meet have ever said that to me.”

  “Sorry ma’am, didn’t mean to be creepy.” Kyle apologized.

  “We just faced a pack of timber wolves, I think ‘creepy’ was already taken. You can call me beauty if you want to…” The unicorn paused, then added with a squint. “Until it actually becomes creepy. Otherwise, you can call me Starlight Glimmer.”

  “Sounds like the name of a pop band.” Kyle remarked.

  “Hurumpu.” Kenny said.

  “Can you take us to the nearest town Starlight?” Kyle asked.

  “Of course. Just follow me.”

Kyle and Kenny followed Starlight through the woods. She now trotted ahead of them.

  “Wait. Hold on.” Kyle breathed. Starlight turned around. “I need to catch my breath.”

Starlight looked back hesitantly at the two tired humans. She needed to pick up the pace if she wanted to be home in Ponyville before dark, but she realized that the small legs of the humans would never be able to keep up with her trotting. She turned around and walked to them. She let her hooves crumble beside them.

  “Alright. Jump up.”

Kyle and Kenny looked at Starlight like they had just been asked to join Nasa on a space journey.

  “What’s wrong?” Starlight asked.

  “It’s just that…” Kyle hesitated. “I have never ridden a pony before.” Kyle said, secretly hiding the girly reason why he never would have tried it either.

  “The sooner you jump up the sooner you will meet the princess. I promise, I won’t bite you.”

Kyle and Kenny looked at each other. They shrugged and jumped up on the pony’s back.

  “So, where do you guys come from?” Starlight asked the two boys riding her.

  “We come from a place called South Park.”

  “South Park? Have never heard of that place before.”

  “It’s a town in the mountains, it’s in another world from yours. We were sent here by another unicorn.”

  “In another world? Now, that sounds exiting. Tell me more about it.”

  “It is a special place I guess, kind of a shithole. As long as you’re not black I guess it’s a nice place.”

  “Black?”

  “A race thing, depends on who you ask. But we all have our minority marks I guess. I was born into a Jewish family for example, Kenny here was born into a poor family.”

Starlight Glimmer listened with interest. Other than poor, she had no idea whatsoever what either black, Jewish implied. She was just glad to meet somepony who felt comfortable talking about their outsider traits, mostly because she herself had been an outsider before she became Twilights student.

  “So, what’s it like living in South Park?”

  “The days go by. One day you’re at the cinema, the next day you’re home playing video games, the next day you’re saving earth from an alien invasion.”

  “Sounds… “Starlight hesitated. “…Interestingly boring. Tell me more.”

The road was long and time plenty. Starlight kept listening while Kyle told her about some of the adventures that him, Stan, Kenny and Cartman had been on. Starlight knew she was hanging out with a group of friends that included Pinkie Pie, but she could safely say that these were some of the strangest adventures that she had ever heard of.

  “So, this Imagination Land, as you called it, filled with imaginary characters and make-believe characters was attacked by terrorists from your world? And then, to contain the situation, your government ordered a so called nuclear strike on it?” Starlight asked bewildered.

  “Yes, and that set of a worldwide discussion either the creatures living in Imagination Land were actually real and therefore was covered by the same human rights as us. The thing was even brought to international court. If they ruled they weren’t real than the government would have been approved to launch the missile. If they ruled they were real they would have had to stop the launch and I would have to suck Cartmans balls.”

Starlight’s face formed somewhere between interest and bewilderment.

  “You would have to suck his balls?”

  “Yes. Before the Imagination Land thing I made a deal with him that Leprechauns weren’t real, and if they were than I would have to suck his balls.”

  “And, when you say balls, you mean…?”

  “Yes, the thing you feel on your back right now.”

  “That’s an…” Starlight hesitated, stuck in her own vision. “…Interesting chain of events, and thanks for pointing that last part out." Starlight laughed nervously. "So, how did it go?”

Kyle told the rest of the story. The conversation eventually came to be about their friendship.

  “So, this Cartman. I know he’s your friend and all, but based on what you told me about him, he doesn’t seem to be that nice at all.” Starlight said with worry on her face.

  “I know that it might sounds odd, but he is actually our best friend in a way, even though he’s probably the worst kid in South Park.”

  “Why?”

  “I believe it has something to do with us hanging out since kindergartener. He is an asshole, but he is an asshole that we know. And you can always count on his feedback, even if the things he says makes you want to launch his fat ass all the way to Mars sometimes.” Kyle put his hand under his chin and ended rapidly.” In fact, make that all the time.”

  “Wow, that is…” Starlight interrupted herself. Indeed, this was a unique way of looking at friendship. Maybe she should speak to Twilight about it later. Speaking of.

  “What exactly do you want with the princess?” Starlight asked.

Kyle hesitated. He remembered Demandora telling him that that the message he carried was a code phrase. He wasn’t exactly sure how much he should tell this unicorn that he’d just met.

  “We’re carrying a message for her.”

  “Can I ask you what it’s about?” Starlight asked.

  “I don’t know exactly what it is about, but I believe it’s private.” Kyle needed an excuse.

  “Alright, I won’t ask any more questions.” Starlight said, then thought. What could be so private between Twilight and this unicorn that she needs to send two foreign creatures to deliver this message?

The pony ride eventually took the boys into the town of Ponyville. They approached the castle that Starlight informed earlier was Twilights castle. Kyle and Kenny jumped down from Starlight’s back. She knocked her hoof at the front door. There was a sparkling sound. A purple face of joy greeted them behind the opening door.

  “Starlight, nice to see you’re back from your home village!” The purple unicorn exclaimed and raised her wings.

  “Boys, this is Twilight, the princess of friendship.” Starlight informed. Twilight looked down at the boys with a greeting smile. Kyle stepped forward. He bent his knees in front of the purple princess and spoke proudly.

  “Princess Twilight Celestia. I come here with a message from Demandora the unicorn. She would like to inform you that she accepts your offer of fifty bits to keep Discord tied to your bed for a whole day, cost of leather accounted for!”

Discord was the spirit of chaos and a good friend of Fluttershy. Twilights smile swam in hesitation, as if to suddenly burst out. Oh, I DID request that! Starlight looked at her old mentor like she’d just announced that she was a pine tree.





Princess Celestia had her eyes closed, her face hardened in concentration. The silence laid thick inside the throne room, its giant stone pillars being the only thing that offered subdue from its echoing voices.

  “SHIT FACE!” Princess Luna roared.

Lunas echo faded. Celestia pressed her lips tight. She needed to focus, feel the flow of shittyness that only a place like South Park could produce. Beside her Luna, Starswirl the Bearded and Spike had the same concentrating faces. Starswirl opened his mouth wide.

  “HAHRWAHRWAHRWAHRWA!” He blurted, his saliva flying through the air while his beard wavered.

  “Vagina.” Spike’s boyish voice echoed inside the throne room. Celestia could immediately tell that it wasn’t South Park urges.

  “Now, Spike, there is no need to use that language here, this is a formal meeting, after all.” Celestia scolded motherly.

  “Sorry Celestia.”

  “I WILL SHOVE MY HORN SO FAR UPP YOUR ASS!” Luna roared with closed eyes.

  “SUCK MY BROOMSTICK LUNA!” Starswirl did the same.

  “Almost there.” Celestia informed.

  “YOUR MOTHER WAS A WHORE!” Luna screamed.

  “Pony tits.” Spike awed.

  “What did I say Spike?”

  “Sorry princess.”

  “Urg, this is hopeless. We will never know for sure what is going on in South Park this way.” Starswirl sulked.

  “We have to try.” Celestia said determined.

Suddenly the door to the throne room slammed open. A messenger galloped inside.

  “Celestia, I got a message from princess Twilight Sparkle!”

  “Would you mind reading it Spike?” Celestia asked.

The messenger gave the scroll to Spike. The humble dragon opened it and read it out loud.

  “Princess Celestia. I recently got word from a messenger that had been wrongly addressed to me. The messenger informs about a unicorn named Demandora, and that she accepts your offer of fifty bits to keep…” Spike hesitated. He looked at Celestia with bewildered eyes. “… To keep Discord tied to your bed for a whole day, cost of leather accounted for.”

Luna and Celestia looked at each other.

  “So, it is true.” Luna said.

  “I hoped that it wouldn’t come to this!” Celestia exclaimed. Spike’s face dropped in shame. He wavered his arms.

  “Ok, ok. I’m sorry, I get it! I shouldn’t have read this out loud!”

  “No Spike, it’s a code phrase.” Luna informed. Spikes mouth bent sideways.

  “THAT was a code phrase? Who of you thought that up?”

  “She did.” Both Luna and Celestia said at the same time. Spike decided to cut straight to the chase.

  “Fine, but what does the code mean?”

  “It means that the cows are on the brink of…” Starswirl was cut when the door to the throne room suddenly slammed open again. A guard galloped inside.

  “Princess Celestia and Luna, the cows are attacking!”

  “What the fuck.” Celestia said. Luna turned to her sister

  “Wow, did you just feel the South Park urges too sister?”

  “Eh… Yes. Yes, I did.” Celestia said hesitantly while putting on a nervous smile. The events that would soon follow, Celestias choice of words would turn out to be well chosen.

  “Hey ladies, forget about those urges now! How do we stop the cows?!” Spike wailed.

There was a gasp. The guard that recently left was tossed back into the throne room and landed on his back. There were the sound of pointy hooves carrying a heavy load walking toward the room. Celestia and Luna looked growling toward the doorway. Spike’s face twisted in fear.

  “Did somecow say milk?” It was a highly pitched voice carrying a tinge of joking. Its source showed herself in the doorway with milk breast that were so big that they dragged against the floor as she walked. In fact, the huge tits of the princess were almost as big as the rest of her body. Her white coat was dotted with black spots. Her happy smile had an unnerving tinge of unbothered to it.

  “Anabella.” Celestia said darkly.

  “Oh, why those downed faces? Don’t you know that friendship is all about the satisfaction after getting the happy taste of…?” Anabella turned her face and giggled to herself in a crazy manner. “…Milk.” Anabellas cow body was larger than any cow that could be found in Equestria. She had two minuscule wings on her back.

