I'm not sure if the fact you've apparently found a copy of Bartlett's make this cheesier and more delightful, or puts this too close to serious business territory. I'm gonna miss all the rectums, although the "odious crack" more than makes up for it.
1247413 This won't be a straight retelling of Salo from this point. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy will both play larger roles as the last two surviving of the main six.
Not gonna lie.... this chapter was a bit too much. Senseless depraved acts I can handle. But... you've sucessfuly upped the ante, but not in an overly appealing way. This is definately a bitch much...
Not gonna lie, I was twisted enough to enjoy seeing the Mane Six being destroyed one by one. I mean, that is the point of the story. It wouldn't be 120 Days of Blueblood without cruel deaths and all morals plummeting. But... there is a line for me, and I think I've found mine.
I mean, yeah, it's a 120 Days of Sodom, but that was tolerable the way it was written. Still repulsive, but tolerable to the point where I could read and indulge in the barbarity. This is... too descriptive, too real. Maybe its how you brought children into this, maybe its the scat stuff, I dunno. But its... its a bit too much.
Pinkie Pie's chapter was heartbreaking, but again, fit the tone of the story perfect, so how could I NOT like it?
All due respect, Im gonna hang in for one more chapter but if its anything like this, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pull out.
(Was kinda hoping you'd finish Fluttershy and Rainbowdash off, honestly.)
Ergh. Fetishes to do with eating/drinking have always creeped me out somewhat, and coprophagy just ups the ante. You should send this to EQD. In fact, this should be required reading before anyone becomes a fan of the show, just so they know what they're getting into.
1247443 Do a shot every time he makes a reference to butt holes doesn't have quite the same ring to it, and in this chapter would probably kill most people. Any particular reason you saved the pegasi for last?
Thus ends any hope for Equis. With Celestia and Luna being the source of the cancerous courroption of the planet, and Twilight dead, who is powerful enough to stop the deprvity?
"Maybe its how you brought children into this, maybe its the scat stuff, I dunno. But its... its a bit too much."
Blank flanks have been subjected to the prince's barbarism since the first chapter. Sweetie Belle was in chapter one and Applebloom was in chapter four. I don't see why you consider the inclusion of Scootaloo and others in chapter five as being too much.
In relation to the scat, this is the only chapter of the story where the eating of fecal matter plays a large role. This also marks the halfway point of the story. Two of the remaining four chapters will deal with the last of the mane six , while the other two chapters will focus on Scootaloo and her struggle for sanity.
"I'm gonna hang in for one more chapter but if its anything like this, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pull out."
That's what he said!
But seriously, I encourage you to hang on for at least two more chapters. I promise it'll be worth it.
As one who enjoys symmetry, this chapter bothers me for a couple of reasons. It's like another story invaded 120 Days of Blueblood. For one thing, this chapter gives names to the victims. In all previous chapters, I never mention Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie or Applejack by name. The lack of a name made them less relatable. More wretched.
For another thing, it doesn't feature one of the mane six. To devote four chapters to four of the mane six and then to follow it up with chapter five can seem jarring, I'll admit.
The thing to keep in mind is that the narrative has changed as the story evolved. It started in the first person, then transitioned to the third person by the third chapter. Now, the actual names of victims have been mentioned. (I have no plans to mention either of the mane pegasi by name. This was an exception I made for the children within the castle, since we'll be with them for multiple chapters.)
Overall though, I think chapter five reached a plateau of gross that I doubt I'll be able to top in the next installment.
1247626 If you notice, I had the two unicorns go first, then the two earth ponies.
Originally, Fluttershy was supposed to be an earth pony, and Pinkie a pegasus, since Lauren Faust based them on Posey and Surprise from MLP G1. fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/268/e/2/tee_hee_by_fyre_flye-d4axf6c.jpg (Concept art by Lauren Faust.) Personally, I'm glad Pinkie became an earth pony. If she was the other mane pegasus along with Rainbow Dash, it would give a narrow view of all pegasi as being energetic pranksters.
