Oh god, that was SEXY timing. After I finished the 1st chapter, it updated for the 3rd. :D I love your stories, keep up the good and disgusting work! EDIT: People shouldn't rate down for the content, I didn't like all of it either, but it was well-written and worth the time.
The difference between this piece and the others is subtle but interesting. While the other chapters have had much more of a focus on the horror of his actions themselves, this one is unique in that it has far more distinct focus on the tragedy of his actions, something you seemed to start dabbling in at the very end of The Scholar. Her demise was the most intense of the three so far, to be sure, as the reader can feel so much more investment in a character whose thoughts can be observed and whose final moments are frantic (since she has an unbroken will to live and be happy). The fact that her death is prolonged was also key. Good job with that.
This is a significant improvement to be sure, and perhaps the most repulsive thing I have ever read.
I knew that if I wanted this story to expand, I had to switch from the first to the third person. I don't want to switch how the first two chapters were written, because Salo also had storytelling in it, but the third person opens up so many new doors for exploring emotions.
Oh, and to give you a sneak peek of the next chapter:
Very excellent story you wrote there mister, while I praise your story, part of me wishes Prince Blueblood gets whats coming to him.... you know, such as an uprising and revolution and his whole little world falling apart around him .... that kind of stuff. Anyways, great stories so far and keep up the good work.
Oh Blueblood... The things I would do to your body... Even the shadow of Morpheus would shudder in disgust.
I have reached a point where I wonder how my brain children would react to this broken world... Probably very violently if the nobility as a majority were like Blueblood... I dream of the shattered sky, the marching armies and the screaming voices, a pillar of light seemingly sent from the stars themselves turning Canterlot palace to ash and rubble... It would be beautiful.
The sad part is, that such tortures actually existed in the Renaissance ( or Medieval times, I dunno). Women and girls would be brutally raped then tortured or killed. I wonder who Prince Jerkass is gonna get next, it just better not be Rainbow.
Oh, wow, this just keeps getting better. The first chapter established Blueblood's cruelty and perversity, the second solidified the Crapsack World setting where good and justice are crushed casually beneath the hoof of evil, and this third chapter is basically the payoff; a truly beautiful and innocent soul destroyed; lively and hopeful to the end but doomed from the very beginning. I felt for Twilight, Rarity and Sweetie, but I was on the verge of crying for Pinkie.
I really like the way this is written. The change to third-person really works well and I'm glad you decided to go this route.
I am very curious now about Blueblood's birthday present.
...and if he thinks he can scare you then he's got another thing coming and the very idea of such a thing just makes you wanna... (gasp)," The mare took a deep breath of the last remaining air before her body was completely surrounded by water.
I thought the last one was silly, but this one was fucking hilarious. I'm a sucker for stupid references and stupid stupidness (he thought vardo meant vajayjay, teehee), and you layered it on thick enough to keep me giggling, but not so thick it dragged down the action. The action wasn't as gory as I'd have liked, but buckets of blood and exploding rib cages is apparently not the direction you're trying to go with this. The end was nice and sad too. I loved her singing "Giggle at the Ghosties" as she died. Reminded me of the French singing "La Marseilles" at their execution. The best part about this chapter (think it's because of the perspective shift) is that it reminded me of American Psycho. I could feel the contempt that the narrator felt for the protagonist.
Only complaint I have is that I think her last thought was a little too melodramatic. I'd have ditched out on her after "The mare's last thoughts were about the foal she would never get to see."
i.qkme.me/35li94.jpg Also, you're setting a high precedent for me to overcome in terms of fucked-upness. I guess I'll have to include dissecting and fetus eating.
Thank Celestia, A blissful lull 9in comparison to the other chapters) in this horror story. I'm both deeply mortified, and impressed. You know how to write, no doubt, and reading your explanatory journal helped me understand the intentions of the content of this story.
I think you mean breathe, and "she panicked" flows better.
As for the story, you've already read my writeup, but until now I haven't gone past the first chapter. After witnessing this in it's cruel glory, I immediately disliked and favorited it.
Discord's not around for the same reason that the Princesses don't control the sun and the moon - there's no Gods in this story, only the constant triumph of the id against all.
To fully kick in the awfulness, Blueblood should let a revolution start and then crush it the second it approaches anything that resembles success.
(is now only allowed to speak in grunts due to pure rage) ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! RAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU- (brain snaps) . . . I shall riff this.
1st chapter: Utter horror and dispair 2nd chapter: Got bored when the 'pear' came out... I'm sure it didn't proceed exactly as I expected, but I didn't care to find out. 3rd chapter: This is, more than anything, depressing... it was said above: this is tragic.
Using deceitful promises twice in three chapters. You seem to be losing your edge BS, I hope this isnt a recurring theme in this story; I would honestly be a little disapoint. Also Blueballs is a sadistic cunt who deserved to rot at the hands of Equestrian version of The Dark Brotherhood. Wether it be "Sanguine my brother." or "Silence my brother." May Sithis guide you.
I only really have two taboos in fics. Nothing bad to Fluttershy, and nothing bad to Pinkie Pie. I think I'm going to stop before we get to Fluttershy... that's just a line that shouldn't be crossed.
