Everypony all over Equestria wakes up to a black day, no sun. And the moon isn't even there. Panic quickly rises and a gathering at Canterlot is issued by Celestia's sister, Luna. The panic worsens when Luna claims that her sister is still physically alive, but has no soul. Many questions were asked, including if it were a prank that Celestia and her sister were pulling over the entire province of Equestria, but it is no joke.
Celestia wakes up, though, not in the real world. Where she is, is darker than night. After getting used to the darkness, she sees that which would only reside in death. But she was wrong. She is given two doors. One black, deep and feared, and the other white, comforting and beautiful.
She refuses both till she comes to a decision. And what a mistake she has chosen. The doors both fade to nothing and she is plunged into a world of evil and danger. Will she make it back to the living world, be trapped in between the two, or pass on to the afterlife, leaving Luna to manage the world herself?
You do know the cover image is going tomake you get down get down voted to hell.
Like that story about Fluttershy been Jewish that got bombed that bad, the author took it down.
Good day.
....
What does the holy cross gotta do with ponies stuff?
Sorry man, I didn't like it.
416863
Hey I get to use this image again and on the same person to!
alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/large/sad-i-know-that-feel-bro-l.png
While the idea is good, the execution could be a lot better. It feels really dry. you need to describe more. We readers are lost. What is going on? We can't read your mind. Lets rework your first paragragh.
Celestia looked around her. She could not see anything, nor her own hoof in front of her. She used magic to illuminate everything around her, but it only got darker. She thought of this.
My paragraph
It was so dark. Celestia was sure she was sleeping at first but now she wasn't so sure. Something didn't feel right about this place. She looked down to see nothing. Left, up, right, same results. Celestia felt the first spine tingling fingers of fear creeping down her spine. She couldn't be blind!
"Luna!" She waited for an answer. Nothing came. "Luna, please!" Nothing answered her cries. Celestia forced herself to take several calming breaths. Sometimes blindness is merely a reverse of light and darkness which could be corrected with a simple adjustment spell woven into the optic nerves of the eyes. Celestia was familiar with the spell. She had cast it before. The spell did have one side affect of changing the eye into a crystal. It was dubbed the Twinkle Eye spell by Luna as it had reminded her of the twinkle eyed ponies of the old world. Celestia lit her horn and casted the spell. She wished later that she hadn't.
See the difference? don't be afraid to describe things.
416842
Really? You really think I give a shit? I don't believe in christianity enough for God to even care about if I go to heaven or hell. I'll probably just be doomed to wonder between worlds.
LOL, no. Too bad I don't care. And posting something like that is always going to get hate. I mean, it's a fricken cross! Plus, there were no images of celestia falling in a defeated manner, or of a grave stoen with ehr name on it! So back the hell off!
416863
Couldn't find a good nough pic of dead celestia or somethin.
417663
Oh, so now you're going to insult me?
420348
Woah, no need for that.
I was just telling you why people have down thumbed it.
420353
He is just offering you some constructive criticism to help improve your work.
In both these cases, we're just tring to help you, no need to go on the defensive.
It's just if it remotely looks like it's from any real religion, people will down vote it.
But don't let this put you off writing, I'm sure you'll be much better next time.
420352
Like so?
26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmijz5Q9NT1qkwnhyo1_500.png
420755
Nothing of what you said even works for me. Sunstar gave me a version of this story, but in a totally different field. This is all going to change real soon, it's nto gonna be soemthing gloomy and death filled, just creepyish or something. It's still unfinished, duh. Plus, thats prologue, it's got almost nothing to do with teh storyline!
As for that pic, not what I was looking for. I mean Celestia alone, falling, but she not only has cuts, brusies, etc, but she is also falling, not fallen.
Seriously, I can see why you people don't understand me soemtimes, but if I were to explain it, you'd all go insane.
423919
Whoa whoa dude. I can't accept changing my story to fit what you want to read for three reasons. One, your version does not fit how I am making this even to the sligthest degree, therefore, would never work. Two, seriously, you insulted me, why would I? Three, my world, my rules, my idea. Got a problem?
To sum it up for ya, here is my beliefs on christianity:
I know that He does not exist, But...I believe in Him anyway. Good luck figuring it out, peace, I got a chapter to write.
BTW, your version can't be better than mine if it isn't event he same subject. That just shows that you are a stuck up spoiled child/teen/adult/whatever. Good day, hope you learn that it's not always goign your way.
With ten thumbs down, and none up, tell me, why did I choose that pic? Because it's the closest related to what I am putting out here. It's just a pic. I'm not getting real deep itno it though. I know it is the holy cross, and no, I'm not dishonoring it. I do not like the fact that people think I'm going to hell because I did so. God is forgiving, it is repeated throughout the bible. Now, I've done enough to where he can forgive me this once, but it doesn't mean that I abuse his forgiveness with that which I please.
Now, I'm done preaching. And if you think it lesser of a story because of storyline, read on.
Had to do a content change. Too much blood to be for everyone
How is what I put different? I went into more depth with the spell. It is an idea on how to improve. I never intended for you to use it. Also, I never insulted you. If I did, I'm sorry. I criticized your writing. Criticism has nothing to do with insults. A good writer values every piece of criticism, good and bad. It is how we improve our skills. I was like you once. I thought I was the best writer on earth until I posted a story online for the first time. I got lots of feedback, good and bad feedback. At first I dug my heels in and refused to even change a thing. After a while, I really started reading the feedback, and I realized how I could improve. Now, while I still get the occasional thumbs down or flame, I know it just means I have work to do. We all want to help you but you are not letting us help. You are exploding over any criticism we give you.
We, your readers, can not read your mind. We can't see the story you are seeing. You, the writer, are responsible for bringing your vision to life. I know you can do better. There are websites galore that you can visit that will help you learn how to be a better writer. http//:www.nanowrimo.com is my favorite. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Remember, your stories are not set in stone. Don't be afraid to go back and change things. Who knows, you might find an idea from your readers that you really like. A really good story is one that is not written by just the writer alone. It is written by the readers too. After all, it is the reader that is the writers most valuable resource.
Peace.
428276
Oh lord, It is not the spell, but teh fitting subject. Get it right. She is freaking out, your version clearly is not. And tis only criticism if you actually give a straight forward comment on it. Telling me how you would write it is very insulting and disrespectful. The fact that you are still arguing with me provides two reasons. One, you're trolling, two, IDK, I do not care either. It's still an insult. For the record, I've been writing and posting stories for over a year now, this is my current best, it is still improving, and has gotten lots better since the amateur days.
I know, and it can't be given int eh fricken prologue Sunstar, it is the first chapter by title, yes, but it is the fricken prologue! Every story i've read with a prologue explains hwo the events get to how they are in the story's current time. That's what this is doing. If it seems rushed, that is why. If you are seeing malice, death, and whatever without much detail, that is why. Wait till the first actual chapter comes out, if it makes you feel better, I'll even change the name of the parts of it.
Fact: The reader writes the story, technically. The viewers and fans of teh story input opinion. This opinion helps the reader know how good his/her writing is, and what is amiss. They do not help just write it, they help shape the reader as well. You have shared your wisdom, I have shared mine.
423513 O.k. you are officially to stupid to insult.
505304
That makes absolutely no sense. I just have pride, deal with it. You insult me, I retaliate. Whether it is a sentient insult or a stupid one determines if I will either get into it, or not. So there, try now.