I like MLP, and I am not that great of a writer so if you read my story just remember that i am a beginner at this
What happens when Sunset has a nightmare that deals with her past before she came to the human world all those years ago?, will the retelling of her past cause all of the negative feelings to return? and Can Fluttershy help Sunset let go of the negatives feelings after hearing her past?
Thank you to Magenta Shadow for the title name idea
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Normally I wouldn't be this harsh but your title is enough to push away anyone who would read your story.
You should fix this first or no one will take the actual story seriously.
An Unfulfilled Past would be a good alternative.
7439695 thank you for the comment
The first chapter is a bit confusing, yet it's ending is somewhat sweet. I will keep track.
7443212 yea I didn't know how to exactly to start it off, I actually wrote a rough draft of this story in april and I was constantly making changes to it trying to make good, to be honest I re-wrote the first chapter 3 times and this is the 3rd version because I trying the to find the best way to segway into the beginning of my version of Sunset's past. So it's going to seem confusing in some parts but did make myself go crazy trying to make the story as good as possible, so at least I didn't just settle on the first idea I had
your dialog is not natural any time a new person speaks start a new paragraph
7449250 alright I fixed it so the dialog is easy to read, thanks for the help i've been driving myself mad trying to get this story to be good, ever since I wrote a rough draft of the story in April
uh how did she get a sun based cutie mark for that
7542292 because the bond between Sunset and Ruby has become stronger and shining bright like a sun, I know it's extremely cheesy, however one of the reasons why it took over a month to get chapter 3 out, because I was trying to make sure the story wasn't making people bored and so I've been trying to make sure it says interesting.
7542311 ok then but dont put so much pressure on your self let the story flow aroudn the writers block
If this chapter seems weird in a way that's because I started writing this one at 4:30 in the morning and finished it at 6:30 am so yea
good chapter thoe a bit short
also susnets dad is an ass
7574234 well in chapter 2 Malachite and Rose said they want their family to be stable and balanced, pretty much a perfect family, but what happened was even to much for Rose. Also the reason why it's short is because I did start writing this chaper at 4:30am when I couldn't sleep and I was going to add more to the chapter, but I was getting tired so I found a place I could end the chapter.