To Death and Back

by Bro Dash

Chapter 1

Celestia looked around her. She could not see anything, nor her own hoof in front of her. She used magic to illuminate everything around her, but it only got darker. She thought of this.

"Light makes it darker. It's a required spell to change the eyes, not the light going to the eyes.", she thought.

She worked her magic, converting her eyes to those which would make darkness light, and the light, darkness. Immediately, she gasped at the cruel sight before her. It terrified her. There were malicious events everywhere, horrible things that should never be done. Then as she backed up, something stopped her. She backed up into something huge.

It neither spoke, nor made a sound. It only lifted it's cleaver above its head and brought it down. Celestia used her magic, but it didn't work, and her right wing was cut deeply, nearly cutting it off. She screamed out, rearing up, but no sound came.

She knew this world was not where she belonged.

Celestia began running, tears streaking down her cheeks in fear and pain. She had no idea of what to do, she would die easily here. Wherever here is. Celestia ran till something grabbed her leg, making her trip, she landed on her nearly cut off wing, letting out another silent scream. She could not hear what came to her, but it definitely wanted to kill her.

She looked up at the goblin, watching as it brought it's cleaver to her chest, tapping it, back up, then down hard.

Celestia closed her eyes.

She waited, waited for teh pain which meant her heart had been cut, but it never came, and then fear engulfed her, making her tears flow more freely than she could handle, filling her eyes with thick, watery veils as she opened them.

The cleaver had stopped far above her. It was brought down though. She followed the cleaver down to it's hilt and saw nothing. But the goblin strained against something. The goblin was thrown, and Celestia was astonished, then fear kicked in again.

What just happened?

Celestia began to cower, then began trying to get away from whatever had stopped the cleaver. She backed into a wall, and not feeling her wing, stumbled against it, rolling on the ground. She got up, looking around into the darkness. There was nothing. Nothing there.

Then two bright dots appeared, like wisps. They glowed blue. Somehow, they comforted Celestia, till the face beyond them grew into sight. The mouth opened, showing hundreds of rows of razor sharp needle teeth. Celestia began shaking and got up hurriedly, running even further.

Now, her cut wing hung limply to her side, bleeding freely. She didn't feel it at all then.

After a few minutes of running, her steps became uncoordinated and she stepped on her freely dangling wing, tearing it more than it was cut, screamed, falling over once mroe.

She sobbed, but heard no sound.

She was afraid, hurt, and could easily die, her magic not even working to help her.

Then a feint feeling pressed to her. It was comforting, shedding light on her. She looked up into the great beyond, and saw the light, the beautiful light which she knew would come only in death. She shook from her increased sobs, and it quickly became as black as death holds, deep and eternal. She felt the fear well up even more and her sobs grew harder, louder, she thought she could hear them.

The silence was deafening, no sound from anywhere. It hurt her ears as much as it did her wing. She didn't dare look at it now, probably torn in two by now. But her curiosity got her and she looked. Her wing was torn and cut, but not as bad as she thought. It could heal, and well too, if she found help soon. Or did it herself.

Celestia undid her fake gold necklace, then redid it to her side. She moved her wings to fold against her body and fastened the strong metal tightly, holding the half severed wing closed enough to heal.

She was losing a lot of blood though. After she fell last time, she could not get up. Nor could she even think clearly. Darkness which resembled sleep began creeping into her vision, making her weak and tired. She saw things gather around her, figures that more than likely wanted to kill her, but she didn't care. Once she slipped into unconsciousness, she wouldn't feel a thing...

_________________________________________________________________

Luna looked at her sister, suspended in the white chamber. Her hooves and legs resembled a position which would relax event eh sight of a worried pony, but Luna couldn't be relaxed, calmed, by anything. She could not stop crying, her red eyes still burn from the tissues used. Blood even streaked her eyes from earlier bursts of tears, oh those painful tears.

"Tia...", she sniffed, "Please...please, please, please!!! PLEASE!!!!!!", she sobbed.

She beat on the window, crying out till her hooves started to crack from the pounding. When she finally ran out of energy, she slumped against the thick, cracked glass, sobbing loudly.

