Lily squirmed on the couch for what felt like the umpteenth time. A thunderstorm had appeared out of nowhere a few hours ago, and even though she would hate to admit it to anypony, she was deathly afraid of thunder and lightning. She pulled the blanket over her head as she buried her muzzle in between the couch cushions, trying her hardest to block out the terrifying sounds. A whimper escaped past her lips as a particularly loud thunderclap rang out from above, making the tips of her wings tremble.
About a minute later, she heard a door further down the hall click open, making her ears cock towards the sound. Jason? she thought as she lifted her head up, the blanket falling from her head to rest on her back. Soft hoofsteps came from further down the hallway, a brief flash of lightning illuminating the pony walking towards her. “Oh, it’s you,” she said, a sheepish smile sliding onto her face. She hoped that he hadn’t seen her squirming in fear, for such a thing was unbecoming of a guard, after all.
“Yeah. I heard someone whimper and I thought it was Nightshine.” Jason stopped in front of Nightshine’s door and pressed an ear against it. When he heard her snoring, he grinned and shook his head as he walked forward, stopping when he reached the living room. He leaned against the wall as he yawned. “She’s still getting used to living here, after all. I don’t think she likes storms that much.” He pushed himself off of the wall and rubbed the back of his neck. “So, uh... was it you I heard? Were you having a nightmare or something?”
“Yeah, it was me,” Lily admitted with a blush. Her ears flicked back as she glanced away, unable to hold his gaze. “I don’t like storms either.”
“Oh, I see...” Jason turned back around towards his bedroom. “It should be gone in a little bit, and then we can all get some shut-eye.” He took a couple of steps back towards his room before he heard Lily cough. Glancing over his shoulder, he waited for her to speak.
“Um... any chance we could stay up and talk for a little bit?” Lily asked hopefully, a light smile pulling the sides of her lips upwards.
“Heh, sure. I don’t see why not.” Jason turned around again and walked over to the couch, treading as lightly as he could so as to not wake Nightshine up. He jumped up on the couch and settled down next to Lily, letting his forelegs drape over the edge. “So you don’t really like thunderstorms all that much, huh?”
Lily shook her head as she squirmed on the couch, her wings fluttering at her sides. “Nuh-uh, and you better not tell anypony about that, either.”
“Your secret is safe with me,” Jason said with a chuckle. “So... what’s on your mind?”
“I don’t know, I just wanted some company. I don’t really like being alone; that’s why I live in the barracks instead of my own place. Living in Canterlot is way too expensive, even on a royal guard’s salary, so it kinda just works out.”
“I’m sure. That’s why I chose to live down here. The food is good, the house was relatively cheap compared to what was offered up in Canterlot, and everypony down here is pretty nice. It did take a while for them to get used to me, though. I only became a pony like, a few days ago.”
“Yeah, Luna said something about that. What were you before you were a pony?” Lily curiously asked. "I forget."
“A human,” Jason said. "Think of a hairless monkey that's a lot taller that wears clothes all the time."
"Oh, okay... that sounds weir- uh, sorry," Lily said with a sheepish smile. "I'm sure you look nice."
"Eh, I'm just average, really. Nothing too special about me."
Lily crossed her right foreleg over the other. "So... what made you want to become a thestral? For Nightshine?"
“Yeah. I also thought it'd be fun to see what living like a pony would be like. I know Nightshine is living her dream come true with me like this, but man... while she acts like a normal filly, I can’t help but treat her like she’s the most fragile thing in the universe. She’s been my daughter for a little while now, and while it already feels like it’s been forever, we’re still learning how to mesh as a family. Maybe living as a pony would help that process move along faster.”
Lily grinned. “It sounds like you’re doing a splendid job so far. Luna sure seems to think so.”
“Yeah? Was Twilight sending her letters or something?”
Lily nodded. “Mmm... maybe. And maybe she had me read them aloud to her.” She shifted back and forth on the couch. "So... you said you like to snuggle? Nightshine said that you're the best snuggler, after all."
“Yeah... I can show you if you want.” Another loud thunderclap sounded out from right above his house, making him jump a little bit. Lily let loose a loud ‘eep’ as she jerked forward, pressing up against his side. Jason’s breath caught in his throat as he felt her tremble against him. “You okay?” he asked, placing his left hoof on her back.
“Y-Yeah,” Lily said. Feeling his body’s warmth seep into her right wing and coat, her eyes went wide. With an awkward giggle, she scooted back a little bit, unable to look up at him for fear of him seeing how hard she was blushing. “Sorry about that.”
