Chapter 4: Adventures in Time, Dentistry, and Torture
Sunset let out a long continuous sigh as she looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were bloodshot and tired, and the gaunt look of her face suggested she had just run a marathon. Meanwhile, her hair seemed to suggest said marathon was through some sort of war fought with taco condiments. She placed her hand onto the tap of the stainless steel sink that was under the mirror and turned the water on full blast.
It was risky leaving Adagio and Aria in the care of Applejack and Flash, but she needed a break for herself as much as her hair. At least both Applejack and Flash were dependable for the most part, though Sunset feared they were both out of their depth. Still, she had left them and the receptionist to yell the code words, ‘Oh no, God, oh dear God in heaven’ if Adagio and Aria got too out of hand.
She’d have suggested they call or text her, but she still needed to clean all the sour cream off her phone.
Sunset tipped some of her more matted and condiment-soaked hair into the water and began wringing out water, dirt, and guacamole. Sonata was also still a factor, though leaving her in the care of Dr. Colgate set Sunset’s mind at ease quite a bit. As a dentist, Colgate had taken on everything from rambunctious children, to uncooperative teens, and even stubborn adults with terrible teeth hygiene.
Sunset frowned as she realized Sonata was probably some sort of weird combination of the three.
Still, Colgate presented herself with the airs of someone who had seen everything and done everything. She also seemed to know a startling amount of information regarding just about everyone who graced her office. Even if Sonata was currently a wounded, hyperactive psychopath, no doubt Colgate was up to the challenge.
However… This was Sonata… No doubt the girl had some surprises.
-ooo-
“Alright, say ‘Ahhhhhhh!’” Dr. Colgate said to Sonata. Colgate had donned light blue rubber gloves and a facemask that covered her mouth. Sonata was sitting in the center of the room in a dental chair, a pink dental bib was draped over her chest. Attached to the chair was a small sink and a tray with a number of small dental tools.
Sonata obediently opened her mouth wide. “Ahhhhhhhh…”
Colgate’s eyes widened in surprise before she narrowed them into a judgmental stare. “Well, I guess I’ve seen worse mouths, just not on a person.”
Sonata closed her mouth and puffed out her lower lip into a pout she accentuated with a whimper.
“Oh, don’t give me that look,” Colgate said as pulled her mask down, walked over to a black office chair, and collapsed into it in front of a large wooden desk. The desk had a light-blue pad for writing that was surrounded by a few items and piles of things, such as a box of rubber gloves, a tooth-shaped mug full of pens, and some blank sheets of paper.
Colgate removed her gloves and threw them into a nearby trashcan, then glanced at a light-blue poster with a kitten that seemed to be suspended in air under the word ‘BELIEVE’. Colgate turned back towards Sonata. “While I’ve seen all manner and conditions of teeth brought on by sweets and lack of dental hygiene habits, you seem to be sporting the whole kit and caboodle of what one shouldn’t do if they want to keep their teeth.”
“But I neeeeed those to eat chocolate and tacos and chocolate tacos!”
Colgate’s right eye twitched. “Yes, yes. Teeth are crucial for those things. I’m going to ask you a few questions now…”
Sonata flinched. “I was in my room playing Mega Rangers Vs. ‘Your Little Tiny Equines’ at 6:30 PM two nights ago! You can ask Adagio and Aria! They’ll support my alibi!”
“Not those types of questions,” Colgate replied.
“Oh…”
“How often do you brush?”
Sonata giggled. “Aria helps me brush every day!”
Colgate gave Sonata a perplexed look. “Wait, you have help brushing?”
“Well sure!” Sonata said. She pointed at her pony tail. “You didn’t think I got all the tangles out of all this on my own, did you?”
“Not your hair! Your teeth! How often do you brush your teeth?!”
Sonata frowned. “What?! Why would I have Aria do that? I don’t think I even want that brush in my m-ow-th!”
Colgate grit her teeth. “Moving on… How often do you have sweets?”
Sonata shrugged. “Oh… you kn-ow… I’m just a social licker.”
“… What?”
