This story is a sequel to Take To The Sky (A SoarinDash One-shot)
Spitfire is sitting in her room bored, she believes she has nothing to do. After deciding to let the team to take time off after practice, the captain can be seen banging her head gently on her desk with the feeling of boredom overwhelming her. After sitting at her desk for several minutes, she decides to write a song for Soarin and Rainbow Dash; the new wonderbolt couple on the team.
To find inspiration, she decides to head down to the pool for a nice swim. She brings along the other members while Soarin and Dash spent some time together.
What did she name the song she wrote? Who will sing the song for her? After all, Spitfire's singing voice isn't at all that good.
Cover art: A screenshot from the episode "Top Bolt".
Image edited by me.
This story and title is inspired by this song: Oxygen
Performed by Maia Mitchell. Film: Teen Beach Movie.
Featuring my personal OCs: Thundershine and Ironfire - Blazer Skies.
Praying for your success! 🤗
Wait so is it the same song word by word?
11514017
I titled the story from a song of the same name. Lyrics of the song will be included much later on in the story, maybe after chapter 2. Not sure yet, I don’t wanna spoil the surprise.
I don’t know for sure, we’ll see.
11514004
Um thanks?
11514146
Of course! ❤️
11514142
Ah gotcha and thanks
11518140
??
So, you told me that this was a story you set aside for awhile. Did you write chapter 1 much earlier and then chapter 2 just recently? Because chapter 2 seems like it was written by an entirely different person than chapter 1.
Chapter 1 is just a bunch of POV shifts, every section feels rushed, and nothing really comes out of the scenes. I found several spelling mistakes and even a few parts where you switch from past tense to present tense, then right back to past again. The only really interesting part is Spit's conversation with Dash, it really felt like it could have been important (and maybe even foreshadowing) to what's to come, but it just gets dropped and the story speeds on. And by the last POV shift, I wasn't even sure who's POV it was until near the end.
But then chapter 2 comes, and you change to 1st person, and it's much better. The POV is consistent, the story slows down and finds a flow, and I didn't notice any spelling errors or tense shifts. And the part with Spit splashing her face and thinking of her mom was a nice little touch to her character. As you know, I'm following this story, and I'll definitely continue reading as you update. So good job, you got me interested enough to finish.
I strongly suggest you take the time to give chapter 1 some love. I hate to say it, but it's kinda messy, and I can see readers checking out after it. And that would be unfortunate because it gets better, and I'm sure you're capable of giving this a great ending. Looking forward to the next chapter!
11522189
Sorry if chapter one was rushed and full of grammatical errors, it happens to me a lot when I write a new story. I rush, then I don’t notice grammar errors until I read through it again on my own. The transition -between - scenes thing is a new aspect I’m trying out, but I am still new to it.
I sometimes forget to take my time as I write. My apologies.
As for Chapter 2 , I intentionally wrote it in first person and took my time with it. Unlike chapter 1 prior. Thank you for your input, I’ll see what I can do.
11522236
Please don't apologize. Your work is fine, it just needs a little polishing.
Something I always found worked for me is to finish a chapter, then set it aside and not look at it for a week, and then read over it again. After that time, you will be looking at it with fresh eyes and mistakes just jump out at you. Best of luck to you, and I'll be back for the next chapter!
Oh... very good
11523369
Thanks.
Chapter one complete!
I liked it. Onto the next one!
I like it so far!
>11555656
Thanks for reading, sis. Hope ya enjoyed it!
11555764
I did!
11555785
That’s good, any parts of the story in particular?
Aww more waiting lol Sango. Well hopefully the sing comes up soon.
11571555
Chapter 3 is at 2,000 something words right now. It is almost done, I just have to figure out a way to end the chapter.
11571559
Cool beans. I look forward to it.
I like the idea of Spitfire sneaking around to get snacks lol.
11573594
That idea about Spitfire being sneaky to get snacks is based on a memory I went through. I remember being around 10 years old, I was visiting my father in Hawaii. His apartment actually had a cabinet space just for snacks, I use to sneak to the kitchen to nibble on anything I can find.
11573836
Lol that's hilarious. Sounds like something my dad would've thrown me out the window for..
11574031
I didn’t get called out for it at first, until now. I’m a young adult now, and it would be brought up from time to time by my stepmom.
11574033
Lol. I like that you inject old personal experiences into stuff. Adds a great layer.
11574078
That’s why I write. To reflect, and cope from my personal experiences. The good, the bad, everything about it. But thanks.
11658677
I have a lot going on with my personal life right now, with church, work, and family. So there won’t be an update for awhile.
11660076
okie take ur time
Sorry it took me literal months to get to this, but I finally did! It's a pretty solid chapter. The POV shifts were a bit disorienting, but nowhere as bad as the first chapter's, and your tense stayed in present the whole time. Still liking it, and will continue for the future shenanigans!