i haven't read the story yet, but Salò, the movie that set the bar for being banned through out the world, that movie. If so, I'm gonna have to read this. Haven't had a good scare or something creeping me out in a long time.

*sees chapter title*

...Well, shit.

You have every right to express your freedom of creativity, You really do. I'm all for it! That being said, this honestly takes the cake of being one of, if not the most revolting thing that I've seen posted on this site. You deserve every thumb down that you'll no doubt get for incorporating ponies into one of the most loathed and heinously awful movies of all time.

There is no reason to have so much disgusting material. There COULD be, but it takes a lot to justify the shit that goes on in here.

881601
Cupcakes is not even very shocking, not to mention it's not well written. Doesn't deserve it's infamy.

But as for this story, there's no reason to make a story like this asides from shock value, which is a terrible, terrible reason to write something-or in this case, just take one universally reviled thing, and put things from something completely unrelated in it.
If I could rate this down twice, I would.

Saying essentially "don't like, don't read" does not make you immune to ridicule and criticism. The theme alone makes it undeserving of my eyes.

Trollficing is trollficing, but there are lines you shouldn't cross.

"Her tongue poked itself into my ass. The feeling was glorious." ಠ_ಠ

This, Sir, is one of the most disgusting, revolting, and despicable pieces of filth I have ever read. Well done. This was well written, It amused me, and I'm not sure which of us that says worse things about . It will be interesting to see how this story is received by the community at large.
I award this 7 evil mustaches.

I clopped to this good sir! (No Joke)

You wrote something that my boner rejected. Thanks for letting me know I was still human.

no...just no.

I think i'll pass on this one...

Lets put something funny here for the lolz! :D

... Oh god where to begin...I just read all of it, and while I respect the freedom of speech and writing, I must say that I suddenly understand while censor is still so popular in some countries.
I can't really give this a like or dislike. Sure I really don't like the story, but you certainly nailed the mood and horror / insanity of “120 days of Satö”. So it's not a bad story, more of a well written, but sad and unlikeable one.

The good parts:
believe able characters, good pacing, didn't find any flaws in the writing, and by the revoulsion I feel, I assume it totally achieved the story's intent.
The bad parts:
...I'm not really sure, but very predictable I guess. Though I find it makes the story even more horrifying.

In the end the story serves one purpose; it tests if my dick still have some compassion and human thought left in it... and thank god it does.
I kinda excepted the story to end with the aristocrats joke for some reason.

At first I was like
But then I was like

Well... I read it. I liked it, but I already knew I was a terrible person.

My only real criticism is to double check the paragraphs. You have odd instances of a seemingly misplaced carriage return throughout the story. Are these intended paragraphs? I don't know! Example paragraph:

"After spitting in the mother's mane, I set my sights on the real prize I craved. I announced that I desired to deflower the youngest daughter's pussy and ass.(Weird carriage return)
The mother, who had been enjoying the bliss from her orgasm was suddenly brought back to her harsh reality. She shielded me from the filly, saying that she would rather die before she let her daughter lose her virginity to the likes of me.(Weird carriage return)
The eldest daughter whined and said that I was breaking the arrangement.(Weird carriage return)
I spat in her face and said the deal had changed when her whore of a mother had the gall to cum before royalty. I told the mares to be grateful that I was still willing to release their father, provided the youngest was able to slack my carnal thirst."

My other complaint is minor and an insight into my depravity.

Why, if he was so cruel, did he simply poison them after hurting them so badly? No lesson was learned, and they were given a quick end after suffering terribly. It made the suffering... pointless? It felt like you were just done writing at that point. It makes sense, I probably wouldn't want to keep writing this. It felt like he should have kept them around for a while longer, at least one of them. Perhaps forced them to kill each other off, telling them that only one would survive. The only surviving one would have to kill the rest through some terribly slow torture.

Or maybe forced Rarity into some sort of prostitute for him, he keeps hinting at that. There are any number of sick twisted things he could have done, and he lets them go with poison? Wasn't he trying to make the father suffer anyways? The father never even realized what had happened to his family, the family knew not why they suffered. Blueblood ultimately accomplished nothing except getting a night of amusement and a head on a pike. Maybe that was his goal, but I thought this was about his pride and arrogance. The whole story kind of felt like it fell flat. It had a great buildup, and then just sort of... ended quickly.

I dunno. I liked it, but the ending didn't leave me feeling satisfied. And not in the way you might think. Then again, I'm supremely guilty of that myself, so... yeah. But anyways, you got one thumbs up from this weirdo.

hmmmmmm...... not the worst or the best ive read but I liked that someone has courage to put something like this on. Well done!