As it stands, the mane six are divided evenly between outgoing and reserved personalities. Rarity is girly and popular while Twilight is nerdy and awkward. Pinkie Pie is hyper and makes snap judgments while Applejack is laid back and methodical. Rainbow Dash is fast and bold while Fluttershy is slow and... well, shy.
Between the unicorns, earth ponies and pegasi, the mane six give us an excellent study in contrasts. Rainbow Dash seemed the most likely to fight back against Blueblood, while Fluttershy is the least likely to resist. That's why I saved them for last. (Also, I knew that their chapters would work better as the build up to the climax of the story.)
1247747 I should just change all scatological references to chocolate and molestation to back rubs and see if this story can get a Teen rating. EQD, here I come!
i can handle incestrous foalcon ass rape, i can handle a blowjob from a mouth that was burned and bleeding cause of it, hell i can even handle "sweet apple massacre". but this chapter, this chapter was..... that's it i'm done, i don't even care anymore. this is the greatest the greatest chapter yet. thank you for raping my mind.
Between Truffle Shuffle and Silver Spoon's cutie marks, we have a whole utensil setting. What you you want to bet their child's cutie mark would be a spork?
'"Fleur felt a turd press against her tongue as it spread Luna's rectal walls.' I don't think there should be quotes at the beginning of that sentence.
And don't get discouraged, if worst comes to worst and you can't think of anything that can top this, I can adapt some ideas from what I hope will happen to Blueblood for you. scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/thumb/mlfw7502.jpg
img407.imageshack.us/img407/7123/myeyesv.png Believe it or not, this actually made me funny in the tummy. That's saying something It means your story has passed the fucked up disgusting level
AND THEN THE MANE 6 APPEARED! THE OTHER ONES WHERE ANDROIDS! EVERYONE WAS SAFE! THE END! EPILOGUE: BLUEBLOOD IS RAPED BY THE SUN! THE ACTUAL SUN! ... I guess I freaked out a bit there.
Due to the nature of “120 Days of Blueblood,” it is difficult to judge which aspects are good and which are bad. What I can say is that this chapter was the least impressive.
“In short, we are immoral, unprincipled profligates and the least among us is guilty of more assaults on what is considered good and decent than thou couldst number."
When Celestia begins her speech, it’s clear that she’s trying to get the young ones up to speed, and that the story will be taking a different direction. In previous chapters, the hapless prey would gradually realize that their captors were monsters wearing the skin of ordinary ponies. Blueblood would shatter their hopes and spirits against the floor of Rock Bottom when they reached Rock Bottom. The reader was interested (whether they admitted it or not) in how BB would take a different path downwards with each chapter and pony. Here, the supposed magnitude is given at the very beginning, with the horror more dependent on the journey in the middle. This is a new direction the author has chosen to take, and while some it may call it abrupt or less entertaining, and we'll have to wait some to see it play out, I understand the need to adjust your vision.
One element I find less necessary, and worthy of adjustment is a portion in the sequence of coprophagy. No, it is not because I find it too offensive or stomach-churning. I would not waste anyone’s time on listing off those kind of emotions. The children being forced to yield to Celestia’s actual shit is incredibly fitting for this passage (although I admit I had to get over the shock to appreciate it). What seems like such an odd choice is the sheer amount of elation that the adults experienced from the dining. The corrupt aristocrats are such fascinating characters (again, whether you bleeding hearts want to admit it or not) because of the unadulterated levels of sadism they display, sadism in this context being the pleasure (not always sexual) derived from the suffering of others. But if they can get the same level of satiation from playing with their own excrements, they seem less dangerous, since there is less drive to reach out from their lairs to ensnare victims. And let's face it, someone taking a shit and playing with it isn't as fascinating as watching the torturer break down each individual. You just 1) Take a shit 2) Go crazy. It just seemed like pointless shock.
