While playing in the Everfree Forest, The Cutie Mark Crusaders come across a pony nearly dead in the woods. After saving her, she decides to help them get their cutie marks. But these cutie marks seem to be a little bit... Demonic.
Chapters (3)
TheMasterofDespair
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Hmm, has potential. I'll be keeping an eye on this.
I like it. Faved.
1: Double space every time someone talks
2: pangbrag
5: Fuck if I know
958: Potatoes
naw seriously it's good n' stuff, needs a bit of grammar wurk n' stuff but it's k/
You said everyone , instead of everypony.
You know, I kinda liked the idea of the story, but then I hit this part:
Immediately as the bell rung Scootaloo (rainbow) dashed out of the classroom, leaving the rest of the class a little shaken.
That was terrible and you should feel terrible.
Well, I'm interested. Mainly because of the description; I hope you get around to writing the next chapter soon.
EDIT: At any rate, this is going on my watch list so I know when you deliver the demonic cutie marks >D
So far there are only two good things here, The Cutie Mark Crusaders and the description. How did this get featured?
this is one of those, you accepted something you really wanted from a STRANGER called BITTER SWEET. i mean come on, fail. even for kids this is fail.
it doesn't break my suspension of disbelief though. good work.
849222 The thing about it is you know the plot, the title and description give it away, just like most fanfictions. But the truth is your in for one hell of a ride.
REALLY GOOD has some potentail... make a sequel I'd love to read it!
854283 Well I'm working on chapter 2 right now
854355 yay
sweet!
Some thing feels wrong here but I can't tell what.
Wait hmmmmmmmm destruction, greed .... Mind control?
873383
Instead of mind control... Zombism
917020 yes... yes that would work... wait being undead or making the undead or just bad end from story of the blanks.
917031
How about just the bad end from story of the blanks
917040 it works.
917049
*Evil Laugh*
917088 You realize that now that we've talked about it the writer will most likely change it.
Pryomania, greed, and ... still not sure
1035699 You Almost got it, just think back to Apple Bloom's challenge in the cave. Think beyond what you see, to what she really had done. And to answer your old comment, I do not plan to change anything. Everything is as it is, and in the end it comes down to one of those two chooses, Mind Control, or Zombism, one of them is correct.
1035975
You gave hints that point to both... so I am taking a third option and say that you are telling a lie and that it is not one or the other but both.
Also I am putting my bits on the cutie marks being undone somehow.
Holly here~ I only really noticed one obvious error.
“Are you sure, we we’re told not to go there,” replied Apple Bloom.
It should be: “Are you sure, we were told not to go there,” replied Apple Bloom. Were not we are.
1073546 I did not notice that, thanks for pointing that out. I'm going to fix it right now.
1073546 Try the quotation marks, it stands out better and has become the norm for pointing out stuff in the story making it easier to see.