- Member Since 23rd Jul, 2014
- offline last seen January 21st
Malicious_Blight
Just your average pony...who happens to be a deranged changling that obsessed with very 'illegal' and 'dangerous' surgeries, and who happens to have powers far beyond imagining. You know, normal!
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Tried to give you a like but it seems you disabled that on this fic. Probably for the best since anything out of the norm on FimFiction is disliked into and early grave. Size theft is one of my biggest fetishes I gotta say so this story has me intrigued. However I'm not sure what you mean by criticism, do you mean in depth? Where I'll go through each paragraph and explain some of the changes that could potentially happen to help improve the flow of the story? Or just the small stuff where I tell you what is out of place grammatically? I leave the choice to you, I'm willing to do either since I am a big fan of size stealing and anything I can do to help improve a story predominantly featuring it is a plus in my books.
7846444
I know what you mean; whilst I do find stuff on here that I like, for the most part, I have to spend hours searching for it and then the writer hasn't done anything with it for years and has most likely forgotten about it.
I'm mostly new to putting my stuff out for people to judge, I mostly keep what I write to myself. Advice on story flow would help, since when I write I sometimes see what I meant to say and end up leaving things out or making things unclear, and for the most part, I'm okay with my grammar
I use a program that shows grammar mistake which some people could really use.Alrighty, I'm not quite sure if you really wanted my assistance based on your reply, however I decided to press on and do what I had offered. Albeit I did only choose to do the first part of your story to edit to see your reaction, also so that I didn't waste too much effort if you're displeased with my changes. I did my best to preserve your story in its base form. I didn't take too many liberties with the first part since just minor changes while keeping your story intact.
Today just wasn't Spike's day. He had a problem that had been plaguing him for months. Despite asking for help from everypony in Ponyville, no one was able to give him a solution to his problem. The issue being his lack of self confidence caused him to doubt himself when trying to talk with the mares of Ponyville.
He had even resorted to going to Zecora's, a local Zebrican witch doctor who lived deep within Everfree Forest. Sadly for all her alchemic knowledge she was unable to give Spike what he truly desired. All she had to say was, "Don't worry, my shy young drake. Just be true and honest, never fake."
The changes that I made are rather minor just changing some of the words that were repeated since it came off as awkward to keep repeating the word after so short a time. I did however flip some of the sentences and take out certain words that I felt didn't fit in order to make the wording flow a bit better. I took the liberty of changing certain words into more appropriate terms to fit the show. I also added a sentence or two to help flesh out the first part of your story in order to add a bit more context as to why Spike's going through all this effort.
Like I said before I'm a huge fan of size stealing, so please don't take what I've written as a personal shot against you as a writer. It's a very interesting premise that is rarely seen anywhere over the internet let alone in the My Little Pony universe. I'd like to help in any way I can to help improve your story, perhaps I can be an editor for you if you're not displeased by the changes I've made.
7850969
Thank you!
I do have a problem with repeating words, which is something that I'm working on, and can see the difference between what I wrote and your corrections.
I'm just glad that someone's interested enough in my work that their willing to give it a once over and show where I can improve. I get a little giddy, in fact, whenever I see that someone has favorited this fic; after all it's my first open work and was a bit nervous to see how it would be viewed.
I can't wait for Spike to get huge, I'm personally hoping for him to get a musculegut body, but I just hope he doesn't still from nice ponies like Big Mac, Bulk, Shinning. and etc.
Also I wanted to ask is Spike just going to steal from guys, I know for tool size he has to steal from guys but height, muscule, and fat can he still that from guys?
7852625
, so I wouldn't count on seeing that.
Sorry to say, but corruption usually means he's gonna turn evil at some point, though at a slow process. After all, how else is he going to get big if he doesn't steal from somepony who's already BIG! And for the second question: I'm guessing you meant steal other attributes from girls, in which case I can see about writing a scene of him stealing weight, but to be honest, I have the hots for big muscle girls
7852696 Sorry type-o I thought I wrote girls can he steal muscles such from girls. Also damn I was hoping it would be just those who have it coming gets their stuff taken.
7853829
There will definitely be some at first who deserve to have their size taken, but there aren't many I can think of to take from.
First please do not take so long to update, I had already thought that this story was canceled. second when we will see scenes xxx. third, the drained part of size and magic, could have been done in a way that was more painful. out of that it was an incredible cap I hope to see as follows. sorry for my bad English
8552619
Sorry! I as I had said I never meant for it to take so long to get another update, I was just dealing with some family/mental issues and getting started in college. I should be able to back on a path of regular installments (already working on the next chapter).
There will be some scenes of naughtiness coming up, but I won't give any details yet.
Finally, I was a little disappointed in the scene myself, I plan bad planning and just wanting to finish quickly, but the next time will be longer and more detailed than last. Canonically, think of it as Spike getting used to the power.
I don't mind the English, I'm just glad someone's willing to critique my story. Thanks!!!
8552813
No problem, by the way I have a slight suggestion.
Since in this fic there will be domination, I suggest you apply some dirty language.
especially with characters like rarity and flutershy.
given that they are characters that due to their personality would beat them a lot.
So what happen next?
It's good to see that you're continuing work on your story. I was saddened when the story was seemingly abandoned by you.
I'd like your permission to add your story to a group I created that houses most of the stories that involve size theft/attribute theft. Sadly we lost a few of them when Megapone seemingly disappeared from FimFiction.
I must say you've improved as a writer in the time the story was in hiatus (not to imply you were lacking as a writer during the earlier chapters, I quite enjoyed your earlier work). I did notice one grammar error during read through however. My offer to edit your work is still open even after all this time. Can't wait to see more from you.
GREAT CHAPTER, BUT A SMALL DETAIL tries to add more dialogue to the moment they match.
8562002
Thanks! Yeah, I didn't mean for it to be so long between chapters but things came up and eventually, it got to the point where I 'nearly' forgot about it, but luckily got bored one night looking through some fics and remembered this.
I'd be delighted to have my story added to the group! I still wonder whatever happened to Megapone, he was one of the first writers on here that really got me liking this site and wanting to add my own.
My improvement I chalk up to finding a program called Grammarly: it's basically an add-on that checks for spelling and grammar mistakes and highlights/fixes them for you. It's mostly free, with the more advanced fixes behind a paywall, but I found the free version to work just as well. Any other mistakes would just be my still prevalent inexperience as a writer, and I would be happy for any edits that would come my way; both to make my fic better and to see where I need to improve.
I'll say! He needs a whole writing staff to clear up his mistakes.
...I also started being more liberal with my ideas (case in point)
HEY!!! Who you calling an 'idea'?
8562317
Thanks for the tip!
Pun intended?
Shut up
8563666
A question, as we call your friend letters purple, seriously has a nice sense of black humor.
8564240
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Also, I just like the color purple. Reminds me of my first experiment: a glowing fungus that turns things inside out as well as-
MOVING ON!
8564529
BUT THAT DEVILS happened, your answer seems to have a virus I could not read almost anything.
I so hope Spike steals Blueblood's size and shows him Rarity belongs to him!
A Reckoning will not be postponed indefinitely.
Plz bro continue this story is INCREDIBILIS
Please continue the story!