David, or rather Prince Artemis, faces an uncertain future. Is it possible for him to find happiness after a millenia of hatred and pain? Or will the past be a lingering shadow from which he cannot escape? Only time will tell.
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Why does Twilight know that Fluttershy must go to there?
Is Twilight also a human turn to pony?
7862114 In the episode she's super insistent about taking Fluttershy...for some reason. I was just following the script
Each of these updates are like a small present.
good job
Meh, I know it's not the fault of this story because you were just going along with what happened in the show but I still find the events and reasoning of all parties involved completely retarded and as such feel the same way about this chapter. I mean in the show we get that Fluttershy is shy (duh) and a scaredy cat but in this episode she becomes that times 1000000 for no good reason to the point where she completely ignores the advice of her friends and in the process puts everyone in danger and yet we are to believe that her entire personality can do a flip to the point where she can shout down a dragon? Nuh uh, impossible. Also why the hell does the dragon even listen to what is effectively a bite sized snack, never mind act scared of it? I could maybe, kinda, if I had to, buy it if the dragon was still acting a bit confrontational after being shouted at by a gnat but to have it completely cowed? Nope, screw off.
Like Artemis said in your chapter
The whole premise is completely idiotic.
Is it wrong that I want Artemis to relapse into a ball of justified fury?
I wonder what celestia connection to the name Artemis is?
Umm... Artemis is, as he said, a demiGOD. We've seen him and Celestia rekt an entire country size area in the Badlands.
This dragon should have been a fly... Should have just used Levitation Field on it's neck and snapped it. Even without Power, Artemis is still a killing machine with Reflexes built into his muscles. We saw him nearly explode Pinkie. It's like an Ant kicking a child's ass, that shouldn't have happened...
7862151 Let me try and get this clear. In your first statement, you acknowledge that the premise that you dislike is not the fault of the story nor the chapter; yet in the very same statement you contradict yourself and more or less call this chapter retarded, due to the premise/episode; but I digress. It all boils down to 'The chapter is retarded, but it's not the chapter's fault.'
If this is the case, I would encourage you to then not call the chapter 'retarded'. If anything, call the episode/premise retarded instead. Because that is the primary source of your disdain.
7862174 Except he wasn't sent there to kill it, was he?
I can't wait for Artemis to interact with Blue blood.
It is interesting, the whole situation and problem seems to be caused by small mistakes or miscomunnications taken while being under the assumption of doing the right thing. There is a ton of drama, and it also seems that none of the characters have reached maturity as a person, they take many meaningless actions based upon their anxities and irrational fear. This whole conflict could to be avoided if a communication is established between the parties.
The way Celestia acts with experience of thousand years is simply pathetic.
7862156
I'm kind of curious to see if he'll end up gaining control of his dark magic at some point. From the way it was described initially, it seems like it's just an emotion-based magic whose greatest danger is the fact that it's so easy to lose control and fall victim to the emotions you're using to fuel it. But the darker emotions it relies on--hate, rage, and contempt--are not inherently evil, and could be used to do a great deal of good by someone with strong convictions.
But then the question becomes: is Artemis that kind of pony? Maybe. He's been damaged and broken by the things that have happened to him, but those same scars that make him so unstable now could be the basis of great strength in the future.
7862183
Big words don't automatically mean you have a valid point, I'm sorry to say. There's no contradiction in his post at all. He's saying that the premise of the episode is bad, and therefore the chapter, which follows the same premise as the episode, is also bad. You are, of course, free to disagree with his opinion, but there's no flaw in his logic. Not only that, all of his criticisms are directed at the premise of the episode, not any of the unique events that happened in this story. In fact, the one time he did directly address something from the chapter, it was to show that one of the characters held the same opinion that he did.
7862174
Don't forget Artemis's fear. He's legitimately terrified that he'll relapse and become who he was in the last story. Besides the fact that he wasn't sent to kill the dragon, even if that had been an option I don't think he would have taken it unless one of the others was hurt or killed. His fear would have held him back.
7862209 1. Which of my words are big? I used basic vocabulary, at least I think so.
2. I know what his post said; I read it. You don't have to explain it to me. The particular contradiction I am pointing out is the simple 'I am calling this chapter retarded despite previously saying that it's not the story's fault.'
Did you even read what my post said? I basically just asked that instead of calling the chapter retarded/bad just because the premise of the episode is bad; to just call the episode bad in and of itself and leave the chapter out of it.
It's like saying MLP FIM is bad because Gen 3 was bad. Is that fair to FIM? Is calling this chapter bad fair to the chapter because he didn't like the episode? No, I don't believe so. Especially since he just said it wasn't the story/chapter's fault. ...So why call it bad/retarded then? Why compare it?
