- Member Since 21st Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Jul 20th, 2023
Bro Dash
Avid writer, wonderful Architect
Bro Dash
Joined 21st Mar, 2012 ·
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8490517
Its a...very very long story, my friend. I'm a literary artist. I know not to spill all the details. You can't tell a story from the summary, you must speak it to your readers through the book itself. I have accrued over 20k words in this alone. Will I end it soon? No. I have over 15 hidden chapters. It may look like it spills all the details, but in reality, you're just looking at the tip of the iceberg.
I can't please everyone. If you don't want to read it, you don't have to.
Edit: 12 I have 12 hidden chapters. Most will not get used, but as a whole, I have big plans for this story. I've spent time on it, I've spent months coming back to it once every now and then, I'll keep writing it.
8490517
Also, if you're skipping chapters, you're spoiling great portions of the story. The story isn't made by the bigger details. The smaller ones matter. Like Chekov's Gun.
8490517
This.
I ignore films that drop everything in the trailer.
8490549
look. I'll be simple. I'll continue writing. Simple enough. And I'll share with people. Feedback is welcome.
8490874
Saying tha 'tis all detailed in the summary, despite the fact that you already know what things will be waiting for you int eh story, what would you say makes it to much? Single subject, do that for 2 small paragraphs sound good?
Example:
Words words words words words words words words words words words words words
<paragraph break>
words words words words words words words words
8490964
Length isn't the real issue here. It's disjointed. The summary just feels so disjointed because it hops from a nice, flowing introduction to the story and characters (which is what that box is actually for, not a plot summary of the entire storyline), into a description of what happens in the middle of the story, and then goes on to ruin any sort of possible reveal or tension in the execution storyline by going straight from the mother being on the chopping block to her being among the crew. Which is itself a jarring jump.
The reason it's really likely to throw people off is because that intro box is an opportunity to show off not just what the story will be about, but your writing style. And it makes it look like your writing style is going to be jumpy and stiff.
Looking at the first chapter, while it's kinda clear you need to get an editor (the word "were" is plural, and even in the first few paragraphs you keep using it when it should be "was"), your writing style doesn't seem this jumpy.
If I had to make a suggestion...
Take this part of the summary box here and expand only on these contents. Since the first chapter doesn't talk about his father, maybe talk about why he's a legend here. Establish who Cloud Waltz is for the readers, his background, what he does when he's not saving the lives of sneakthieves. Or even talk more about Night, since she seems to be the viewpoint character for the first couple chapters. Don't give us details of the future plotlines, prospective readers need a hook here, if you intend to catch them.
The biggest hook you might be able to drop might be to end your summary mentioning the execution plotline, but do not, I repeat, do not reveal its outcome. That plotline in the intro is a wonderful hook just waiting to be written as such, and you ruin it by revealing the outcome in the very next sentence.
And for the love of all that is good and holy, capitalize the "and" in Nightmares And Sweet Dreams. When I read the summary it made it look like you had failed to count something or had lost half of a sentence somewhere. "And" doesn't get capitalized when it's in the middle of a book's name, but if for some reason it were part of a person's name it would definitely get that capital A.
8491321
Note: I didn't catch it when I read through. I addressed anything that my browser put a red line under, then I read the paragraph to make sure the grammar was correct. Mainly because I know myself. While typing, I'll skip entire words for some reason. IDK why, but I do. If I missed something like that, then it's like imagining a piece of paper slipping through a crack int he floor boards when you drop it. It's possible, but it's also unexplainable how it slipped through so perfectly.
8491321
Also, the reason why I do not capitalize the "A" in "and", is because when you think of it, nd isn't actually a name, but part of her name