• Member Since 7th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 25th, 2013

Neon


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T

What happens when your fantasy becomes a reality? The better question is...what happens when your fantasy fades away?

What happens when everything seems too good to be true...?





Special thanks to SuperSexyRainbowDash for proof-reading

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 22 )

Hope y'all enjoy! This was fun to make and it took a lot outta me. Please, a fair like/dislike

P.S. Can anybody guess the famous Brony musician's OC I used for the main character? ;3 The lyrics in this story are HIS. Not mine. Here's his YouTube. link .Sub him, he's really cool and makes amazing music.

P.S.S. Don't read the comments. Why? *SPOILERZ*

P.S.S.S.S Aw F it. Anyway, Please, if you're going to favorite the story because you like it, physically press the like button please. It helps me out a lot more if you do.

ALSO. I'm not always first comment, but when I am, I make sure it's on MY story, BWAHAHA!

hm... new story.... must read.... but later, busy atm.

Eon

That was really good, Neon!
I would be able to guess whos OC you used, I guess I will have to click the link :3
-clicks link-
Never heard of this guy.
Also, you have introduced me to a new song that I love now. Guncakes.
I think I am turning into my sister reading wise... I read the whole fic before the song finished.
Oh well.
By the way.
I am watching you because of that Assassin fic.

Well that was.... Generic.

Excuse me for being frank and possibly downright rude, but it simply seems like it's been done before. Also, suicide because loss of dreams? Surely after 13 years, there would be something to cling onto. Ponies, perhap? I mean, so you don't have Twilight as a marefriend, (which seemed a tad rushed and out of character, while I'm at it) but there's many, many seasons of MLP you've not watched. Also video games. Many, many video games. I don't see how anyone could be depressed enough to commit suicide after realizing that technology and therefore games has gone forward 13 years.

But alas, I harp on to no end. Well executed, but tired concept.

913485 Ah, I see your point, and completley respect it but, I must retort. It WAS rushed because it was MaGlone's will for it to be rushed. Twilight is the type of mare to take it slow. This wouldn't really happen. In the state of comatose, anything you want to happen in your dreams, will happen. This is called "Lucid dreaming". Anyway, he did what he did because he wakes up, paralyzed from the abs down, no parents, or friends, and he realized he's been gone for that long.I would probably kill myself too. Last thing, it's generic? Really? I haven't seen any other story with this premise before. Link please?

fan wank for Yelling at Cats + an impression of the most generic HIE +excessively cruel ending = this .

anyways my only reaction is kinda like "LOLLERSKATES generic-human woke up from his pony coma"


EDIT:

I guess you sort of intended this as a "take that" to all the bad HIEs about people getting into comas

913630 Right. A short while after I posted that I thought 'Lucid dreaming, whogivesafuck' :facehoof:

Furthermore, computers don't require legs.

Also, I was simply talking about 'human in Equestria as preceded or ending with death, etc.'

914055 Oh, yeah I know that :P that's why I thought this story would do bad because of the generic things I added. But, I understand :pinkiesmile:

913968 I don't understand, did you like the story? I mean, this story was supposed to be a serious one, not a troll fic. I wasn't really intending it to diss anybody's work either, because that would be disrespectful. I just wanted to make a story with a rather sad ending. And yes, I friggin' love Yelling At Cats XD

It didn't seem disrespectful or trollish to me. I mean, yeah, HIE's been done before, and you have to have some kind of hook to explain why you're there, but I did like the idea of getting plopped down into the middle of the Everfree - what are the chances you're going to land in front of Ponyville's Town Hall, anyway? - and this line closed the deal: "[N]ow to find the ponies I know and love and pretend like I have no idea who they are." Thumbs up.

Wow. Fuck. Feels. So many feels.

But I guess that's the truth in things, in the dream, some things just are too good to be true.
But yeah, I do kinda agree it falls under the category of wakeupfromadreamandfindoutyourdreamwasntreal. Semi-generic situation, dunno if you actually knew about this. I still liked it anyway, because wouldn't we all love to live in Equestria?

914085

I'm not a huge fan of humans-turned-pony stories. I can't say I enjoyed the story, but I won't penalize you just for writing a genre I'm not fond of. Your writing is decent enough. I guess what I was trying to say in my earlier post is that you seemed aware of many HIE cliches and lampshaded them.

on the other hand, I didn't relate to the protagonist at all, and felt zero sympathy for him.

I hope this un-garbles my previous post

915131 Yeah, it does. Thank you for having the sense for not penalizing me just for something you personally don't like. And the fact that you said you're not a fan of human-to-pony fics is the reason I thought this would get so much hate.

Again, thank you for being mature. :pinkiesmile:

Interesting. Was a little choppy to read, but I kept going because of the similarities to the dream (well, technically dreams, there were three) I had recently. No Equestria in mine, but the comatose idea was roughly the same.

Anyways, it might help if you fleshed out the descriptions and dialogue a bit more :twilightsmile: Like I said, it was choppy (At least, it was to me).

913968 I take it there are a lot of those "bad coma fics" around here? Well that makes me feel a little guilty for having this dream of mine :unsuresweetie:

915650 Yeah, sorry about that.
Jet lag + illness + the urge to finsish a story that has been in production for a while = a little choppy. I understand :pinkiesmile:

Dude that was intense, but it was very good a thumb for you my friend:ajsmug:

I think even though this one was sad this was one of your best fics yet :twilightsmile:

At the end of the story I started to choke up a little:fluttercry: I've never done that with a fanfic, this just goes to show your talent in writing! :twilightsmile:

917737 Thanks Frost! I'm glad you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

when he dies he should go back to equestria

919707 Then the ending wouldn't be the same (As in, it wouldn't have the same effect )

913485 Heck, Twilight being with anyone is a bit OOC for her. Canon Twilight, at least. Things change, though.
917737 Dat name...
amsterdamtrader.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/awjeez.jpg

Good story, I love how 'September' came on when you started talking about Tombstone (Came on as in I was listening to my music playlist on youtube) :moustache:

But especially my parents....Ooooh, how I hated them. They always tried to control my life and make it a living Hell. I'm glad I might never see my parents again.
I pondered daily if I were to die, would anybody care to notice? Probably not.

wow... sums up my life

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