The way I read the post, is basically boiled down to 'The chapter isn't bad, but it's bad because I didn't like the episode/episode was bad.' ....What?
Do you see what I"m trying to point out now?
7862183 What? Is my comment really so complex that it needs explaining? It's not contradiction to go into detail on what I don't like about the episode that the chapter is based on. Just because it's not entirely the fault of the chapter does not mean I have to like the chapter. It's not that difficult of a concept to grasp.
7862191 He was sent there to escort people to Negotiate. And when that fails, to neutralize the threat so it didn't hurt/kill the Bearers.
And even not Lethal, he should have the strength to shut it's maw and 'Levitate' him and hold him to the ground, roof, or whatever.
And even if he couldn't, being too afraid of his own power like 7862209 said, Luna should have been able to. Especially being so old she should know all kinds of spells and how to use them both lethally and non-lethally.
7862255 ..I don't think you know what contradiction means.
Like I said on the bottom, you basically said "The chapter isn't bad, but it's bad because I don't like the episode it's based on."
I'm not saying you have to like the chapter, I just didn't appreciate it being paired with the source material, if that makes sense. Though this is fanfiction, so I guess that will happen. My apologies.
7862255 That's not what she was calling out as a contradiction, as she's pointed out already. Okay, no more guys, I don't want another argument in the comments.
7862183 personal i think this topic will go nowhere due to the fact that it is his/her opinion and as such can be based on anything, from things he/she likes, to even his/her dislikes or what he/she was raised to belive. best to just let it slide.
try countering with your own review of what you thought. for example i like the last story cus well i was bored and just idly read it. personal i think the second story is better. (especially the writing got a ton better)
7862209 same here :P
7862259 Okay then, it's clear this is going to just go in circles. If you don't like it, sorry, but it's how I wrote it. I hope you'll stick around for future chapters, but if this kills it for you I understand.
7862292 It doesn't kill it, I just get tired of people making characters, giving them very high levels of power or skills.... and then just 'forget' they are so powerful and have them lose, or get taken out by something much more weaker easily.
I mean, a Dragon, just 1 dragon, hurt Artemis badly. Why was Celestia afraid of him? She would be able to snap him like a twig if he was that weak. They went into the Badlands and destroyed it, that's a LOT of power. And yet 1 dragon is able to very easily cripple him... It just doesn't add up. Especially with TWO people of such power being there, and they couldn't do anything and Fluttershy had to step in?
I'll keep reading, but it felt more like you were forcing Artemis and Luna into the Show's episode and forcing it to end the exact same way.
7862267
OK, fine, take the fun out of it why don't you. One last thing.
7862266
OK for one, I did not say the chapter isn't bad, I just said that it wasn't the fault of the chapter that it was, it's the fault of the episode that is based on. If the episode had been done better and the story was still based on that episode then this chapter would have been more enjoyable for me. The chapter still contained the same events and had the same conclusion that I had issues with in the episode.
I think I understand now, is the problem about an instance of bad sentence structure in my original comment? It's the only thing that makes sense to me right now as I feel I made my point quite clear. Apologies for not excelling in English class at high school if that is the case.
7862303 Thing is, though, there's an actual narrative reason why Aretmis fears his powers. He doesn't want to lose control and be a monster again. He also has six other mares there too and he probably didn't want to risk harming them as well with his powers if they were to go out of control.
Also, Artemis was distracted when he got hurt, I believe.
On the flip side, if characters never forget they're strong, then they'll be considered a Gary Stu/Mary Sue. Authors just can't win. :P
7862320 Your forgetting part of my 'arguement'. You just explained away Artemis. But you haven't explained away LUNA who is also there, and doesn't fear herself or her own powers like he does.
You are so amaZing!!!!!! :)
7862337 I have an explanation. I'm not perfect. The character didn't forget, I did. Can we drop this now?
7862316 Well, I don't think the sentence structure is bad per say; I believe I just interpreted it wrong. I do that sometimes. It's all good.
7862348 Very well. Just try to remember. You set him up to be epic, so the 'Conflicts' and 'Challenges' have to either match it, go around it, or be resolved without it.
You set up a challenge here where you pit his Strength vs someone else's strength who is weaker, much much weaker, and yet made him lose somehow.
Instead, the 'Conflicts' should focus on things his epic strength can't fight. Such as his internal fears and feelings, his feelings and situation with Luna and such. The other parts of the story are good, as it gives him conflicts he can't resolve by just using his vast strength to solve it.
My other suggestion is to not just follow the show's episodes and force Artemis and Luna into them and have them go pretty much the same way. With this newest chapter, it pretty much went the exactly the same way. Fluttershy was still forced along. The Mane 6 were still called to deal with the dragon, and in the end Fluttershy still ended the conflict in the exact same way.
