• Member Since 7th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 25th, 2013

Neon


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E

*Based off of a true story*
*Image not mine*


Heroes are all around the world. Though, some of them don't get as much recognition as others. They seem like any other pony. But on the inside, they try to be as heroic as possible.

Would you try to be a hero for the ones you loved?

This is the story about a Father and a Son.

(Do NOT read comments! Spoilers!)

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 21 )

"Superdad? Can you lift this rock off of me?"
R.I.P Jackpot, 2003-2012...
Your daddy will always love you...

I... I'm broken... I'm literally broken in a thousand of pieces... all scattered around my room...

Author's Request
Please everybody, if you favorited this story because you like it, press the thumbs up button. Helps a lot. Thank you and enjoy the story!

1121757 I'm sorry :fluttershysad:

WHAT KIND OF AN ENDING IS THAT, i'm still liking because i really enjoyed it though

And then i lol'd ALL...THE WAY...HOME~ :rainbowlaugh: :pinkiecrazy:

Not very well executed. Could have been more interesting and emotional if more care was taken in the presentation. Everything happens too fast for me to feel anything for the characters. The ending doesn't really make any sense either... it just ends with Jackpot asking his dad to take the rock off of him. That's not a conclusion to anything.

I can tell this is supposed to be a eulogy for your son, and I feel for you. It's a great idea for a tearjerker, and your own personal experience with death adds a little extra element to the emotion, but you can't stop there. There needs to be a slower pace, and more description, so we can really hear, see and feel what it's like to raise a son, and then lose him tragically. Unless you do that, the only people who are going to "get it" are the ones who have been through it before. That's what a story is: you put a person through a journey they've never been on before. You show them your story, and teach them lessons.

1121934 It's ok... I guess...
Also, based on a true story? What?

1122870 Yeah, something similar happened ;~;

1122900 May i ask to who and when happened? If you're ok to talk about this...

1122614 Thank you for your honesty, I respect that. But to be blatantly honest, this didn't happen to me. I'm 14 dude XD.

Plus, I guarantee I am the worst writer you will meet. I am absolutely terrible when it comes to length and detail '~'

1122939 Bloody hell...

1122960 2001-2009, to a poor boy named Jordyn. Except he was killed by a bus that pinned him :'I

1122920

So then what was with the RIP thing at the end? Now I'm even more confused :S

1123755 It adds to the story. If it ended any differently, it would've had a different effect on the readers.

Nice job bro, once again you have made an excellent story:ajsmug:
Contine with this shit dude because you are forming talent out of this.
The story was sad, short, but sad.
And why did you incorporate RL dates into the story? Was it based off a RL event?:applejackunsure:

1127483 Yup. I said so in the description, dude.

"Superdad? Can you lift this rock off of me?"

R.I.P Jackpot, 2003-2012...

Your daddy will always love you...

Right in the feels. :fluttercry:

:pinkiesad2: Them feels :ajsleepy:

I had to think about the last few lines for a little bit, but once I got it, my heart pretty much broke in half.

Man! And my emotional trauma was just beginning to go away.:pinkiecrazy:

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