• Member Since 8th Mar, 2016
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RuinQueenofOblivion


Dashite forever!


E
This story is a sequel to A Choice to Make

Even before they had become Crusaders, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle have been best friends ever since they first met as fillies. As they grew older however, they started to develop more feelings for each other than that, but were afraid to admit it to each other.

But when after High School they meet up in Manehattan while both of them are traveling with their families. Will they take a chance and possibly become something more?


Cover made by PKlove-chan.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 29 )

NO! Ruiner of my OTP thou shalt perish for thy crimes! Sky-Belle 4 lyfe!

8103120 You know this may shock you but other people are free to like different ships.

8103123 Yes I'm not saying you're not. I'm just making a pun based on your name.

Well, this beats my fanfiction...

I loved this! One of my favourite ships so that made it even better! :pinkiehappy:

This was an awesome read!

8103327 Well, I didn't say that it was. Just stated that yours is better.

This wasn't bad at all, but it didn't expand on common tropes of romance. I mean, it's actually more likely that people would confess that they've liked rather than loved someone in order to save that word to make it more meaningful. That would've made this story feel more real than what it sounded like: two ponies being shipped like dolls are smacked together in fake renditions of love.

Still, it's a decent write up, but it stayed generic instead of appealing.

Awww, so cute. I love this ship, and it was great so well done!:twilightsmile:

Adorable... Simply adorable. Just what I needed to start the day.:heart:

8103863

Glad you liked it, yeah its a cute ship.

8103959

Not really sure which fic you mean.

8104032

Yeah... honestly romance stories aren't my specialty, I just wanted to write this, not really sure how often I'll do these.

8104050

Thanks, really glad you liked it :twilightsmile:.

8104108

Glad to have made your day :scootangel:.

8104117
Well, it's not really just the romance. I should've elaborated, my apologies. Part of the reason why I think this fic is only decent is that it appealed to what you and I would call "fanon". Yes, you wanted Scoots to have RD as her parent, when we all know that the real parents haven't been shown on screen yet (unless I'm retarded and they have). Yes, you wanted Sweetie Belle to be the daughter of Rarity and Fluttershy but in reality, that's not only not the case, but it also somewhat creeps me out slightly. I mean, I'm just being honest here, but the thought of my sister being my mother makes me shiver. She's my sister because I see her as a sibling. Sure she has motherly instincts now, but I would never see her as a mother of me. She's just a role model to look up to, not a parent.

This lends me to my point. You appealed to the fanon and well, not everyone see this fanon interpretation of characters as... good. I was able to read past it through, but it definitely didn't help me in deciding whether i liked it or not. The romance was on a different scale too, but let me tell you this: it isn't just the romance that was the problem.

List of issues with the fic:
1. Parent thing (mentioned before).
2. Romance being slightly fake (mentioned before).
3. Writing
3.1 Saidisms. You do not need a dialogue tag during every instance of dialogue. If we get who is speaking, you do not need to give us another indication of them speaking. For instance:

"Scootaloo!" A familiar voice called out and I turned only to be hugged tightly by Sweetie Belle. "Its so good to see you again!"

"Yeah, its good to see you again too," I said with a smile as I hugged her back, she was just as beautiful as I remembered, and she smelled, nice? Did she put on perfume for some reason?

"How have you been?" Sweetie asked with a smile.

"Oh, I'm good, though I'll be happy to get back home," I admitted, really I missed being able to spend time with my friends. "So, uh, why didn't Apple Bloom come along too?"

You need to vary how the sentences are worded. I mean, heck, you missed the opportunity to do this:

"So..." I heard her mutter softly, her hoof pawing at the ground. "What have you been up to, Scoots?"

Breaking up dialogue just to enhance it like this provides much needed variation, while giving the readers cues as to whether or not this conversation is going to last for longer than two lines. Honestly, that's a whole 'nother boat to rock, but I'll say it lightly: add more to these conversations with the characters we are supposed to be focusing on. I don't think you need to provide a reason as to why AB isn't there when it's not really a focus of the story. We're here to see some cute shipping of two pones. Just saying. Find what is necessary for the story to blossom, instead of adding characters to separate what a good conversation could've been.

8104136 I'm guessing you haven't read my other fics because I tend to write Scootaloo being adopted by Rainbow Dash a lot. Really its just something I like to do, and if the show eventually contradicts me, well, there's always the alternate universe tag.

