A Study In Nonsense

by Professor Piggy

Like Clockwork

“But Twilight, it’s not fair! I helped build it too, so you gotta let me have a turn! That’s how it works!” It wasn’t often that Pinkie Pie’s voice sounded quite as indignant as it did right now. When she had taken the last cupcake without asking on what she learned later was Fluttershy’s special six pony super special pre-birthday extravaganza. When she had insisted that Pinkie use her full name on their first published volume, and now this.

And just as it always did, that tone broke her heart. But there was no choice. Something this important couldn’t be left in the hooves of…well, Pinkie Pie. And when Pinkie had been pestering about it for the better part of three hours now she thought she could probably be forgiven if her patience was starting to wear just a little bit thin.

“Pinkie, for the last time – you can have a turn later. This is the first test! It’s imperative that we send back a pony who’ll do exactly what I tell her so that she doesn’t mess up the timeline!” She tried to keep the edge out her voice, and for the most part she succeeded – which might have been why she suddenly felt a little ill as Pinkie’s eyes widened and a little spark of hope popped into them.

“But I can do whatever you tell me! I promise! I’ll do everything you say and make you super-duper proud of me and it’s so exciting we’re gonna change the world Twilight! You and me, together!” Pinkie shot her that dazzling, beautiful smile…and Twilight felt the last remnant of her patience fly out the window.

“Pinkie, I said no.” As the other pony opened her mouth to protest, Twilight raised her voice and cut her off, “You can’t go back because you won’t listen. You’re not capable of listening! You’ll get distracted, rush off end up messing everything up and I’ll have to fix it! This isn’t a game, Pinkie – I’ve spent seven years working on this, and I’m not going to risk it all going wrong because you can’t pay attention for more than two minutes! I just need somepony dependable, just this once, okay!?”

The effect was immediate and devastating – as Twilight advanced on her, moving closer with each word, Pinkie backed away. As she listened, and heard – finally heard – what the unicorn had been trying to tell her gently all along, her smile faded inch by inch. It went from a shining beam to a small, puzzled smile, to a frown to…Twilight didn’t even know. Pinkie’s face was unreadable, a blank mask – and then it happened, right before her eyes. A phenomenon she’d only ever witnessed once before. In one instant, all the life drained from Pinkie’s mane and it fell flat and limp around her face.

If Twilight had wished for silence a moment earlier, she would have given anything to hear the pink pony laugh now.

But she didn’t.

The Pink Pony turned her cold blue eyes to look straight into Twilight’s own and spoke. “Somepony dependable, huh?” Her tone was casual, and somehow chilled Twilight to the bone. “I mean, it’s not like I spent the last seven years helping you with this because nopony else had a clue what you were babbling about or anything. It’s not like I’ve worked and worked and worked for this just because it mattered to you. I’m sure you’re right – I’m just a stupid pink pony who can’t do anything right. I’m sure I’d just screw everything up like I always do.”

Twilight took a step closer, and attempted to nuzzle the pink pony – who held up a hoof to keep her away. “Pinkie, that’s not what I –“

“I really don’t care,” Pinkie interrupted casually, “I’m gonna go find Dashie, since you don’t need me anymore. We not-dependable ponies’ll go do stupid, boring stuff like save ponies and make them happy and you can stay here and play scientist just like you wanted.”

With that Pinkie spun on a hoof and started quickly towards the door. Twilight had to stop her. She had to fix things. She had to make things right. “Pinkie wait! I was wrong, please don’t go! You can be – should be – the one to go.”

Pinkie froze, for a moment. Then she turned back to look at Twilight with what the unicorn assumed was intended to be a smile. “Thanks, Twilight. But I really don’t think I should. I’d be kind of tempted to go back and make sure we never met, so I wouldn’t be such a drain on you and all. And then you wouldn’t have a time machine at all. So thanks, but you’re right – you need a dependable pony. Just wait for Applejack.”

Before Twilight could answer, Pinkie was gone. The door slammed behind her with an air of finality. And as it did Twilight Sparkle, personal protégé of Princess Celestia and the pony with the wonderful track record of ruining her own life, began to cry.

Comments

[Professor Piggy]

The Prompt: Twilight Sparkle invents a time machine.

[G S tol Kriaal]

QUICK! Go back in time and keep yourself from saying that!

[nemryn]

Dammit, Pinkie

[Professor Piggy]

1166485 The epilogue to the story, which I didn't have time to write, had future Twilight waiting for Pinkie just outside the door with a super elaborate apology and a surprise party and such - so feel free to take that as a thing or not, as you prefer.

[ForSpite]

So... After this and what you created from a prompt about someone being stuck in the closet... You remember when we joked about you being sick and me being a monster that fed on cruelty by proxy?

Maybe not entirely a joke.

But your cruelty tastes so good.

[Donnys Boy]

Ugh, my heart.

Broken. Utterly broken.

I really like this bit: Pinkie shot her that dazzling, beautiful smile…and Twilight felt the last remnant of her patience fly out the window. I get the sense that Pinkie's used to getting her way by being charming, and Twilight's a bit resentful at Pinkie pulling that trick a few times too many. Feels real, like a couple who've been together a while and have some serious cracks in their relationship's foundation.

But it hurts my heart, it does.

[nemryn]

1166515
And then in the double epilogue, Twilight gives in and lets Pinkie use the machine after all, and when she gets back chimneys have been banned and Asparagusjack needs help with the harvest

[Professor Piggy]

1167254 I'm glad that I could sate your hunger for another day. Fear not! There shall be many, many pony tears in future.

1168360 Ooooh. I like that. I have to admit that I didn't put that much thought into why Twilight got annoyed - it just felt right to me that she be annoyed. But that explanation? I like it. I'm just going to assume that I was subconciously being a better author than I actually am. Thanks, DB.

And I'm sorry it hurts. Things get better, I promise!

1168426 Don't tempt me, nemryn. Don't tempt me.

[Beegirl Scribbler]

This is amazing and heartbreaking.

[Professor Piggy]

1368082 Why thank you! It's easily one of my favourites in regard to my own work.