  “Can you even fly with those?” Spike asked. Anabella looked at the dragon, her face forming a happy awe.

  “Oh, look at that cute little baby dragon!”

  “You leave him alone Anabella!” Celestia demanded.

  “Maybe you too should have some milk?” The cow princess offered.

  “Enough of this!” Luna exclaimed and rocketed toward the ceiling. There was a laser sound when her spell went for Anabella.

Anabella jumped forward and landed on her front hooves. She hurled herself backwards and landed on her back hooves, allowing her to throw her massive milk tits up into the air. The spurt from the breasts collided with Lunas spell. Anabella then jumped forward and bounced over the floor using her giant tits. She made a front flip after one bounce, her breasts being thrown like a rope ball through the air. This allowed for her to make the last bounce harder so she could use her wings and fly up to Luna’s flight level. She then hurled herself sideways. There was a smacking sound when Anabella’s giant tits smacked Luna in the face. Luna made a triple back flip as she went tumbling down to the castle floor. Celestia raised her wings while her horn gave a spark. Anabella hovered helplessly mid-air.

  “Oh no, what do I do!? What do I do!?” The cow princess wailed. Her hopeless face quickly gained an evil grin. She raised her front hooves and hurled her backside forward, allowing her to fling her blobbing tits upward. She then slammed her milk breasts with her hooves, creating a spurt. The spurt rocketed Celestia right in the face. Anabella broke free, stretched out her hooves and landed on the castle floor with her breast. This allowed her to bounce forward, do an inverted 360 and land behind Celestia. Celestia turned her milk covered face around and saw Anabellas breasts come toward her. Celestia was tossed halfway across the room and landed belly against belly with Luna. Anabellas breast smeared itself all over the backside of her head, holding her down. Celestia spoke to Luna.

  “Sister…Her milk… It is… so disgusting HURLAAAAAA!” There were the sound of liquid filling up a confined space when Celestia vomited into her sister’s mouth.

  “Friendship is milk!” The cow princess dictated happily.

  “Fuck of Remona!”

Anabella turned around and faced Starswirl the Bearded. He spun his glowing horn around and created a hurricane. The wind caused the banderols inside the throne room to turn sideways, some of them loosened and went flying. Anabella smiled. She jumped up into the air and landed on her back hoof. She then raised her front hooves graciously and went for a ballerina twirl counter clockwise, her huge breasts flinging around as she went.

Starswirl stared in confusion as the happy cow princess turned his attack move into a dance exercise. She spun further and further away from the centre of the hurricane. She now came close to Starswirl. Anabella raised her front hooves as if to take in a round of applause while her huge tits smacked Merlin in the face. The thick milk from her tits caused his beard to slob, resulting in it twirling upward over his face while he went tumbling backwards.

The princess then went for her finishing move. Anabella raised her right leg, allowing her to come out of her twirl. She continued spinning with her body while facing the wall. Her huge tits made smacking sounds when they slammed against the castle floor, aiding her in her Proud Mary journey toward glory. Her breasts were so big that for every time they slammed against the floor they held Anabellas body airborne. Starswirl was using his hooves to turn away the slobby beard from his face when Ms Countryside arrived. Once the 1,5-ton cow arrived she made an inverted 90-degree impossible flip and used her flinging breast to perform an upper cut. Starswirl went on an 820-horizontal side flip with an inverted front flip, all while projectile vomiting, making him look like a fire work that somepony accidentally toppled before launch. Anabella landed perfectly on her hooves.

  “Friendship is milk.” She said while the fire work burned out on the floor. Her cow friends now entered the throne room dressed in armour. “Don’t you agree Spike?” Anabella turned her grinning face toward the shaking dragon. She continued in a dark tone. “Now, tell me, where can I find the pony that calls herself ‘The Princess of Friendship’?”
> Chapter 6. Eric Cartman Gets ANGRY at Twilight
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

  “So, what you are saying is…?” Twilights eyes swam with hesitation. Starlight’s face grew serious while facing her former mentor.

  “What I’m saying is that maybe being bad is what makes Cartman a good friend.”

Twilight Sparkle had already introduced Starlight Glimmer to Cartman and told her about the various friendship lessons that she had him go through. It worried Starlight how different the things she heard Twilight say about him was from the things Kyle had told her earlier. Starlight studied Twilights hesitant look.

  “You don’t agree.” Starlight concluded.

  “I’m just not sure if being rude is what makes up a good friendship, despite I don’t think he is that rude.” Twilight said.

Starlight leaned her head and took a glance across the other room. She saw Eric Cartman sitting at the end of a table, the same blank stare hovering on his face as when he met her before.

  “Are you sure about that? He seems to be holding a lot inside if you ask me.” Starlight said.

  “He’s probably ashamed about the thing that caused him to separate from his friends. You see Starlight, I talked to his other friend, Stan.”

  “You mean the one that was turned into a pony?” Starlight asked.

  “Yes. He told me that him and the others lost contact a while back, there seems to be a lot of tensions going on between him and Cartman right now. I believe, if we can ease up those tensions, both parties might be able to open up.”

  “Hm.” Starlight mumbled.

  “Despite.” Twilight continued. “With the arrival of his other two friends, bringing them together again is going to be a breeze.” Twilight smiled proudly.

  “Of course, Twilight, I only hope that you know what you’re doing.” Starlight did not doubt Twilights ability to mend friendships, merely her disability to not get carried away in the progress of doing so. After the conversation was over Starlight and Twilight parted ways. Meanwhile, in the room next door, ways were about to be crossed. Kyle and Kenny entered the meeting room and caught sight of the meat mountain, his stomach barely fitting between the chair and the table. Sitting at the other end was an orange pony.

  “Cartman?” Kyle asked.

  “Hello Kyle.” Cartman said, sounding like he was announcing his arch enemy. His eyes were wide open with his mouth hanging, creating what could only be described as the blank stare of Eric Cartman. Kyle knew very well what the stare meant.

  “Cartman. What are you doing here?” He asked.

  “Doing? Whatever do you mean?” Cartman asked. Kyles face twisted in anger.

  “Don’t play innocent. You’re up to something, I can see it.”

  “Then what are you doing here?” Cartman asked.

  “We’re here to get you the hell out, both you and Stan.”

Kyle looked around the room. The orange pony tried not to look Kyle in the eyes. At that same moment the door to the meeting hall opened. Twilight Sparkle trotted inside. She carried a parchment and a quill with her horn magic. The orange pony festered his eyes on her as she sat down at the long side of the table. She had the quill note something in her parchment.

  “And check. There, now we’re all here together!” Twilight exclaimed over-energetically while failing to connect with the others in the room. She turned her head and noticed the bewildered looks of the humans inside. “Oh, where are my manners? Sit down gentle colts.” Twilight offered politely.

Kyle and Kenny sat down opposite of Twilight. To their right Eric Cartman was eyeballing the orange pony.

  “Excuse me princess?” Kyle asked.

  “Yes Kyle.” Twilight replied.

  “I don’t know if you heard of him, but there is another friend of ours that is missing. His name is Stan.”

  “Well, you don’t have to look far Jew.” Cartman said.

  “I wasn’t asking you, Cartman!”

  “If you ask him nicely maybe he could even take you for a pony ride.” Cartmans mouth rose whilst his eyes remained bland. “Ha…Hahahahahaha.”

Cartman’s laughter was static and mean. It was the first time Twilight had heard Cartman laugh. A dark feeling of uncertainty slowly started to creep up on her. The orange pony grunted. Kyle didn’t understand the joke.

  “Shut up fat ass!”

Twilight smiled modestly.

  “Alright boys. Obviously, there is a lot of small details for us to get our heads around here.” Twilight said diplomatically. She turned to Kyle.” That joke about your friend that Cartman made for example.”

  “Whatever do you mean princess?” Kyle asked.

  “Maybe Stan SHOULD bring you along for a ride?” Twilight joked, her mouth rising into a laughter. She made sure that Kyle saw her glance toward the orange pony in the room with blue mane. Kyle looked at the pony. The words of Demandora came back to him. You won’t recognize him other than through his voice. Kyle’s eyes squinted.

  “Stan?”

For a moment Stan looked uncertain at Kyle with his pony eyes. He raised his hooves.

  “Alright Kyle. This isn’t how it looks.”

  “It is exactly how it looks and you know it.” Cartman said.

  “Fuck Stan, you’re a PONY!” Kyle exclaimed, his eyes widening in disbelief.

  “Hubruluuuu!” Kenny blurted.

  “Look here, I didn’t ask for this. I was turned into a pony by Cartmans crazy teacher after that break-in!” Stan pointed out. Kyles face contorted into a grin.

  “And you’re naked.” Kyle started laughing. Kenny followed Kyle.

  “I am not naked!”

  “That wasn’t what you said last time Stan.” Cartman teased.

  “Coat!” Stan pointed his hooves downward. “It is called, coat!”

  “It doesn’t cover up everything Stan.”

At this point Twilight could hold it no longer. Her giggling accompanied the laughter of the boys.

  “Look Stan. The princess knows the truth.” Cartman said.

  “It isn’t normal coat, its fluffy. FLUFFY coat! It covers up everything, look!” Stan got up from his chair.

“Wo, wo, WO!” The boys in the room rapidly held their hands over their eyes. “Stan, what a hell! Nobody wants to see your dick!” Cartman blasted. Twilight pulled herself together and lectured.

  “All over Equestria most ponies walk around bare coated. We are all used to it in public, mares and gentle colts.” Twilight let out the rest of her laughter at the last word.

Stan looked in wonder at Twilight. To him, she felt like a new friend that he could lean on, an alternative to the falling apart that he felt was happening between him, Cartman and the others. Still, without taking out anything in advance, did he just feel a change in Cartman? Could it be that the tactics of the princess of friendship had actually worked?

  “But how are we gonna make it home, and how do we turn Stan back into a human again?” Kyle asked.

