Coverart by http://xn-dragon.deviantart.com
Trigger Warning: The word "Anonymous"
Some three centuries after Twilight Sparkle's coronation, something stranger than anything in Equestria's history appears in the very heart of Equestria itself. A human, lost, confused, and alone, finds himself warily welcomed by the rulers of this strange land.
After trading information about himself for information about the world he'll soon call home, he leaves from Canterlot to the quaint and quiet town of Ponyville, where he eventually meets a lonely bat-pony by the name of Speck.
A rewrite of the original ( http://pastebin.com/u/NukePone ) with additional content, restructuring, and fixes.
Featured from 09Jun14 to 12Jun14
Repeat feature nearly every time a new chapter is posted.
This was my favorite part. So unexpected. The sex scene after it was great.
>Iron Will
>he was banned from Canterlot for being too assertive and accidentally causing high-class ponies to riot when he taught them his version of assertiveness
>Iron Will x main character guy otp
This phrase doesn't read clearly because magic is both a noun and an adjective. Readers may parse it as "A world of adjective, noun, gerund-adj. plural noun" which will trip them. You want "colorful, magical talking horses" or at least to remove the second comma you use here. There are other ways to clear that up but either of those are what I'd suggest.
They can talk and build castles. Assuming that they don't have a currency is a stretch.
Suggest "may not even have a monetary" or just striking this or saying that they use a fiat currency back home (as opposed to gold coins or whatever) so the contents would be worthless. You already do some work to establish this in terms of ID in the present text.
You make the jump to knowing he's a "pony" really swiftly. I guess you can gloss over it but I'd expect he'd need to be corrected first early-on about terms.
Another biggish leap that the world he's in is actually nice and pleasant. You description implies he was unconscious while he was outside so he should have no idea. For all he knows beyond the castle it could be a hellscape. Also didn't they just say he had to stay at the castle and never leave?
4506295
>You make the jump to knowing he's a "pony" really swiftly. I guess you can gloss over it but I'd expect he'd need to be corrected first early-on about terms.
Pony being a small horse.
Changed to small horse.
>Another biggish leap that the world he's in is actually nice and pleasant.
Anywhere that isn't earth is already a step up in the "nice and pleasant" category.
>You description implies he was unconscious while he was outside so he should have no idea. For all he knows beyond the castle it could be a hellscape.
You only live once.
>Also didn't they just say he had to stay at the castle and never leave?
#plot
weidert.com/Portals/65360/images/curiosity.jpg
I am keeping an eye on this story
humans, batponies, AND feels?
my three favorite things!
eagery awaiting more!
Will there be any pony-human shipping in this?
4521131
Maybe.
4520504
>liking humans
4520499
i'm keeping an eye on you <3
4521329 ... well played sir. Favorited.
I generally don't like fics that use 'Anonymous' as a character name, but this one actually is decent...
i.imgur.com/bqvE3At.gif
>Sees fic in feature box
>Sees it has Bat Pony cover
>Sees that it has a main character that IS Bat Pony.
>Instant fave and like.
To mimic the cover art.
'Eeeeee!'
4521480
He isn't the normal kind of Anonymous with green skin and all that. He just can't remember his name.
4521505
>being this happy over Sock'em Ponkers and Treekiller being dead
4521531 I know he isn't the normal kind of anonymous, which is good, as it actually allows character development, although you should have him remember his real name at some point.
i.imgur.com/bqvE3At.gif
4521526
>Feature box
>mfw i.imgur.com/mdCbtw5.gif
4521568
OH MY FUCKING GOD THAT IS ADORABLE.
4521568 You should have heard Mr101's reaction on skype, also Oh My God that is freaking adorable!!!
4521562
Possibly. It won't be for a good few chapters, though.
4521583
She shows up later.4521592
Explain
I like.. Very interesting.. Will be firmly planting one of my eyeballs into this story.
4521612 He literally squee'd and freaked out for a moment.
4521612
4521613
You'll be blinded by tears.
4521621
4521623
That's alarming.
4521677
Can't help it, Bat ponies are best kind of pony.
Loved the original A feeling of xxx and I'm rather curious about the added content. Can't comment on this one yet but the entire pastebin series is absolutely fantastic.
4521776
>liking the original
>liking the last three chapters
Why
Wow...more please
Pretty nice.
mnn.com/sites/default/files/college%20student.jpg
is DEFINITELY stranger than
fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2014/132/8/1/ultimate_tirek_by_crisostomo_ibarra-d7i2wpv.png
4522070
I'm retiring.
4522153
No, it's awful.
4522199
Yes
4522228
Seems legit. wanna do cocaine together
4522248
Not yet, I have to write fanfiction about a show for little girls.
4522266
Wanna do some little girls together
4522311
>3DPD
4522228 it's decent.
4522228 You should rename yourself Nagasaki Fun Time.
4522331
It's awful, because it's about ponies.
4522405
But why
4522511
>Sacrificing the lives of based Party Pony and Apple Killer
>Just to prevent someone from dating them
Anon kills Speck in A Feeling Of Pain 34522537 Nuke.
Nagasaki.
Do you even history?
4522548
Yes.
But why.
4522573 Because.
That's why.
in -> "amongst" or "with" b/c they're not literally inside of the individual books
Would prefer "old" lore for flow.
This might just be Celestia being Celestia, but you might have her clarify whether she prefers this to the way she was thought of before or not. It's very odd that she wouldn't even allude to some comment.
Suggest you drop the 2nd "had"
Wordy even for Celestia. I'd do "...proved herself to be absolutely exceptional" or "had proven herself to be exceptional."
Overly precise. Assumption would be okay if he said "evil" or "sick" or even "afflicted."
Overly objective. Surely Celetia has a less heartlessly lawyer-like term to use for them after all this time? I could understand if it were like the day after the last one of them died but c'mon it's been hundreds of years. She should be able to admit to herself and others now that she cared for them.
Good. This part's really strong.
mfw this actually makes crazy amounts of sense that she wouldn't like it anymore after her friends were gone
also they must've seen some pretty rotten stuff if they didn't want to live any longer, no?
tfw no all-powerful alicorn princess to put me to bed when I'm scared
considering he used that horrid name because of amnesia rather than it actualy being his name. I shall persevere though my irritation and hope he chooses a proper name before he gets to ponyville
4522787
Fixed all of that.
This comes into play soon. I actually have ideas for why each one of them turned the offer down.
4522806
>Picking a new name
>Before he gets to ponyville
Not happening for a long while, I'm afraid.
It'll happen about 10 chapters after he meets SpeckThankfully it got featured or i would have probably never seen it! Can't wait to read this rewrite, first i'm gonna check my heart for "feels overload" dangers
4522814
>Learn Mane 6's reasons for not being David Tenant and therefore *wanting* to go
Super. This sounds like it has some real potential.
<3
4522912
>David Tennant
This is Anonymous's real name.
He is the Doctor and he just doesn't remember.
He came to Equestria through a trans-dimensional portal and lost the TARDIS on the way through.
4522923 NO WAY!!! THIS IS FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4522948
Don't post spoilers please.
:^)
4522967
I don't think all of those exclamation points were needed.
I also don't think you got the joke.
4522993 Wait... It was... A joke? *cries*
I don't like it when authors name their characters "Anonymous".
If you don't want us to know the name of a character, it's far less jarring to simply never have the other characters refer to them by name.
4523015
>He
>Doesn't
>Know
>His
>Name
The description doesn't really grab my attention, but I'm a sucker for bat pony coverart. Will read this later.