This also somewhat trivializes the past torture sequences, since Blueblood and his cohorts did require the depraved acts as much for the sexual sustenance. Truely breaking someone in mind and spirit, while I'm not arguing isn't awful, takes skill and effort. Overall, less was on the line, the reward was not as great, and the “skills” they displayed were not as vital or important (I say this from the perspective of trying to create an impressive monster). Where was the challenge? The thrill of the hunt? And for the reader, what was the point of reading it?
1248553 To be honest, I considered them "collateral" damage, as twisted as that sounds. Yes, they too were brutally raped and killed, but so was everyone else in the room so it was bearable and interesting. But now we've turned from the mane six as the targets and their families as side damage, to six young colts and fillies for whom we know death won't come swift enough and part of me weeps for them. I dunno. Like, not in the twisted delightful, 'This story is dark and disgusting and I love it cause I know its just a story'. But... its unsettling and every part of me now trully rejects this. Maybe it's the sudden increase in numbers of the foals and how they're being specifically targeted. Maybe its just how descriptive this chapter was. I dunno bro. Maybe I just dont have the stomach for this.
Ill give you one and a half chapters. Do not disappoint.
1251532 I see now what you mean as "collateral damage" and not the main focus. (Although in Sweetie Belle's case, she was the prince's ultimate goal from the beginning. He only achieved his wicked ends through small incrementations.)
I hope I didn't come off as rude in my earlier post. I know full well that this story is abrasive to the sensibilities of many people and I would never begrudge anyone for taking issue with the story.
I appreciate you giving 120 Days of Blueblood another chance and will do my best to not disappoint. (Protip: If you only want to read chapters of this story that involve the mane six, only read the chapters that start with the word "the." I.E. The Dressmaker, The Witch, etc...)
I was very happy to see the inclusion of Celestia and Luna in person in this chapter, having been curious about their personalities in this alternate universe since The Scholar. It was nice to see the execution and its implications to the Princesses referenced herein, as well as an explanation of Blue Blood's own understanding of his actions as things of deliberate perversity. The inclusion of the quote at the beginning was very clever for that reason. I look forward to the subsequent horror!
1251197 I strongly agree with your point about sadism. For me, too, it weakened the effect when they reduced themselves to exactly the cruelty they inflicted on the children and wholeheartedly enjoyed it. It made them seem less evil and authoritative: less in control of their actions and more deranged. I prefer the idea of their depravity as a thing of acute attention and focus, since to me it loses its depth when their lusts are distracted from the infliction of pain. I think you hit the nail right on the head when you suggested that in this light they appear less dangerous and more crazy. Well said.
Also, I've got a few pointers on Elizabethan English, if you want them. - First of all, pronouns. "Thou/thee" is second person singular; "ye/you" is second person plural. When Luna speaks to multiple addressees, for instance, she should use the plural form.
- Secondly, "art" isn't the Elizabethan equivalent of "are;" "art" is the second person singular conjugation of "be." (i.e., "art" is only used when "thou" is the subject; it is inappropriate to use it when the subject "we," "you," "they," etc.")
- Lastly—in a couple of places—you used "thine" as a determiner before words starting with a vowel sound. Nice work! Few know to do that.
1251197 Initially, I had planned for the libertines to not partake in the fecal feast. Blueblood and his friends would watch passively and sip wine as Celestia and Luna shat out the children's meals.
As I did more research into the sources from which this story is based, I found that the libertines in the original story received immense sexual pleasure from consuming each other's waste and urine. After I found out about that, having Blueblood's friends partake in and enjoy the feast seemed like the way to go.
I will concede that eating shit can potentially diminish the intimidation factor of the libertines, but I also think that a compelling villain does not need to be sinister all the time.
The movie and the book from which the film was based were both criticized for their perceived negative connotations surrounding transsexualism. And before anyone asks, let me clarify that I am in no way implying that transsexualism is as unnatural as eating feces.
I only use the example of Buffalo Bill as evidence that a man putting on dresses while wearing a wig and admiring himself in a full length mirror does not instill terror in and of itself. But, when coupled with his other sadistic qualities, even his dress up scenes can increase the fear levels of his victims.
