All around her there was laughter. Wherever she looked, the sound of it echoed in her ears, hastening her heartbeats and shaking her to her very core. Before her, around her, there was nothing but a swarm of smiling, swaying ponies all waiting for one thing. All eyes were fixed on her, anticipating that moment just as she herself was; the moment she had been planning for, practising for, preparing for in every second she could spare for the last week.
It had to be perfect. It would be perfect. Because she was perfect - that paradoxical pink pony, planner of parties and stealer of hearts. The mare who had begged her, pleaded with her for so long to give it just one chance. Who had whispered words and spun stories, and convinced her that she would love this feeling – did love this feeling – and just hadn’t realised it yet. Her perfect Pinkie, who had once again proven herself so very, very right.
All around her there was laughter. But nowhere more than at her side, silent and swaying – drinking in the happiness radiating from the ponies all around them. Happiness she had given to them, just as she had worked so hard to bring it to the one she loved – even before she had. Slowly – too slowly – those bright blue eyes fluttered open, finally sensing her gaze, and her mind went blank. For just that moment, there was only the sparkle in those eyes and the smile on the perfect pink face.
And then she began to sing. Her voice carried through the air as though she was born for it, but as those eyes – enchanting, excited, exquisite – stared into her own she had no doubt who they were meant for. What they were meant for.
~ In a world so full of beautiful places
Happy friends and smiling faces
All I ever wanted to do
Was make it a little brighter~
Pinkie’s smile grew wider, her voice louder, with every note. It was beautiful. It was breathtaking. It was like nothing she had ever heard, and she had heard more of Pinkie’s lovely, lilting voice than anypony – she couldn’t move. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t look away. She didn’t ever want to.
~I didn’t really care who
As long as I could make their hearts lighter
And maybe once in a while
I could make the whole world smile~
Her heart raced, and she could feel her cheeks burning. Her smile grew wider, forcing itself to stay fixed on her face. She stood frozen. Fearful. Pinkie Pie was improvising. In their duet. She couldn’t improvise – she had never been able to improvise.
~But what I didn’t see
Was that I had forgotten me
I was breaking apart
Think I had been from the start~
Any minute now. Any minute now Pinkie Pie would stop singing and it would be her turn. They’d all be looking at her, expecting her to follow this treacherous pink angel and she would have nothing. She was going to fail. She was going to be a laughing stock. They would shun her, like they always had. Nopony would want anything to do with a pony who couldn’t perform impromptu musical numbers – she’d be an outcast.
~ I could be happy it’s true
But I was never whole ‘til I met you
You gave me reason to care
And you are my bestest mare ~
A hiss of irritation from behind the stage, followed by somepony – Rainbow Dash – snarling. “Shut up! It’s not her fault you made it hard to remember!”
And then she realised. This wasn’t a duet. It never had been. This was a serenade. She was being serenaded. She had read about this, and very few days went by that she didn’t experience it at least once. But those were spontaneous, unplanned, chaotic – this was practised, planned, perfect and for her. Pinkie was serenading her. And suddenly the moment was perfect again. Even if Pinkie really was improvising now.
~ You make the world shine
I hope that you will see
It might be a teensy bit selfish of me
But I need you to be mine! ~
And then Pinkie wasn’t singing, anymore. She wasn’t smiling. She was just staring at Twilight, expression intent. Her voice, when she spoke, was a whisper.
“Twilight Sparkle, will you marry me?”
804158
Maybe so, but I definitely felt that you were more on your metaphorical 'groove' (ohgod I'm a 90's kid and I just used the word groove do I lose my 90's license panic panic panic) with this chapter than with the preceding one. I'm somewhat of an idiot though, so it might just be coincidence.
804277 Ha. No, not coincidence - The previous one was only my second attempt at a thirty minute story and so it's much more rushed than this (though this is still rushed.) Plus, this is entirely from 'Shy's perspective and she is by far the one I have the most practice writing. (Two and a half stories from 2500 - 8000 words for a SUPER SECRET PROJECT OF AWESOMENESS since Twice Shy.) I'm really glad the improvement shows.
And no, but I have to deduct a few points from your license and you have some forms to fill out. If you make further infringements within the next six months you will have to submit to a written exam to prove you grew up in the nineties - it sounds harsh, but be grateful you didn't use the phrase 'lets book it' or something similar. That's an immediate loss of license and a years community service/reeducation as a nineties stereotype.
Be more careful in future.
*smiling, until the end*
"Twilight Sparkle, will you marry me?"
...
WHAAAAAATHXJAKAKAKAFSJSKSGSLDKFOUEYEONX
*explodes*
Was this...a prompt?
804588 It was indeed. About Twi and Pinkie doing karaoke. Since the prompt giver for the day ships TwiPie and is a friend of mine, and since I always figured Pinkie the type to propose by serenade, I decided to combine those two things as a gift. Not what I usually ship, or even close, but I think it turned out okay.
Not a fan?
804487
...I would make a comment about the Fresh Prince Of Bel Air, or Kenan and Kel, but that would only confirm that I've been on the internet sometime in the past three years. 90's stuff tends to be pretty memetastic. Oh well. I still have my noughties licence. Do I lose that for doing stuff like listing 'rave' as a method of transport and lamenting the sad decline of rock music?