  “I say we find Demandora, force her to turn me back into human and bring us all back to South Park again.” Stan proposed.

  “Right, and getting me expelled. Forget it, Stan.” Cartman said.

  “Right, and your time as Demandoras student have opened you up so much!” Stans said sarcastically.

  “Maybe it has.” Cartman said.

  “Ever since you became shoe shiner for that emo bitch you’ve locked yourself inside a fantasy land Cartman!” Stan exclaimed. Cartman’s face contorted into incredulous laughter.

  “Are you kidding me? Aren’t we all arguing inside a fantasy land right now!?”

  “Stop bending my words Cartman, you know what I mean!”

  “Give it a rest Stan.” Kyle said.

  “What? And let Cartman win? I thought you had my back Kyle!”

  “If Cartman wants to stay home and study than that’s his choice. It doesn’t mean that we’re not friends anymore.” Kyle said.

Twilight Sparkle was sitting in the middle of the conversation table, wailing her eyeballs between each contributor. She reacted with interest at the information she just received, doing so by turning her concentration down at her parchment. Stan continued.

  “Yes, I know Kyle. But friends still need to hang out sometimes, or else, what’s the point?”

  “The point is, Stan, that you’re a jealous asshole who can’t stand that the fat kid in the group has a future.” Cartman said.

  “Come on Cartman, you know that isn’t true.” Stan said. On the surface Stan was angry and hurt, but on the inside, he felt an old joy boil up. Finally! He is becoming himself!

  “Look, guys. Maybe we should all just focus on getting home?” Kyle proposed. Stan turned his pony face toward Kyle, a face that was getting angrier by the second.

  “That’s easy for you to say who aren’t eating with the same limb that also touches the ground.”

  Kyle made an irritating breath. “Are you blaming me now?!”

  “Yes, I am blaming you. Breaking into Demandoras office was your idea!”

  “Come on Stan, how the hell was I supposed to know that Demandora was a unicorn in disguise, capable of turning a human into a pony and sending that pony into a foreign fantasy land, named Equestria?”

  “You couldn’t, but I tried to tell you Kyle that Cartman wasn’t worth it!” Stan hoped that winding Cartman up a bit more would snap him out of his humble ways for good. Stan knew though that if he let himself smile he would blow the whole thing. He needed to keep up his mask of anger.

  “That wasn’t how it sounded when you exposed yourself to the girls during that party Stan.” Cartman teased.

  “Oh yea?! Why were you there then?” Stan asked.

  “Me?”

  “If Demandoras studies really are the path to glory like you claim, then what the hell are you doing here in Equestria?!”

  “Right? So now you WANT me to study!?” Cartman was growing angry. Stans eyes grew large.

  “No Cartman, I want you to FUCK me!”

The faces of all the humans in the room twisted into disgruntled forms. Twilight made notes in the parchment with a smile on her face.

  “What?” Cartman asked darkly. Stan looked at Cartman with challenging eyes while the turmoil spread through his mind. What the hell did I say that for?!  Cartman shook his head. “Oh my god. The Rainbow Dash folks has really gotten to you, have they?”

Twilight turned her head away from her parchment, her face twisting in bewilderment.

  “Heh?” She blurted.

Stan shook his emotional face. “No…! I mean. Not in that way. I want you to fuck ‘With’ me.”

Cartman’s face contorted into incredulous.

  “So, there is a difference between fucking someone and fucking ‘with’ someone now eh, faggot?”

  “Don’t call me that CARTMAN!” Stan empathized his name.

  “Oh yes, STAN!”

  “I’M NOT A FAGGOT!” Stan roared.

  “BUT YOU JUST TOLD ME TO FUCK YOU!” Cartman roared.

  “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT!”

  “WHAT ELSE CAN IT POSSIBLY MEAN THEN!?”

  “CAN’T WE ALL JUST PLEASE FOCUS ON GETTING OUT OF HERE!?” Kyle roared.

  “HURULUHUMM!” Kenny shouted.

Twilight put down her parchment and spoke to the group.

  “Alright people. I think it is obvious that we all have things that we would like to get out of our systems. But, like I always say: Friendship isn’t always easy, but there is no doubt that it is worth fighting for!” Twilight ended with a proud smile. Cartman looked at the princess. He nodded approvingly.

  “Then maybe we should fight for ours?” Cartman looked at Stan. “Maybe we SHOULD fuck?”

  “No, Cartman.” Stan shook his head. Cartman raised his voice, as if he wanted the entire castle to hear.

  “Hey Stan! I heard that bestiality is good this time of year!”

  “Quit it, fat ass!” Kyle scolded.

  “Raise your tail boy! Let’s get rocking!” Cartman smiled meanly. He took a firm grip of the table and started rocking it.

  “Stop it, Cartman!” Stan exclaimed.

  “Come on Stan! Is my human dick to small!?” The rocking table sent wooden echoes outside the room.

  “Oh my god!” Kyle exclaimed.

  “Hurlumum!” Kenny wailed. Twilight raised her hooves into the air and exploded.

  “ENOUGH!” Cartman stopped rocking the table. Everybody looked at the princess. “This is NOT what I meant with my analogy!”

Somepony knocked on the door.

  “Hello?!” Rarity addressed from the other side.

  “Yes Rarity.” Twilight answered.

  “I know that the mending of friendships is a long and winding one, but would you mind telling me what is going on in there?”





The discussion had calmed down a little after that rocky start. Twilight closed her parchment and got up on her hooves.

  “Alright. I am just going to have a talk with my friends and then we are all going to have a big bonding down by the cutie map. Don’t go anywhere boys.”

Twilight made her way out of the meeting room and down the corridor. She found her friends waiting for her close to the entrance.

  “Alright girls. Are you ready to meet the rest of Cartman’s friends?”

Twilight was smiling with her ears happily piercing the roof. The faces of the other ponies contrasted the princess though. Pinkie Pie and Apple Jack scraped their hooves nervously against the floor. Fluttershy seemed to smile at first but gradually seemed to border with sadness. Rainbow Dash looked nervously down at the floor. Twilights face twisted in bewilderment.

  “Is something wrong?”

  “We have all been chatting bout that student of yours Twilight, and it just seem that…” Apple Jack hesitated.

  “What Apple Jack is trying to say, Twilight, is that Cartman seems to be a little bit… What’s the right word?”

  “…Mean.” Rainbow Dash ended. Twilight raised her hooves in a calming gesture.

  “Alright girls, I know that Cartman hasn’t always said appropriate things…”

  “…Because of misunderstandings.” Rarity put the words in Twilights mouth. “Yes darling, we remember too. What we are trying to say is that maybe our current analyses are of a more ‘General’ nature?”

Twilight looked bewildered at her sulking friends. She festered her eyes at Fluttershy.

  “Oh, I don’t know. I’m just a little worried what Harry told me about Cartman earlier.” Fluttershy referred to her bear.

Fluttershy told Twilight about the events that took place inside her cottage. She told her what Harry told her: That Cartman purposefully wanted to raise questions either she loved Angel Bunny more than the rest of her animals. Twilight turned her eyes and festered them at Apple Jack.

  “It aint so much what he said, but he seemed so ignorant when he said it, that’s all yao.”

Apple Jack told Twilight about what happened during the dinner her family had with Cartman at Sweet Apple Acres. She told Twilight how Cartman, instead of explaining to Apple Jack what the words meant, just ran bluntly with the fact that his mother was being called a slut. Twilights face had started to gain a stale look, stuck somewhere between a smile and incredulous. She turned her attention toward the party pony. Pinkie Pie looked at Twilight with a sad face.

  “I wouldn’t mind him so much as a party attendant, it’s just the way he treated that old friend of his and what he said about his nether regions. I just find it to be humiliating and mean, not at all like something a real friend would do.”

Twilight and Pinkie Pie looked at each other for almost half a minute. A nod could almost be registered on Twilight before she turned to Rarity and Rainbow Dash. Rarity spoke with an edge in her voice.

  “We all said things that we probably shouldn’t have said, and I can take a few misunderstandings and a awkward words, but whatever it was that Cartman meant by ‘Help, I am being rainbow dashed’ I have to say that it wasn’t just ignorant, it was downright hostile to transform my friends name into a statement like that! I mean, what are Rainbow Dash to him? A thing, an act?!”

Rainbow Dash had her face turned downward. Rarity’s diva eyes sparkled emotionally at Twilight while she used her white hoof to streak it over her raggedy mane. Twilight turned around and faced away from her friends.

  “Hm.” She mumbled in agreement. The others looked at her. “I see.”

  “You see what we mean darling?” Rarity asked.

  “I see that Cartman is far from perfect, but I also see that you are unwilling to give him a chance.”

  “Now, don’t be like that Sugarcube.” Apple Jack said.

Twilight turned around. Her eyes sparkled pleadingly.

  “Before Cartman got here he had friends, but something happened to him that made him lose contact with them. If we all come together and show our best sides, then I am certain that…”

  “Oh please, enough with this!” Rainbow Dash used her wings to hoover in front of Twilight. She pressed her hoof against her neck. “Stop cutting him so much slack Twilight! Can’t you see that he is playing you for a fool!”

Twilights face remained reasonable.

  “No, I can’t. But I can see how you told him to take his clothes of, even though humans are ashamed to be without them!” Twilight scolded. Rainbow Dash sighed.

  “That’s because I didn’t know about their customs at the time Twilight. Do you know what Cartman did know at the time? I am willing to bet that he knew very well at the time that I am a MARE and not a COLT?!” Rainbow Dash pounced her hoof at Twilight every time she uttered a vocal. Twilights face twisted in anger.

  “Well, maybe you should have told him then?!”

Rainbow Dash raised her raspy voice.

  “He is a secretive jerk and a liar Twilight! He is lucky I didn’t find him and gave him a smack after hearing from Pinkie Pie that he called me a ‘dude’ and a ‘pleasure guy’ at her party!”

Twilight moved in on Rainbow Dash.

  “Well, maybe he would open up if you stopped taking what he says so personally. He’s a child after all, A human child!”