“Hey, I stole like… all the lollipop from the candy dish out there. Can I have one n-ow?”
“No!”
Sonata gave Colgate a small pout. “… I’ll share.”
Colgate let out a long sigh. “Do you at least rinse your mouth with water after eating sugary foods?”
“Does gargling Mountain Dew c-ow-nt?”
Colgate nodded. “Right, I’m going to stop asking questions now because I’m starting to get viscerally angry.”
“Hehe… You sound like Adagio… and Aria… Also Sunset Shimmer.” Sonata scrunched her lips up to one side of her face and glanced towards the ceiling. “And Miss Cheerilee, and Vice Principal Luna, and Mr. Donkey, and Principal Celestia, and…”
“You can stop talking for a little bit now.”
“‘kay!”
Colgate sighed and leaned forward far enough that she placed her elbows on her thighs and cradled her chin and mouth in her hands. She stared at Sonata intently.
Sonata swallowed. “Am I… Am I not going to make it?”
“Sonata, I don’t think you’re dying, but I’m trying to figure out how I even start inspecting your teeth.”
“Well, what do you normally do?”
Colgate reached for a box of blue rubber gloves and put a new pair on. “Normally, I grab my syringe to spray your teeth with water and start the cleaning process, but in your case I’m thinking a garden hose and sprayer might be more appropriate.”
Surprisingly Sonata’s face lit up. “Oh, are we playing ‘Git-Mo bay?!’” Sonata smiled widely. “I love that one! Water boarding is just like boogie boarding! Just without the beach, waves, board, and you just feel like you’re drowning instead of riding the water!”
Colgate blinked a few times. “Right, gonna just power right through that one…” She stood up, put her mouth mask back on, and walked over to her tray. She picked up a small mirror on a handle and another tool that was little more than a light blue handle with a small dull hook that was tipped with a tiny, translucent blue end.
“What are those?” Sonata asked in a somewhat concerned tone.
“It’s just a mirror so I can see around your mouth and my sonic scaler, good for cleaning teeth and unlocking doors.” Colgate hit a switch on her scaler. The tip glowed a deep blue and the small item began to vibrate. “I do a lot of both. Now say ‘ahhhhhhhh’.”
“AhhhhhhhhhhAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
“STOP SCREAMING! I HAVEN’T EVEN PUT ANYTHING INTO YOUR MOUTH YET!”
Sonata giggled. “Phrasing!”
Colgate let out an irritated sigh. “Let’s try this again,” she said as she raised her mirror and sonic scaler up. “Say—”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
“OH, COME ON!” Colgate put her tools down, marched over to her desk, and collapsed back into her chair.
From the dentist chair Sonata sniffled and cried softly. “I’m sorry… I’ll tell you whatever you want just… just MAKE THE TORTURE STOP!”
“I HAVEN’T EVEN DONE ANYTHING YET!”
Sonata let out a frightened whimper. “You mean you’ve only just begun?!”
Colgate threw back her head and let out a groan as she pulled down her mask. She took off her gloves and threw them into the garbage can. “Look, I can see you’re going to need something to calm you down…”
“Oh! You can put on cartoons to calm me down or throw me in a closet! Just like Adagio…”
Colgate shook her head. “I was thinking more some nitrous oxide or numbing agents. I don’t usually break them out for just doing an inspection but I can see you’re going to be a special case.”
“Hehehe… You called me a special case! Just like Aria!”
“Riiiiight… Lemme check something.” Colgate turned towards her desk and opened the top left drawer. Her forehead scrunched up immediately at what she saw.
“Oh! What’s in there?!” Sonata asked.
“Oh, I keep notes to myself in this drawer,” Colgate informed.
“What, like reminders?” Sonata asked.
“No, not like that,” Colgate answered simply. She pulled out a sheet of paper that read ‘STRAP HER DOWN!’ under a light splattering of a dark-red substance. She scrunched her nose and lips “This one is telling me to strap you down.”