I'll watch this for the comments

how a show for KIDS converged into this? bronies are becoming monsters.

883856
Rule of the Internet # 34.2: If it exists, there are ponies of it. No exceptions.

When I wrote this clopfic, I was never under the impression that it would appeal to a wide audience.
As far as a definition of monsters go, a monster is anyone who would actually commit the depraved acts described in the story.
This clopfic itself is about as "monstrous" as a kinky sexual roleplay enjoyed by consenting adults.

In any case, thank you for the feedback.

I can only assume this story takes place before the events of the show or in an alternative world. Either way, my question is: WHY THE BUCK ISN'T CELESTIA OR LUNA DOING ANYTHING TO THIS MOTHERBUCKER!?!

encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS2dpjfU39k5fQR8_ZNtOGEA_IlIyZT3uEl2Z63KBqdxow8TWP_

why, why was this even posted?

i couldn't even finish the goddamned story

883856
i.imgur.com/nshl1.jpg

No seriously, you must be new to the internet to be shocked at this. Things like this have been around for so, so, so long.

>bronies are becoming monsters

So...1 person = entire fandom. Gotcha.

882860

As far as the bizarre paragraph structure goes, I've never been a fan of the 'wall of text' fanfics and try to break up paragraphs into bite-sized chunks.

Thank you for all the constructive feedback! This fic was an experiment for me, in many ways. I wanted to write a grimdark clopfic that didn't use excessive gore.

I chose to write the story from Blueblood's perspective. One of the effects of this was never seeing Rarity or anyone else in her family mentioned by name. Blueblood didn't even bother to find out that most basic of personal information, because he viewed the family with such contempt. Having the story be in the first person was surprisingly restrictive, as I couldn't describe what anyone else but Blueblood was thinking.

A couple points you brought up:
Why didn't Blueblood slowly torture and then kill them? Because I didn't want gore to play a huge factor in their demise. The chosen means of death was planned from the beginning of the story. Also, it shows how little he cares for them. He disposed of the mother and daughters as he would a rat or another pest problem.

Why didn't Blueblood let the father know what was happening to his family? Because Blueblood wanted the females to acquiesce to his demands out of desperation. Having the father tied up and forced to watch would have changed the dynamic, but with the dad out of the picture, the wife and daughters would be more willing to subject themselves to the prince. Their compliance hinged on the promise of seeing their father again and saving him from an unjust fate.

(I suppose the use of a one-way mirror could have a loved one watch helplessly as his family is forced into an orgy...Maybe next time...)

Blueblood also could have gotten the father's attention when the curtains were opened; Maybe his wife fellating the royal member could've been the last thing the father saw as the axe fell, but I think the way it ended worked better.

No matter how horrifying an image is, it's never as bad as the fear of the unknown. The father died unaware of what became of his wife and daughters. As gruesome as their fate was, seeing them before he died would have removed some of the agonizing horror running through his mind in his final moments.

Lastly, as to why it didn't seem like Blueblood accomplished anything in the story, the answer is simple. In his mind, he didn't do anything of big importance. This was simply another day in the life of Prince Blueblood, designed to show how mundane this event was for him. The prince decimated an entire family with as much concern as the average person has when using a tissue. When he was finished with it, he crumpled it up and threw it away.

I hope this helped explain why the story went in the direction that it did. Thank you again for the feedback!

881703
You're starting to make me nervous...
Have I opened up the Pandora's box of clopfiction?,,,

881666
"...take one universally reviled thing, and put things from something completely unrelated in it." -lazy

It worked for Mel Brooks in "The Producers." I guess I should've included more musical numbers...

Look for "120 Days of Blueblood: The Musical" coming soon! JK

But seriously, thanks for the feedback.

884348
Good point. I should have added the Alternate Universe tag.
Update: Fixed!

884510
Your welcome

Great story. Had some weird stuff like rape and traumatic experiences, but into that stuff, should be good. I dont see why people hate it, this is a fetish clopfic, anyone who isnt into rape and pedophilia, will obviously reject this. Its all a matter of personal taste. SOME ponis might hate on this story regardless of their knowledge that this is for only a small amount of perople, but, well, fuck those people.
I also think this getting hate because blueblood is just an unlikeable character, and to that I say: 'REALY?' s stillm, great story. thump up.

884510 could you do me a favor and kill me with a blunt object like a wrench or actually even better a spoon :) thank you for putting me out of my misery.

