Chapter 3: Dentist Who
Adagio Dazzle let out a long irritated sigh, inhaled, and then shouted with all her might in a commanding tone, “DAAAAAAAAZZZZLINGS!”
Sonata stopped chewing on Adagio’s hair and Aria and Applejack ceased fighting. Flash Sentry turned from Sunset to look at Adagio, and even Sunset pulled her head out from under the car to see what was happening.
“ASSEMBLE!”
Sonata quickly sidestepped so she was in front of Adagio. Aria, bruised and battered as she was, quickly detached herself from an equally-injured Applejack, ran across the parking lot, and stood next to Sonata.
A quizzical expression on her face, Sunset stood up as Applejack walked over to her and Flash.
“The heck is goin’ on?” Applejack asked.
Sunset shook her head. “I don’t know. I’ve never seen them do this before.”
“Alright, Dazzlings!” Adagio said in a tone reminiscent of that of a drill sergeant. “We’re stepping into unknown territory here and we need to be in control!”
Sunset sighed. “Well, this won’t end well.”
“The plan is simple!” Adagio continued. “Attack pattern alpha!”
Before Sunset, Applejack, or Flash could react, the three Dazzlings got into formation with Adagio in front and Aria and Sonata flanking her. Adagio threw open the wooden double doors to the dentist’s office. The Dazzlings walked in and began singing with all the melodic harmony of a trio of sick cats in the act of being flogged by wet potato sacks.
Their cheeks turning bright red, the three girls rushed out in record time as the doors closed behind them.
Flash’s eyes shot open wide. “Did they just…”
Sunset sighed. “Yep.”
Applejack turned to look at Sunset with the same look of surprise as Flash. “Even though we…”
“Yep,” Sunset repeated.
“HOW DID BOTH OF YOU FORGET WE CAN’T SING?!” Adagio snapped.
“US?!” Aria fired back. “You’re the one who suggested attack pattern alpha in the FIRST place.”
“Hey,” Sonata interjected, “did y-ow-u t-ow ever think that maybe if we just practice a bit, we’d be able to d-ow s-ow-ngs and stuff—”
“Stop saying nonsense!” Adagio interrupted. “What we need is a new plan!”
Sonata piped up. “H-ow-lding pe-ow-ple for rands-ow-me until we get what we want!” she said in excited, if pained tone.
Aria nodded. “I like it.”
“SWEET LORD, NO!” Sunset shouted.
Adagio shook her head. “Too extreme! We need to try subtlety first.”
“Oh, thank GOD!”
Sonata and Aria let out disappointed “Awww”s.
Adagio stroked her chin thoughtfully for a moment. “But yanno what…?” She pointed at Sonata. “Plan ‘B’.”
“YAY!” Sonata exclaimed as Aria smirked.
“OH GOD, WHY?!”
Aria thought for a second. “Uh…. Shock and annoy!”
Sonata began to clap her hands. “Sh-ow-ck and ann-ow-y! Sh-ow-ck and ann-ow-y!”
Applejack leaned closer to Sunset. “Should we be stopping this?”
“Wellll… It doesn’t get much worse than holding people for ransom, so if they’ve figured out something not quite as horrible…”
Flash shook his head. “I have a baaaaaad feeling about this.”
Sunset rolled her eyes. “Alright, Han Solo—“
Flash’s face lit up. “You really think of me as Han Solo?”
Sunset continued, “Look, the trick with these girls is to pick your battles against them. If you fight them at every turn you’ll end up snapping.”
Flash raised an eyebrow. “Like putting your head behind the tire of a car?”
“Wait, what?!” Applejack exclaimed.
Sunset raised a fist to her mouth and cleared her throat. “Just follow and observe for now. We’ll intervene if it looks like they’re doing something that’ll get the cops called.”
The Dazzlings stormed into the dentist office waiting room as several sets of eyes latched onto them.
The walls of the waiting room were colored light blue, decorated with happy animals brushing their teeth and flossing. As the girls walked in, they passed a large fish tank occupied by a thin white-black-yellow fish, a puffer fish, a purple-orange fish, a thin yellow-fish, a black-and-white striped fish, a small cleaner shrimp, and a pink starfish.