Got two chapters in and was nauseous. Well done, I'm out. Please accept this downvote not as a reprimand but as my way of congratulating you on having written the foulest thing I have ever read. I am honestly quite impressed. Also sickened, in roughly equal measure.
Okay I know I'm completely late to this party...and I hate to admit it...but this is absolutely brilliant...not just the concept but the way U write it...I found myself chuckling about little things like a pudge that won't budge...I love how u can insert witty things like that along with the depravity of blue blood lol love this story!
This chapter would have been more enjoyable had Pinkie acted a bit more like Pinkie. She spoke so proper, like she was some kind of lady, I feel like he was raping Pinkie's secret lookalike instead of Pinkie. Not to mention you already did the 'forced to confess' thing in the last chapter. You should mix it up more.
Poor Pinkie Pie...
1007112 poor my innocence and sensibility
Oh god, that was SEXY timing. After I finished the 1st chapter, it updated for the 3rd. :D I love your stories, keep up the good and disgusting work!
EDIT: People shouldn't rate down for the content, I didn't like all of it either, but it was well-written and worth the time.
Another delicious chapter. My boner approves.
Not enough clop,or rape, or crulety, He could've done countless things to Pinkie if he waited untill her baby was born.
i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/medium/000/007/361/Picture%2012.png
The difference between this piece and the others is subtle but interesting. While the other chapters have had much more of a focus on the horror of his actions themselves, this one is unique in that it has far more distinct focus on the tragedy of his actions, something you seemed to start dabbling in at the very end of The Scholar. Her demise was the most intense of the three so far, to be sure, as the reader can feel so much more investment in a character whose thoughts can be observed and whose final moments are frantic (since she has an unbroken will to live and be happy). The fact that her death is prolonged was also key. Good job with that.
This is a significant improvement to be sure, and perhaps the most repulsive thing I have ever read.
That was a nice break from the violence and torture. I enjoyed this.
But I still want to see blueblood humiliated publicly by the princesses.
1007959
Thanks!
I knew that if I wanted this story to expand, I had to switch from the first to the third person. I don't want to switch how the first two chapters were written, because Salo also had storytelling in it, but the third person opens up so many new doors for exploring emotions.
Oh, and to give you a sneak peek of the next chapter:
Pinkie?
2.bp.blogspot.com/_AfUvYnBCTP4/S9Empl6QSMI/AAAAAAAACYA/WxNUXWqEJ-w/s1600/crossed_the_line.png
Very excellent story you wrote there mister, while I praise your story, part of me wishes Prince Blueblood gets whats coming to him.... you know, such as an uprising and revolution and his whole little world falling apart around him .... that kind of stuff. Anyways, great stories so far and keep up the good work.
Aha!
I see you've updated!
Murdering a simple mare who is with foal...
Oh Blueblood...
The things I would do to your body...
Even the shadow of Morpheus would shudder in disgust.
I have reached a point where I wonder how my brain children would react to this broken world...
Probably very violently if the nobility as a majority were like Blueblood...
I dream of the shattered sky, the marching armies and the screaming voices, a pillar of light seemingly sent from the stars themselves turning Canterlot palace to ash and rubble...
It would be beautiful.
God blueblood. She was pregnant! You are one sick stallion.
The atmosphere in the vardo scene at the end was vivid, touching and beautiful. I like the direction this is going.
1020525
Thanks for the feedback!
I try to strike a balance between all the elements at play. Violence, tragedy and clop. Focusing too long on any of them will bore the reader quickly.
The most important thing for me is to make a quality story. I don't cut corners on things I love, and I love writing.
Rest assured, the prince still has more ponies to meet. I'm so excited for the later chapters!
Based solely off of other's reactions, I am legitimately scared to read this story.
But I'm still gonna read it.
1027754
Don't do it!
Who will finish your fics if you're gone?
Great Goddess... This has been the most disturbing set of tales I have ever read....
1046237
Thanks for the feedback!
Decent ponies like Twilight were too good for this wicked world.
The sad part is, that such tortures actually existed in the Renaissance ( or Medieval times, I dunno). Women and girls would be brutally raped then tortured or killed. I wonder who Prince Jerkass is gonna get next, it just better not be Rainbow.
ARGH!... MY JIMMIES!
T-They're rustled.
But, seeing as i am a man of violence
HAVE A BUENO JELLY PONY
t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS1ttGAj4tWtEjOfvQK1iyYmylddaID3qbZF03Pn4KcS9-B-S4AlbHa724PYw
Do Fluttershy next.
1103041
Each pony will get a chance, but Fluttershy is going to have to wait her turn.
Look for chapter four: The Distillers. Coming soon!
Oh, wow, this just keeps getting better. The first chapter established Blueblood's cruelty and perversity, the second solidified the Crapsack World setting where good and justice are crushed casually beneath the hoof of evil, and this third chapter is basically the payoff; a truly beautiful and innocent soul destroyed; lively and hopeful to the end but doomed from the very beginning. I felt for Twilight, Rarity and Sweetie, but I was on the verge of crying for Pinkie.
