One and only
There was something sour in the tea. Or the tea itself? Twilight wasn`t sure. Tea, apparently, was the one of the few outlets Fluttershy allowed herself to just be free of anything with. As such, any tea one could partake in at Fluttershy`s was one of a kind, unique, never to be reproduced... experience.
"Can you ran that by me again?" - she inquired curiously, eyeing yellow pegasus cautiously. While Fluttershy was obviously not on the Rarity`s level of gossiping, she did enjoy sharing an odd tidbit every now and then. Like today.
"Mm, yes, isn`t it wonderful? Rainbow Dash has a new, um, coltfriend? Malefriend? Maybe? I`m not sure what I should call them..." - as usual, Fluttershy petered off, her exuberant beginning winding into a whispered squeak.
"Yes, this is fine. Fantastic. I`m glad for Dash. Really, I am. But what was that you said about her, ahem... prospective romantic interest`s species?" - inquired purple princess incredulously, her cup wobbling as she tried to reconcile the sleek and usually quite neat (despite all claims to tomboyishness, Rainbow Dash always cleaned up in style, at least) form of her friend with hoary hirsute massive... eh...
"Oh, oh yes! So, so.. yay! I knew that she could do it! Just imagine, Twilight! It could be a cultural breakout! No more "pets", we can finally accept our wild brethren as our equals! I mean, if an element bearer could find it in her heart to date a warthog, what possible excuse could regular ponies have?" - gushed Fluttershy excitedly, her cup almost falling as she swung it around in excitement. Thankfully, the tea in it was already drained.
Carefully catching both cups and setting them aside carefully, Twilight shook her head. "While I`d like to offer my support and acceptance towards your enthusiasm for the topic, I have a distinct feeling we`re not quite getting the full picture yet. I mean, we don`t even know the name of this elusive coltfriend." - she offered cautiously. Fluttershy`s excitement, however, was quite unsinkable.
"Oh, yeah, heard all `bout that, pardner." - offered apple pony lazily, spitting out a sprig as she fell in step with her purple friend on the way back to Ponyville - "Right burly fella, to hear tha filly gushin` `bout him. Now, ah dinnae caught much, cause ya know how RD gets when she`s all a`flutter, but I did catch the name of her new guypal. Seems like he goes by tha name of Aten. Ain`t pony name, ah suppose, but then again, it ain`t none of my business whom RD finds her jollies with, amirite?"
Twilight had nothing to add to that.
"Ooh, of course I heard ALL about it, darling. So romantic!" - and, of course, Rarity would be the most informed of all of them. Barring Pinkie, obviously, but figuring out what Pinkie knew was always easier from a hindsight perspective. In any way, Twilight simply gave a smile and sipped her cider daintily, giving Rarity a chance to spill the beans on the latest hottest gossip that just happened to have blue coat, outrageous manedo and reply to the name Rainbow Dash.
"Applejack said the mysterious beau is called Aten." - she offered cautiously, watching Rarity`s reaction. She was not disappointed - fashionista looked positively stung at the very idea her best rival could possibly be informed about something so, so... so... so... So... Argh.
"Aten? Really? Dear, surely, you jest. It`s not a name, it`s a nickname. You know, like everypony called Applejack Appletini after she had that run-in with poison joke? No, most assuredly not. But I have had managed to learn the real name through my sources, and believe you me, Twilight, it`s quite more intriguing then you`d think. Apparently, our dearest tomboy friend have had managed to catch an eye of an aristocrat with a pedigree. Because, darling, brace yourself. The real name is Fairchild Thunderbolt the Second." - wow. Really wow. A third relevant piece of information. Warthog, Aten, Fairchild Thunderbolt the Second.. All of it was beginning to fold into some kind of pattern, but what? Twilight wasn`t sure, but she had a hunch she would find the end result to be... disturbing.
"What`s this, Pinkie?" - she inquired curiously, poking the black book-like thing cautiously. Pinkie Pie beamed.
"A netbook!" - she announced giddily, cracking the object open like a book. Much to Twilight`s surprise, the interior was more reminiscent of a typewriter, al... oh, wait, wait, no. NO. NO please Celestia NO. NOOOO!