In addition to the aquarium, the waiting room held two sets of four black airport seats, a few of them occupied by people waiting their turn. On one side, one seat was occupied by a woman with steel-blue eyes, long brown hair tied into a ponytail by a red bow, a yellow sweater and red skirt. Next to her was a young boy with spiky brown hair under a yellow-white-red beanie with a green propeller. He was wearing a green hoodie with a golden emblem of three triangles arranged into a larger triangle surrounded by the wingspan of what looked to be an eagle. The boy had his face buried in a ‘Highlights’ magazine and paid no attention to the girls who just barged in.
On the other set of chairs were a pair of girls sitting next to each other wearing matching B.F.F. necklaces. One girl had light teal skin, light blue hair with a large white streak on the side with a pink flower hairband, amber eyes, and wore a pink dress. The other had light yellow skin and curly hair that was blue on one side and pink on the other and steel blue eyes. She wore a white dress blue-and-yellow highlights with a candy design.
Hot on the heels of the Dazzlings, Sunset, Applejack, and Flash entered.
Adagio signaled Aria and Sonata to wait then strolled past the waiting room and its curious sets of eyes until she was right in front of a receptionist desk. A teenaged boy with light-skin, purplish brown hair under a gray beanie, wearing a red jacket over a buttoned-up white-and-gray horizontally-striped shirt looked at Adagio with the same expression one might reserve for an oncoming freight train that was moments away from running them down.
The receptionist swallowed. “Can I-I-Can I help—”
Adagio pointed behind her with her thumb at Sonata. “My associate here needs to see the dentist.” Adagio narrowed her eyes. “NOW!”
“Bu-but… We’re booked for the rest of the day…”
Adagio made a 180. “SONATA! Start moaning at those girls who are practically spooning and not fooling anyone with those B.F.F. necklaces!”
Sonata plopped down on a chair next to the girls who shifted, simultaneously leaning away from Sonata and cozying up to one another.
“OooooHoooooooHHHH! It HUUUUURrrrrrrrrts!” Sonata moaned.
“Aria!” Adagio barked out. “Flip off the fish tank!”
“Roger!” Aria said as she raised her right middle finger and leveled it angrily at the aquarium.
The woman with the brown hair tossed a worried glance at Aria, then at her son sitting next to her, his head still buried in the magazine.
Sunset’s eyes shot open wide and she made an about face. “I’m gonna throw myself into oncoming traffic,” she announced casually. “See you all in Hell.”
Applejack and Flash quickly reached out to restrain the mentally taxed Sunset. Sunset sighed and turned back around to watch the unfolding madness.
Adagio turned back towards the receptionist. “This goes on for as long as you want it to.”
“Uhhh… I’m-I’m sorry, but there just isn’t an opening today…”
Adagio turned back towards her troops. “Sonata, moan louder!”
“It HUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRTS! OWWWWWWWWWOWWWWWOWWWWIEEEEE!”
“Aria, flip off the fish tank harder!”
“One double-deuce coming up!” Aria replied as she raised her left middle-finger to join her right.
Adagio turned back to the receptionist and raised her hands up into a shrug. “This is all on you! You’re the one in control!” She turned and threw an arm around the receptionist, pointing off emphatically into the waiting room. “You’re the one doing this to these people and fish!”
“Gha! I’m sorry, but it’s Dr. Colgate whose schedule is the prob—”
“Sonata! Operation St. Giver!”
Sonata got up and then sat on the two laps of the women who leaned back as far as they could, their eyes wide and expressions worried.
“ALL I WANT IS FOR MY TEETH TO STOP HUUUUUURRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTIIIIIINNNNG!”
“ARIA! SLAP THE ‘HIGHLIGHTS’ OUT OF THE BOY’S HANDS!”
Aria swatted the magazine to the floor. The boy blinked amber eyes a couple times, his hands now holding nothing and his eyes now focused into empty air. He began to sniffle as tears welled up in his eyes. “MooooooOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!”
