The Entire Sequence
100% Medically Accurate
That was the tagline that adorned the DVD case in front of Rainbow Dash. The image of what appeared to be a human crawling up a glass door was eye-catching, to say the least, and gave the athletic mare a vibe she seldom felt when it came to horror movies. The title also caught her eye, as it immediately made her wonder if this would finally be the film that got Fluttershy to watch more horror movies with her.
“The Human Centipede,” she said to herself quietly. She picked up the case and skimmed the back of it. “Hmm… a mad doctor and some experiments.” She held onto the case and looked at the assortment of other films that adorned the wall. Everything from films that no doubt had budgets, to ones that were assembled via looking between the cushions on the directors couch, and films from that were churned out by the some of the biggest studios in Applewood—and with price tags that made Rainbow question if the suits who fund those movies value their money.
More often than not, she came to the conclusion that they didn't.
But, while a hoof full of the movies caught her eye, none of them were quite as attention grabbing, nor did they pique her interest the way The Human Centipede did, a fact that made Rainbow all the more excited to watch it.
So, with a large smile, she walked to the front of the store and handed the cashier the DVD.
“Huh…” The cashier looked at Rainbow as a smirk formed on his face. “So, she who can't be scared is finally renting The Human Centipede?”
Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “What? This some sorta super scary movie or somethin’?”
“You could say that.” The cashier rang up Rainbow before he placed the DVD into a bag. “Enjoy.”
Rainbow grabbed the bag and handed the cashier the money. “I will!” she said excitedly. She walked out the door with a large smile, eager to watch the movie with Fluttershy.
“Okay, are you ready?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Fluttershy sat on the bed in her pitch black bedroom. The blinds had been shut and she was under a pink blanket, which she'd pulled up to cover the majority of her face. Although her hair usually did a pretty good job of that, she felt she needed security today.
“I… I guess,” Fluttershy said. “W-what are we watching tonight?”
“Well, I went to the video store earlier today and checked high and low for something scary!” Rainbow hopped onto the bed and sat beside her friend. “Most of the movies seemed lame though, like something called The Last House on the Left.”
“Oh, my dad watched that one with my mom,” Fluttershy said. “She said he was in the bathroom for ten minutes after it ended.”
“Huh… didn't think your dad had a weak stomach,” Rainbow said. She turned on the television, which illuminated the room. “But the movie I got sounded like something you'd enjoy!”
Fluttershy narrowed her eyes. “Now are you just saying that or do you mean it?” she asked in as stern of a voice as the timid mare could muster.
“Well… I mean, it sounds like something you'd enjoy,” Rainbow said sheepishly. “It's called The Human Centipede.”
Fluttershy lowered the blanket slightly. “That sounds… kind of okay, I guess,” she said with a hint of relief. “What's it about?”
“I dunno. I hadn't heard of it until today,” Rainbow replied. “Let's find out though!” With a smile, she pressed play—and the film began.
Ninety-two minutes had past.
The film had ended.
The credits had rolled.
And the two mares both stared blankly at the television. They were both in awe at what they'd just witnessed.
Or would the better word be experienced? It was hard for either mare to really know. Their senses had been assaulted six ways from Sunday. The indescribable horrors they watched transpire on screen weren't like anything they'd ever seen.
In fact, Rainbow Dash had only heard about films like this in the comment section of YouTube, but she figured that it was just hyperbole.
But, now she knew: it wasn't. They were right.
“That was the worst film I've ever seen!” Rainbow shouted, which made Fluttershy nearly fall off of the bed. “Like… what the hell was that!?”
“I… I don't know if it was that bad,” Fluttershy said. Her eyes were red from crying out of fear, which ended up being almost the entire film, save for the first twenty seconds or so. “I mean, it wasn't good, but it-”
“Fluttershy.” Rainbow rested a hoof on her friend's shoulder. “Did you forget what you said to me after about fifteen minutes?”
Fluttershy tapped her chin and thought for a bit before she shook her head. “What was it?”
“You turned to me and said with no emotion, ‘This movie is the dumbest piece of trash I've ever watched with you, and that's counting Birdemic’,” Rainbow said. “I must say, I didn't think you had it inside you to be so harsh.”
Fluttershy gasped. “I said that?”
Rainbow nodded. “Then you hid under the blankets and cried.”
Fluttershy blushed. “Well… the doctor was scary,” she said. “I mean, you saw what he did, right?”
Rainbow chuckled. “I think the better question is: did you see what he did? You were under the blankets for almost the entire thing!”
Fluttershy folded her arms. “I was cold.”
“Fluttershy, it's the middle of July.” Rainbow stated flatly.
