Love in Manehattan
"Hey, what's your name?"
I looked up from my hooves to see a white Unicorn filly about my age with a curled pink and purple mane. She was offering a hoof to me with a smile.
"Uh, Scootaloo," I said as I took her hoof, I was surprised honestly, most ponies at school ignored me ever since I had moved into town.
"I'm Sweetie Belle," the Unicorn said with a smile. "Its nice to meet you Scootaloo, why are you sitting here all alone?"
My ears drooped a little, how was I going to tell her? I was an orphan living in a foster home here in Ponyville, most foals just ignored me, or worse teased me when they found out.
"Well, I'm still pretty new to Ponyville," I admitted to her, it wasn't a lie really, I had only been recently placed in Ponyville, but I wasn't really sure if I liked it here yet. "My, family just moved in a few days ago."
"Yeah, same here," Sweetie Belle said as she sat down next to me with a sigh. "My parents are always running around doing something or another, so they asked my big sister to take care of me and got me enrolled in school here."
"You're lucky, I've just got my parents," I said with a shake of my head. "Nopony ever really seems to want to hang out with me."
"Well that's too bad you seem like a cool pony," Sweetie Belle said with a smile and got to her hooves, offering her hoof to me. "Come on, lets go play together!"
I couldn't help but smile as we ran off together to the nearby playground. It felt nice to actually have somepony to play with for once.
That was the beginning of a friendship that would last me the rest of my life. A year later we'd meet Apple Bloom and form the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and our lives would be set on a path that none of us truly understood back then.
00000
"Come on squirt, you're not going to spend all day in bed are you?" Momma Rainbow said as I yawned.
"Come on, we're on vacation, vacations are meant for sleeping in," I said with a yawn and turned around in bed my back turned to her. "Besides I'm 18, if I want to sleep in you can't make me get up."
"Oh really?" She asked, uh-oh, I was in for it now wasn't I? "Well, I'll just have to..."
"I'm up, I'm up!" I protested as I jumped out of bed, making my adopted mother laugh.
Me and my adopted moms Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy had been on a trip around Equestria after my graduation, which had brought us to Manehattan. We were going to be traveling for a few more days, which wasn't too bad, except it meant that I wouldn't be able to see my friends again until next week.
It had been a few years since I had been adopted by Rainbow and Fluttershy and I couldn't be happier. I was even going to have a little sister soon, a spell had recently been developed that allowed two mares to have a child together, handy really.
"So, where are we going today?" I asked as I ran a brush through my mane.
"Oh, well Rarity, Applejack, and Sweetie Belle are in town visiting the Boutique, so I thought we'd pay them a visit," Rainbow said which made me pause. "I figured since you haven't seen Sweetie Belle since graduation you'd be happy to see her again."
"Yeah, it would be great," I said with a small smile, honestly I did want to see her again, but at the same time, if I saw her again, all the feelings would come flooding back.
"Scootaloo, you know I can tell when something is bothering you," Rainbow said as we went to go to where Fluttershy is. "Come on, I'll guess, what is it... you have a crush on Sweetie Belle don't you?"
I let out an eep as I blushed heavily, Rainbow Dash laughed before she realized why I was blushing.
"Oh my gosh, you really do don't you?" She asked and I nodded. "For how long?"
"A couple of years now, I just, don't know how to tell her," I admitted with a blush. "I don't want to ruin our friendship."
"I think you should tell her," Rainbow said as Fluttershy looked up at us with a smile. "You two have been friends for years after all."
"I'll, think about it," I said with a shrug.
"What are you two talking about?" Fluttershy asked curiously as she got up to join us.
"Oh, Scootaloo has a crush," Rainbow said with a grin.
"Mooom!" I groaned with a blush, which just made Rainbow laugh.
"Come on you two, lets go," Fluttershy said and we headed out.
00000
We entered the boutique and honestly I had no idea what to expect, Rarity and Applejack were talking as we entered and smiled when they saw us.