The woman sitting next to the boy was on her feet in an instant. She shot a glare full of murderous intent at Aria. “HEY! You apologize to my son RIGHT now or you’re about to get more bruises on your face.”
Aria grinned wildly at the woman and raised her right fist into her left hand, cracking her knuckles. “Oh, we’ll see about that.”
“Oh my GOD!” Sunset exclaimed. “How do you three go through daily life without being arrested?!”
Flash raised an eyebrow. “I think Adagio explained that one already.”
Sunset let out a deep sigh and massaged her left temple. “Thanks, Flash. Didn’t need a reminder.”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “A reminder of what?”
“Nothing!” Sunset snapped. “Just… Just get ready to stop Aria for starting a brawl.”
“How?” Applejack asked. “By gettin’ into another brawl with her myself?”
Sunset frowned and scrunched her lips. “Well… er… I guess—”
“WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON IN HERE?!”
Everyone stopped what they were doing. They turned to stare at a woman with dark blue hair with a white streak in it and midnight blue eyes that were scowling out at Adagio. The blue-haired woman wore a white doctor’s coat over a light blue buttoned-up shirt and dark blue miniskirt. Additionally, she was holding a clipboard with a golden hour-glass emblem.
The woman with the long brown hair glared at Aria. “Soon,” she said in an ominous tone before sitting down next to her son and wrapping a comforting arm around his shoulders.
Aria continued to grin wildly at the woman. “Anytime, anywhere.”
The brown-haired woman held her gaze on Aria as she leaned down to grab the magazine on the floor and give it back to her son.
Adagio gave the woman in a white coat a grin filled to the brim with ill intent. “Ah, Dr. Colgate, I presume?”
Colgate nodded. “Yes, I’m the Dentist. Do you mind explaining why you three girls have decided to turn my reception area into some sort of weird, angry circus?”
Sunset and Applejack couldn’t help but chuckle.
“My teeeeeeeeeth huuuuuuuuuuuuuuurt!” Sonata moaned, still sitting on the laps of the two girls.
The woman in the pink dress turned to the one in the white dress. “You know she’s kind of adorable. Can we keep her, Bon-bon?”
Bon-bon let out a sigh. “No Lyra. One psychotic girl at home is quite enough.”
Lyra put on a quizzical expression. “But there’s only the two of us.”
Bon-bon rolled her eyes. “You don’t say.”
Adagio motioned to Sonata. “As you can see, there’s someone here in desperate need of your services.”
Colgate frowned. “Well this is rather sudden. I don’t usually just—”
Adagio glared and turned towards Aria and Sonata. “Alright girls. Plan—”
Sunset rushed up to Adagio and Colgate. “NO! No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!” She turned towards Colgate. “I’m sorry, Doctor Colgate! But I really need you to help us out here.”
“Awww…” Adagio said in a slightly mocking tone. “You do care!”
“Not really,” Sunset shot back. “I just want to get Sonata straightened out before one of you starts punching fish.”
“Hey!” Aria piped up. “You’ve been following my Instagram!”
“Sunset?” Colgate said. She looked over Sunset Shimmer carefully. “You look like you need more than a Dentist. You look like you need a nice hot shower and soak in the tub.” She glanced past Sunset towards Applejack and Aria. “And a couple of you look like you can use a hospital.”
Sunset gave Colgate a sad smile. “It’s been a looooong few hours.”
Sonata hopped off the laps of Bon-Bon and Lyra and ran over to Doctor Colgate. She grabbed the free hand of the Dentist and looked at her with a sorrowful, pained expression. “Pllllease say you can help me! I’m in terrible pain! My teeth ache! My head thr-ow-bs! Every waking m-ow-ment is ag-ow-ny for me! I d-ow-n’t kn-ow h-ow much l-ow-nger I can h-ow—”
Adagio cleared her throat. “Take it down a notch, Sonata.”