“Just like Adagio…”
“What I’m wondering is why is it splattered with blood?” Colgate brought the paper up to her face and dabbed her tongue against one of the red blotches. “MY blood…” Colgate’s eyes shot open wide as she felt a small pin-prick against her neck. She glanced down to see Sonata had grabbed one of her pointed hook dental tools and was now poking it against her skin.
Sonata giggled wickedly. “You really shouldn’t turn your back on someone you’re torturing and just leave them with a tray of sharp instruments.”
“Oh, that’s why,” Colgate said as she crumbled up the note and threw it away. She grabbed a fresh sheet of paper, a pen, and began writing the same message she had just seen while Sonata pressed the pointed hook into her neck and a splattering of blood shot across the note and her desk.
-ooo-
Back in the waiting room, Applejack and Flash Sentry sat on the seats next to Button and his mother. Across from them sat Aria and Adagio, who had taken the empty seats next to Bon-Bon and Lyra.
Applejack and Aria locked eyes in an intense stare down as Flash’s eyes drifted back and forth from the two ex-sirens and the magazine in Button’s hands. Button’s mother likewise kept a close eye on Aria.
Meanwhile Adagio was busy ‘chatting’ to Bon-Bon and Lyra.
“Soooo…” Adagio purred out. “I can really go for a”—Adagio air-quoted— “‘best friends’ sandwich right now!”
Bon-bon let out a loud sigh as Lyra leaned over and asked, “Oh! That sounds delicious! How do you make that?”
Adagio grinned wryly. “All you need is two ‘best friends’ for the bread and someone else to be the meat.”
Applejack sighed. “Do you have an off switch?”
Adagio turned and nodded. “Yeah, my bed from roughly the hours of 7 to 3.”
Applejack’s eyes widened in surprise. “Shoot! You’re an early riser, too?”
Adagio raised an eyebrow. “7 am to 3 pm! The heck is wrong with your life you’d even consider it the other way around?!”
Applejack sighed and leaned back in her chair. She leaned her head closer to Flash. “You think the dentist is having better luck?”
Flash took a break from looming over Button’s shoulder. “Well, there was an awful lot of screaming coming out of the room just now…”
“That was Sonata,” Adagio said. “She’s probably fine… or dead.”
Applejack felt her brow tighten. “That’s kinda like saying either the pigs are having a mud bath or they’re having a buttermilk bath.”
Adagio and Aria exchanged confused glances.
Aria turned back towards Applejack. “The heck are you on about, you weird country yokel?”
“One bath leaves the pigs dirty, the other clean?” Applejack said. “You know, fine and dead are pretty much on the opposite end of the spectrum there.”
Aria threw her arms out in front of her. “Then why didn’t you just say that in the first place?! Does like every fifth thing that comes out of your mouth have to remind everyone you live on a farm?!”
Applejack narrowed her eyes. “Yes.”
“Hey,” Flash interrupted. “Aren’t you two like.. concerned for Sonata? You said she might be dead.”
Aria shook her head. “Eh, I don’t think we’re lucky enough for her to be dead. She’s probably just being more of a baby than usual. Heck, I’m surprised we haven't heard her scream for her baby harp seal blanket.”
The room collectively gasped and stared at Aria.
Aria held up her hands in front of her defensively. “Don’t look at me! It’s not my blanky!”
Applejack cleared her throat. “So, if ya don’t mind me asking—”
Adagio interrupted, “We probably do, but I’m guessing you won’t let that stop you.”
Applejack rolled her eyes and continued, “How come you two keep Sonata around if you just try to tear her down all the time?”
Aria frowned. “Yes.”
“… Yes what?” Applejack replied.
“Yes, we do mind.”
Applejack sighed.
“She has a point,” Flash said. “I mean… you three can’t collect your energy anymore and yet you’re all still together even though it seems like you can’t stand each other!”
Adagio let out a heavy sigh. “Look, it’s a long complicated answer that requires exploration of our origins and our very natures.”
Flash shrugged. “We have time.”
Adagio scrunched her lips up. “Are you sure you want to hear all this?”
Flash nodded. “Definitely.”