A villain who's continually evil will cause the hero to be constantly on alert. But when a villain acts goofy or appears momentarily non-threatening, that's when the hero's guard is more likely to be lowered.
Fear is generated when the victim knows that an unstable individual is capable of anything and could snap at any moment. It's unnerving to be in the presence of a person who's ostensibly harmless but is capable of reverting back to a sadistic killer without any rhyme or reason.
As for the point of this chapter, it helped introduce the backbone of the libertine movement, which up to now had only been alluded to. the children realize that their captors have no intention of killing them, if they can avoid it. Blueblood's plan is to turn the children into the next generation of libertines.
Overall, you made some very good points! Thank you for the feedback!
The first few were okay, but sex with lepers? And this newest chapters? You're taking it way too far, this has gone from paritally sick to downright disgusting. Draw a line somewhere, don't cross it.
1252749 1253269 The problem with a chapter this extreme is its tendency to make all subsequent chapters appear more tame by comparison.
The addition of the children to the story is like a juggler who's just added a new ball to the mix in the middle of his routine. I promise that the Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy chapters will feel closer to the spirit of the original first four chapters.
I'll withhold my judgement until the story is finished, but I'm puzzled by your decision to make this the most disgusting chapter. I just discovered this story today, and one of the things I liked most about it was how each chapter was worse than the last.
That being said, I can't wait to see where you'll go from here. Liked and Favorited.
1256861 Chapter five was the most disgusting chapter... in terms of scat. The subsequent chapters won't be as disgusting in that respect. I do, however, feel that many people will be just as disgusted with the next several chapters; just for different reasons.
Okay now for the big fat WHAT THE FUCK?! First off with the nature of the 120 Days one should wonder how it is that one particular God of Disharmony isn't sucking the chaotic energies through a swizel straw then frolicking out of the Canterlot Gardens with a mob of toucan billed neon green emus. Seriously half the point of this appears to be to make as little sense as possible.
Also I see no plausable happy endings for this. At all.
And this whole thing is like Slaanesh's wet dream.
1251819 Thank you. Those are all words I would have liked to use, but it got to the point where I didn't know how to insert more stuff in my response while keeping it fairly comprehensible.
Also, thanks for the tips on my Elizabethan English!
The stench of fresh shit hung in the air as the castle servants came in to clean up after the libertines.
"I've heard of a mess hall, but this is ridiculous!" one servant remarked.
1247362
It just wouldn't be a proper send up of Salo without a little coprophagy, better known as shit eating.
I'm not sure if the fact you've apparently found a copy of Bartlett's make this cheesier and more delightful, or puts this too close to serious business territory.
I'm gonna miss all the rectums, although the "odious crack" more than makes up for it.
1247413
This won't be a straight retelling of Salo from this point. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy will both play larger roles as the last two surviving of the main six.
Trust me, more sphincters are on their way.
i.istockimg.com/file_thumbview_approve/11635059/2/stock-illustration-11635059-man-puking-green-slime.jpg
Do I need to say more?
1247470
a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s720x720/305168_284881431529301_118429394841173_1340261_906479653_n.jpg
No. No you don't.
Not gonna lie.... this chapter was a bit too much. Senseless depraved acts I can handle. But... you've sucessfuly upped the ante, but not in an overly appealing way. This is definately a bitch much...
Not gonna lie, I was twisted enough to enjoy seeing the Mane Six being destroyed one by one. I mean, that is the point of the story. It wouldn't be 120 Days of Blueblood without cruel deaths and all morals plummeting. But... there is a line for me, and I think I've found mine.
I mean, yeah, it's a 120 Days of Sodom, but that was tolerable the way it was written. Still repulsive, but tolerable to the point where I could read and indulge in the barbarity. This is... too descriptive, too real. Maybe its how you brought children into this, maybe its the scat stuff, I dunno. But its... its a bit too much.
Pinkie Pie's chapter was heartbreaking, but again, fit the tone of the story perfect, so how could I NOT like it?
All due respect, Im gonna hang in for one more chapter but if its anything like this, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pull out.
(Was kinda hoping you'd finish Fluttershy and Rainbowdash off, honestly.)