Sonata grit her teeth. “I don’t know for h-ow much longer I can hold out! This could be the end of me, and I have my whole life in front of me!” Tears began to form in Sonata’s eyes. “If you don’t help me soon, I’ll be gone! I’ll never know the miracle of giving birth or raising a child!”
Sunset, Applejack, and Flash all cringed.
“I’ll never find someone I love enough to marry or even kiss someone!”
Aria snorted and chuckled.
Sonata continued as she allowed tears to fall from her eyes, “Sob-My whole life has stopped stretching in front of me and is shortening to a tiny point! A tiny point that I’ll soon reach if you don’t take pity on me save me from this terrible fate! Please! Doctor Dentist Colgate! PLEASE SAVE ME! YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE!”
The boy in the room began to sniffle as he looked up at his mother. “Mom… I want the sad girl to take my place… I-I-choke-I-DON’T-CARE-IF-I-HAVE-TO-SACRIFICE-MYSELF! I-DON’T-WANT-HER-TO-DIE! WHOUAAAAAAHOUAAAAAHOUAAAAA!”
The boy’s mother rolled her eyes. “Button, you’re just going in for a routine check-up.”
Colgate retracted her hand. “Alright, alright. No need to get dramatic on me.” She looked at her receptionist. “What’s my schedule look like for the next hour?”
The receptionist picked up an electronic tablet and stared at it. “Uh… You’re already double-booked.”
Colgate nodded, reached into her coat to pull out a pen, and scribbled something on her clipboard. “Triple book me.”
“YAAAAAAAAA-OW-AAAAAAAAAY!” Sonata exclaimed.
The receptionist gave Colgate a skeptical look. “You’re really going to try to be in three places at once?”
Colgate gave her receptionist a knowing smile. “Wouldn’t be the first time.” She turned towards Sunset. “Why don’t you get yourself cleaned up in the bathroom? Take as much paper towels and soap as you need.” Colgate gave Sunset another look over. “In fact, I’ll grab you a towel and some extra soap.”
Sunset gave Colgate an embarrassed smile. “Thank you.”
Colgate turned back towards Sonata. “Alright, seahorse girl—”
Adagio’s eyes widened in surprise. “What?! How’d you know?”
Colgate chuckled. “Don’t you know? I’m quite the Lady of time, teeth, and dimensions. But mostly the second thing.” She turned and walked past the receptionist desk towards a hallway and motioned for Sonata to follow. “Follow me. I’ll get you prepped.”
Sonata began to skip happily behind Colgate. “YAY-OW-YAY-OW-YAY-OW…!”
Sunset breathed a sigh of relief. “Well… that wasn’t so bad.”
Applejack interjected, “Uh, Sunset?”
Sunset turned. “What is it Apple-ARIA! YOU PUT THAT STARFISH DOWN RIGHT NOW!”
Aria paused, her right fist pulled back as her left held the pink starfish up. “But she was giving me a funny look!” Aria glared at the starfish which flopped helplessly in her grasp. “Stupid aquatic life! You all think you’re all so great because you can still breathe underwater!”
“Aria!” Applejack said in a warning tone. “You put that critter down now or you and I are gonna have round 3!”
“Hey!” The woman with the brown hair said in a protesting tone. “I had nexties.”
“Flash!” Sunset called. “Hel…” Sunset trailed off as she noticed Flash was now sitting next to Button, also staring intently at the Highlights magazine.
“Got it!” Flash said as he pointed at the magazine. “It’s right there!”
“Hey, Mom!” The boy said excitedly. “We found the shoe!”
The woman sighed. “That’s nice, sweetie.”
Flash looked up at Sunset. “Sorry, did you need something?”
“Nevermind!” Sunset hissed out irritably.
Adagio sat down on the receptionist desk and leered at the teenaged-boy behind it suggestively. “You know, I think my teeth can use some examining too.”
The receptionist gulped. “The Dentist is busy right now…”
Adagio leaned closer. “Oh, I wasn’t talking about her at this particular moment.”
“Er… I’m not really qualified to examine anyone’s teeth professionally…” He raised his fingers. “I don’t really have the touch for dental work.”