A guard moved next to her, brave enough to even try, and before he spoke a word, Luna grabbed him, hugging him tightly and sobbing into his shoulder. The guard shut his mouth, refraining from speaking. It was hard enough to even watch, but being pulled into the sensation, it darned well broke his heart and nearly made him cry. But the most he did was make a sad face.

Luna soon calmed down and was brought back to her room by the same guard. He set her gently down, her shakes leaving his body as he let go of her in the massive bed. Before he left completely, he turned.

"Princess, do you need anything? Anything at all?"

Luna hiccuped, " N-no...I'm f-f-fine."

The guard nodded to her and left, closing the door behind him. The sobs continued, but this time, they seemed louder than when she was at her sister's recovery chamber.

The guard looked to his partner.

"I've never seen her so...so..."

"Depressed, sad, torn up?", the other guard asked.

"Yeah. It almost brought me to tears when she held on to me."

"You're strong, Jack. I'd not have been able to hold back my own."

The guard nodded, then hung his head with a sigh.

"I guess it's back to guard duty. Hopefully they both get better..."

Comments

[Wilhelm]

You do know the cover image is going tomake you get down get down voted to hell.
Like that story about Fluttershy been Jewish that got bombed that bad, the author took it down.
Good day.

[Steampunk Starlight]

....
What does the holy cross gotta do with ponies stuff?

Sorry man, I didn't like it.

[Thorax]

416863

Hey I get to use this image again and on the same person to!
alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/large/sad-i-know-that-feel-bro-l.png

[Sunstar]

While the idea is good, the execution could be a lot better. It feels really dry. you need to describe more. We readers are lost. What is going on? We can't read your mind. Lets rework your first paragragh.

Celestia looked around her. She could not see anything, nor her own hoof in front of her. She used magic to illuminate everything around her, but it only got darker. She thought of this.

My paragraph

It was so dark. Celestia was sure she was sleeping at first but now she wasn't so sure. Something didn't feel right about this place. She looked down to see nothing. Left, up, right, same results. Celestia felt the first spine tingling fingers of fear creeping down her spine. She couldn't be blind!

"Luna!" She waited for an answer. Nothing came. "Luna, please!" Nothing answered her cries. Celestia forced herself to take several calming breaths. Sometimes blindness is merely a reverse of light and darkness which could be corrected with a simple adjustment spell woven into the optic nerves of the eyes. Celestia was familiar with the spell. She had cast it before. The spell did have one side affect of changing the eye into a crystal. It was dubbed the Twinkle Eye spell by Luna as it had reminded her of the twinkle eyed ponies of the old world. Celestia lit her horn and casted the spell. She wished later that she hadn't.

See the difference? don't be afraid to describe things.

[Bro Dash]

416842

Really? You really think I give a shit? I don't believe in christianity enough for God to even care about if I go to heaven or hell. I'll probably just be doomed to wonder between worlds.

LOL, no. Too bad I don't care. And posting something like that is always going to get hate. I mean, it's a fricken cross! Plus, there were no images of celestia falling in a defeated manner, or of a grave stoen with ehr name on it! So back the hell off!

[Bro Dash]

416863

Couldn't find a good nough pic of dead celestia or somethin.

[Bro Dash]

417663

Oh, so now you're going to insult me?

[Wilhelm]

420348
Woah, no need for that.
I was just telling you why people have down thumbed it.
420353
He is just offering you some constructive criticism to help improve your work.

In both these cases, we're just tring to help you, no need to go on the defensive.
It's just if it remotely looks like it's from any real religion, people will down vote it.
But don't let this put you off writing, I'm sure you'll be much better next time.
420352
Like so?
26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmijz5Q9NT1qkwnhyo1_500.png

[Bro Dash]

420755

Nothing of what you said even works for me. Sunstar gave me a version of this story, but in a totally different field. This is all going to change real soon, it's nto gonna be soemthing gloomy and death filled, just creepyish or something. It's still unfinished, duh. Plus, thats prologue, it's got almost nothing to do with teh storyline!