"Hey ya'll," Applejack said with a wave. "Long time no see."
"Hey Rarity, Applejack," Fluttershy said with a smile.
"Oh darling, how far along are you?" Rarity asked curiously as she noticed the slight bulge to Fluttershy's stomach.
"Almost five months," she said with a smile.
"Well Ah'm sure Scootaloo is lookin' forward ta bein' a big sister," Applejack said with a chuckle as she looked at me.
"Yeah, I am," I said with a smile, it was actually kind of funny I had never thought of myself being a big sister until Fluttershy and Rainbow asked me what I thought about them using the spell. "Where's Sweetie Belle?"
"Oh, she went down the street to pick some things up, she'll be back soon," Rarity said, that figured really. "She was really excited to get to see you again Scootaloo."
"Really? That's, great," I said, looking around to try and hide the blush I could feel creeping up on my face as the bell at the door sounded. "When will she be..."
"Scootaloo!" A familiar voice called out and I turned only to be hugged tightly by Sweetie Belle. "Its so good to see you again!"
"Yeah, its good to see you again too," I said with a smile as I hugged her back, she was just as beautiful as I remembered, and she smelled, nice? Did she put on perfume for some reason?
"How have you been?" Sweetie asked with a smile.
"Oh, I'm good, though I'll be happy to get back home," I admitted, really I missed being able to spend time with my friends. "So, uh, why didn't Apple Bloom come along too?"
"Oh, she and Big Mac had ta stay behind ta take care of tha farm," Applejack said. "She says she looks forward ta seein' yah again when yah make it back home."
"So, Scoots... I was thinking..." Sweetie said as she trailed off a little for a moment before speaking up again. "There's this really nice restaurant a few blocks away, I was thinking maybe you and me could go there for lunch."
Wait, did she mean that as friends or what?
"Uh, what do you think moms?" I asked looking over at Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.
"Oh go ahead Scootaloo, you two have fun!" Rainbow said with a grin, yeah, real big help there.
"Darlings, you're grown mares, feel free to do as you want," Rarity said with a smile. "Shall we meet up for dinner later?"
"Yeah, sounds good, lets go," Sweetie said and we headed out together.
00000
"Here's your table," the host said as we were seated at our table in the restaurant. "Your server will be here shortly."
"Thank you," Sweetie said with a smile as we opened up our menus.
"So how are things going in Ponyville?" I asked curiously as I checked over my options, geez this place wasn't cheap but Sweetie said she'd pay for it.
"Great," Sweetie said with a smile. "Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon got engaged recently, so that's something, not much has been happening other than that really."
"Heh, really? Well I'm happy for them," I said with a light smile, though really it felt like everypony but me was finding a special somepony at times. "How about you? I'm sure the stallions are lining up to ask you out."
"Well, that's definitely true," Sweetie admitted. "But honestly, I haven't really been dating anypony lately. The only pony I've ever been interested in hasn't really been in Ponyville lately and I don't really know how to tell them."
"Oh, well, maybe you should tell them," I said with a frown, she already loved somepony else, I probably didn't stand a chance.
"Yeah, maybe I should," Sweetie said. "Umm, how about you, are you seeing anypony special these days?"
"Not really, I mean Rumble had that crush on me back in school, but we never really hit it off," I said with a shrug and closed up my menu once I had made a decision. "Really, I'm just waiting for the right pony."
"I understand," Sweetie said as she closed up her menu too and looked at me with those beautiful green eyes of her's. "Scootaloo, there's something I need to tell you something, something I should've told you a long time ago..."
"You can tell me anything Sweetie, we've been best friends for years," I said with a smile as I took Sweetie's hoof in mine. "And, there's something I want to tell you too."
"Okay, you go ahead," Sweetie said with a smile.
"Sweetie, I..." I started to say but paused as I tried to figure out just how to say it. "You're one of the best friends I've ever had, you make my life special and..."