Adagio leaned down until her face was inches away from the receptionist. “You can use your hands for other things and use something else to feel around my mouth,” she said, licking her teeth to get her point across.
Sunset moved her head from side to side rapidly as she stared at Adagio and then Aria, unsure of which problem to address first.
As the bedlam continued in the Dentist’s office, Lyra’s eyes widened as if something had suddenly just clicked in her brain. She turned towards Bon-Bon with a sour expression on her face. “Hey! That was mean!”
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So, Sunset, what does it feel like to be the only adult, not just in the room, but in the dimension?
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/pixar/images/d/d3/Chrs_tank.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/300?cb=20110924225251
I knew that sounded familiar...
And then she Water Tribe's outta there!
Alright, this story cannot possibly get better.
*reads chapter*
Alright, now this story cannot possibly get better.
6992290
I'm surprised at this point Sunset has not rushed to the portal, in order to beg Princess Celestia readmiting her as Equestrian citizen and personal student.
Eww, being hit with mushy potatoes is no fun.
*slaps Flash upside the head* Bitch you ain't even Ezra Bridger.
I claim Mount Wannahockaloogie!
Don't do it, Shimmy! You've got so much to live foooooooooor!
Yes. Yes she did.
I'm there with you.
What in the world is going on. This story is so crazy, yet I can't stop reading it. Cringe-y and dumb, yet enjoyable. I want more~
6992351
Heck, I think she'd accept 'janitor of the Castle of Friendship' at this point! She'd also scream at Twilight to smash the portal NOW as soon as she came through!
I was reading this in class and had to stop myself from crying because I was laughing as hard.
You, you are fimfic humor god, allow me to worship you.
I've got to stop reading your stories at work.
6988533
Well you're not wrong, though I definitely focus on the crazy when it comes to the Dazzlings. That being said, because I've written so much with them they've got an interesting dynamic between the three of them that gets touched on here and there with my stories. Of note is that I think they've defined what a family is for themselves in a way outsiders find hard to get or just don't understand.
Why does this somehow make sense?
This is all just too great.
And then Lyra at the end.
6993506
I'm avoiding using "people names". While we're dealing with people and not horses on this side of the portal, certain names just don't make sense still.
omg, this... this is hilarious
Nice job!
Poor poor Sunset. At this point the fact that she doesn't go on a killing spree is a miracle.
And now Random crap!VV
Random Bystander: Uh excuse blue girl.
Sonata: Ye-ow-s?
RB: Can I buy some pot from you girls ?
Aria: HANDS OFF MY MR. HAPPY WEED!
-0-0-0-0-0-0-
Sunset: I NEED you to KILL the person in the photo.
Hitman: Uh it's a picture of you...
Sunset: IF ONLY YOU KNEW OF WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH EVERY DAY OR ANY SHRED OF MERCY THAN YOU WOULD PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY RIGHT NOW!!
Hitman:.....mommy....
0-0-0-0
Sonata: If you want your friend back then you'll do exactly as I say!
Aria: Sonata it's not a kidnapping if you're kidnapping yourself and SOMEHOW tie yourself up on MY bed...... AND WHY THE HELL ARE YOU NAKED WITH BOWS ALL OVER YOU!
Adagio: HEY QUIT YAPPING AND GET UNWRAPPING I'M WASTING FILM HERE!
Aria: IT'S A DIGITAL CAMERA!
Adagio: FILM DATA! WHATEVER, JUST GET OVER THERE AND RAVAGE YOUR PRESENT!
-0-0-0-0-0-
Adagio: Aria make out with the MILF!
Aria: LIKE HELL I'LL FALL FOR THAT AGAIN EVEN IF SHE'S FREAKING HOT!....... Then again....
Love Tap: HELL TO THE NO!
-0-0-0-0-
Police dispatch: Hey we got a call about a commotion at the uh Dazzling residence!
Every cop: ON IT!
0-0-0-0-0-0-0
Candace: Uh Shining just where are you taking me for our date?
