The Cutie Mark Crusaders have been friends ever since they first meet each other. But when Applebloom and Scootaloo get into SweetieBelle's diary, that friendship will be put to the test.
Cover image (c) NaterRang of deviantart
Chapters (1)
crimsonbrony2507
Joined 23rd Jan, 2012 ·
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Interesting idea, just needs a more fluid format
Your grammar could use a little work. But other than that, I enjoyed reading this story.
Nice job.
Hmm... Sequel?
GOT DAMN THATS COLD!
4 things that bother me :
1st : Sweetie Belle is spelled in 2 words, not one.
2nd : I hope your lasagna is veterian, cuz ponies don't eat meat.
3rd : You keep switching from past to present verb tenses and vice-versa.
4th : I've noticed some punctuation mistakes.
For the first paragraph, you need to find out if your writing in the present-tense or the past-tense.
Other than that, I loved the idea and The story. Nice work
752396 well everybody makes mistakes and we learn from them, its a part of life after all
Lol!
You need to improve your grammar and style, but i like yours story anyway. Here, Have an upvote.
A for story idea, D for execution.
Within the first paragraph you had already switched tenses twice, i think. But i see people have already pointed that out.
Another thing is that tone needs to be improved, but that probably blends with my next point.
The story felt really rushed to me. Events moved too quickly, and the dialog seemed choppy.
Other than those points i liked the story.
Cutie Mark Crusaders Hog Tiers!
752424
I think he was being nice, more than degrading you. Just giving some advice. I mean, hey, it is a cute story. But..the grammar isn't that good. Work on it, and you could go places.
Lol, somehow I think AJ had something to do with naughty Applebloom's misfortune,
images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/28200000/Big-Macintosh-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-28275912-473-358.png
AJ... what you doing carryin' a bowl full of warm water towards where Applebloom is sleepin?
uuuuummmm...
images.wikia.com/mlp/images/2/2d/Applejack_Corrupted.png
nuthin....
Tense mistakes, a few spelling errors, and it could have flowed better, but other than that, it was pretty good. Though, I was figuring on more embarrassing things from them, especially Scoots. Sleeping with stuff animals? Hell, I'm 20 and I sleep with Pinkie, Twilight and Dashie. Before that, it was 2 foxes and a coyote. That's pretty low-key, really. But still, good story, pretty amusing.
not bad
good oneshot ^_^
First favorite! Yeah!
....heh....vengeance....
*cough* oh sorry was that out loud? my bad
Good story though
....hmhmhm...vengeance....