"And what?" Sweetie asked curiously.
"Since High School, I've been in love with you," I said with a blush, which made Sweetie's eyes go wide. "I've been wanting to tell you but, I was afraid of how you'd react, I didn't want to ruin our friendship."
Sweetie just sat there for the longest moment in stunned silence. For a moment I was afraid that she was going to hate me or something because of this. Maybe telling her wasn't a good idea after all, I could always find somepony else, right?
But how would I find somepony as amazing as Sweetie Belle.
"Scootaloo, you have nothing to worry about," Sweetie said with a smile as she finally broke the silence as she moved in closer. "I love you too Scootaloo, I have ever since high school."
"You, really love me too?" I asked surprised.
"Yeah, I invited you here so I can tell you finally," she said. "I love you more than anything Scootaloo."
"I love you too Sweetie," I said and leaned in and kisses her.
It was the happiest moment of my life, I couldn't believe that she really loved me. I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the kiss.
"Uh, I'm sorry for interrupting, but are you ready to order?" The waitress asked as we broke the kiss.
"Oh, of course, sorry," I said with a blush but smiled at Sweetie as we started to order our food.
00000
That night at dinner I was seated next to Sweetie Belle and took a deep breath as we looked over at our families.
"So, umm, how was lunch?" Fluttershy asked as she looked at us.
"It was, really good," I said with another blush as me and Sweetie exchanged looks, we had already decided to tell them, it was just a matter of figuring out how.
"Yeah," Sweetie said with a smile. "Listen, there's, something we want to tell you."
"What is it Sweetie Belle?" Rarity asked.
"Me and Scootaloo are dating," Sweetie said with a smile on her face as she wrapped a foreleg around me.
"That's great!" Rainbow said with a smile as she ruffled my mane. "See Squirt, I told you that you had nothing to worry about."
"Thanks," I said with a smile as I nuzzled Sweetie gently, wrapping a wing around her. "I have two wonderful moms and a wonderful marefriend, I couldn't be happier."
Sweetie smiled and nuzzled back. "Same here."
I just smiled and gave my marefriend a long passionate kiss, I didn't care who was watching, I loved Sweetie Belle more than anything.
I knew it was the beginning of a wonderful relationship.
00000
That night I was laying on the bed in my hotel room with Sweetie Belle. I looked up at the ceiling, thinking about how things had changed just over the last day.
Sweetie Belle, my best friend ever since we were fillies, was now my marefriend, it was what I had dreamed of since we were in High School together. But still, I hadn't really ever expected it to happen.
"So, what's the latest word on your singing career?" I asked Sweetie curiously.
"Oh, its been going pretty well," she said. "Octavia and Vinyl have helped me get a few gigs and a record so that's something."
"That's great," I said with a smile as I nuzzled her gently. "You made me the happiest mare in Equestria today."
Sweetie smiled and snuggled up to me, wrapping her forelegs around me gently and smiling. "And you made me just as happy, I love you Scootaloo Dash."
"I love you too Sweetie Belle," I said and Sweetie levitated the covers over us before she started to drift off to sleep.
I smiled and gave her one more kiss before draping my wing over her. I was going to do everything I could to keep her happy, Sweetie Belle was now officially my special somepony.
I smiled at that thought and drifted off to sleep, keeping Sweetie close to me.
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NO! Ruiner of my OTP thou shalt perish for thy crimes! Sky-Belle 4 lyfe!
8103120 You know this may shock you but other people are free to like different ships.
8103123 Yes I'm not saying you're not. I'm just making a pun based on your name.
8103124 Oh
, sorry, my bad.
Well, this beats my fanfiction...
8103310 Yours can't be that bad.
I loved this! One of my favourite ships so that made it even better!
This was an awesome read!