  “Personally!? May I remind you that he thinks that I have a…!” Rainbow Dash was interrupted.

  “We won’t begrudge him for his shortcomings if he changes them Twilight, but maybe your takin this mission of yours a little too rushed?” Apple Jack said. There was a mumble of agreement among the ponies.

  “Apple Jack is right. Maybe you should take it down a notch?” Pinkie Pie proposed. Twilights voice darkened.

  “Right, take it down a notch. You would want that, would you?” The other ponies looked bewildered at the alicorn princess. “Here I get my very own mission from the cutie map for the first time since forever…”

  “Your mission?! I thought we were in this together, as friends!” Apple Jack exclaimed.

Twilight’s alicorn body shook with anger. Her angry face slowly softened into regret. She sighed and lowered her head.

  “You’re right Apple Jack. I am sorry, I don’t know what got into me. All I ask of you is that you give me a chance and talk to Cartman. I won’t hold back about anything that you said to me if he becomes defensive. I promise.”

Rarity walked up to Twilight.

  “Of course, Twilight. We all have full trust in you to finish your mission your way, just promise to call us if you need help.”

Twilight smiled while she realized that her friends had been honest with her, even though they knew it would be hard.

  “Thank you, friends.” Twilight glanced over the others. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Meanwhile, inside a meeting room some human friend was getting ready to wrap up.

  “Aren’t you coming Cartman? We are heading for that cutie map room that the princess was talking about.” Kyle said while he was leaving the room with Stan and Kenny.

Stan took a glance back at Cartman. He still wanted to gallop to him and see how much brute force his new pony body could muster. And yet, despite all that had been said, he felt a smile form on his face. He was careful though not to let Cartman see it. Finally, him and Cartman would banter like they always did. Finally, things would go back to the way they were before Cartman entered that stupid school.

Cartman looked toward Kyle to answer him. He spotted something lying on the floor. He leaned his head.

  “What is that?”

Kyle looked down at the poster that he and Kenny had found nailed onto a lamp pole in South Park.

  “Oh right. I forgot to show you Cartman.” Kyle picked up the poster and unfolded it. Cartman walked up to Kyle and studied a picture that seemed to be of Twilight and her friends. The title read in capital letters. MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC. It was surrounded by pink glitter. He saw the world premiere date set in a couple of days. It was rated 3 years old and up.

  “The entire school have seen this Cartman.” There was a tinge of teasing in Kyles voice. Kyle didn’t wait for a response. He saw the others leave and followed. “We’ll be waiting for you Cartman.”

The minutes went. Cartman’s eyes flickered while staring at the poster, clearly recently put up due to the holes in its corners, clearly showing himself dancing with cute little ponies, clearly sealing his fate of becoming the laughing stock of South Park and the entire world for the remainder of his school years. His eyebrows were lowered. His mouth flickered in an upset manner. The door to the room opened.

  “Hello Cartman.” Twilight greeted her student.

  “Sure?” Cartman mumbled.

  “Sure?” Twilight asked.

  “Sure, it wasn’t Human, Twilight?”

Twilight put her hoof behind her neck.

  “Yea. About that. I am sorry for…”

  “You’re sorry?” Cartman asked.

  “Yes of course…” Twilight hesitated. “I’m sorry…” Twilight was interrupted.

  “Sorry for kidnapping me? Sorry that your friend called my mother a whore? Sorry that I was sold to that horny rainbow stallion?” Cartman held up the poster and showed it to Twilight. “Sorry for ruining my fucking life!?”

Twilight felt her throat drop to her belly.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “You don’t understand?” Cartmans face became red. His eyes almost appeared to protrude from their sockets. “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!”

Twilight could see that Cartman was angry and that he had the picture they took earlier in his hands. That was it, everything else eluded the alicorn. Twilight pleaded with a lowered voice.

  “Cartman, calm down.”

  “CALM DOWN!!? YOU WANT ME TO CALM DOWN AFTER KIDNAPPING ME!!?”

  “Kidnapping you?”

  “KINDNAPPING ME AND PUTTING ME THROUGH ALL THOSE LAME ASS ACTIVITIES JUST TO RUIN MY LIFE!!?”

Cartman’s huge body seemed to almost swell up in his fury. His reddened head almost seemed to retract into his body.

  “Cartman. I don’t understand why you’re so angry.”

  “WHAT’S NEXT, A PONY MUSICAL!!? AM I SUPPOSED TO GET HUMILIATED ON STAGE NEXT!!?” Cartman walked closer to Twilight. Twilight backed away.

  “Cartman, please…” Twilight tripped and crumbled to the floor. Cartman made imitations while wailing his arms in a girly way.

  “Cartman please, Cartman please. Oh, Twilight PLEASE, YOU ARE A BITCH!!! A PURPLE, FLYING, CHILD NAPPING BITCH!!!”

Cartman walked closer to Twilight as she laid in the corner of the room. Twilights horn sparkled while she tried to use her magic to push him away. It wouldn’t answer her in her frightened state. Twilight pleaded, her voice cracking more by every passing second.

  “Cartman, please. Listen to me....”

  “NO, NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME!!!” YOU ARE GONNA CANCLE THIS SHOW FOR GOOD AND REMOVE ALL THE ADVERTISEMENTS PUT UP, OR ELSE I’M GONNA COME BACK HERE, AND THEN I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!!!”

Twilight had yet to receive any information from Celestia about the planned My Little Pony Show. Cartman was now looking straight down at the alicorn like a mountain with eyes. Twilights empty mind came out as pleading.

  “Cartman please, you’re scaring me.”

Cartman lowered his voice.

  “Oh, so you’re scared now?”

Twilight nodded.

  “There is no reason to be scared. Can I touch your wing?” Cartman didn’t wait for an answer. He took a firm grip around Twilights wing root and twisted.

  “Ah.” Twilight moaned.

  “There, there. I’m just getting to know you, that’s all.” Cartman bullied.

  “Cartman please. Stop it. You’re hurting me.”

  “Shhh, Shhh, there now. We have all day.” When Cartman said the phrase ‘All day’ He placed his hand inside Twilights mane and pulled.

Twilight had her eyes closed while moaning in pain, hoping that everything would just end. And by everything, she meant everything. This day, this moon, this mission, her job, even her life. At this moment she did not just feel like a complete failure, she felt like trash, waste, the pavement street that ponies walk over. There was a sudden swoosh. Twilight felt the grip of Cartman loosen. She heard him gasp and hit the the floor. She opened her eyes. She saw Cartman rise with blood pouring out of his nose. Cartman looked at his attacker.

  “Leave.” Rainbow Dash demanded.

  “Are you here to rainbow dash me again?!”

  “Leave!”

  “No, Rainbow Dash.” Twilight pleaded.

  “Shut up!” Rainbow Dash spat. “Leave!”

  “THAT’S IT!!! IM GONNA KILL YOU ALL!!!” Cartman roared.

  “Then you’ll better get on with it, because I seriously doubt you’d be able to, when I fly you far above the clouds and drop you, like the overfilled sack of potato you are!”

Rainbow Dash had her wings open, ready for pounce. Her violet eyes, still remembering the image if Cartman mistreating Twilight, burned with fury. Rainbow Dash raised her hooves and slammed them against the floor, all while spelling.

  “I… Said… LEAVE!!!”

  “FINE!!!” Cartman roared. “I’ve had enough of this anyway! The birds, the parties, the girl music, the confetti belonging to the party of a five-year-old!” Cartman turned around. He pressed his fists together and closed his eyes. “BLUARUARUARUARUARUA!” He blurted. He pointed both his fingers skyward before turning both toward the door, all while saying: “Screw you guys, I’m a going home.”

After Cartman had left Rainbow Dash lowered her wings. Her angry eyes slowly changed into regret. It suddenly hit her that she probably had botched the entire cutie map mission for Twilight.

  “Twilight. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

But Twilight had already left.

The long hallway echoed with the sound of Twilights hooves. Her lavender body sparkled by the patching moonlight coming from its large windows. Her cutie mark, which consisted of a pink star with several other white stars surrounding it, pulsated with a bright light. It kept flashing while she stopped walking. The pulsating sound was now accompanied by the dripping of something wet hitting the castle floor. Twilights sobbing filled the hallway. She crumbled down beside a stone pillar and started crying uncontrollably.

Twilight was nothing more than a shaking patch of purple to the orange pony observing her. Stan’s mind, recently filled with joy that Cartman finally had become himself again, was now filling with something else. The careless words of Cartman still resonated inside his head while his pony eyes lowered in anger.
> Chapter 7. Cartman Farts on Twilight's Horn. Epilogue
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

  “Wie…Wie…Nie…Nie…” Eric Cartman grunted while he wobbled down the rocky stairs. Ahead laid the cave that housed the Tree of Harmony. Cartman hoped that he would find his way back to South Park from there somehow. Once there he needed to find Butters. He needed someone to abreact himself on before squaring things with Demandora.

That, or tell her that she’s a bitch, hear her say ‘You are expelled’, go home, eat chips and drink cola all day. Rich or not, the world could go and fuck itself, and Kyle too if it had the time. Cartman misjudged the height on one of the steps. He screamed and crumbled his fat ass down to the bottom below. The cold, wet cave floor sparkled by the moonlight that patched itself from above.

Cartman rose up and glanced toward the Tree of Harmony. The tree itself was glowing. It was the only tree that grew inside the cave and its branches twisted and turned in graceful ways. At the end of each branch the elements of harmony were placed in the shape of coloured stones. The six stones each were in the shape and colour of Twilight and her friend’s cutie marks. The last thing Cartman noticed was the figures that stood between him and the tree as his eyes adjusted. Cartman stood up. He pointed his chubby finger.

  “Get out of the way Jew!”

Beside the boy with a Jewish family stood Kenny with his orange parka and Stan in his pony form. They didn’t move a muscle. Stan glared angry at Cartman.

  “MOVE!” Cartman demanded.

  “No Cartman.” Kyle said.

  “Damn you Stan!” Cartman cursed.