I really like the way this is written. The change to third-person really works well and I'm glad you decided to go this route.
I am very curious now about Blueblood's birthday present.
1112862
Thanks for the feedback!
I enjoyed reading your analysis. I promise more Blueblood chapters are on the way.
Oh my.
Excellent.
1117440
Thanks!
It's fun to see how the show's different elements (pun not intended) would work in this disturbing universe.
I thought the last one was silly, but this one was fucking hilarious. I'm a sucker for stupid references and stupid stupidness (he thought vardo meant vajayjay, teehee), and you layered it on thick enough to keep me giggling, but not so thick it dragged down the action. The action wasn't as gory as I'd have liked, but buckets of blood and exploding rib cages is apparently not the direction you're trying to go with this.
The end was nice and sad too. I loved her singing "Giggle at the Ghosties" as she died. Reminded me of the French singing "La Marseilles" at their execution.
The best part about this chapter (think it's because of the perspective shift) is that it reminded me of American Psycho. I could feel the contempt that the narrator felt for the protagonist.
Only complaint I have is that I think her last thought was a little too melodramatic. I'd have ditched out on her after "The mare's last thoughts were about the foal she would never get to see."
1007112 You sick bastard. I'm having a hard time with the first few paragraphs
Why the fuck did you make this?
i.qkme.me/35li94.jpg
Also, you're setting a high precedent for me to overcome in terms of fucked-upness. I guess I'll have to include dissecting and fetus eating.
WHY THE BLUEBERRY HOTEL FUCK AM I STILL READING THIS HORRID PEICE OF STEAMING SHIT CALLED LITERATURE!?!?!?!??
Good work though.
Thank Celestia, A blissful lull 9in comparison to the other chapters) in this horror story. I'm both deeply mortified, and impressed. You know how to write, no doubt, and reading your explanatory journal helped me understand the intentions of the content of this story.
Go on...
~Syn3rgy
I think you mean breathe, and "she panicked" flows better.
As for the story, you've already read my writeup, but until now I haven't gone past the first chapter. After witnessing this in it's cruel glory, I immediately disliked and favorited it.
I also got a 1984ish vibe from the last chapter.
1257595
Discord's not around for the same reason that the Princesses don't control the sun and the moon - there's no Gods in this story, only the constant triumph of the id against all.
To fully kick in the awfulness, Blueblood should let a revolution start and then crush it the second it approaches anything that resembles success.
Or you could be nice and have a successful revolution where everything ends good and nobody is raped again and blueblood is sent to the moon. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png
This is all very... medieval.
What with this Pink one speaking as such.
Surely your rage knows no bounds in imagination, if this is to be the result.
Oh fuck YOU HIRT FLUTTEDSHY I WOLL KILL YOU! !!
1007112
Out of the three first chapters, this was the weakest.
image.spreadshirt.com/image-server/v1/designs/11968157,width=190,height=190/But-why-meme.png
I nearly cried when I read this.
images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120526183035/asuraswrath/images/f/fe/8e6da2.png
BLUEBLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!! I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!!!!!
(is now only allowed to speak in grunts due to pure rage)
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
RAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU-
(brain snaps)
.
.
.
I shall riff this.
1st chapter: Utter horror and dispair
2nd chapter: Got bored when the 'pear' came out... I'm sure it didn't proceed exactly as I expected, but I didn't care to find out.
3rd chapter: This is, more than anything, depressing... it was said above: this is tragic.
Using deceitful promises twice in three chapters.
You seem to be losing your edge BS, I hope this isnt a recurring theme in this story; I would honestly be a little disapoint.
Also Blueballs is a sadistic cunt who deserved to rot at the hands of Equestrian version of The Dark Brotherhood.
Wether it be "Sanguine my brother." or "Silence my brother." May Sithis guide you.
I only really have two taboos in fics. Nothing bad to Fluttershy, and nothing bad to Pinkie Pie. I think I'm going to stop before we get to Fluttershy... that's just a line that shouldn't be crossed.
You got my hopes up when you mentioned seaponies.
Got two chapters in and was nauseous. Well done, I'm out. Please accept this downvote not as a reprimand but as my way of congratulating you on having written the foulest thing I have ever read. I am honestly quite impressed. Also sickened, in roughly equal measure.
I think it is a great story. I occasionally want to vomit, but hey, I'm in!
MOTHER FUCKING WHY!?
Is it odd that even though my favorite Mane 6 member is Twilight, I didn't feel nearly as bad when she died as Pinkie did?
Okay I know I'm completely late to this party...and I hate to admit it...but this is absolutely brilliant...not just the concept but the way U write it...I found myself chuckling about little things like a pudge that won't budge...I love how u can insert witty things like that along with the depravity of blue blood lol love this story!
This chapter would have been more enjoyable had Pinkie acted a bit more like Pinkie. She spoke so proper, like she was some kind of lady, I feel like he was raping Pinkie's secret lookalike instead of Pinkie. Not to mention you already did the 'forced to confess' thing in the last chapter. You should mix it up more.
2720708 Gtfo if you don't like it.
wow... a fiw reference?