8103327 Well, I didn't say that it was. Just stated that yours is better.
This wasn't bad at all, but it didn't expand on common tropes of romance. I mean, it's actually more likely that people would confess that they've liked rather than loved someone in order to save that word to make it more meaningful. That would've made this story feel more real than what it sounded like: two ponies being shipped like dolls are smacked together in fake renditions of love.
Still, it's a decent write up, but it stayed generic instead of appealing.
Awww, so cute. I love this ship, and it was great so well done!
Adorable... Simply adorable. Just what I needed to start the day.
8103863
Glad you liked it, yeah its a cute ship.
8103959
Not really sure which fic you mean.
8104032
Yeah... honestly romance stories aren't my specialty, I just wanted to write this, not really sure how often I'll do these.
8104050
Thanks, really glad you liked it
.
8104108
Glad to have made your day
.
8104117
Well, it's not really just the romance. I should've elaborated, my apologies. Part of the reason why I think this fic is only decent is that it appealed to what you and I would call "fanon". Yes, you wanted Scoots to have RD as her parent, when we all know that the real parents haven't been shown on screen yet (unless I'm retarded and they have). Yes, you wanted Sweetie Belle to be the daughter of Rarity and Fluttershy but in reality, that's not only not the case, but it also somewhat creeps me out slightly. I mean, I'm just being honest here, but the thought of my sister being my mother makes me shiver. She's my sister because I see her as a sibling. Sure she has motherly instincts now, but I would never see her as a mother of me. She's just a role model to look up to, not a parent.
This lends me to my point. You appealed to the fanon and well, not everyone see this fanon interpretation of characters as... good. I was able to read past it through, but it definitely didn't help me in deciding whether i liked it or not. The romance was on a different scale too, but let me tell you this: it isn't just the romance that was the problem.
List of issues with the fic:
1. Parent thing (mentioned before).
2. Romance being slightly fake (mentioned before).
3. Writing
3.1 Saidisms. You do not need a dialogue tag during every instance of dialogue. If we get who is speaking, you do not need to give us another indication of them speaking. For instance:
You need to vary how the sentences are worded. I mean, heck, you missed the opportunity to do this:
Breaking up dialogue just to enhance it like this provides much needed variation, while giving the readers cues as to whether or not this conversation is going to last for longer than two lines. Honestly, that's a whole 'nother boat to rock, but I'll say it lightly: add more to these conversations with the characters we are supposed to be focusing on. I don't think you need to provide a reason as to why AB isn't there when it's not really a focus of the story. We're here to see some cute shipping of two pones. Just saying. Find what is necessary for the story to blossom, instead of adding characters to separate what a good conversation could've been.
8104136 I'm guessing you haven't read my other fics because I tend to write Scootaloo being adopted by Rainbow Dash a lot. Really its just something I like to do, and if the show eventually contradicts me, well, there's always the alternate universe tag.
This is actually supposed to be in the same universe as an earlier FlutterDash fic I wrote where they adopt Scootaloo (along with my two OctaScratch fics)... which I admit was not my best work and I probably should've specified that in retrospect.
Saidisms, uh, yeah... I've really got nothing for that, that's really more a habit of mine that I can't seem to get away from, so I've got nothing.
8104149
You probably should be tagging it as such then, because I have no clue how you write nor what you write as an author. You essentially created your own "Dash is the mother of Scootaloo" universe, which is something I'm not a huge fan of anymore. To be fair, I don't stick to canon much either, but sticking to the basics is what I try to do.
Hmm, see this is where it gets tricky, because the reader has no way of knowing this is relevant to that universe if it is not mentioned nor tagged in a certain way (if this is a sequel to one of those fics, then the correlation is met partially [still needs to be elaborated as to how it ties with the universe within the piece of fiction]).
Saidisms is a hard habit to knock. You just need to think of your story as a puzzle that needs to be filled. Too many wrong pieces can ruin the chance of you solving it.