This is actually supposed to be in the same universe as an earlier FlutterDash fic I wrote where they adopt Scootaloo (along with my two OctaScratch fics)... which I admit was not my best work and I probably should've specified that in retrospect.

Saidisms, uh, yeah... I've really got nothing for that, that's really more a habit of mine that I can't seem to get away from, so I've got nothing.

8104149

Really its just something I like to do, and if the show eventually contradicts me, well, there's always the alternate universe tag.

You probably should be tagging it as such then, because I have no clue how you write nor what you write as an author. You essentially created your own "Dash is the mother of Scootaloo" universe, which is something I'm not a huge fan of anymore. To be fair, I don't stick to canon much either, but sticking to the basics is what I try to do.

This is actually supposed to be in the same universe as an earlier FlutterDash fic I wrote where they adopt Scootaloo (along with my two OctaScratch fics)... which I admit was not my best work and I probably should've specified that in retrospect.

Hmm, see this is where it gets tricky, because the reader has no way of knowing this is relevant to that universe if it is not mentioned nor tagged in a certain way (if this is a sequel to one of those fics, then the correlation is met partially [still needs to be elaborated as to how it ties with the universe within the piece of fiction]).

Saidisms is a hard habit to knock. You just need to think of your story as a puzzle that needs to be filled. Too many wrong pieces can ruin the chance of you solving it.

Oh, and don't forget, elaboration on conversations would be nice. Those convos went by super quick between our MCs.

8104158 Really you don't have to like the whole Rainbow Dash is Scootaloo's mom thing, its just something I like and have been writing a lot for, some reason.

Well I've added Alternate Universe and that its a sequel, I really should've done that before in retrospect.

Anyway, I'll work on the other things.

Ultimately I'm planning on tying this together more in a future Next Generation fanfic.

8104169
I know I have the right to not like it. Just saying it came in without warning, that's all.

It's all good. And cool, hope that future Gen project goes well. :twilightsmile:

8104176 Yeah, in retrospect I really should have said it was a sequel or at least in the same universe at least so it wouldn't have come completely out of the nowhere if you knew it was a sequel to another fic where they adopted Scootaloo, my bad for confusing you.

Thanks, at the moment I'm waiting on some pictures for the kids before I start the fanfic itself so I have no idea how long it'll be. I have two pictures so far, which are pretty nice.

Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle's:
pre15.deviantart.net/0152/th/pre/f/2017/090/3/f/sweetie_belle_x_scootaloo_by_hollyleaf12-db45ynp.png

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy's:
pre06.deviantart.net/c88b/th/pre/f/2017/092/e/8/fluttershy_x_rainbow_dash_by_hollyleaf12-db4gyy1.png

8104192
Wait, so Rarity wasn't together with Fluttershy in this fic?

Now I'm more confused. What are the pairings for this fic?

8104214 Uh, no, Rarity was with Applejack, and Fluttershy was with Rainbow Dash... I thought I made that clear, that may have been my fault.

8104216
Could be, or maybe I misread. :rainbowlaugh: Even though I do re-read more than twice, I still get confused. Oh well. Rarijack is a good pairing imo, but that's just my op.

8104221 Yeah, I'm pretty sure I was clear that at least FlutterDash is a thing, and yeah RariJack is a great couple... which is one of the pictures I'm waiting on at the moment along with a bunch of others (though not all will actually be used in the fic, two are for other fics and two are just for fun).

The one character I haven't figured out is Apple Bloom, I want her to have a kid too for the next generation fic, but I don't have a ship for her, at all.

8104922 Yay, I'm glad, also good to see a fellow ScootaBelle shipper.

"Scootaloo, you know I can tell when something is bothering you," Rainbow said as we went to go to where Fluttershy is. "Come on, I'll guess, what is it... you have a crush on Sweetie Belle don't you?"

She's gooood :pinkiegasp:


This was a great fanfic :pinkiehappy:
The only thing I didn't like was FlutterDash, but that's just my inner TwiDash shipper making me biased :twilightsmile:
Other than that, this story was amazing :scootangel:

8116775 Well I love FlutterDash, but I'm not going to criticize anyone else's taste.

8117001 I know, and I respect other shippers, even if I don't agree with the ship :pinkiehappy:

8117541 Yep.

Also I will read TwiDash, its just when it comes to writing I prefer to write only certain ships... unless the story calls for something else and this is not one of those stories.

8117592 I know. The first time I met you was in a TwiDash fic :derpytongue2:

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