881460'
what 'Movie?'This is afan fiction, you silly Billy!

884624
How about I beat you over the head with a Twilight Spork-le?

Heh, neat. Actually quite depressing.

Though the language of it was a huge disappointment to me. On one hand, Blueblood's all high, mighty and eloquent(the opening "proclamation" sets the bar for him rather high), and then, when they get down to business, his vocabulary descends to the level expected of some punk in the street. I don't expect threatening, purple headed warriors entering the ladies' open gates left and right, but when all you use is words along the line of "cock", and on top of that they conclude complex, descriptive sentences, your story about depravity starts sounding like tales of Lieutenant Rzhevsky's exploits in the ballrooms of Petersburg(and that's a very, very bad thing).

A good thing was the characterisation of Blueblood, his callousness added greatly to the story's atmosphere.

I sort of wonder why you made it a one-shot. It has the potential for much, much more. Doesn't quite live up to its title and wastes some of the potential(exploring of personalities shifting in such circumstances, for instance). I understand the point about Blueblood not really caring, but it could be preserved with the whole act being drawn out. Though I must commend your integrity in pushing the humiliation right to the very end.

The effect it had on me comes mostly from the actions and thoughts of Blueblood. Rarity's family is left rather neglected in that respect(somewhat understandable since it's from Blueblood's perspective after all, but their feelings, which I think could add much, are lost to the reader).

Another note would be that I don't really think it's a clop. More like a concise summary of Blueblood fucking.

Really good overall, but all the asspain around it...nah.

Me: "stop it boner"
Boner: "N-"
*reads chapter title*
"Okay"

884740 OH GOD NOT TERRIBLE THE PUNS!!! lifethroughmy4eyes.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/zoidberg-why1.png

While using fancy words can certainly display one's vocabulary, they can make a story into a poor read. This story is a perfect example of this, besides the fact that you clearly wrote this just to troll the community. Don't write again, there's enough trolls in the world.

884424
i know there are other things like this.

its not just this, you silly. there are tons of fictions with monsters on it (not literally monsters, im talking about rapists and stuff.)

look, im not new, and ive seen many things like this. Many. and that worries me. you know, theres a fiction where ALL the ponies are depraved and evil dudes, even the fillies. In that same fiction:
Sweetie , RainbowDash , Celestia, Big Macintosh, Thunderlane, Lyra were addicted on alcohol and other drugs.
All the female characters where whores, even fillies.
Applejack used to beat Applebloom all the days.
Spanking and raping occured all the time in ponyville.
etc etc etc. imagine that the life of ponyville in that fiction was like the Bronx. you park your car, go shopping for 5 minutes then you come back and find that they stole your tires, broke the windows, murdered somepony in the back seat and meanwhile a bitch is being raped in the front seat. while they murder somepony in the back seat.

so, its not just you.im worried that Hasbro gets in this site, reads 5 or 6 things like Cupcackes, 120 days of Blueblood, etc etc and do somenthing stupid like
"We are cancelling the show due to the excess of related mature content internet" because "kids looking for the show on the internet can find those nasty things" or "blah blah blah"

you know, im not asking for you or the fandom to stop, i myself sometimes read clopfics, but i just think its funny how a show for kids can end into this.
did you know that the brony fandom is in the list of the top 10 fandoms with more mature content?
also, ive never read the rules of internet. could you link me to it please?

885596

2 fanfictions =/= entire fanfiction library. Hope you know that. Stereotyping is bad, mmkay.

And...wait...wait huh?

You actually, truly fear that...Hasbro will find some fanfictions and CANCEL THE SHOW? Just...what...what? You say you're not new to the internet, yet you scream "new to the internet" with all this naivety you're spewing. Whining about things like this, claiming Hasbro will cancel the show because of fanfiction...like, really? You're either very new, or I'm being trolled right now. (And as a side note, multiple people that work on the show have +Liked FIMFiction on Facebook.)

Hasbro doesn't give two shits about fanfiction. No company does. And no, "kids looking for show can find nasty things" is NOT a reason to cancel a show, it's a reason to tell parents to watch what their kids do online. Not Hasbro's problem. And they wouldn't even be able to find these anyways, because they're marked as Mature, and you'd have to have Mature enabled.

Also, got a source for this "brony fandom top 10 fandom with most mature content" ? I'd like to see it.

885596
Pokemon has much more porn made of it than MLP, and Nintendo has never considered stopping that gravy train. Though to be fair, Pokemon's been around for nearly 15 years.