  “We won’t move Cartman, not until you go back and apologize to the princess of friendship.” Stan said.

  “Apologize to the princess of friendship.” Cartman mimicked girly.

  “Cartman!” Stan scolded.

  “Friendship isn’t always easy, but there is no doubt that its worth fighting for.” Cartman mimicked Twilight Sparkle. He frowned while looking at pony Stan. “Seriously Stan, one can almost believe that you are falling for her.”

  “Falling for her!? Are you crazy? She could be my school teacher!”

  “Of course, you wouldn’t, because everybody already knows that you’re a faggot.”

  “I am not a faggot!” Stan blasted.

  “Then what are you?” Cartman asked teasing.

Stan angry face softened. “Your friend.”

Cartman opened his mouth to rant some more. It just ended up being another one of his blank stares. Stan continued.

  “The princess of friendship may not understand why we hang out together. In fact, I don’t think anybody in South Park does. But one thing can I understand Cartman: The time I have spent here in Equestria I have had more fun with you than what I’ve had in a long time. In fact, it’s almost starting to feel like the good old days. I mean, just think about it, you just called me a faggot.”

  “Yes.” Cartman agreed while nodding. “I know I did, and based on how lame you sound now I’m not about to pull back on that statement.”

  “Exactly! Haven’t you missed this?!” Stan lit up.

  “Missed what, you wanting to fuck me?”

  “I don’t want to fuck you Cartman, I want to banter with you, I want to KNOW you!”

  “You know me.” Cartman said. His voice had actually started to soften.

  “I do know you. I was wrong before, Cartman. I thought that we couldn’t be friends because I didn’t know you anymore, but I have always known you Cartman, but all that was about to end.” Stan empathised the last word. For the first time Cartman’s blank stare seemed to gain an emotional core. Stan continued.

  “When I first came here I swore that I would delete you from my mobile phone once I got back. Everything that we’d been through since kindergarten, all the adventures that you, me, Kyle, and Kenny shared. Everything from the banter, the ‘fuck you’s, all of it would be a thing of the past. That was, until I met Twilight Sparkle. She may not fully understand us four, but Twilight believed in us when no one else would. If you don’t believe me, then take a look yourself, she believed in you!” Stan pointed his hoof at Cartman. “She wanted us to remain friends because she believed it would make you happy.”

Stan lowered his hoof. His voice gained a firmness. “I was there, Cartman. I heard everything. After you left the castle I saw Twilight Sparkle walk out of the room and break down in tears in the hallway. She wanted to help you, but you left the princess of friendship in the same condition as you left our friendship back home. Now, do as I say and turn your fat ass around and apologize!”

Cartman said nothing. Apathy was to be expected from Cartman by now, but this time the meat mountain actually seemed speechless. Cartman looked at Kyle, who answered his look.

  “At first, all I wanted was for us to go home. But after hearing all this, I suddenly realized that you were probably sent here for a reason. Maybe we are all here because of this?” Kyle brainstormed. Cartman looked at Kenny.

  “Hrlummm? Humruluhumbr! Humbruluhumu!” Kenny explained. Cartman nodded

  “I see.” He said.

  “You see?” Kyle asked.

  “Are you going to apologize?” Stan asked.

  “They have all gotten to you, have they?” Cartman asked.

  “Gotten to us?” Stan asked bewildered. Cartman shook his head. He continued passionately.

  “You have all been deceived by darkness. Break free and realize that you can resist the Rainbow Dashers!”

Kyles and Stans faces twisted in bewilderment.

  “’The’ Rainbow Dashers?” Kyle asked confounded.

  “But Rainbow Dash is the name of the pegasus pony with a rainbow colored mane.” Stan pointed out.

  “Oh yea, that is what the homosexuals wants you to believe.” Cartman said.

  “The homosexuals? What the hell, where did they come from!?” Stan blasted incredulous.

  “Yea. Where DID they come from?!” Cartman nodded.

  “No Cartman, where did you get them from?!” Kyle asked.

Cartman raised his arms. “Come on guys, he calls himself Rainbow Dash!”

  “So?!” Stan exclaimed.

  “So, now you’re allowing yourselves to be part of the homosexual’s evil plans to take over the world. Only by admitting our blunt acceptance and by realizing the truth are you going to be able to free yourself from their influence, both in this world and in ours.” Cartman said.

Kyle shook his head. He knew there had to be more to this. He closed his eyes to think. They glimmered once he opened them again. It suddenly dawned for him.

  “Hold on Cartman: Rainbow Dash? The homosexuals? Plans for world domination? You do know that the rainbow is REAL, right!?”

Cartman looked at Kyle, his face dropping in hopelessness.

  “Oh boy. You have actually become one of them, haven’t you?”

  “No Cartman, the RAINBOW! It’s a real thing, an actual object in the sky, not just a symbol for the HBTQ community!”

  Cartman looked silently at Kyle. “What?”

  “It’s a weather phenomenon. It transpires when the sun comes out after raining. The beams from the sun may appear white at first but they are actually made out of a set of colors. After the rain has fallen the sun patches through the wet sky. This causes the colors inside the sunbeams to reflect, creating a series of blue, green, red, yellow… eh.”

  “Orange.” Stan helped.

  “Right, and purple colours! All these colours are then fully visible from the ground, visible in the form of rainbow. If you don’t believe me, just listen to the name. It is called a rain-bow because you can only see it after it has rained!”

Cartman’s face, recently soaring with the noble cause of casting the homosexuals down to hell, was now hovering with a dropped chin.

  “So, you see Cartman? The pony Rainbow Dash is named after a thing, not a cause!”

  “Oh.” Cartman blurted. “You know? I think I owe somepony an apology.”

  “You think!?” Stan exclaimed angrily. “And I also heard you calling her a ‘he’. Rainbow Dash is a girl, Cartman!”

  “Wow. You knew that, Stan?” Cartman awed.

  “Yes… I mean, obviously I knew…”

  “No Stan, you would actually have needed to stand behind her and wait for her tail to wiggle in order to know that.”

Stan hesitated within the awkward silence.

  “Are you sure the mane 6 haven’t seen your dick yet, Stan?” Cartman teased.

  “Shut up fat ass!” Stan spit. Stan could hear chuckles at his sides. Kyle and Kenny were holding their hands over their mouths while laughing. Cartman’s mouth rose below his blank face. Soon his mean laughter also echoed inside the cave. Underneath Stan’s angry eyes his mouth slowly rose. Soon the cave was drowned by the laughter of four friends. The chuckles were cut by a gust of wind. Four hooves planted themselves behind Cartman. Kyle, Kenny and Stan looked in wonder at the beauty that just landed. Cartman turned around.

  “Hello Cartman.” A gentle voice greeted. The yellow face of the pegasus pony smiled modestly with sad eyes.

  “Hello Fluttershy.” Stan greeted.

  “Hurlum, brluu.” Kenny greeted.

  “Hi Stan. How is the trotting going?” Fluttershy asked.

  “Great. Still wobbling now and then, but I’m getting used to it.”

  “What are you doing here Fluttershy?” Cartman asked. There was a softness in his voice. Fluttershy’s modest face gained a seriousness.

  “I am here because of two things: First, in the name of all the princesses of Equestria, I would like to apologize to you! That poster of us partying together should never have been approved for marketing without your consent. It was clearly a rushed move and I swear, if I had the chance to walk up to princess Celestia right now I would scold her for this clumsy and completely unnecessary mistake!” Fluttershy breathed a sigh to calm herself. She gained composure and continued. “And second: I am here to tell you that you must go back. Princess Twilight Sparkle and the rest of my pony friends are in serious danger!”

  “Danger?!” Stan asked surprised.

  “They’ve been kidnapped!” Fluttershy informed.

  “Kidnapped?! By who?” Kyle asked.

  “Hruumur!” Kenny exclaimed.

  “By a cow princess that goes by the name of Anabella. She is a princess of friendship too, but unlike Twilight that believes in friends communicating with each other, Anabella believes that friendship can only be true when the friends in question are also drinking her milk. She now wants to overthrow the princesses of Equestria and force her milk on everypony, even if it means imprisoning them. She is mad and evil and she arrived just after you left.” Fluttershy explained.

Cartman’s blank face showed no signs of emotions. Fluttershy took it as a sign that she was right about him. She touched her hoof on Cartmans shoulder.

  “You are a good colt, Cartman!”

Kyle and Stan frowned.

  “Seriously lady?”

  “Are you ill lady?” They asked.

  “I am not ill, but what makes my friends ill right now are Anabellas milk. She is torturing them by forcing it down their throats, and every time she does they vomit it up again. I have tried to reach out to the other princesses but it looks like both Celestia and Luna have been captured. I haven’t heard anything from Cadence yet.”

  “Cadence?” Stan asked

  “The princess of the Crystal Empire, but listen, none of that matters now! Anabella sees Twilight as her arch enemy because she too is a princess of friendship, and because of that time is running out. Boys please, you have to save Twilight from Anabella!” Fluttershy pleaded.

  “Cartman, we need to head back and do something!” Stan exclaimed.

Cartman remained emotionless. Despite this, the posture of the pegasus pony did not falter. In her heart she had full trust in him, and that was all the confirmation she needed.





The world almost became visible when Twilight adjusted her eyes. It was still blurry with the tears still floating in her eyes. Below her she had the reason for those tears, that being her vomited up dinner. She tried to position her tied up hooves in a slightly more comfortable position but it only caused them to hurt.

She still tried to remember what happened before this, but all she could recall was her falling asleep after crying. Once she woke up she was being dragged against the floor. She had then received a smack in the head. The next thing she remember she had been roped to the wall with this weird cone fastened on her head. It was filled with milk and covered her horn. It prevented her from using magic.

She glanced over to her right and spotted Pinkie Pie and Rarity. They were also tied up. She knew she had Apple Jack to her left. Closest to her now was Rainbow Dash. She was facing down toward her stomach content spread over the floor below. Of all the ponies imprisoned Rainbow Dash had received most torture, mainly because of her stubbornness. She had her eyes closed. Her breath had a raspy core. Her mule was dry from all the vomiting.

