A spin off of Coltland Chronicles! The high school adventures of a shy and self conscious unicorn, twin earth ponies, a bubbly but jealous pegasus with a crush and a tough, smart but short tempered unicorn.
Chapters (20)
- Member Since 22nd Nov, 2015
- offline last seen Jan 18th, 2021
RomanceWriter1
As my username says, I am a romance writer. I do fan fics with only OCs as that is easier for me. My favourite books are romance, mostly ones set in the medieval era. I write them too.
RomanceWriter1
Joined 22nd Nov, 2015 ·
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This fic is pretty good so far, but you need to make longer chapters, and don't make them so rushed. You know, wake you and smell the roses, don't go too fast. Also, I've never read Coltland Chronicles, and you described the characters as having their parents' coat colors. What if I don't know their coat colors? You should describe that, too.
Also, something that is pretty odd: if the foals are only 11, then how are they in high school? They should be ending elementary school or beginning middle school. Did they skip a bunch of grades, because that's the only reasonable explanation. If they did, you have to mention it in the story. Remember, we don't know what you're thinking in your head, you have to describe it for us!
Remember to work on your grammar as well. There are some cases where you have letters that should be capitalized but are not, and missing punctuation.
Other than that, the fic is pretty decent. I rate it a 6/10, give it some TLC and it'll be a perfect 10. I'll be tracking this for now, and I may even fave this. Remember to work on the highlights I gave you!
How did this club just randomly get in? Be sure to give some background knowledge, because I'm a bit confused here.
Um... did you even ask DF to let you use her ideas in your fic? I don't know if this is counted as plagiarism or not...
6966561
11 years from where I'm from which is the United Kingdom, is usually the age you start high school but it's kinda confusing depending on what month you are born in.
And I got inspiration from CMC: The Next Generation. But thanks for reading
6966581
Well the CMS actually started in the very first story and it was made by the parents of the foals in this story but I didn't really explain it too well which is kind of one of my weaknesses in writing.
6969174
Really? Huh. I live in America. Also, in DF's fic, the foals were 10-11, but they were in fourth and fifth grade. Just thought I'd point that out.
6969179
Try to work on that weakness. You can't just have some foals at the bowling alley, then, without describing how it happened, they end up at, I dunno, a library. Read some featured stories, or plain stories you like. It may help you strengthen your description.
6969587
Thanks for the advice I'll try that and I also don't know much about American education despite watching so many American shows
6966581 I'll reveal that in the second episode of my audio drama. It is also to improve the first fan fic it is based off