...i almost couldn't read.
almost.
OH GOD WHY
you poor bastards. i knew this was gonna happen
Ergh. Fetishes to do with eating/drinking have always creeped me out somewhat, and coprophagy just ups the ante.
You should send this to EQD. In fact, this should be required reading before anyone becomes a fan of the show, just so they know what they're getting into.
1247443
Do a shot every time he makes a reference to butt holes doesn't have quite the same ring to it, and in this chapter would probably kill most people.
Any particular reason you saved the pegasi for last?
Story was going good so far and then...heavy scat and watersports everywhere.
i.imgur.com/ed1yh.gif
1247610 EQD doesnt take mature fics
That is how I'm going to announce myself when I enter a room from now on.
AND...
When you got to the scat part, you actually made me hungry. Not sure if that's a good thing...
t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSLB7rvGKC-G4sdCPtfa6FjLnkmtXQoNNPDDqWtjgXL97rmNxgfsw
Now, the only way to make this fic better would to be a...
morethings.com/fan/south_park/photo_gallery/satanic-blood-orgy-112.jpg
BLOOD ORGY!
Thus ends any hope for Equis. With Celestia and Luna being the source of the cancerous courroption of the planet, and Twilight dead, who is powerful enough to stop the deprvity?
1247967 well fluttershy and rainbow dash need to combine there powers to summon the most evil abomination to ever live. ZOMBIE MECA HITLER!!!!!!!
LOL. Truffle Shuffle. That's all I thought about while reading.
1247520
Blank flanks have been subjected to the prince's barbarism since the first chapter. Sweetie Belle was in chapter one and Applebloom was in chapter four. I don't see why you consider the inclusion of Scootaloo and others in chapter five as being too much.
In relation to the scat, this is the only chapter of the story where the eating of fecal matter plays a large role. This also marks the halfway point of the story. Two of the remaining four chapters will deal with the last of the mane six , while the other two chapters will focus on Scootaloo and her struggle for sanity.
That's what he said!
But seriously, I encourage you to hang on for at least two more chapters. I promise it'll be worth it.
As one who enjoys symmetry, this chapter bothers me for a couple of reasons. It's like another story invaded 120 Days of Blueblood. For one thing, this chapter gives names to the victims. In all previous chapters, I never mention Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie or Applejack by name. The lack of a name made them less relatable. More wretched.
For another thing, it doesn't feature one of the mane six. To devote four chapters to four of the mane six and then to follow it up with chapter five can seem jarring, I'll admit.
The thing to keep in mind is that the narrative has changed as the story evolved. It started in the first person, then transitioned to the third person by the third chapter. Now, the actual names of victims have been mentioned. (I have no plans to mention either of the mane pegasi by name. This was an exception I made for the children within the castle, since we'll be with them for multiple chapters.)
Overall though, I think chapter five reached a plateau of gross that I doubt I'll be able to top in the next installment.
1247626
If you notice, I had the two unicorns go first, then the two earth ponies.
Originally, Fluttershy was supposed to be an earth pony, and Pinkie a pegasus, since Lauren Faust based them on Posey and Surprise from MLP G1.
fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/268/e/2/tee_hee_by_fyre_flye-d4axf6c.jpg
(Concept art by Lauren Faust.)
Personally, I'm glad Pinkie became an earth pony. If she was the other mane pegasus along with Rainbow Dash, it would give a narrow view of all pegasi as being energetic pranksters.
As it stands, the mane six are divided evenly between outgoing and reserved personalities.
Rarity is girly and popular while Twilight is nerdy and awkward.
Pinkie Pie is hyper and makes snap judgments while Applejack is laid back and methodical.
Rainbow Dash is fast and bold while Fluttershy is slow and... well, shy.
Between the unicorns, earth ponies and pegasi, the mane six give us an excellent study in contrasts.
Rainbow Dash seemed the most likely to fight back against Blueblood, while Fluttershy is the least likely to resist. That's why I saved them for last. (Also, I knew that their chapters would work better as the build up to the climax of the story.)