  “Rainbow Dash?” Twilight attempted.

  “Wo! When will we have some more milk? Tell me, somepony, please tell me!” Of all the ponies in the room Pinkie Pie was the only one in a good mood. On the other hoof, she always was.

  “But Pinkie Pie, you keep vomit it up.” Apple Jack reminded Pinkie Pie of the cupcake mess that laid underneath her. Pinkie Pie’s smile faded.

  “You’re right. It is disgusting.” Her party smile returned. “…But great too, because if I vomit I can eat more later!”

Apple Jack couldn’t help but smile inside. If anypony could make everything that was to come endurable it would be Pinkie Pie. Apple Jack felt like she was the bad side of that field. Of all her friends she had perhaps been the most gross pony for the cows to torture. Whilst her friends had almost immediately run out of food in their tummy’s the farmer pony had managed to eat both breakfast, supper, dinner and an evening meal before she was captured. Without going into too much detail, needless to say, Anabellas cow guards had been forced to move back across the room in order to avoid those details being spread all over their hooves.

Rarity had tears in her eyes. Not from the vomiting though.

  “My beautiful dress, RUINED! Of all the things that could happen, this is the worst… possible… THING!?” Rarity turned her teary face down at her puke covered dress.

In front of the ponies the Cutie Map laid in the middle of a circle of crystal chairs. Each chair had the cutie mark of either Twilight or any of her five friends engraved on it. One of the seven chairs had three violet butterflies engraved on it.

  “I hope Fluttershy managed to get help.” Apple Jack said.

In that moment the door to the map room opened. There were the sound of something sliding against the castle floor along with the ticking of pointy hooves. Anabella walked toward Twilight.

  “So, princess of friendship? Are you going to tell me the words or not?”

Anabella referred to what she believed was a spell that would reveal what she called The Path of Milk. Twilight had tried to tell Anabella numerous times that no such spell existed, but Anabella kept insisting that there was, and that Twilight knew the words for it.

  “I don’t know such a spell!” Twilight insisted.

  “Then why does the books of friendship say so?” Anabellas asked with her cute voice. Anabella kept referring to a book that Twilight had no idea what it was.

  “For the last time, I don’t know anything about a stupid book!” Twilight snarled.

  “You don’t know? But if you are a princess of friendship, like me, then you should know about that book.” Anabella leaned her face closer to Twilight. “It is OK if you are not a princess of friendship. I promise you, if you abdicate then I’ll let your friends free.”

  “Don’t listen to her Twili!” Rainbow Dash let out.

  “Did I just hear a plea for a refill?” Anabella asked. Two cows with armor walked up to Rainbow Dash, each one carrying a bucket around their neck. The first guard forced Rainbow Dash’s head upward. She then forced the bucket of water down her throat. Rainbow Dash gurgled while struggling.

  “Stop it!” Twilight begged.

  “Leave her alone!” Apple Jack wailed.

After the bucket had been emptied the guards waited a couple of seconds. The other guard walked up to Rainbow Dash and forced the other bucket containing Anabellas milk down her throat. Rainbow Dash’s body immediately started jerking. She gasped for breath before her inner muscles pulled her stomach inward. A projectile of water and milk rocketed out from the pegasus pony’s mouth. She eventually ran out of water but that didn’t stop her body from pressing out gooey spectral liquid instead. Her eyes filled with tears while her raspy breath tried to give her air.

  “Anabella, please. It’s me you want. Leave my friends alone!” Twilight pleaded.

  “You friends? Oh, Twilight, Twilight dearie, these ponies cannot be your friends.” Anabella explained with a sad voice.

So many times, Twilight had tried to tell Anabella that friendship is about caring and listening to others, but the cow princess was completely obsessed by the fact that Twilight couldn’t swallow her milk, and since Anabellas belief was that friendship is milk, she figured that Twilight’s heart could not be open to friendship ether. That made Twilight a false idol and a fraud to the cow princess.

  “Maybe in another universe will you ponies understand, but now you’re simply too far gone. You are forcing my hooves.” Anabella sounded like it was talking to small fillies. “At least one of your subjects is learning the true meaning of friendship.” Anabella looked over her shoulder at the baby dragon that had been chained behind one of her guard cows. The face of the dragon was lowered in hopelessness.

  “Help us, Spike!” Apple Jack pleaded.

  “Save us Spike! If you do, you’ll get too be the one tied to a wall the next round!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed happily.

  “Save me Spike!” Rarity damsel-in-distressed.

  “Spike. Are you alright?” Twilight asked.

  “Oh, Spike will be alright. It is you that should worry about yourself.” Anabella explained. Twilight was getting tired of Anabellas hoity toity voice. Her face twisted in anger.

  “Speak for yourself, once I get out of these bindings!”

Anabella let out a giggly laughter. Suddenly the door to the map room opened. A chubby figure wobbled inside. Twilight’s eyes widened in joy.

  “Cartman!?” Her eyes quickly lowered into worry again. What are you doing here?!

One of the cow guards came walking toward Eric.

  “If I were you I would tell my guards to step aside and make way for the man who is going to make you rich.” Cartman explained confidently.

Anabella looked suspiciously at the fat creature.

  “Who are you?” She asked.

  “My name is Cartman, Eric Cartman. I knew I would find you here eventually, Anabella. We have a long history of partnership ahead of us.”

What is he doing? Twilight wondered. Anabella motioned her guards to stand down.

  “Are you a true friend, Eric?” Anabella asked.

  “If by friend you mean that my offering is going to put a smile on your face.”

Anabella walked toward Eric, who looked at her with confident eyes. His mouth remained hanging though. Anabella stopped in front of Cartman. She smiled and curved her backside in a merry way.

  “Friendship is milk!” She dictated happily.

The second guard walked up with the bucket containing Anabellas milk.

Oh no! She is going to have him taste her milk! Twilight wailed inside.

Cartman raised his hand in a stopping gesture as the guard was getting ready to get forceful. Cartman reached out his hand. He grabbed the bucket from the guard. He then drank the milk inside. Twilight looked on with worry. If he vomits it up she’ll tie him with us!

Cartman put down the bucket. A little milk dripped down from the sides of his mouth. His blank face showed no sign of cracking.

  “Tastes just as great as I imagined.”

Anabella looked suspiciously at Cartman. “What do you want?”

  “I wanna make a deal. Ever since I saw your show in South Park I knew that our destiny was to become business partners.”

  “What are you offering?” Anabella asked. Cartman remained silent for a dramatic effect.

  “The universe.”

Anabella’s face gained a lustful gaze. It hardened again while the obvious question formed in her mind.

  “If your purpose was to meet me then what are you doing here in Equestria?”

  “A blind coincidence. I happened to become Twilights pupil by fate and I decided to go along with it. I knew you would be coming here sooner or later if I played along and bided my time. I would have helped you with the invasion if I hadn’t been under constant watch from the ponies.”

There was a raspy voice coming from behind Anabella.

  “Wait? What do you mean Cartman?” Rainbow Dash asked darkly.

  “Don’t mind her Anabella. The ponies have played their parts long ago. I only wished that I hadn’t felt so threatened by your friends.” Cartman said.

  “Leave us.” Anabella told her guards to leave. She raised her head in a display of authority. “How do I know you can deliver?”

  “The My Little Pony show will go on as planned, but instead of being propaganda for those evil ponies, you and I will remake it to spread your message all over the world. As Twilights pupil, clearly seen on the advertisement poster, I will be the face of the shows marketing, all while your people have full control of its content.”

  “Cartman, what are you doing!?” Rainbow Dash asked angrily.

  “Don’t mind her Anabella. The subjects can complain all they want now. Once I get in contact with my people in South Park I will set up a distribution chain to get your milk into the mouths of all the humans in my world. With the My Little Pony show satisfying the viewers need for ponies combined with your My Little Milk Cow show, except with you having full control of both shows…”

  “She’s the enemy!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

  “…There is nothing that is going to stop you from spreading your message across the universe and me from selling your milk and becoming the richest man in the world.” Cartman said.

  “You said you were Twilight’s pupil.” Anabella still sounded suspicious. “Do you know where the sixth pony is?”

  “Fluttershy? Oh yes, she is waiting for me to lead you outside so that she can enter this room via an open window and rescue her friends.”

  “Twilight trusted you!” Rainbow Dash blasted.

  “Why didn’t you contact me earlier?” Anabella asked.

  “I needed to find a way through the dimensional wormhole from South Park to the Milk Kingdom. I knew the wormhole was located at Demandoras school so I acquired position as a student there. I had to be careful though not to get expelled, this opportunity we have here is simply too good to be squandered.”

  “I knew it! You were nothing but a manipulator and a liar!” Rainbow Dash ranted.

  “How very ironic. “Cartman almost laughed behind his blank profile. “So, what do you say Anabella?”

  “Traitor!” Rainbow Dash exploded.

Anabella opened her mouth to answer. It stayed open in hesitation before reforming into a grin.

  “You said you were Twilight’s student. She believes herself to be ‘The princess of friendship’. What is your take on that?”

  “Yes Cartman. Tell Anabella about your ‘friendship’!” Rainbow Dash spat sarcastically. Cartman grabbed his chin.

  “Friendship? What a curious thing. All this talk about listening to others instead of others listening to me. She told me a lot of these things that alicorn bitch.”

  “Stop calling her that!” Rainbow Dash roared.

Anabellas couldn’t say she liked the way this creature treated his mentor. But he swallowed her milk, which clearly meant that Cartman understood friendship better than Twilight did. Despite, she needed an ally in his world.

  “I am happy to inform you that we have a deal, Cartman!” The cow princess reached out her hoof.

  “Oh yes, the deal. We’ll make a deal.”

  “I’ll get you for this, Cartman!” Rainbow Dash growled.

Cartman reached out his hand to grasp Anabella’s hoof. Just as they were about to shake the deal through Cartman closed his fist and let his pointing finger pierce the air.