Oh, and don't forget, elaboration on conversations would be nice. Those convos went by super quick between our MCs.
8104158 Really you don't have to like the whole Rainbow Dash is Scootaloo's mom thing, its just something I like and have been writing a lot for, some reason.
Well I've added Alternate Universe and that its a sequel, I really should've done that before in retrospect.
Anyway, I'll work on the other things.
Ultimately I'm planning on tying this together more in a future Next Generation fanfic.
8104169
I know I have the right to not like it. Just saying it came in without warning, that's all.
It's all good. And cool, hope that future Gen project goes well.
8104176 Yeah, in retrospect I really should have said it was a sequel or at least in the same universe at least so it wouldn't have come completely out of the nowhere if you knew it was a sequel to another fic where they adopted Scootaloo, my bad for confusing you.
Thanks, at the moment I'm waiting on some pictures for the kids before I start the fanfic itself so I have no idea how long it'll be. I have two pictures so far, which are pretty nice.
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle's:
pre15.deviantart.net/0152/th/pre/f/2017/090/3/f/sweetie_belle_x_scootaloo_by_hollyleaf12-db45ynp.png
Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy's:
pre06.deviantart.net/c88b/th/pre/f/2017/092/e/8/fluttershy_x_rainbow_dash_by_hollyleaf12-db4gyy1.png
8104192
Wait, so Rarity wasn't together with Fluttershy in this fic?
Now I'm more confused. What are the pairings for this fic?
8104214 Uh, no, Rarity was with Applejack, and Fluttershy was with Rainbow Dash... I thought I made that clear, that may have been my fault.
8104216
Even though I do re-read more than twice, I still get confused. Oh well. Rarijack is a good pairing imo, but that's just my op.
Could be, or maybe I misread.
8104221 Yeah, I'm pretty sure I was clear that at least FlutterDash is a thing, and yeah RariJack is a great couple... which is one of the pictures I'm waiting on at the moment along with a bunch of others (though not all will actually be used in the fic, two are for other fics and two are just for fun).
The one character I haven't figured out is Apple Bloom, I want her to have a kid too for the next generation fic, but I don't have a ship for her, at all.
I loved this! :D
8104922 Yay, I'm glad, also good to see a fellow ScootaBelle shipper.
She's gooood
This was a great fanfic
The only thing I didn't like was FlutterDash, but that's just my inner TwiDash shipper making me biased
Other than that, this story was amazing
8116775 Well I love FlutterDash, but I'm not going to criticize anyone else's taste.
8117001 I know, and I respect other shippers, even if I don't agree with the ship
8117541 Yep.
Also I will read TwiDash, its just when it comes to writing I prefer to write only certain ships... unless the story calls for something else and this is not one of those stories.
8117592 I know. The first time I met you was in a TwiDash fic
8104149
I don't really think that warrants an Alternate Universe Tag. If the show eventually contradicted something like that, then like literally every single shipping story would require an Alternate Universe Tag and then some that are out of date.
Alternate Universes are stories that have events setup that work differently from the canon of the show. Not just specific events that could eventually be contradicted from the show, such as stories writing about parents that haven't been revealed yet.
From what I understand with this story, Scootaloo was adopted by Rainbow and Fluttershy as a daughter. Even if Scootaloo had real parents, this still would be possible in MLP. (Heck, Pinkie Pie practically did it in canon with the Cakes.) Not to mention, Rainbow adopting Scootaloo as a sister is practically canon now. Even then, Fluttershy adopting Scootaloo fics that don't involve Rainbow Dash, aren't Alternate Universe.
That's it, I'm Scootabelle trash now (I'm still a Crusadership trash but arrgh I'm not gonna causality loop my brain into a BSoD, so I'll put it like this, I'm Omniship trash but I out-trash that with me being FlutterDash trash/RariJack Trash/TwiPie trash/SunLight trash)
Either way I am trash for this and I am here to love it like hell!