1248731
I would say to turn back while you still have a chance...
...but I'm interested to see what you discover.
For scientific purposes, of course.
1247747
I should just change all scatological references to chocolate and molestation to back rubs and see if this story can get a Teen rating. EQD, here I come!
JK
i can handle incestrous foalcon ass rape, i can handle a blowjob from a mouth that was burned and bleeding cause of it, hell i can even handle "sweet apple massacre". but this chapter, this chapter was.....
that's it i'm done, i don't even care anymore. this is the greatest the greatest chapter yet. thank you for raping my mind.
1248731 you fool! get out while you still have a chance!
1248502
Hefty colts need some lovin,' too.
fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/083/d/9/truffle_shuffle_wp_by_alicehumansacrifice1-d4ttaxp.png
Just look at those rosy cheeks...
Between Truffle Shuffle and Silver Spoon's cutie marks, we have a whole utensil setting.
What you you want to bet their child's cutie mark would be a spork?
'"Fleur felt a turd press against her tongue as it spread Luna's rectal walls.'
I don't think there should be quotes at the beginning of that sentence.
And don't get discouraged, if worst comes to worst and you can't think of anything that can top this, I can adapt some ideas from what I hope will happen to Blueblood for you.
scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/thumb/mlfw7502.jpg
1248956
EDIT: Fixed!
Oh, I'm not worried about the story. I just can't help but feel that the next chapter will feel tame by comparison.
img407.imageshack.us/img407/7123/myeyesv.png
Believe it or not, this actually made me funny in the tummy. That's saying something
It means your story has passed the fucked up disgusting level
I don't know why I'm so interested to see what the carpetmuncher known as Prince Blueblood will
brutally rapedo next. Why brain? Why?AND THEN THE MANE 6 APPEARED! THE OTHER ONES WHERE ANDROIDS! EVERYONE WAS SAFE! THE END!
EPILOGUE: BLUEBLOOD IS RAPED BY THE SUN! THE ACTUAL SUN!
...
I guess I freaked out a bit there.
That was plain wrong
everyone except diamond tiara, she deserves it.
what can the populace do when all their rulers are libertarian headoists with a penchant for rather extreme fetish.
Have you considered doing a Droit du seigneur/Primae noctis themed chapter. I think that would be right up Bluebloods alley
1248397 Not cool, dude. Not cool.
Due to the nature of “120 Days of Blueblood,” it is difficult to judge which aspects are good and which are bad. What I can say is that this chapter was the least impressive.
“In short, we are immoral, unprincipled profligates and the least among us is guilty of more assaults on what is considered good and decent than thou couldst number."
When Celestia begins her speech, it’s clear that she’s trying to get the young ones up to speed, and that the story will be taking a different direction. In previous chapters, the hapless prey would gradually realize that their captors were monsters wearing the skin of ordinary ponies. Blueblood would shatter their hopes and spirits against the floor of Rock Bottom when they reached Rock Bottom. The reader was interested (whether they admitted it or not) in how BB would take a different path downwards with each chapter and pony. Here, the supposed magnitude is given at the very beginning, with the horror more dependent on the journey in the middle. This is a new direction the author has chosen to take, and while some it may call it abrupt or less entertaining, and we'll have to wait some to see it play out, I understand the need to adjust your vision.
One element I find less necessary, and worthy of adjustment is a portion in the sequence of coprophagy. No, it is not because I find it too offensive or stomach-churning. I would not waste anyone’s time on listing off those kind of emotions. The children being forced to yield to Celestia’s actual shit is incredibly fitting for this passage (although I admit I had to get over the shock to appreciate it). What seems like such an odd choice is the sheer amount of elation that the adults experienced from the dining. The corrupt aristocrats are such fascinating characters (again, whether you bleeding hearts want to admit it or not) because of the unadulterated levels of sadism they display, sadism in this context being the pleasure (not always sexual) derived from the suffering of others. But if they can get the same level of satiation from playing with their own excrements, they seem less dangerous, since there is less drive to reach out from their lairs to ensnare victims. And let's face it, someone taking a shit and playing with it isn't as fascinating as watching the torturer break down each individual. You just 1) Take a shit 2) Go crazy. It just seemed like pointless shock.