“Oh…”
Rainbow playfully punched her friends shoulder. “Well, don't worry, I'll return the movie tomorrow and we can get something that you'd like to watch, alright?”
Fluttershy nodded happily. “So, are you going to sleep now?”
“Yeah, I need it,” Rainbow said. “That movie took the energy right out of me.*
“Okay. Good night.” Fluttershy snuggled under blankets and, within a few minutes, fell fast asleep.
The next day, Rainbow arrived back at her local video store, movie rested under her wing and the urge to turn it into a frisbee inside of her at an all-time high. She walked into the store, at which point a familiar face turned and smirked as he saw the athletic mare’s face.
“So, I take it you didn't like it?” the cashier asked as he tried to contain his laughter.
“No!” Rainbow snapped. She resisted the urge to slam the DVD onto the counter and, after a few deep breaths, placed it in the return box. “I hated it!”
“Oh, that's a shame,” the cashier said. “I brought in my copies of the sequels to give to you.”
Rainbow paused. She turned her head slowly to the cashier, her eyes as wide as the tires on a monster truck and her mouth agape.
The cashier chuckled. “You did look at the title, right?” he asked.
Rainbow slowly shook her head.
The cashier grabbed the DVD. He placed his hoof near the title of the movie. “It's called The Human Centipede: The First Sequence.”
“Oh…”
“Figured you noticed that when you picked it up.” The cashier placed the DVD back into the return box. “So, wanna see how much better the sequels are?”
"Rainbow, are you sure you want to do this?” Fluttershy asked, worried. “I mean, you said you'd get something I wanted to watch this time.”
“C'mon, Flutters,” Rainbow said as she held a bottle of knockout beside the bed. “They can't be worse than the first one, right?”
One hundred and ninety-three minutes later
Rainbow took out her cellphone. The knockout pills she had in standby covered the floor after a scuffle she had with Fluttershy about twenty-five minutes into the second film. Her eyes were filled with rage she didn't think she was capable of feeling, and her coat was drenched in tears. She impatiently waited until a voice came from the other end.
“Evening, Rainbow,” the cashier said. “How goes it?”
“You owe my friend therapy,” Rainbow yelled. She looked back at Fluttershy, who was curled up in a fetal position in the corner of her bedroom. Her eyes were bloodshot and she had a small wall of stuffed animals around her, along with a box of tissues. She placed her phone onto Fluttershy's bed and turned the speaker on.
“Fair enough,” the cashier said. “What else did you-”
WHAM! WHAM!
A deafening silence filled the air for several seconds, until the cashier spoke up.
“I’m not getting those DVDs back, am I Rainbow?”
“Nope!” Rainbow threw a hammer behind her. “Sorry.”
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- Vertigo22 · 3.1k words · 10 1 · 368 views
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The story reminded me of this comic:
imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_difference.png
Is the human centipede really this bad?
Poor Fluttershy.........
8472532
YES.
8472532 I, personally, have never seen it. However, I've read the plot synopsis to each film on Wikipedia (I know, I can truly judge a film by doing that) and from the sound of it... it sounds very dumb.
The premise is interesting. I don't mind mad scientist stories at all. But in this case? It sounds dumb. And the films get progressively weirder. The second one is just flat out gross sounding and the third one is...
I honestly can't tell if it's trying to be self aware with how far it goes with its tastelessness or if Tom Six was just trying his absolute damnedest to make the dumbest thing possible. It's odd to say the least.
8472531 Hah.
8472533 Yeah. But hey, at least she can say she sat through The Human Centipede trilogy...
I dunno if that means anything, but she can say it!
Wow.
Thank god I never seen them now
Wouldn't it make way more sense if this was in the EQG world?
Also...
Hand instead of hoof? And you got on my case about the tense swap?
8472552 Hah. Funny thing is, I was gonna do that, but opted for the regular world thanks to the cover art.
Guess that hand part slipped under me radar.
As for it making sense? Eh, mayhaps. Though I'm of the opinion that humans aren't unheard of in the land of Equestria, mainly thanks to the existence of bipeds. I imagine that, at the very least, they'd be creatures of legend.
Also...
WHERE'S THE TENSE SWAP?
8472559
... I still think it should have been EQG.
8472562 To each their own...
The cover art was too good to pass up.
8472566
What's next? You gonna do sequels?
Applejack and Rarity watch A Serbian Film?
Pinkie and Maud watch The Devil's Rejects?
Twilight and Spike watch The Twilight Saga?
8472536
um.....i havent seen them go through the third one....i wanna see them suffer through the entire trilogy....what could go wrong?
