Twilight slowly falls in love with Discord after unceremoniously being banned with him outside of Equestria. She learns to live with him as they encounter monsters on their perilous journey to find a place to belong outside of Equestria. Twilight must hide her weakness from Disco, and when he discovers it, he accepts who she is.Meanwhile, Twilight's friends go in search of her... Unfortunately, Celestia is upset that they haven't destroyed each other yet, so she sets a great trial over Dizzy... he must take care of the mane 6, as foals... Celestia thinks that she has this in the bag, but... DOES SHE?
Chapters (2)
Pills here!
Now there's a real Odd Couple, though if I may suggest that you start a new alinea whenever somepony talks? Right now it's bunched up and that makes it harder to read.
Other than that, I liked it.
You switch between time tenses, making this very hard for me to read. Paragraphs should be spaced out to prevent making the readers' eyes suffer. Start new paragraphs when dialogue is introduced or switches over to another character. This seems like an interesting idea, but could use some work.
this is the first story that has acttualy allowed me to read and thats weird all the others 502 errors good work by the way hope to see more from you soon have a good day and night
I'm kind of expecting something like this to occur
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5h9r3rHCc1r6rv1xo1_500.png
841507 oh thanks. I just kinda wrote everything down, but didn't think about spacing. I will space my next chapter and make it easier to read
not much longer, I know I know. Hopefully my chapters will get longer as they go. Be patient with me please. And comment. I need to know what I'm doing wrong.
841632 tht's actually a good idea, but if i do it, it will have to come later in the story.
please make sure you have something when somepony talks it is like this "Hi i'm a pony." and not like this...." Hi i'm a pony. " KAYYYYYYYY?
it gets confusing!
Looking forward to seeing where you're going with this
*likes*
just one thing though: in the second to last paragraph you put "grown" but I think you meant the word "groan".
hmmm... the pills have me curious...
842354 thanks. I completely missed that
842479 Not a problem.
You also did a similar thing in chapter 2 seven paragraphs fromt he end. you put "sieze" instead of "cease".
Neat! Keep going, please!
What's next?! I want to KNNOOOOOWWWW!!!!!
Cool story, by the way
Didn't Twilight just describe earth?
845336 well yes and no. I mean, I wanted to make this story more realistic. There HAS to be murder and stealing and all the vices in a real world, even if it IS Equestria. well... I thought so anyway.
THAT'S how you have to do it Twilight. You have to show him the negative side and effects of the the chaos he brings.
842020 "Rest assured, the next one will be a doozy" LIES! XD Too bad, too; I wanted more to read of this =(
It's really good so far! Honestly, I'd say the only thing you're doing wrong is not producing enough =P
"eat rainbows, and maybe even poop butterflies!" Is that perhaps a Horton Hears A Who reference?
849115
Noooooo... of COURSE NOT! What made you think it was?!
ehehe... yes my friend, it is. I dunno if it was a good idea or not, but i felt like writing it in, and... well, yeah...
842547 I've got the feeling you like Discord stories since that's now two recent Discord stories that weren't at the top (next to logo).
Also, about this story, DISCOLIGHT
857998 Yup, not ashamed of it
Like the story so far!
Just so you know Twilight said 2 rule 3's
873227 hehehe... thanks. I'm surprised no one else has pointed it out yet
I LOVE Discolight!
Please update soon! Your description was quite interesting...
DISCO FEVER!
OOOOOOH YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! ITS THE DREADED DISCO FEVER !!!!!
(MLP:FiW reference)
Why do I say this things?