This also somewhat trivializes the past torture sequences, since Blueblood and his cohorts did require the depraved acts as much for the sexual sustenance. Truely breaking someone in mind and spirit, while I'm not arguing isn't awful, takes skill and effort. Overall, less was on the line, the reward was not as great, and the “skills” they displayed were not as vital or important (I say this from the perspective of trying to create an impressive monster). Where was the challenge? The thrill of the hunt? And for the reader, what was the point of reading it?
1248553 To be honest, I considered them "collateral" damage, as twisted as that sounds. Yes, they too were brutally raped and killed, but so was everyone else in the room so it was bearable and interesting. But now we've turned from the mane six as the targets and their families as side damage, to six young colts and fillies for whom we know death won't come swift enough and part of me weeps for them. I dunno. Like, not in the twisted delightful, 'This story is dark and disgusting and I love it cause I know its just a story'. But... its unsettling and every part of me now trully rejects this. Maybe it's the sudden increase in numbers of the foals and how they're being specifically targeted. Maybe its just how descriptive this chapter was. I dunno bro. Maybe I just dont have the stomach for this.
Ill give you one and a half chapters. Do not disappoint.
....poor scootaloo....
...theres not gonna be a happy ending, is there?
1251532
I see now what you mean as "collateral damage" and not the main focus. (Although in Sweetie Belle's case, she was the prince's ultimate goal from the beginning. He only achieved his wicked ends through small incrementations.)
I hope I didn't come off as rude in my earlier post. I know full well that this story is abrasive to the sensibilities of many people and I would never begrudge anyone for taking issue with the story.
I appreciate you giving 120 Days of Blueblood another chance and will do my best to not disappoint.
(Protip: If you only want to read chapters of this story that involve the mane six, only read the chapters that start with the word "the." I.E. The Dressmaker, The Witch, etc...)
I was very happy to see the inclusion of Celestia and Luna in person in this chapter, having been curious about their personalities in this alternate universe since The Scholar. It was nice to see the execution and its implications to the Princesses referenced herein, as well as an explanation of Blue Blood's own understanding of his actions as things of deliberate perversity. The inclusion of the quote at the beginning was very clever for that reason. I look forward to the subsequent horror!
1251197
I strongly agree with your point about sadism. For me, too, it weakened the effect when they reduced themselves to exactly the cruelty they inflicted on the children and wholeheartedly enjoyed it. It made them seem less evil and authoritative: less in control of their actions and more deranged. I prefer the idea of their depravity as a thing of acute attention and focus, since to me it loses its depth when their lusts are distracted from the infliction of pain. I think you hit the nail right on the head when you suggested that in this light they appear less dangerous and more crazy. Well said.
Also, I've got a few pointers on Elizabethan English, if you want them.
- First of all, pronouns. "Thou/thee" is second person singular; "ye/you" is second person plural. When Luna speaks to multiple addressees, for instance, she should use the plural form.
- Secondly, "art" isn't the Elizabethan equivalent of "are;" "art" is the second person singular conjugation of "be." (i.e., "art" is only used when "thou" is the subject; it is inappropriate to use it when the subject "we," "you," "they," etc.")
- Lastly—in a couple of places—you used "thine" as a determiner before words starting with a vowel sound. Nice work! Few know to do that.
1251197
Initially, I had planned for the libertines to not partake in the fecal feast. Blueblood and his friends would watch passively and sip wine as Celestia and Luna shat out the children's meals.
As I did more research into the sources from which this story is based, I found that the libertines in the original story received immense sexual pleasure from consuming each other's waste and urine. After I found out about that, having Blueblood's friends partake in and enjoy the feast seemed like the way to go.
I will concede that eating shit can potentially diminish the intimidation factor of the libertines, but I also think that a compelling villain does not need to be sinister all the time.