I will concede that Hasbro is more scared of bad press than Nintendo; they did censor Derpy's eyes after all. In spite of this, I think that what cloppers are doing behind the scenes doesn't taint the image of MLP nearly as much as what the Michael Bay films did for the Transformers franchise. If humping dogs and racist robots are greenlit for a two hour long toy commercial, how concerned is Hasbro with the welfare of the children?

It is worth noting that at the rate this fandom generates mature content, MLP will more than likely surpass Pokemon, in terms of porn, before the year 2025...if man is still alive. (2025 being MLP:FIM's 15 year anniversary, to draw a parallel with Pokemon.)

There's already a fanmade X-rated Friendship is Magic series in the works.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUGf13W2dNg&feature=channel&list=UL

While not comprehensive, here's the rules for the Internet page.
http://rulesoftheinternet.com/index.php?title=Main_Page

Thanks for the feedback!

Anyways! Just read this, and...eh, not shocking enough, for the most part. But that's just me; I'm pretty much desensitized to shock, after all that I've seen.

Might be because I'm used to writing in such a style, but it seemed to lack description at times. Everything seemed like it went by really fast.

All in all, a decent dark/gore fic. +Disgustingness points for including WS/Scat and killing my boner.

886015
This was just a one shot for a concept that was too dark for any of my current series. I appreciate you following my writings. I'll have more updates on my other stories before long.
Edit: No longer a one shot. LOL.

Dont listen to haters.

I love 120 days of Sodom. I think its one of the most under-rated movies of all time. So to see a pony version of it is kinda weird, but i thought it got the
movie very well.

WRITE MOAR

Obviously you guys can't read stories for "matures". If you're going to complain about how disgusting and innapropriate it is, then go ahead and uncheck the mature box at the top of the page.

Eh, I've read worse.

Ok so I know people will hate me for this but I think that this was very well written albeit the theme was disturbing (which you Warned us about ) and the actual writing was disturbing (also warned about ) so well done... Still hate you for and
But again well done.

So, where are the other three perverts who wish to exploit their positions of power to probe the depths of licentiousness? Where are the depraved whores whose tales drive them on to discover and embrace new fetishes, morality be damned?

It was an OK grimdark clop story on its own merits. I'm not sure why Blueblood decided to kill his victims with poisoned wine, or even why it had to be Blueblood doing the filly despoiling, since the story made a point of avoiding references to the Grand Galloping Gala or Rarity's history with him. The events of the story were transgressive, but the links on the pony side were missing -- presumably explaining the AU tag -- and the literary reference did not work at all, bearing little similarity to de Sade's cruel parody of Rousseau.

TL:dr, I wish this were both smarter and more depraved.

885643>>885764

well, yep, i think i can be overreacting. im just thraumatized because when i was a kid, there was a comic magazine (you americans probably dont know it) called Gibi. it was super famous, so famous that now Gibi means comics here in brazil. the fandom had millions of peoples. but then they cancelled it because the fandom was getting too creative. Well, i can only guess in your country things are more liberal.
about that top 10, the source is a brazilian Roleplaying Game magazine called DragonSlayer. allow me to quote a piece of it:
1.Animes and Mangas fandom
reason: it does not contain that much of porn, but the amount of gore is impressive.
2.Dragon Age fandom
3.Pokemon fandom
(then theres bla bla bla. skipping to the interessting part)
9. Brony fandom
it says in the magazine: "its not apparent, but in the brony fandom there is a considerable amount of gore and sex. each day, circa 20.000 words of mature-rated stories are written by fans of the show." etc.

thanks for the links.
may Celestia have mercy on our soul.

888901

I'd like to know where that random Brazilian magazine is getting its statistics from. Dragon Age has more porn than Pokemon? Yeah, I'm calling bullshit. And how would they know how many words are written per day?

888918

listen here, o All-Knowing Master, im not that magazine , i dont care where they found that, i dont care if thats correct, ok? why dont you ask them? stop spamming me with your skeptical third-world questions. they probably know that circa 6 clopfics are written per day, and most of them contains 4000 words.

889445
If you don't care if it's correct or not, why are you posting it then? And I don't think conversation counts as spam.

889457 because you fucking asked. i could be reading good stuff, but instead of that i have to keep repying to 4-eyed cinic dude, because if i just ignore, some idiot is gonna start screaming bullshit like: "hihihihi look at that snow thunder thing, hes losting the argue so he stops writing, hihihihih, look at me, im gay, hihihihihi" or other random shit like that, you know?

Well, that ignited into rage very quickly.