804612
FFFF-
I prefer RainbowPie~
804675 No. Those earn you points - they show both taste and rebellious nineties attitude. Now stop worrying so much - you are the epitome of a nineties gentlepony.
804895 Good taste. I do, myself.
807100
It's a good jumping point for Rarity's feelings anyway. Plays a bit into the concept Rarity wants a dashing knight in shining armor to sweep her off her feet. Actually pursuing Rainbow could happen anywhere after that.
Most of these shorts were really good, but the Gummi one felt a bit trite. Like it was trying so hard to make me feel bad for the poor little critter that it defeated itself. Overwrought, that's the word.
807132 That's intentional, honestly - the whole thing is supposed to be melodramatic comedy, rather than actually being sad. The first thing I ever wrote for ponies was an alternate ending for The Games We Play by AbsoluteAnonymous, which starred Gummy as this ridiculous, pseudo intellectual romanticist who's convinced the world is out to get him and that he can do no wrong (while still being, in fact, the vapid alligator we know and love.)
So it's not that the story was trying to make you feel bad for him - it's that Gummy was being ridiculous and melodramatic, because I find that overwroughtness hilarious. Sorry it didn't do it for you, though. It isn't the best, for sure. But that one I wrote in five minutes on a whim because I wanted to be silly, so if you have to dislike one I'm glad it's that.
Thanks. Appreciate the feedback.
You know how much I love this. It is glorious. GLORIOUS.
I love Twi freaking out over Pinkie going off script in their duet--that feels very Twi to me--and I really love Pinkie forgetting the words written for her and just ad libbing, as that feels very Pinkie.
My fave part is still this: A hiss of irritation from behind the stage, followed by somepony – Rainbow Dash – snarling. “Shut up! It’s not her fault you made it hard to remember!” Because that's when I realized that all of them were there, watching, probably with held breaths, and I adore when they seem like one big, loving, dysfunctional family. (And, of course, I like that it's Rainbow who sticks up for Pinkie. But then, I would.) I am picturing Rainbow and Rarity peeking through the curtains, Rarity nearly hyperventilating from worrying over Pinkie getting the lyrics right while Rainbow keeps quietly chanting, "Go, Pinkie, go!" Spike's standing right next to Rarity, with his fingers crossed. And Applejack and Fluttershy are right behind them, Applejack grabbing on to Rarity's tail so she doesn't try to rush the stage to correct Pinkie on the lyrics, Fluttershy hiding behind Dash because she's too nervous to watch.
I love that image so hard. So. Hard.
807928 Hee. You make it sound so much more touching and awesome than I pictured it in my head. I am okay with that, because it's just perfect.
Glad you enjoyed it, DB.
809965
Oh, right. That clears things up. My mental picture is clearer now.
Yeah, I know what you mean about let's. I know a lot of people have the same problems with it's. I always remember it by being pendantic and breaking them down into their component words before even thinking about contracting them. If you know let's is 'let us' and it's is 'it is', you rarely ever use them incorrectly because the words simply won't work that way. (Number of times I've seen it's used to imply possession...) Usually I'm not so keen on finer grammar points, but I make an exception for that dastardly apostrophe.
Also, I try to be more positive than negative as a rule. I just...urg. Wasn't feeling it at the time. My apologies.
Faux eloquent Gummy is ridiculous, and funny because of it. I have to admit, I love comedy, even though I'm not the type to laugh out loud very often. Comedy just cheers me up after a long day.
810129
Oh, so she had a crush on Rainbow first (which makes sense given them going to school together).
Well, it's remarkably easy to see Dash's enjoyment of Daring's stories as a kind of pseudo-narcissism, so it works on multiple levels.
817560
Huh. I'm surprised I pegged DD's motivations so well from the information I had. I'm usually awful at stuff like that.
Third person narration is interesting. As an 'artist' (not that I'd consider my stuff art), I find that whether I make the 3rd person narration fit a character depends on how long I plan on spending with that character. If I'm running a story where lots of characters interact and the focus is changed in each scene, I'll usually default to just narrating in a sarcastic way because it's funnier. If it's going to stick to one character a whole bunch or is serious, I'll adapt the narration to them. But if it's going to be extremely centric on one character, 50% of the time I'll just go for first person anyway. It's interesting to see how another writer deals with the problem.
Also: owls. They are best bird.
...D'aww. Usually not a great fan of singing chapters, but that was just very sweet. The more TwiPie I see, the more I'm convinced that it's just an adorkable ship in every way. I liked the narration more than the lyrics, somehow, particularly the first paragraph. Something about it reminds me of drabbles, which is always a good thing in my book. I didn't spot any real mistakes or flubs, so congrats on that too.
804277
Nah, it's all good. Everyone remembers "A Goofy Movie" right? Anyone?
Hell with it,
Shake your groove thing,
Shake your groove thing,
Yeah, yeah,
Show em' how we do it now,
Shake your groove thing,
Shake your groove thing,
Yeah, yeah,
Show em' how we do it now,
:I regret NOTHING!