Adagio looked around. Everyone in the waiting room was now staring at her intently. She sighed as if she was accepting her fate. “Alright fine. You see, it all started when nosey people starting asking nosey questions instead of minding their own business and ended when I told them to shut up. The end,” Adagio punctuated her final statement with a devilish grin. “Huh, guess that wasn’t so long.”
Adagio’s audience gave her a glare as Aria began laughing.
“Nice one, Dagi!” Aria held up her hand and shared a quick high-five with Adagio.
Applejack narrowed her eyes at Adagio. “That was just an unkind bait and switch! Like tempting a horse with a carrot and just givin’ him plain oats instead.“
Adagio smacked a palm against her face.
Aria sighed heavily. “Really Appleslack? Really?!”
Applejack glared at Aria. “You know, on the farm we have a saying for situations like this involving pie.”
Aria rolled her eyes. “Oh this’ll be good.”
Adagio put on a fake smile. “Oh, we can’t wait! Please share with us your delightful bit of ‘down home’ wisdom!”
Applejack nodded. “It goes like this, Shut yer pie hole!”
Flash and Button’s mother snickered.
Adagio’s face tightened into a vexed frown as Aria immediately rose to her feat. “Alright farm girl, maybe it’s time for round—”
“SIT!” Colgate’s commanding voice called out.
With a startled expression on her face, Aria sat back down as Colgate walked into the receptionist area with all the subtlety of a raging hurricane. She held her left hand clamped to her neck as blood seeped from under it, staining her white coat and blue shirt, walking right up to her male-teenaged receptionist.
“I need all the drugs,” Colgate declared simply.
“Holy crud!” the receptionist exclaimed. “Are you alright?!”
All the eyes on the room fell on Colgate.
Aria let out a short, derisive laugh. “Looks like someone let their guard down around Sonata.”
“Hey!” Applejack exclaimed. “That’s not funny! She could be seriously hurt!”
Aria nodded. “You’re right. Then it wouldn’t be funny, it’d be hilarious.”
Applejack let out a warning growl.
“Look, I’m fine!” Colgate said as she kept her left hand in place. “I don’t know what any of you know about killing someone with dental equipment, but let me tell you that it’s pretty dang hard.”
The room went silent as everyone continued to stare at Colgate.
“Right,” Colgate began. She turned back to her receptionist. “I think you might have been slightly distracted when I requested ‘all the drugs’.”
The receptionist raised an eyebrow. “Uh… Which ones?”
“All the drugs!” Colgate reiterated. “I’m really not sure how I can be any clearer than that.”
“Ye-Yes, ma’am!” the receptionist replied as he quickly got up and ran off.
Adagio smirked at Colgate. “Sounds like quite you’re throwing the party in there. Can I come?”
“Yeah, me too,” Aria chimed in.
“No!” Colgate replied sharply. “And the drugs aren’t for me, they’re for your friend.”
The smile dropped from Adagio’s face immediately. “I retract my previous request.”
Aria nodded, her expression practically a mirror of Adagio’s, “Yeah, me too.”
Colgate raised an eyebrow. “Something I should know about?”
Aria turned towards Adagio. “Do we tell her? I mean, it might be fun to let her find out on her own…”
Adagio raised an eyebrow. “When has an inebriated Sonata ever been fun?”
Aria frowned. “Good point…” Aria turned back to Colgate. “Sonata gets weird when she’s under the influence of… stuff…”
“I’m currently holding a hand to my neck because the girl stabbed me with a dental probe and then I had to finish my note to myself, fight her off, and strap her back to the chair.”
“Awwww,” Adagio uttered in a disappointed tone. “Now I’m jealous again!”
Colgate continued, “My point is I need specifics regarding ‘weird’.”
Aria looked at Adagio. “How would you categorize it? Scary beyond all reason?”
Adagio nodded. “Scary beyond all reason,” she parroted. She turned towards Colgate. “That’s with alcohol as of late though and it’s never seemed like a good idea to have her experiment with anything else.” Adagio’s eyes went distant. “It really doesn’t appear to be much joy that will come from that. There’s no telling how she’ll act under a round of Novacaine and laughing gas.”