“Nothing to be sorry about. You were just scared. Hehe, it even scared me, and I like loud thunderstorms!” Jason stretched his forelegs then relaxed, listening to the sound of raindrops hitting the roof.
“Ugh! I hate them!” Lily’s muzzle scrunched up as she shook her head to and fro, like she’d just eaten a piece of sour candy. “I don’t know why anypony would like them.”
Jason shrugged. “I just think they make cool sounds,” he said.
“They make scary sounds,” Lily said, correcting him. Feeling her blush subside, she nudged his leg with a hoof and glanced back up at him. “So... you were saying something about snuggling?” she asked with a long yawn.
"Yeah. You wanna snuggle here or go to my bed?"
"Here is fine. I'm already pretty warm right here, after all," she said. "So... do you like being the little spoon or the big spoon?"
"I suppose either would be fine. What do you like?"
"...I like being the little spoon," Lily squeaked out. "But I think we should get to know each other better before doing something so intimate." She propped her head up on a pillow then held open the blanket enough for Jason to scoot in beside her. "Thanks for the company, though. I really do appreciate it..." she whispered, letting the blanket fall upon his back.
Jason grabbed a pillow to lay his head on, then let loose a long sigh, enjoying the warmth from the blanket and from Lily. A few minutes passed in silence as he listened to the storm fade away into the distance. Wondering if she was still up, he listened hard and noticed that she was breathing steadily. “Lily, you still up?” he asked softly. When she didn’t budge an inch, he chuckled. “You didn’t fall asleep already, did you?” Warmth from Lily’s body seeped into his legs. He wanted to get up and go back to his bed, but he figured that if she was scared of thunderstorms, she probably hadn’t got any sleep yet. Wanting to let her get some rest, he made himself comfortable on the couch then let sleep take him away to the wonderful world of dreams.
After several minutes, Lily cracked an eye open, glancing at his face. Perfect... she thought, feeling butterflies flit about in her stomach when her eyes confirmed that he was already fast asleep. I wonder if he'd look as cute as a human? Her ears flicked down as she grinned, happy with her good luck. I wonder if he’s going to invite me to the Grand Galloping Gala... Dear Celestia... please... I’ve never been. She heard another loud thunderclap a little ways off in the distance, and instead of it making her shiver in fright, she simply snuggled closer and closed her eyes, feeling secure and content laying next to him. At least thunderstorms have one thing going for them!
must not daww but I must no I must resit the dawws not enough will power
DAAAAAWWWW
I was promised snuggles and received, :c sorely disappointed at how short it was, though still amazingly adorable with those leg thumps
Yes! I've been waiting all day for this
i agree with lily thunder is scary i hate it i go running to the nearest person in the house when i here it
You have no idea how happy I was to see that this updated, and now that I read this chapter, I am extremely sad that I need to wait for the next.
Did this quote remind any one else of doctor wolf? “So... what’s on your mind?”
it is cute and thank you for that, I would hate it if it would turn out to be just Jason how is acting akward. I actually forgot how you worked your way around that in the last chapters.
I really hope she is the one who is going to hint rather hard on her wanting to go to the gala with him or making an embrassed confession.
It starts to slowly happen with some stories finally, but I haven't seen it in a while that the main char is not the one with the highest amount of embrassment and shame or whatever in the relationship. I kind of liked to think that his human form gave him a bit of his confident back that he probably didn't had when he turned into a pony.
I mean even if he isn't thinking about them making fun of him, he maybe still feels insecure about probably making so many mistakes as a pony.
Awww, this is cute.
Nice story, though kind of an insta-ship.
8623071
They aren't even dating yet hehe. I'm just setting the groundwork.
I miss having a nice deep porch, I used to love sitting outside and watching a thunderstorm rolling in.
cuddles and ear scratches all is good in the world.
Maybe Lily will find out what else fingers are good for... belly tickles, of course! (In limited quantities so he's not hit with a wing again...)
This was another cute chapter! And the snuggling was pulling strings in my heart. Keep up the good work!
Adorable!
It's ironic that ponies find humans cute. Also, fingers, human magic! All shall squee and wiggle for the blessing of ear scritches.
Yes. YES.
Conflicted about doing “D’aaawws” or “EEEEEEEEs”!
Why do I think Pinkie is also a leg thumper. I will also say these two need a quick trip to the alter as they are perfect for each other.
Heh, this was adorable, even before ear scritches. They made it even cuter though, as did Lily’s adorbz leg thumping. You write great snuggles, Abyss. Always make me that bit happier. Excited for the next chapter.