8472579 Oh, the time lapse at the end of the story is the combined run time of the second and third films.
Just looking at the cover of the Human Centipede made me want to puke.
8472578 This was a spur of the moment story. As amusing as that'd be, I'd rather not make a sequel.
Though the thought of the Pie sisters watching The Devil's Rejects is very funny. You autta try that.
8472586
Hmm... I guess characters watching a horror movie could be part of my October stories thing. Alright, I'll do it! And I'll even bring Limestone and Marble for the ride.
8472590 I'd hope so. I can see Limestone yelling at the characters and Marble...
Well, Marble will definitely not have fun.
8472536
Technically speaking she only watched 2 of them....
8472536
Yeah, I know very little about it myself.
8472534
Ok, good to know.
It was eye-candy.
I have seen all three Sequences, and I have read your story. The Human Centipede was funnier.
...That sounds like an insult, but it isn't massively - it's a surprisingly funny film. I doubt that comes across from the Wikipedia synopsis though - and I think you could have made your story a lot funnier if you'd seen the actual thing to draw on.
Maybe not the second one, though. That one's plain terrifying.
8472769 You know, I was expecting someone to say this (that I should've seen it to write them watching the actual thing). And I... thought that after I posted this. I realized I could've done that with the horror film Sinister (which I absolutely love and I'd love to see how the Mane 6 would react to it).
However, I'd argue that writing an entire fic of them reacting to it would be... a tad dull. Granted, it'd depend on who wrote it, but I doubt I could pull it off in a way that would feel fluid. I write very fast and very loose when it comes to comedy and in the case of writing a story like that? I'm afraid I'd either A: not do the reactions justice or B: would linger on them for FAR too long. That said, I don't disagree that that would be funnier as it'd allow for more depth and commentary on the film.
Alas, I wrote this very impromptu and because I was talking w/ my girlfriend about what Fluttershy reviewing horror films would be like. So, I do apologize for its lack of depth and... well, not being as funny as it could be (I mean, I'm very proud of it as I spent about 30-50 minutes all together on it).
Also, I don't take offense to you saying the films are funnier. Truth be told, I can believe it. The premise is very... out there. I just don't think I could stomach watching a film like it.
I will say though: the inspiration for the first film is actually rather amusing. If you don't know what it was: Tom Six got the idea when joking about how a child predator should be punished. He (or one of his friends, I forget) said that they should have their mouth stitched to a fat truck driver.
I personally find that funny.
8472780 Yeah, I'm not saying a commentary as a story would have been better, you're right in that it would have got old fast. And it would probably have a tiny market if it was trying to appeal to those on the site who had seen the films. Just that the odd observation like that might have fit, and it was quite telling from things they didn't mention that they hadn't really seen it (like how the vibe/mood between the three films is so different).
The main thing is the massive overacting from the villain in the first film. He's hilarious. There are three-way exchanges between him (ham-tastic German), two whining American college girls, and a Japanese man who doesn't speak a word of English. I wouldn't say it's scary, but the atmosphere was quite well done.
The second one is horrible, with a black-and-white grainy picture, the villain played by someone who looks so unsettling his only other acting job has been on children's TV. The centipede is probably the least-disturbing bit.
The third one ramps up the tastelessness just to see how far it can go, like if Frankie Boyle were a film. It's the same German actor playing the villain as in the first one, as the most deliberately-offensive character they could write. Eric Roberts is in it too, somehow.
The centipede idea is mostly so far outside of our imaginations that it's not too scary in the films. There are some flinchy moments, but it's mostly the little details that add some of the bite. Part of the surgery involves cutting the segments' elbow and knee tendons, for example, so they physically can't get up and run away
Sounds like a good output for 30-50 minutes, though!
Reading the wikipedia page of that movie was enough to scar me.
And no, there is not supposed to be an e in front of scar.
I was scarred.
But I loved this story.
8472801 I'll forever remember a friend who watched the second one. His reaction was basically "wtf did I just watch...?" It was enough to make me not want to watch ANY of them.
Still, glad that you didn't hate the story. I... well, I did as best I could to make something out of an idea that was very much spur-of-the-moment.
8472861 You poor, poor soul. Take a heart.
I saw all of the human centipedes but the second one
But...why is it the human centipede? Humans don't exist.
8478295 That boiled down to a personal choice. I was going to have this be an Equestria Girls story, but opted against it.
However, I decided to keep the movie's name as it just felt... odd otherwise. Stupid reason, yes, but... hey, the story itself is rather stupid.
8472532
Do not seek the truth. It will destroy you.
8648755
Ok, I won't. I don't think I want to.