Shining: Somewhere really special to me and every other cop on the force.
C; Is that why you're in uniform and using your cop car?
S:
C; Okay but why exactly am I in hand cuffs, not that I'm complaining.
S: Oh you'll see.
C:...... I love this!
-0-0-0-0-0-0
Luna: Ms. Blaze do you know why you were called in?
Aria: It was just a workout.
Luna: First off that was not a workout, 2nd you were giving the finger at everything and everyone around you and 3rd stop doing that!
Aria: DON'T YOU QUESTION MY CULTURAL CUSTOMS!
-0-0-0-0-0-
Lyra: Hello?
Bonbon: Who's at the door?
Lyra: No one, probably so- What the hell?
Bonbon: What is it?
L: That Sonata is kneeling in front of me dressed up like a dog with a note in her mouth.
B: What?
L: It says they'll let us keep her for a month and then at the end if wanted to keep her we had to pay for her
B: WHAT?
-0-0-0-0-0-0-
Twilight: Sunset? Human versions of my friends that are now ponies thanks to the portal? Why are you here?
Sunset: THE SIRENS ARE PREGNANT!
Twilight: Spike! Quick get the sledge hammer!
Adagio just can't control herself.
Yeah, the version from "The Horse Awakens"
6992746
I know! Their family dynamic is actually really heartwarming, in an incomprehensible, psychotic, homicidal, non-at-all-heartwarming way.
I love you for this.
Wow, I didn't know the chairs at the dentist's were fireproof. Somehow Love Tap is able to sit in them without causing combustion.
Also, if Sonata doesn't get a lollypop I will hate you forever.
6994904
It's kind of hilarious how in front of this I already am with the chapter I'm working on.
6996221
I've somehow written enough with her that two or three of my stories with her I tagged "Everyone", but the majority are definitely teen.
6996277
She definitely brings the "Sex" just about everywhere she goes. She's certainly not one for behaving herself.
This is an allusion to Love Call of the Sirens ain't it?
6996892
No idea what that is but that's all stuff that popped into my head while reading the chapter.
6992371
I agree, and I used to work on a farm.
Hey I know those fish, oh no Darla's coming, & how did we end up in Sydney?
Nemo survived Darla. The others have a worse fate on their fins.
Dr Colgate's the Doctor?! One reference per character!
I can't breathe, please stop making me laugh!
I've got this vibe of THE JUSTICE FRIENDS at the opening of this chapter.
Adagio: Major Glory
Aria: Val Halen
Sonata: The INFRAGABLE Cronk
HAHAHAHHAA-OW-HAAHAAH-OW. hurts to laugh.
Adagio- just.. never change.
Sonata is just hilarious here as well, but...
ARIA. SWEET gahd. 3 for 3 on sthe instagram line, and this explains why she was so willing to go after the fish tank.
...i can't believe i said that so easily... BAHAHAHAHHAA.
That's it, I'm calling the cops!
Reading this chapter and I get an ad for dental implants xD This story is almost too funny.
Ah
___________
Thus was the event that became known as the Facepalm Heard 'Round the World.
I want to see this in the Dazzling's are Insane. Just have Love Tap meet her outside a Best Buy, or what not and be like "Remember me?, or some other snappy one liner.
_______________
6993747
That last one....
*Shudders heavily*
Why? Then they won't be your problem anymore.
9956639
Context: The reason Sunset's Siren-wrangling in the first place is that in her possibly divine wisdom, Principal Celestia has decided the Sirens should resume attending CHS and has assigned Sunset Shimmer both to convince them to do so and to ensure the high school endures this both in terms of continuing to physically exist and in terms of not getting investigated and shut down as a direct consequence of association with them. So the police getting called actually makes them even more Sunset's problem.
...I think part of the reason in this continuity Sunset's so much more of a jerk on the Equestrian side of the portal is that she seems to take suddenly having actual authority and reliable magic to accompany the Princess of Friendship job she's somehow been stuck with as an opportunity to vent.
To quote Verosika Mayday: alright sluts get ready to suck a lot of pig dick.