"Pinkie. Did you go behind the mirror into the human world?" - Twilight inquired bitterly, biting her lip at the thought of interdimensional disaster that would be sure to follow in the wake of such a foolhardy action.
"Nope! Oh, wait, I totally forgot to tell you, Twi-twi! It`s a present from Sunset Shimmer and all of us but not really us from behind the mirror. They said Sunset figured out how to connect this thing to the.. Uh... Intertube thingy. Or something. Sunny said something about "the grand sum of knowledge the mankind possesses", but I was too busy thinking what flavor cupcakes they`d like the best!" - trust Pinkie to be scatterbrained about the most interesting things, indeed.
Exasperated, Twilight peered into the thing. Apparently, it was some kind of technological artifact. Thankfully, Sunset was thoughtful enough to attach an instructional checklist.
"Hey, Twi-twi, why don`t you use this thingy to look up Dashie`s coltfriend? I mean, if this thing knows everything mankind does, then it definitely knows everything about him, right?" - and then again, Pinkie goes and gives her an idea terrifying in it`s profound impact.
She was staring at the page in mute terror. Apparently, the Internet really knew a thing or two about Rainbow Dash`s new coltfriend. Including the proper name. Which, apparently, was Fairchild Republic A-10 Thunderbolt II, commonly nicknamed "Warthog". Dimly, Twilight`s ears registered a distant rolling roar. With a great difficulty, she tore her eyes from the screen, and peered into the sky above Everfree. Her alicorn sight could just barely make out the speck of blue with rainbowy highlights frolicking around much larger and much more angular shade of grey.
"...What the actual fuck." - said Twilight Sparkle with a feeling.
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Wait, a Warthog?
Can we call it a Puma? It looks more like a Puma :P
7485739 i get the reference
7485765 it had to be done.
Well, at least it wasn't John Cena again.
7485739 What the Sam Hill is a puma?!
7486162 it's a big cat, you know?
7486174 You're makin' that up.
7486177 I'm telling you, it's a real animal!
7486191 Simmons, I want you to poison Griff's next meal!
"Yes, sir!"
You see these two tow-hooks? They look like tusks. Now what kind of animal has tusks?
7486206 a walrus
7486209 Didn't I just tell you to stop makin' up animals?!
A fighter jet, Rainbow Dash? You can do so much better than that.
Alucard: The Lockheed SR71 Blackbird. A reconnaissance aircraft with a top of mach 3 and a maximum altitude of 85,000 feet!
You know an awful lot about it, Alucard.
Alucard: Do you even read my Christmas list?!
Applejack. Said. Dinnae. That was weird, though kinda funny for how jarring it was! Story overall? Characterisation was quite good, (Pardon the dinnae disaster, I dinnae think it was real when I saw it.) the comedy though, it didn't quite hit home for me, nor did the ending. (Though humour IS subjective! So someone else may get more out of this story than I did. ) Mostly I kinda just went through the story. That was that, it was done when it was done. Not that it was an unpleasant experience, just not really engaging, y'know? Fun idea though! Props for that!
7488392
Since I`m not quite privvy to english accents and argos, I sometimes do give Apples odd words to say. Not exactly intentional, but I`ve been told that my idea of Southern drawl can vary from accurate to scottish to aussie to cockney to just plain gibberish.
As for plot? It was literally a "alright, watch this" in response to some idle chat conversation about shipping RD with everything and the kitchen sink. Since I`m usually a stickler for reasonable, some "you can`t do that" sentiments were expressed, and this is a retort. Don`t expect too much, I literally threw it together in like half an hour.
7489004 Ah yes, I getcha! I've wrote a story like that once too! And about the dialect stuff, I totally understand, plus I did find it pretty funny. I love Scottish people! Still, pretty good story!
I knew it! I knew it! I freaking knew it! Human tag? Rainbow Dash dating a "warthog"? Ha! You don't slip that one by someone who pumped a hundred hours into A-10 Tank Killer II as a kid!
7486209 7486404
Hey! What are you guys talking about?
7505084
Yeah, I didn`t exactly bother to hide this all that much. Just "warthog" alone from Fluttershy may have been insufficient, but when Applejack namedrops "Aten", it`s kind of a no-brainer from there. Rarity`s aristocratic ideas about the name are simply fluff on top of that.