Arai sighed. “I’d say that’d numb her feelings to the giddy joy she’ll get from going on a rampage, but…”
“That’s just par for the course?” Adagio suggested.
Aria nodded. “Yeah…”
Colgate shook her head. “Well, I can’t work with her mouth clamped open and her screaming at me anytime I put something close to it.”
Adagio glared at Colgate. “Stop making me want to get in there with you!”
Colgate shook her head. “Yeah, I really don’t think you’d offer much help when I’m finger-deep in your friend.”
Adagio narrowed her eyes. “You did that last one on purpose, didn’t you?”
Colgate gave Adagio a small smile and held up a thumb and finger to signify ‘a little bit’.”
Applejack and Flash gave Colgate a concerned look.
Applejack spoke up. “Are ya sure you don’t need any help?”
Colgate shook her head. “It’s fine. Sonata is not more than anything I’ve already dealt with.”
‘SPLAT!’
A light blue-arc about the size of a set of human teeth hit Colgate’s cheek and stuck there as a pink, viscous substance platted out. The tooth mold slowly slipped down Colgate’s cheeks and hit the floor with another ‘splat!’
For another brief moment, no one said anything.
“Alright, Doctor the Dentist!” Sonata called out from down the hall. “You want to get medieval?! Let’s get medieval!”
Colgate raised an index finger. “I am unsure of how she got out of her chair!” she said in an oddly confident tone. “Excuse me,” Colgate said as she began to walk back.
Sunset suddenly walked out of the hallway, her hair wet but otherwise clean. “Alright, I’m back. Please don’t tell me any of those three-OH MY GOD!”
“Hi, Sunset!” Colgate greeted cheerfully as she walked back into the hallway, hand on her neck as it continued to bleed and pink goop dripping off her cheek.
Sunset paused mid-step, her mouth hanging open as she stared at Colgate. “Are you… Are you alright?!”
“I’m fine!” Colgate said as a high power spray of water flew down the hallway and blasted her in the face. She rolled up the sleeves on her white coat as water began to soak her clothes. “Once more into the breach, eh?”
Sunset watched Colgate leave then turned towards Adagio and Aria. “What the hell?!”
“Whaaaat…” Adagio said in a protesting tone. “Sonata’s been out of our sight for like… five, ten minutes?”
Aria nodded. “Yeah! This is all on your dentist now! She’s doing much better than any baby-sitter or anything like that we’ve got to watch Sonata.”
“She’s bleeding!” Sunset exclaimed.
Adagio and Aria exchanged looks.
Adagio raised an eyebrow. “Again, she’s doing much better than any baby-sitter we’ve hired to look after Sonata.”
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oh lord my sides. it hurts
scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw5719-18953.jpg
Time Lady confirmed!
camo.githubusercontent.com/76eaf7254c215f754173a9bf084eaf5b485eaaab/687474703a2f2f7777772e6d69617461747572626f2e6e65742f6174746163686d656e74732f6d696174612d70617274732d73616c652d74726164652d352f37343235372d6c6f74732d6c6566746f766572732d6e6561722d626f73746f6e2d6172636865722d7068726173696e67322d333030783232352d6a70673f646174656c696e653d31333636363030353334
Just knock Sonata out. Seriously if she is this screwed up I would have her out like a light and then get to pulling those teeth.
So, I'm thinking that Sunset is going to have to find single-syllable words to explain dental hygiene to Sonata. My advice is to not at any point ask her: "Stop me if you don't understand"; she'll just interrupt every second or third word.
Plan B is to explain it to Aria, who at least cares for Sonata enough to help her with her hair. Our dear little dimwit would accept her sisters' word about whether something was necessary without a twitch.
Holy Hela, Sonata's like Caboose!
Or a pressure washer with a zero-degree nozzle.
*SPITTAKE*
Adagio's rubbing off on her. Also, she's picking up some of Adagio's bad habits.
Now I want to see a series dedicated to all the poor souls to babysit Sonata
Another great chapter. Well done.
And there's that trademark "optimism in the face of utter annihilation" trait that The Doctor/Dentist is so well known for.
