The Solarian Empire, has stood against the bulwark of time for centuries, yet after the death of Solaris, the nation somewhat fractures- Forming itself into the Holy Solarian Empire- and instead simply grows more corrupt and fat every day. Its army unused, a mere show of force, than a rear leg capable of such bucking. To satisfy their labour needs- without having to do it themselves of course- humans were brought in, capable of a variety of tasks, and able to be hardy enough to withstand it.
Yet through all these years the whip has been used, and when something has been seen enough, and when the greatest wall of them all, fear, has collapsed. Solaris help you all.
Chapters (3)
So far it's decent, I'm going to wait for more chapters before doing anything else.
Some minor spelling and grammar problems, but that's not what makes or breaks a story. The way you write had me hooked from the start, and I could see the entire thing playing out in my head as I read it. You've got quite the knack!
Yes! Humanity, rise up and take that which is rightfully yours! The title of Dominant Race is man's birthright, and it's time to finally claim that birthright! Ponies have their magic, strength, and weather. Bah! Humanity only needs one thing: our minds! The human mind is without peer, and with human innovation, ingenuity, and tenacity, man will overthrow his pony overlords and take the world for himself! The Age of Quadrupeds is at its end! Now, not the strong, but the smart will survive! The Age of Man has begun! May it last till the end of time!
OK I'm interested... I'll keep track of this story.
Not bad so far..can't wait for next chapter
A good start, but I suggest you make the chapters longer.
3000-5000 words is the sweet spot for readers.
I'm about to read this and I'm already starting to like it.
L E T T H E S L A V E R B L O O D R U N L I K E A R I V E R .
Outside of editing needs, I'll give it a shot.
8104250
I'd say make em a bit longer while looking to clarify things. I've already been lost quite a bit in this.
8105405 What do you mean by clarify? More descriptions on the surroundings, emotion?
I was trying to not spew out everything at once to keep a decent pace and to show that Note Taker is not at his full mental capacity, what with being knocked unconscious and being utterly terrified at somehow non sapient animals able to have a mind like the other sapient races.
8104250
Also thanks for that tip
8106673
Seems to me that the story jumps into different perspectives, as if it's focused on multiple characters at once. There are many points where I'm not sure who is who. An example being I thought there was a point where one of the killings was the character in question, only for the story to continue without switching the focus, for the character to keep doing things.
Also, a clear thought process, using italics or single quotations for the characters thoughts would be a great help.
So this is set in a pre Celestia and Luna equestria? Interstating overall. Will we get to see how humans got to this world? Also why do the ponies think that humans are non sentient? That seems odd to me.
8192614 Because before this 'event' humans weren't apparently sentient, this will be explored more later on.
Hmmmmmm...... go on........
8192640
When are you gonna update?
8105537
The stars and the galaxy belongs to mankind and only mankind alone
Fear the alien
Hate the alien
Kill the alien
Please update Please