Aurore and Lucas are both fans of extreme metal, they even made a black metal band. After having played Equestria Online since the game has been releaser, Lucas choose to emigrate to Equestria. And even if they're going to be worlds apart, they won't stop making music.
This is my first fiction written in English and I don't have an editor yet, so please, tell me in the comments everything I did wrong.
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An intriguing start, though I don't think "true" is quite the term you're looking for at the start. I'll keep an eye on this.
Well ok, you've got black metal and ponies. Have a follow.
Of course the black metal fan gets a Fluttershy.
This is rapidly sounding more power metal than black metal. I like that.
If it's FiO it's on my tracking list. Nice start. Let me know if you need a proof reader. I have helped others on here.
This is your first fic in english? Well, your grammar is pretty good I have to say. Only concern I have on that front is that occasionally there's going to be things/phrases some readers simply arent going to recognize, such as "trve". What does that even mean? Obviously it has to do with the Metal genre, but there's little context as to what meaning the phrase actually has.
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A second issue is how you're going to handle the darker aspects if the setting. Is Celestia outright killing people by uploading them? Is she altering people against their will, forcibly setting them to certain values to fulfill her vision of a pony paradise? Are those uploaded forever barred from the external world, or can they continue to experience it via some manner? If uploading is fatal, is she causing the destruction of human civilization by it, forcing people to upload to survive? Is she only taking those who decide to upload themselves, or is she cohercing people and forcing them to say "Yes" to uploading? Is she even bothering with consent at all? I ask because the FiO canon version of Celestia's preferred method of cohercing consent under duress would never be considered valid under any earth goverment, and in EQ Online such a policy would be nightmarish.
And the final question, "Will any of these even come up in the story?" Maybe, who knows? Its likely some of them will come up at least in a tangential manner.
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Thanks for the comment.
As to the question about Celest.A.I., well I don't think it will be a main concern of the story, I think there are enough fictions about these points and doing it myself will make me feel like I'm somewhat copying some. I am more willing to focus on the slice of life aspect of people living their life with Equestria Online, as I think there isn't enough of simple slice of life in the optimalverse.
And don't worry, I'll try to be more welcoming with terms like trve.
Ah, so its an inside joke to fans of the genre? Makes sense. Also it seems like you have a slightly cyberpunk slice of life feel you have goingfor the story.
Sorry for the delay. I was supposed to edit this chapter last week but stuff came up that put a delay on my schedule.
Glad to see you got it up. Looking forward to seeing what this is all leading up to.