For example, take Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs.
c438342.r42.cf2.rackcdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/buffalo-bill.jpg
He's a serial killer who massacres women in order to make a suit out of their skin. He is also a crossdresser who believes himself to be transsexual.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2e5gqQZC31r3bp1do1_400.gif
The movie and the book from which the film was based were both criticized for their perceived negative connotations surrounding transsexualism. And before anyone asks, let me clarify that I am in no way implying that transsexualism is as unnatural as eating feces.
I only use the example of Buffalo Bill as evidence that a man putting on dresses while wearing a wig and admiring himself in a full length mirror does not instill terror in and of itself. But, when coupled with his other sadistic qualities, even his dress up scenes can increase the fear levels of his victims.
A villain who's continually evil will cause the hero to be constantly on alert. But when a villain acts goofy or appears momentarily non-threatening, that's when the hero's guard is more likely to be lowered.
Fear is generated when the victim knows that an unstable individual is capable of anything and could snap at any moment. It's unnerving to be in the presence of a person who's ostensibly harmless but is capable of reverting back to a sadistic killer without any rhyme or reason.
As for the point of this chapter, it helped introduce the backbone of the libertine movement, which up to now had only been alluded to. the children realize that their captors have no intention of killing them, if they can avoid it. Blueblood's plan is to turn the children into the next generation of libertines.
Overall, you made some very good points! Thank you for the feedback!
1251819
As far as my Elizabethan goes, I'll go ahead and make those changes.
EDIT: Fixed!
The first few were okay, but sex with lepers? And this newest chapters? You're taking it way too far, this has gone from paritally sick to downright disgusting. Draw a line somewhere, don't cross it.
1252749
1253269
The problem with a chapter this extreme is its tendency to make all subsequent chapters appear more tame by comparison.
The addition of the children to the story is like a juggler who's just added a new ball to the mix in the middle of his routine. I promise that the Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy chapters will feel closer to the spirit of the original first four chapters.
Thanks for the feedback!
I'll withhold my judgement until the story is finished, but I'm puzzled by your decision to make this the most disgusting chapter. I just discovered this story today, and one of the things I liked most about it was how each chapter was worse than the last.
That being said, I can't wait to see where you'll go from here. Liked and Favorited.
1256861
Chapter five was the most disgusting chapter... in terms of scat. The subsequent chapters won't be as disgusting in that respect. I do, however, feel that many people will be just as disgusted with the next several chapters; just for different reasons.
1248762
DO IT FAGGOT, IT'LL BE LEGIT FUNNY!!!
Okay now for the big fat WHAT THE FUCK?!
First off with the nature of the 120 Days one should wonder how it is that one particular God of Disharmony isn't sucking the chaotic energies through a swizel straw then frolicking out of the Canterlot Gardens with a mob of toucan billed neon green emus.
Seriously half the point of this appears to be to make as little sense as possible.
Also I see no plausable happy endings for this.
At all.
And this whole thing is like Slaanesh's wet dream.
1257595
media.moddb.com/cache/images/groups/1/3/2055/thumb_620x2000/Slaanesh_Demoitvational_Poster_by_Brabados.jpg
1258264
GO GET EM MEN
farm4.static.flickr.com/3582/3420645323_dcb5e18e08.jpg
This thing is getting better every chapter! I hope you do something awesome for lil' Flutters
"THOU SHALT EAT MY SHIT!"
I loled at that
The rest however
For a second I actually thought the princesses were going to stop blueblood
1251819
Thank you. Those are all words I would have liked to use, but it got to the point where I didn't know how to insert more stuff in my response while keeping it fairly comprehensible.
Also, thanks for the tips on my Elizabethan English!
1266244
You're welcome!
In truth, I had written them for Bronystories, but hey, I'm glad you enjoyed them. Now you can comment in an archaic dialect like a pro!
NO! That right there was my limit....i will not read anymore of this!
*proceeds to read more*
t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSFGfOfFCFykR52DoVptFLjJxYLJB2ezGx_cFR2Y4TF-IDOuqtR