I'm not saying don't do the different Episodes if you want. Just do them in different ways, if Artemis and Luna get involved. Like in this Chapter, Fluttershy could have been left behind, and Luna could have talked to the Dragon as a Princess of Equestria, and then smacked it around some if/when it didn't listen. Things like that. Same event, just different outcomes or setups.
Reading the exact same thing as the Episode, with little difference, isn't that fun and hundreds, if not THOUSANDS of Humans in Equestria, or OCs in Ponyville stories have don't exactly that. It's pretty much the lowest and most basic thing you can 'clone' from other stories just with a different skin. Don't do that, be different!
Tune in next time, more broken bones and both lungs collapsed
...Celly is manipulating her sister, maybe?
Why am I not surprised...
7862374 Keep in mind, this isn't a power creep story. And as I said earlier; Artemis has a constant inner conflict going on even through that fight with the dragon. Also, who is to say Dragons are weak in FIM? But in either case, near the end of the chapter, Flutter came in AFTER the dragon was subdued. They actually beat it's ass and THEN flutter came in to make it go away.
So while it ended the same as the show, the way it got there was at least different.
And as Crensler said, this is now dropped.
Some people say having a character reenact episodes long side the Mane 6 is arrogant and pretentious.
To them I say "Hah!"
Loved it! I want more!
Also am I the only one feeling a vibe between him and
It's early, I know but I could get behind that.
Artemis' thoughts: "Hatred for Celestia intensifies"
Is it wrong that I want to see Artemis relapse and just... dispense with Celestia's bullshit, and dethrone her out of utter spite?
I like how this chapters sets up a lot of things for the future. Nymph's butsecks of Canterlot, Blueblood's confrontation with Artemis... I kindda like to see them both meet at a bar and equaly depressed.
Also: Applejack's patriotism showed as a negative factor. I like this for some reason.
7862156 Save that for this guyvignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/8/82/Tirek_with_orbs_showcasing_each_of_the_pony_races_S4E26.png/revision/latest?cb=20140512124651
7862513 I'd say have an alternate ending/one-shot to this story where he does just that for those like yourself wanting it.
7862383 She's gotten too used to wearing the mask over time. She has forgotten how to take it off, even with the little family she has.
Frankly, the Celestia of this story is hard to like, which I assume is deliberate. If Artemis does not throw her hypocrisy back into her face when he sees her, he is missing a golden opportunity.
MOAR
Arty and Luna missed the obvious solution.
Unhitch the four guards from their chariot, and bring them along to handle wrangling the civilians out of harms way. Would have let the alicorns focus on the dragon without distractions.
7862826 And have to give them hazard pay? Pfft, screw that
7862845 I KNEW IT! Always so budget-conscious, those bureaucratic desk jockeys... at least until it's a project THEY like, then it's blank checks and kickbacks.
Also quite a good chapter. I liked how you integrated the canon with the story. Loved how he used the Rogue Squadron approach to taking down quadrupeds. I hope we get a chance to see him explain that one.
And finally, Artemis is genuinely concerned with the well-being of the ponies, aww. It's only a matter of time until he becomes ONE OF US. ONE OF US. The moment when he realizes how much he's really starting to care about the ponies around him is going to be delicious as he flips out.
I thought that said last installment and had a mini heart attack.
Rancid fart - Imagine that after-diarrhea smell.
Rotten eggs - Had my fair share of them. Wore a gas mask for a few days while using Febreeze.
Cat piss - I cleaned litter boxes, so...
...In any case, the toilet is calling for my stomach.
7862513 He lacks the will to live necessary to do such a proactive thing, though laying into her? He could (and hopefully will soon) do that.
7862845
I just think the best revenge Arty could have on Celestia at this point is doing a better job looking after her ponies than she does.
So I'm sad because he didn't even try to circumvent her bad plan.
7862173
Something to do with "James West" perhaps? ♪♫
Ohhh all caught up in this amazing story. Down side to having 400 plus stories in your to read is it takes a while to find gems like this series.
The preening scene.,. Hehehe still makes me chuckle. You know somepony is going to throw that in his face sometime. Probably after a couldn't imagine ever being w a pony comment.
As for this chapter there was no real way to fix the episode without going way off script as the episode it's self is broken. Part of you knows she's just so focused on pleasing Celestia that she misses Fluttershy's fear but.... Ug ya they all should have noticed and let her stay home. The only thing that might salvage it would be an extend d scene with Artimis talking to Flutters and friends, prompting them to offer letting her go back, with our favorite yellow pony refusing to leave her friends when they might need her.
But I have no illusions as to the crap ton of work that would be and say this chapter is fine as is. I'm loving the characterizations of all the characters and am continuesly drawn into the story with all of their struggles.
Than you for wrighting this.