But Sonata's too cute to be Yzma!
Sonata Vs. Colgate! Step right up and place your bets!
This chapter and a bit of the last one has me asking just what kind of guy would actually try to be with Sonata? Like actually pursue a relationship with her and eventually have a family.
And there is only one male in the entire multiverse that I believe can handle and even embrace all of her and two other sirens' crazy: Deadpool
Huh I can hear Sunset and several others screaming in agony and begging god that they never met.
I kind of want a story focusing on Adagio and her 'exploits', heck she could even give advice via a blog or school paper. Terrible, perverted advice.
Go forth Adagio and corrupt the innocent minds of the world!
Well, this is a delightful descent into insanity I want to see more of.
6999792
Shit. You're right.
...
...
...
omg... Sonata, everyone in this... good lord xD Too much man, too much, awesome job on this!
7000272
And dare we imagine..... what their children would be like?
.....
.....
.....
..... Dear god!
Twilight: Sunset please don't do it!
Sunset: I have to Twilight to end the madness once and for all!
Twi: By triggering WW3 to destroy the world!?
Sunset: Either we'll die in a nuclear explosion or from radiation poisoning, both are FAR better fates than enduring a single minute with Sonata's little hellspawn!
**Picture Dan Vs. Anger Management
6999850
"The Dazzlings are Insane" has plenty of Adagio shenanigans, but the other two Dazzlings certainly have their moments and plenty of them.
7000923
True but I kind of want to read one in which Adagio gives really bad or inappropriate advise to the CMC or some other poor, impressible with Sunset and the others dealing with the fallout.
Well... she technically got lollypops. I guess you get to liv-- I MEAN, I GUESS I WON'T HATE YOU.
NOPONY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION
6999657 Tell me about it, this
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does not equal this
orig10.deviantart.net/6f29/f/2015/363/4/c/sonata_dusk_vector__1_by_greenmachine987-d9fom12.png
PS. You stole what I was going to say.
You know, this chapter was hilarious enough to warrant a second reading, and after the bit about Colgate doing better than any other "baby" sitter they've left Sonata with, I can't get the image of Colgate, at the climax of...whatever this is, lunging towards Sonata with a power drill, shouting, "THIS WILL BE MY GREATEST TRIUMPH!!" out of my mind.
6999792
That possibility is why the Time Lords created the Moment.
So, it has come to my bleary attention, that the Multiverse itself may be in a bit of a chocolate-covered-deep-fried-pickle with extra sprinkles of doom on top. Hear me out! Or read me out...whichever.
Aria vs. Lovetap, in a brawl, very possible in this fic.
However, it is also imminent in another fic of Justice's! If those two fights occur simultaneously, we're going to need some kickin' awesome seats and all the popcorn! SOMEPONY GET DISCORD ON THE PHONE! WE HAVE TICKETS TO SELL AND SEATS TO FILL!
In the previous chapter, I just realized that this is a version of Flash that I actually like. What madness is this?
Also, that "I see you've been following my instagram" punchline just keeps hitting me harder and harder every time.
How? HOW? How do you do this? How do you come up with this and write this? How do you comedy?
This stuff is amazing!
Thank you.
Hmm, there was another one of your stories where they acted similarly evasive when asked about why they keep Sonata around. I know that one reason is because she knows how to cook, but I'm wondering now if there's another reason too.
6999792 If he wasn't invested with Death then I would see that. He wouldn't like Aria, love Adagio, and the actual love emotion with Sonata!
I approve of and want more of the adventures of Colgate: Time Lady Dentist!
Anybody got any elephant tranquilizers?
7042630
she's also the only one with pockets to hold money with
Okay the second one was very blatant, so it makes me ask, is the first one in fact a reference to Archer as well?
8658303
Honestly, if any character uses the phrase "just going to power past that one" or a variant, it's probably coming from the place in my head designed to hold onto 8-Bit Theater references.
8658334
You have good tastes. Hopefully that space also holds references to Ansem Retort as well. Both of those are equally as psychotically awesome.