  “That brings me back however to your question about the alicorn bitch. Her annoying friends, her checklists that are about as fun as a school video about fire safety, her painfully antisocial basicness.” Anabella laughed meanly while hearing Cartman speak ill about Twilight. “…Her lame blabbing about friendship when clearly she is better friends with her books.” Cartman suddenly closed his eyes. He flinched. “And yet she’s totally not a better friend than me.” Anabella stopped laughing. “To be perfectly honest with you…” Cartman paused. Anabellas grin faded. “She is the best friend that a fat asshole like me can have.”

  “What do you mean asshole, you’re not an asshole?!” Rainbow Dash screamed, sounding almost like parody now. Anabellas face twisted in confusion.

  “And another thing.” Cartman added. “That milk of yours: It tastes like that white fever medicine parents buy for their kids, except this time it has been blended with real milk and stirred in a dumpster truck.”

  “What do you mean, dumpster truck!? That milk was delicious!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed happily. A slight chuckle could be heard coming from her mouth.

  “What?” Anabella shook her head. She turned around and spotted the pegasus pony, who was out of her rope bindings. She was hovering midair while pointing her hoof at Anabella.

  “Got cha!” Rainbow Dash teased and let out a raspy laughter. She spread her wings and made her exit via the open window. Fluttershy’s face could be seen outside. She smiled modestly and waved good bye before flying after Rainbow Dash. Anabella looked below the window and spotted the ropes that recently had been tied around her prisoners. The ropes were lying limply at the floor with the princess and her friends nowhere to be seen.

  “WHAT!?” Anabella turned her face toward the fat, sneaky liar that fooled her. Cartman was running for the door. He grabbed the handle and heard the clonking sound of the door being locked. He turned around in horror.

  “Twilight. Your humble student requires your assistance!”

Anabella grinned. She jumped up into the air, landed on one leg and began her ballerina twirl. She came out of the twirl and made flips toward the horrified human, her tits flinging around the 1,5-ton cow like the throat of a pelican.

  “Twilight! HELP!” Cartman wailed.

Anabellas flinging tits came closer. Cartman was just about to get smacked when he felt himself rise. The ground rumbled when Anabellas breasts slammed against the empty area were Cartman recently stood. Twilight flapped her wings and carried Cartman on her back.

  “Hold on!” Twilight flew across the room and out from the open window with Cartman riding her, the dim light of the morning engulfing them. The cone filled with milk was still attached to Twilight’s head. Cartman wobbled sideways and almost fell off.

  “Twilight!” Cartman screamed.

  “Grab my mane!” Twilight instructed. Cartman did as she said. He felt his stomach fall as Twilight’s flight became uneven.

  “Twilight. Can you please fly straight!?” Cartman wailed, his voice trembling with fear.

  “How much do you eat!? You weigh like that cow back there!” Twilight blasted.

  “Can you please land? I think I’m gonna be sick.”

Beyond the horizon twilight burst through the dim clouds, the time of day, not the princess. The mountain named Corkscrew Top towered with its side pathway running in circles toward its peak. Twilight went for a dive, the pony, not the time of day. She felt the air stir just as she was about to fly below the cloud line.

  “Oh my god. The crazy cow bitch is following us!” Cartman screamed.

Indeed, behind the alicorn princess something big came flying with breasts hanging underneath her like a chopper carrying a bag of water. Anabella’s minuscule wings carried her to a degree that could only be described as impossible. Twilight knew she needed to gain height.

  “Hold tight!”

  “Are you kidding me!? Are we going higher!?” Cartman wailed horrified.

  “She’ll crush us on the ground! We need to preserve the advantage.”

  “I wasn’t meant for flying.” Cartman whimpered.

  “If you would stop complaining and try to remove this thing from my head so that I can use magic on her then maybe we’ll stand a chance!?”

Cartman reached out his hand and grabbed the milk filled cone that covered Twilight’s horn. He tried to pull it off.

  “Ao!” Twilight moaned. “Hey, be careful!” Twilight suddenly felt her head being pressed downward. Cartman screamed andcrumbled over her mane.

  “TWILIGHT!”

Twilight quickly flew under Cartman and prevented him from plummeting. There was a shadow closing in over them. Cartman and Twilight looked up with horror filling their eyes.

  “Hello.” Anabella greeted, her blue eyes fierce as a raging tsunami. She plummeted toward the human and the alicorn and went for a ram. Twilight dodged it, loosing Cartman in the progress.

  “TWILIGHT! HELP!” Cartman plummeted toward the ground like a cannon ball. Twilight rocketed after him, flew under him and caught him. Twilight tried to pull up again but now Anabella was flying above them. Her giggly laughter filled the air as she used her huge body to force the alicorn downward.

  “She’s forcing us down!” Twilight screamed.

  “Come to mama!” Anabella’s evil grin hovered over them.

Corkscrew Top came closer below in an accelerating speed. Twilight tried to zig zag but Anabella managed to stay on top of her. Twilight breathed heavily.

  “Cartman!” She wailed, feeling the hope fade by the second. Soon they would both be in-between a 1,5-ton cow and the rocky slope of Corkscrew Top. Cartman looked at the mountain, then at the cone with Anabellas disgusting milk that covered Twilights horn. Out of ideas he turned around on Twilight’s back.

  “What are you doing?!” She asked.

  “Wie…Wie…Nie…Nie.” Cartman hurled himself backward until his fat ass cheeks embraced the cone over Twilights horn.

  “WIEEEEEEEEEEE!”

The air rumbled when Cartman released the biggest fart that Equestria had ever known. Twilight’s head shook by forces that would make Richter impressed. The cone over Twilight’s horn started cracking. The cracks became bigger while the assquake, 7 on the Cartman scale, continued to an inhuman length of time. The Mountain Dew gasses blew through Twilights mane like one of Rarity’s mane blowers. The milk went sailing in all directions when the cone around Twilight’s horn cracked into little pieces. Once Twilight felt the cold air hit her freed horn it immediately gave a spark. Both the alicorn and Cartman disappeared out of thin air.

  “NO!” Anabella roared. She looked around in anger. She caught a small glimpse of the alicorn princess flying above her before a pink light came rocketing toward her. Twilight’s spell hit Anabella’s in the back and rendered her wings useless. Anabella screamed and went plummeting toward the mountain. Twilight flew after her. Just as Anabella was about to hit the ground Twilight put a protection spell around her, blocking most of the impact. Anabella shook her head while letting the grogginess lay itself. She turned her angry face up and spotted the alicorn with her student by her side. All around them the edges of the mountain plummeted.

  “You know nothing about friendship!” Anabella shouted.

There was a soft answer. Twilight’s purple eyes sparkled with understanding.

  “You’re wrong Anabella. In fact, I know a lot more now than I knew before.” Twilight looked at Cartman, then behind her. “Isn’t that right girls and boys?”

Nine shapes appeared behind the alicorn. Apple Jack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy walked up to their friend. Kyle and Kenny grabbed Cartmans shoulders. Stan walked up planted his hooves firmly at the ground beside them.

  “Twilight.” A boyish voice addressed. Twilight looked down and smiled at her baby dragon. Spike walked up and grabbed Twilight’s leg. Twilight looked up at Anabella. She hoof-motioned her friends.

  “See here? This is what I am offering you, Anabella.”

Anabella’s face softened, but not with understanding. “You ponies are blind. You simply won’t understand that you’re living in a lie!”

  “Friendship is never a lie, Anabella. Whether its somepony drinking your milk or a friendly gesture from a stranger.” Twilight turned her head to Cartman. “…Or somepony telling the other fuck off, as long as there is understanding between us we can all show it in our own unique way.” Twilight’s voice became regretful. “I only wished that I had seen that earlier and not get so caught up in my own way of sharing it.” Twilight turned to the cow princess again. She reached out her hoof. “Join me Anabella and I’ll show you what I mean.”

Anabella’s face widened in incredulous disbelief.

  “Are you kidding me? Did you actually believe that I would live side by side with ponies?!” Anabella’s voice bathed in disgust. “After all my preparations, did you really think that I would let you stand in my way!? Hahahahahahah!”

Anabella’s highly pitched laughter echoed around the mountain. Twilight took a sad glance her pony friends, who nodded at her.

  “We’re sorry about this Anabella, but you’re giving us no choice.”

A bright light engulfed the ponies while they slowly lifted from the ground. Cartman, Kyle, Kenny and Stan looked up at the gradually intensifying lightshow.

  “What is going on?” Kyle asked bewildered.

Pinkie Pie’s balloons, Fluttershy’s butterflies, Apple Jack’s apples, Rarity’s diamonds, Rainbow Dash’s cloud slashing lightning bolt and Twilight’s pink star surrounded by white stars all started pulsating. A rainbow appeared and started circulating Twilight and her pony friends. It spun around them with an increasing speed. Twilight opened her eyes, revealing them as two glowing white lights. The circulating rainbow blasted out from its orbit and rocketed toward Anabella.

  “What? WHAAAAAAA!”

And then it was over. Just like that Anabella was gone, immobilized and moved magically to the Tartarus prison, all through the power of the elements of harmony that resided in Twilight and her friends. Kyle frowned.

  “Seriously? The evil princess was literally defeated by the power of friendship?”

  “Dude, that is so gay.” Stan said.

  “Humprh.” Kenny agreed.

Epilogue. My Little Cartman

The light of the morning intensified beyond the line. Twilight Sparkle and the rest of her friends were standing at the rim of Corkscrew Top, watching it bolstering. Twilight was talking to Spike and Celestia. She was filling them in about Eric Cartman and his human friends and how Demandoras demand for humbleness lead Cartman to stop being himself and eventually push away his friends. Celestia was impressed. Her motherly voice praised her former pupil.

  “I must say that I am proud how far you have come since I made you an alicorn Twilight. I honestly cannot see how I could have figured out that behaving like a complete, bona fide ass wipe would actually be the reason why your friends love you. Great job solving that one.”

Twilight cried tears of joy while the kind words of the princess sank in.

  “Thank you Celestia!”

Rainbow Dash leaned her head between the princesses.

