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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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AWSOME
7536316 What's a Naotsugu?
How can Spike be a dragon and a human at the same time?
AWWWW YISSSS!! Spike gets all the ladies. I was quite surprised that Winter Silk was the Goddess. Then again, i suppose many deities would get bored fast without sex. But more than that, I'm surprised that the trials didn't last longer and that Garble didn't try to backstab Spike. I even thought he would have tried to sneak past them both to get the blade. It's not an unwelcome twist, just an odd one.
7597591 The technique he's using doesn't turn him completely into a dragon. He's merely emulating some of their characteristics.
7597695 I admit that I glazed over the part where he was in the woods. My goal was to put the entire Gauntlet all into one chapter. I hope that it didn't feel too rushed, I mean it was 8000 words. I also wanted to make Garble a redeemable character. The healing spell that was used on his crushed leg took a lot out of him. And I imagine him seeing Spike and Torch fight didn't make him very anxious to double cross either of them.
7597817 it just seems weird to me that someone who would boast of their strength like him would pull a 180 like that. Would've been nice to see some karmic justice, but it's your decision.
Just wow.
Please don't tell me the story is about to end. I want to see Ember meet the Mane 6! That and have Spike and Ember marry!
I really would hit Spike if I was Ember. That is harsh what spike said.
well well well you have made it a little more clear on why see can't have kids. But that do not mean that she can't make it so she can.
and on that note you have gained my respect like some other writers, but don't think about slacking off that would be bad for other readers.
Okay, uh... I got some problems.
I don't think I like Spike with Winter. If for no other reason than... I mean... what actually puts them in "love"? Winter has consistently been interested in Spike sexually, but other than that it's been what is more obviously a friendship. Other than the physical attraction, what attracts them to each other, even if they don't know it?
And, of course, because Winter is Delmira, goddess of dragons, it sorta becomes more egregious that they fell in love basically by surprise. I could expect Delmira to see Spike as an amusing mortal she'd like to guide, an interesting partner, and someone she cares for but not in an intense romantic way... but I'm struggling to see her taking Spike as "seriously" as the same sort of love and lifelong companion that he would have with Ember... I guess, if you're a mortal with an immortal, but already with a mortal, the rules sorta change.
I guess it's not something that you can't make up for later. though, depending on how close we are to the end.
Nor am I really down with how quickly Garble changed everything... I like the general idea of Garble actually becoming a bit more humble and deciding Spike isn't that bad of a guy, but the more specific part of "Garble pledging himself to Spike" or overall becoming quite as chummy as he did get feels like stretching it.
Could Garble perhaps be a bit more Tsundere of a nonromantic variety? "I-it's not like I respect you or anything, baka!"
... I'll say some good things. I think it's a little late coming but I'm liking the difference between Equestria and the Wyverti when it comes to camaraderie, and Spike trying to do teamwork (although failing), but... It's a little out of nowhere too. Like, you could have been building up that the Wyverti were more distant than Equestrians, but mostly it's been about how Spike is coping with seeing sexy naked women all the time...
Okay okay okay, actual positivity: The fight was good. It was desperate, even though Spike didn't get hurt very much (because it was clear one hit would be death), and I particularly like the time you said that Spike would be very proud of himself for casting what he could, if he had the energy to be.
I can't help but feel... slightly disappointed with how this chapter went.
Don't get me wrong, I like the ideas that went into it, and they all came at the right time... That said--
I just wasn't feeling this. And it started around the part with the Nagaradon.
Now don't get me wrong, I did like the sequence that it had, but I felt like this short-changed too many of the competitors, for the sake of Spike. I mean, these are FAR more experienced Wyvertii males, who are either Spike's age, or further along the maturity ladder, physically.
They went down like chump change. Like, I feel as if, Spike could have simply come here, and done the challenge, and the outcome wouldn't have changed.
I mean, I find it hard to believe that out of TWENTY (That number alone is sketchy af) males, that Spike and Garble (Who gets a cheesy change of heart) are the only ones who made it to the other side. It just makes me feel like this was all set up for Spike to dominate, and gain feats under his belt, rather than having a competition between him and his other Wyvertii brethren. I feel disappointed by not even seeing any real competition show up. Besides Garble, who became a moot point, we got nothing really challenging Spike's view of himself here.
Then there's the Garble redemption, and well, I feel like this was a conversation that came from a slightly date episode of Hey Arnold. That' both good and bad, because Hey Arnold is awesome. Yet, it's a cartoon kind of awesome, and that paints a picture man.
The Torch confrontation... Could have, and SHOULD have, been far longer. Spike's way of just being able to use this newfound transformation at will like that, felt so WRONG. That should have been the moment that Torch RELEASED it in Spike, but he'd gt better at being able to do it himself, over time.
Their fight didn't last long enough for me to believe that Spike should have been able to have stood toe to toe with Torch at all. It was too short, and felt VERY cliche near the end. Come on man, don't have them ANNOUNCE that they're near the end of their stamina, and make it a beam contest. Make that shit sound chummy, but at the same time implying the same things. I can see SPIKE saying he's near the end of his ropes, but not Torch. That whole confrontation just felt forced.
Last, but not least, the whole thing with Delmira being Winter Silk... Look, I get you're going for a mystic feel here, and all, but the second a goddess starts saying the words "I told myself that I wasn’t going to get too attached to you but… damn it all! Goddesses aren’t supposed to fall in love with mortals, yet here I am.", I'm gagging. Mostly because I know where this is heading.
I did not like this chapter. I'm sorry, but this all just went in fifty different directions, when you had the perfect opportunity to make it epic.
Yes it's still incomplete keep going more adventure for the dragon lord yaaay omg love this work really best spember I have seen...
