A Study In Nonsense

by Professor Piggy

Smile

Sometimes, just sometimes, she wondered if it would ever stop hurting. If she would ever be able to hear that sweet, melodious laughter without feeling that pang of dull, aching emptiness deep in her stomach or watch her friends race past her, giggling and smiling and happy, without having to fight back tears. Sometimes she wondered, and in those moments she hoped, more than anything else, that the pain would stop. It was a horrible thing - small and selfish and hateful, just like her – but she couldn’t help but think it would be easier, that way. For them, and for her.

No, that was a lie. A white lie, designed to ease the hurt and stop her shaking, but still a lie – it wouldn’t be any easier for them. How could it be? They didn’t care. They couldn’t care, because they didn’t know. They’d never know, not while she had any say in the matter – they didn’t deserve that pain, that burden. It was better, kinder, to let them believe that it didn’t break her heart every time she saw them together.

Besides, it wasn’t a difficult problem to solve. All she had to do was stop loving her, stop caring about her, stop seeing her – it should have been the easiest thing in the world. She had done it before, after all, all those years ago. Except… except that she hadn’t, had she? Not really. She’d buried the feelings, locked them away and tried to keep them gone because it was easier for her – but she’d known, right from the start, that she’d never really be rid of them.

She’d felt it in the way her heart skipped a beat every time her eyes fell upon that agonising, hurtful, obnoxious, wonderful, perfect pink pony. In the way that she’d woken up every morning with tearstains on her pillow, surrounded by nothing but cold, empty silence. In the way she hadn’t been able to talk to her, or think of her, without wanting to cry. In the way she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. But she had told herself that no, she didn’t love Pinkie Pie. Pinkie Pie hurt her, drove her insane, made her into the monster she tried so hard every day never to become. Pinkie was dangerous, and fragile, and every bit as hurt by Fluttershy as Fluttershy was by her.

And it was true, for the most part. The only lie she had told, the one thing she would never forgive herself for, was the first – because she did love Pinkie. She loved her more than anything or anyone else in all the world, and despite it all – all the hurt, all the tears and fear and doubts – she would have given anything to have her back. But it was too late. Too late for her, and too late for them. Pinkie Pie didn’t love her anymore.

In the time that Fluttershy had spent pushing her away, the long months she had spent hurting them both so terribly, Pinkie had moved on. Found somepony else. Somepony who wasn’t afraid of her, who would never abandon her, or hurt her so badly, or break her heart. Somepony who was made for her. Pinkie had found Rainbow Dash, and in doing so she had found the happiness she deserved so much – the smile on her face as she rushed around the park, giggling and jumping to try and catch Dash’s tail between her teeth, was the widest and happiest that Fluttershy had ever seen there.

She still remembered the day she had found out. She still remembered the speech she had prepared, asking – begging – Pinkie to give her another chance. She still remembered the smile on Dash’s face, and the way she had so casually kissed Pinkie. So casually broken Fluttershy’s heart. She remembered every moment, and she’d never forget it. But they didn’t need her. Pinkie didn’t need her.

Pinkie Pie had found Rainbow Dash, and Rainbow Dash had found Pinkie. In all the years that they’d known one another, Fluttershy had never once doubted that Rainbow was an amazing pony. Brave. Loyal. Strong. Clever. Rash, sometimes, but even back when she’d had nothing to gain and everything to lose, she’d been willing to throw everything away for the sake of anypony who needed it. For the sake of a scared little filly who couldn’t even fly. Dash had always been amazing – but she’d never really been happy, in the beginning. In her own way, Rainbow had been every bit as frightened as Fluttershy was – the difference was that Dash was strong, and she was weak.

And over the years, things had changed. Time, and friendship, had worn down Dash’s defences and allowed her to see herself how Fluttershy saw her – at least a little. She had become the hero she had really always been, and little by little she’d found her happiness. And then she had found Pinkie. And with Pinkie, she shined.

Dash had always been an amazing pony – perhaps the most amazing pony of all – but with Pinkie she shined: brighter, louder, faster and more alive than she had ever been.

They were made for each other, to brighten each other’s worlds and share their lives together - and that broke Fluttershy’s heart. But as she across the grass, watching as Pinkie finally caught Dash and pulled her down into a loving embrace, she was smiling. She smiled, because they were happy. She smiled, because they deserved it so much more than she did. She smiled, because there was nothing else that she could do.

Comments

[Professor Piggy]

The prompt: media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mb9aqoWZlH1qisovz.gif

Another I'm not too fond of - Shy feels off, to me. Enjoy!

[TheAlmightySage]

Damn that hurt.

[G S tol Kriaal]

1378760 So what's the prompt?

[NotHereAnymoreProbably]

1379987
The prompt is that .gif, and any feels, ideas or concepts it might inspire.

[Professor Piggy]

1378851 It hurt me, too. :(
1379987>>1384268 Yep, what Midnight said. In this case I took it as unrequited love.

[G S tol Kriaal]

1384268>>1384756 I didn't see any gif...

[NotHereAnymoreProbably]

1385157
May not be appearing properly on your browser or something. Here's the flat URL: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mb9aqoWZlH1qisovz.gif

[Professor Piggy]

1385752 Heh, thanks Midnight.

For the record, folks, Midnight is my prereader and good friend, so if he answers any of your questions he totally has permission and he's almost certainly correct.