  “I know you just fought a one thousand kilo cow, but I sensed a big disturbance in the air while flying here. It almost sounded like the entire Yakistanian winter wind came blowing through a small hole with two fluffy balloons jammed together in front of it.”

Twilight looked at Eric Cartman, who glared back with his famous blank stare. For the first time Twilight mirrored Cartman’s look. Rainbow Dash turned away her head and made a blocking motion with her hoof.

  “Never mind. I don’t wanna know.” Rainbow Dash walked up to Cartman. She leaned in and whispered so that Twilight wouldn’t hear. “Listen Cartman, you have your un-cool sides, and I hope you have apologized to Twilight for what happened at her castle,” She grinned at him in a rad way. “But I have to admit, the way you threw Anabella off her game back there, that was totally awesome! That kind of scheme takes guts, and I like guts!”

  “Thank you, Rainbow Dash, and I’m sorry that I thought you had a dick and was planning to take over the world with it.” Cartman apologized.

  “Eh…hehehe, yea. Things happen.” Rainbow Dash laughed nervously, secretly hiding her inner wishes.

Apple Jack walked up to Cartman. She had a regretful appearance.

  “Look here yao. I know I’ve already said this before, but after hearing you pointing it out to Twilight back there I must say that I am still sorry for calling your mother a slut.” Apple Jack apologized. Cartman shook his head.

  “Oh my god, you ponies’ have no balls, have you?”

Apple Jack looked confounded at Cartman. He raised his arms and ranted.

  “Do you want your grandmother to continue secretly running your farm instead of you or are you gonna put on the leader gloves? If you say that my mother is a dirty slut, she is a dirty fucking slut. Make your words final, pussy!”

  “Oh, I donno.”

  “Say it, Apple Jack.”

  “Say what now?” Apple Jack asked. Cartman sighed.

  “Say that my mother is a dirty slut.”

Apple Jack’s eyebrows lowered in hesitation.

  “It is for your own good.” Cartman insisted.

  “Okay yao, your mother is a…” Apple Jack hesitated. Cartman widened his eyes and nodded.

  “Yes?”

  “She’s a dirty slut.” Apple Jack bit her lips.

  “See, was that so hard?” Cartman asked.

  “Uh, yea. Somehow, calling her that was harder now than it was before.” Apple Jack’s accent sailed upon the last F.

  “DID YOU JUST CALLED MY MOTHER A WHORE, AGAIN!? WHAT THE FUCK!!?”

Twilight flung a scolding look toward Apple Jack. The cold sweat poured down Apple Jack’s panicked face.

  “I’m sorry yao! I didn’t mean… I mean, I wasn’t calling her… I mean I said whore, I mean before… Not said, as in said before, but I said before!”

Cartman relaxed his face and laughed.

  “Na, I’m just messing with you Apple Jack.” He slammed his hand on her back in a friendly gesture.

  “Ehehehe, yea yao.” Apple Jack let the moment slide, hoping it would keep sliding right of the mountain edge. Cartman suddenly heard hooves walking up behind him.

  “What did you just say?” A grumpy voice asked darkly. Cartman heard his last ‘Fuck’ echo inside his head. He turned around. Despite her changed appearance, he knew who it was. His face dropped into submission.

  “I am so sorry Demandora, I am your humble student!”

  “You are not humble Eric Cartman!” Demandora scolded. Her blue pony face lowered in regret. “And I have to say, not me neither. I talked to Twilight earlier, Cartman. “Cartman looked at Twilight, who looked back at him with a smile. “I heard from her what transpired between you and your friends, and I must say that as pathetic your attempts of using big words are, the intentions of my teachings were never for you to shut away yourself from the rest of the world.”

Demandora kept talking about Cartman’s studies. Celestia and Spike were talking a bit further away. Spike looked at the blue pony.

  “Who is that?” He asked. Celestia looked at the blue pony with green mane. She gasped while her eyes swam inside a fog, as if she was observing a scene that transpired long ago. Celestia turned her face away so not to get spotted by Demandora.

  “Spike, you asked me before about a pony named Demandora.”

  “Yes.” Spike hesitated. “Is that her?” He asked. Celestia sighed and nodded.

  “Yes Spike. It’s about time I told you about her. Long ago, before Twilight became my pupil, I came across a lonely unicorn filly. Alone and afraid she had been abandoned by her parents. I searched Equestria far and wide to find her family but not a single relative stepped forward to take care of her. Knowing that she needed a home, I did something that I have argued myself doing ever since the day I did it.”

  “You mean?” Spike asked.

  “Yes Spike, Demandora is my adoptive daughter.”

  “You daughter.” Spike awed to himself. “Do Twilight know?”

  “I believe I’ve told her once, don’t know if she remembers. You must understand Spike, even though I am a teacher and a princess at heart, taking on the role as a mother is something that I had very little experience of at the time. I kept Demandora out of my princess affairs for as long as I could but eventually the many princess duties I had made it difficult for me to be with her. When she finally turned above filly age she started to wear her role as my daughter as a title. She began interfering in my affairs and started demanding special treatments from the ponies that needed me. It didn’t take long before things started to get out of hand. Ponies started growing bitter and angry at Demandora, even though she was young and didn’t know any better. I needed to find a solution without crushing her heart forever, so I taught her…” Celestia hesitated.

  “…You taught her to be humble.” Twilight broke in, having heard most of the conversation already. Celestias continued with a voice bathing in regret.

  “Yes, Twilight. I did. After some harsh teachings and scolding’s Demandora stopped demanding special treatments from other ponies. I thought that we both had found a solution, but then I heard that she herself had grown extreme in demanding humbleness from her own students. I thought I had done her a favor, I never realized the grave consequences my own faulty teachings would have, until now.”

There was a softened grumpy voice addressing her. “Mother.”

Celestia turned and gazed straight into the green eyes that she knew from so long ago. Celestia snorted. Tears filled her eyes. She galloped forward and folded her wings around her adoptive daughter.

  “Mother please, you’re embarrassing me.” Demandora said grumpy.

  “I should have never let you go!” Celestia wailed.

  “I have my own school in South Park, I don’t need to have my mother’s eyes hovering over my back.”

Celestia turned her teary face to look at Demandora. Demandora continued softly.

  “I have missed you though, mom.”

Stan, Kyle and Kenny watched the happy reunion with surprised faces.

  “Who would have known?” Kyle said.

  “Hello boys, nice to see you again.” Starlight glimmer walked up to them. She looked at the fat kid. “Hi there Cartman, nice to finally meet you again. You know, I don’t think I told you the last time we met, but I was Twilight’s student before you.”

Cartman stared blankly at the sky colored unicorn with purple mane. Starlight hesitated.

  “Eh, as I said. I was her student before.” Starlight hesitated again. She bit her lips while the awkward silence went.

  “Yes, I heard you were.” Cartman finally said something. Starlight breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Right. I was.” Starlight felt the words she planned to say fade away. She smiled nervously while Cartman’s creepy ghost face pierced her. He seemed to study her intentions. It then was like he already knew what she had planned to say. He nodded.

  “I see.”

Cartman turned around and walked toward Twilight. Indeed, he did see now: The time had come to finally do as Rainbow Dash said and apologize to the princess of friendship.

  “Right.” Starlight concluded, letting the awkwardness fade by itself. Starlight turned to the other boys.

  “So. Are you guys heading home?”

Stan looked at Kyle and Kenny, then secretly at Twilight. He felt a smile form on his face.

  “I think I choose to stay for a while, get a taste of my temporary pony life.” Stan looked at Kyle and Kenny. “Is that okay with you guys?”

Kyle looked bewildered at Stan. He wasn’t expecting him wanting to stay. He turned to Kenny.

  “What do you say Kenny?” He asked.

Kenny hesitated. He thought back of his life as a poor that awaited him in South Park. It helped him make up his mind. However, that is another tale and shall be told another time.





Twilight felt human hands touch her coat.

  “Oh, hi there, Cartman.”

  “Hello Twilight Sparkle. What’s up?”

  “Great. You?” Twilight asked, not sure what the small talk was all about. Cartman didn’t answer. He went straight to his apology.

  “I wanted to apologize to you Twilight. Ever since I came to Equestria I have known that something wasn’t quite right with the way I behaved, but I was to blind to see it. When you rescued me from that tree that had diamonds on it like Elton John in concert I could have been honest with you, but instead I let you call me a berry, defile my Christian name, have me treat Kyle like a human being and appear as a poster child for 9-year-old boys still stuck in kindergartener. My silence and lack of communication lead me to falsely believe in a silly conspiracy to have Rainbow Dash raping me when instead we could have hung out together and take a crap on Fluttershy’s doorstep as buddies.”

There were catharsis inducing strings coming from nowhere, sounding in major. Twilight’s eyes sparkled with joyful pride.

  “I could have been honest with you Twilight. I could have told you how I actually felt, but instead I was being in-sincere, the same in-sincerity that drove my friends away from me from the start. I shouldn’t never have pulled your mane back there, or do any of those stupid things I did to you back at the castle. I should never have called you a bitch, a child napper or farted on your horn. As a friend I should have been sincere with you from the start.”

Cartman reached out his hand. He let it run across Twilight’s mane. Twilight leaned her head against it in a loving gesture.

  “Twilight Sparkle, I should have told you to fuck of long ago. But as a friend, I hope I can make it up to you.” Cartman let his hand run across Twilight’s mule. Her eyes filled with tears of joy. She opened her mouth to speak.

  “Cartman…” She giggled instead of finishing.

  “No, Twilight. Take a deep breath, let the consonants bounce upon the phrase.” Cartman instructed.

The strings gain a climax as Pinkie Pie conducts them to the rising morning sun. She turns her pink face and blinks to the reader. Twilight snorts and opens her mouth.

  “Fuck of, my little Cartman.”

  “Fuck of Twilight Sparkle.”






My Little Cartman



THE END







Authors note:



I would like to thank all you readers that stuck around. No matter how many or few you are, you make my writing worthwhile.



Thank you for reading my story.



/ Moon Flame