As for that pic, not what I was looking for. I mean Celestia alone, falling, but she not only has cuts, brusies, etc, but she is also falling, not fallen.

Seriously, I can see why you people don't understand me soemtimes, but if I were to explain it, you'd all go insane.

[Bro Dash]

423919

Whoa whoa dude. I can't accept changing my story to fit what you want to read for three reasons. One, your version does not fit how I am making this even to the sligthest degree, therefore, would never work. Two, seriously, you insulted me, why would I? Three, my world, my rules, my idea. Got a problem?

To sum it up for ya, here is my beliefs on christianity:

I know that He does not exist, But...I believe in Him anyway. Good luck figuring it out, peace, I got a chapter to write.

BTW, your version can't be better than mine if it isn't event he same subject. That just shows that you are a stuck up spoiled child/teen/adult/whatever. Good day, hope you learn that it's not always goign your way.

[Bro Dash]

With ten thumbs down, and none up, tell me, why did I choose that pic? Because it's the closest related to what I am putting out here. It's just a pic. I'm not getting real deep itno it though. I know it is the holy cross, and no, I'm not dishonoring it. I do not like the fact that people think I'm going to hell because I did so. God is forgiving, it is repeated throughout the bible. Now, I've done enough to where he can forgive me this once, but it doesn't mean that I abuse his forgiveness with that which I please.

Now, I'm done preaching. And if you think it lesser of a story because of storyline, read on.

[Bro Dash]

Had to do a content change. Too much blood to be for everyone

[Sunstar]

How is what I put different? I went into more depth with the spell. It is an idea on how to improve. I never intended for you to use it. Also, I never insulted you. If I did, I'm sorry. I criticized your writing. Criticism has nothing to do with insults. A good writer values every piece of criticism, good and bad. It is how we improve our skills. I was like you once. I thought I was the best writer on earth until I posted a story online for the first time. I got lots of feedback, good and bad feedback. At first I dug my heels in and refused to even change a thing. After a while, I really started reading the feedback, and I realized how I could improve. Now, while I still get the occasional thumbs down or flame, I know it just means I have work to do. We all want to help you but you are not letting us help. You are exploding over any criticism we give you.

We, your readers, can not read your mind. We can't see the story you are seeing. You, the writer, are responsible for bringing your vision to life. I know you can do better. There are websites galore that you can visit that will help you learn how to be a better writer. http//:www.nanowrimo.com is my favorite. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Remember, your stories are not set in stone. Don't be afraid to go back and change things. Who knows, you might find an idea from your readers that you really like. A really good story is one that is not written by just the writer alone. It is written by the readers too. After all, it is the reader that is the writers most valuable resource.

Peace.

[Bro Dash]

428276

Oh lord, It is not the spell, but teh fitting subject. Get it right. She is freaking out, your version clearly is not. And tis only criticism if you actually give a straight forward comment on it. Telling me how you would write it is very insulting and disrespectful. The fact that you are still arguing with me provides two reasons. One, you're trolling, two, IDK, I do not care either. It's still an insult. For the record, I've been writing and posting stories for over a year now, this is my current best, it is still improving, and has gotten lots better since the amateur days.

You, the writer, are responsible for bringing your vision to life.

I know, and it can't be given int eh fricken prologue Sunstar, it is the first chapter by title, yes, but it is the fricken prologue! Every story i've read with a prologue explains hwo the events get to how they are in the story's current time. That's what this is doing. If it seems rushed, that is why. If you are seeing malice, death, and whatever without much detail, that is why. Wait till the first actual chapter comes out, if it makes you feel better, I'll even change the name of the parts of it.

Fact: The reader writes the story, technically. The viewers and fans of teh story input opinion. This opinion helps the reader know how good his/her writing is, and what is amiss. They do not help just write it, they help shape the reader as well. You have shared your wisdom, I have shared mine.

[perfectgore]

423513 O.k. you are officially to stupid to insult.

[Bro Dash]

505304

That makes absolutely no sense. I just have pride, deal with it. You insult me, I retaliate. Whether it is a sentient insult or a stupid one determines if I will either get into it, or not. So there, try now.