7598288 The problem is: people have such wildly varying degrees of expectations when it comes to the more action heavy sequences in stories. I knew that when I wrote this it would be a love/hate sort of chapter. I can respect that you didn't like it, but I've had a long standing policy of "No Reader Pandering" ever since I wrote my story about a misplaced Roman.
In fact, I got so tired of people complaining that I didn't do things in such an exact way that I gave up writing it entirely. To put it bluntly: action scenes are some of the most difficult things for me, as a writer, to compose. All I can say is that I'm sorry you didn't like it, but I'm not changing anything.
7598274 The threeway Relationship between Delimra, Spike, and Ember is not designed to foster conflict or drama. I know that quite a few people feel it was out of the blue that I included it, but this was an idea I toyed with since the very beginning of the story. Since we aren't anywhere near the end of the story, I can easily shed more light as to the reasons why Spike and Delmira feel the way they do towards one another.
With Garble, I think I probably should have handled his interactions with the other characters in this chapter a bit differently. Granted, I'm not going to go back and rewrite it... but I didn't think that people were going to be so critical about his pledge. I make mistakes when writing, and that just happened to be one of them. All I can do now is roll with it.
7599029
Recognizing that your strong suit isn't action, is fine, but this these kinds of confrontation do have a reason for expectancy.
Torch is the "Last Boss", so to speak, of this fic. Surely a battle, even a not fully serious one, with him and the Main character should have some form of indulgence in the writing. I'd EXPECT expectations for a confrontation like this. That all said and done, the fact that Spike won, is still the biggest problem I have with this.
There's honestly no way Spike should have won. He got hits in, sure, but There's no possible way for it to be justified that he'd beat Torch in... Well any category, save for one he might have specialized in, and possibly intelligence.
To put into Perspective: Ichigo Kurosaki from Bleach. He's got an enormous potential for getting stronger in a short amount of time, yet, you don't see him win his fights with the true "Big Bosses" without some sort of advantage. Hell, if we want to be fair, he didn't really beat Byakuya, without the aid of his inner Hollow. Though We could all blame his arrogance mostly, especially when he could have ended the fight from the very beginning.
TL:DR? just because it's not your strong suit, doesn't mean it shouldn't get at least, all the effort you can put into it. This is what research is for. Every aspect of a fic you write, should have the care afforded to all its parts.
Also, for the people who downvoted my comment. Why don't you actually state why you disagree, like the author did, and stop being cowards.
As far as I'm concerned I've got 1 upvote, and one downvote for my previous one. Don't want to debate? Lick my socks, because don't I give two damns, for people's who opinion don't agree with mine, over constructive criticism.
7598288 Well now I have nothing much to add. But yeah, I agree.
7599303
Thank you for being reasonable.
can't wait to see ember's reaction to spike falling in love with her friend
I didn't see that one coming, even if it was very possible...
7599047
I don't necessarily expect it to specifically generate drama... although I'd be lying if I wanted everything to immediately fall into place with no growth or learning more about each other/themselves, etc etc. Lighthearted romance stuff.
And I'm not asking you to change things (it's an awkward position when someone I'm not prereading for makes nongrammar changes due to my comments) but at the same time I will deliver criticism when I've got it, and I hope you listen to the parts that you find reasonable.
7599637 I'm not saying that your concerns weren't valid, and I do appreciate the constructive criticism. It's just that I've learned in the past that trying to rewrite a chapter due to reader comments is a slippery slope that I'd rather not slide down. All I can do from this point forward is try to write better chapters in the future.
Trust me, this will be a work in progress. Ember is (at least initially) not going to be very happy about Spike & Delmira's feelings towards one another. But on the other hand, polygamy is not entirely unheard of in Wyvertii society. Granted, they aren't going to immediately start tearing each other apart, but there is going to be some tension, experimentation, and eventually acceptance.
I thought that noone died at the Gauntlet of Fire. Wasn't that hammered in from the beginning?
7600135 Fighting to the death in the Gauntlet of Fire was forbidden.
I never said anything about environmental hazards.
7600194
7600194 oh
Oooooh shiiii~
Spike be straight pimpin' now!
orig12.deviantart.net/8ffb/f/2016/107/6/2/dragon_lord_spike_by_pixelkitties-d9z81w9.png
7598288 I agree. This chapter felt a bit... rushed, I suppose. Everything just seemed to resolve a bit too quickly and neatly.
Nice story so far, I like it.
I was wondering when you think the next chapter would be up. Your estimated date or time other than that great story
7658815 With the CMC story I'm currently co-authoring and Jewel of the Jungle, it's probably going to be a little while before I get the chance to work on this. I really can't give you a precise date, unfortunately.
Thanks for the update good luck on your other one
Would like an update on the 29th
maybe for the next chapter spike and ember do it in there dragon forms
7696773 Only Spike and Torch can do that. And it isn't a complete transformation. They only take on certain aspects of dragons.
Update please
7751120 I've been working on it. The next chapter is a little over half way done.
Not gonna lie, I honestly thought that Garble was gonna grab the blade while Spike and Torch were having their battle.
Okay the first part was all right but when it got to garble it just went straight down hill.
dude, you just killed a hydra equivalent all by yourself. if you don't declare yourself a one woman man every unattached female will throw themselves at your feet begging to be let in your harem.
9516462
Well! Apparently he's a One Princess and Goddess man. But it appears he has enough room in his heart for two.
This was epic and sweet and beyond I'm so happy and pumped for Spike. Hopefully they can have a way for both girls to have his baby's
This fic went from a 6.5 to a solid 8, the only thing that bother me a little was the lack of foreshadowing of Spike’s feelings toward winter. It kind of came out of the blue. ( it’s forgivable do because I shipped them since the start)
9 out of 10