8623206
I'm not really a fan of the groundshaking ones, but I love listening to thunderstorms!!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!!!
Its so cute!
The wait is gonna be painfull....
But still.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!!!!!!!
you can't hear it, but i'm squeeing over here.
Oh no! Paternal hnnng and romantic hnnng are too much! My heeeeeeeeeaaaarrrrt!
Plenty of adorable moments in this chapter. I hope Jason doesn't wake up too late in the morning. Hate for him to forget to take off the ring in his rush to get his home presentable again. Thanks for the update Abyss. I look forward to the next one!
Trust me, you don't want to go, Lily.
Everypony is obnoxious and stuck-up, and the food is small, seemingly tasteless and unfulfilling.
Sure, I get the allure of it ("it's so exclusive!"), but like travelling overseas (or a game published by Gearbox), it utterly fails to live up to the hype.
I really like this story. This story began a tale about two different people finding each other and learning to be a family, and its still a great heart warming tale. I think your doing a great job as an author with this fic and its creative characters.
Just one request from the peanut gallery. Please don't make Jason a "hyperventilates into a paper bag every time things get the least bit sexually suggestive." type of character. This site has far, far, too many of those. I know that its somewhat in character for a younger man to be somewhat uncertain of himself and a bit socially off balance. Just don't over do the blushing, stammering, and gulping routine. Its far too easy to make a good character come across as "Dense as a led brick."
Again, your doing a great job, and Im looking forward to seeing where your taking this interesting tale.
The Monk
Lily is coming on way too strong, in my opinion. It makes Jason look like a Mary Sue, the way he has both Twilight and Lily pining after him. In Lily's case, it's for no fully explained reason. She literally just met him, so she comes off as really desperate for affection. I guess it could be the 'guy with a daughter is sexy' thing, or something similar, but there really aren't many scenes to explain her huge draw towards Jason.
8630175
Well, what if she is really desperate for affection? What if she feels like all of her friends are getting married, and she's the only one left without a special somepony? Hell, she still lives in the barracks.
8630433
That's fine, but you should hint at that in the story, in my opinion. Otherwise it comes across as I've already described (for me, at least). Example: you could have included a scene where she debates going back to Jason's place and pretending to be locked out, and you could give a bit of backstory there. Seems like she should have a backstory sooner rather than later, if you want readers to care about her. Otherwise Lily just seems like a temporary stumbling block for Jason/Twilight, not a character in her own right.
...
.....
moar.
........
..........
8630487
I am going to have to agree 100% with this assessment. I think I have mentioned it in a previous chapter about how development appears to be super fast within this story. (been awhile.)
I loved this particular chapter because it brings the human back even for a moment. I had also really appreciated the explanation of why he has not turned back into a human yet. I may not agree completely but it makes perfect sense to me. So I am glad you added that in.
Other than that you have a solid chapter on your hands. A bit of exposition and some adorableness and you have some quality stuff.
I did not see anything messy within grammar and structure. I do caution on your use of comma's where periods can be instead. Also some word structuring can help improve the flow and push your point a bit better. See my favorite part below to show you what I mean. (If its intentional because of how his speech is suppose to be then ignore this.)
I'm already looking forward to the next installment!
Daily dose of d'awww achieved. And here I thought that the levels of adorable couldn't be topped. Well done!
D'aaaaw.
Nice chapter, good work.
God damn this is an adorable story. My 'HHNGH' keeps going off!
I usually do not comment, but I decided to do so here because there is something that doesn't add up. However, before I get into it, I like this story in general – I like you as an author too – but I think this is worth mentioning.
Jason, as a human, shouldn't have been able to adopt Nightshine. Neither as a thestral.
I re-read your story and in the eleventh chapter: The Brewing Storm Twilight says,
Twilight clearly states here that even if he was a pony he couldn't keep Nightshine. "But that's why he became a thestral! That makes him eligible to adopt her!" No, that's like saying all black people come from Africa. Simply being a thestral doesn't mean he is from their country.
There's actually an easy fix to this. It lies in the word "foreigner". Don't use it, instead say that he couldn't adopt her because he wasn't of the same species. Say that bat ponies have a different physiology than the three other races – require certain things, you come up with something – because of that they can't be raised by a different species. It would make sense or at least slightly more sense.
Of course that's the way I see it. I know for a fact someone's gonna be angry for the "that's like saying all black people come from Africa" comment.
8656981
This story is going to be revised and whatnot when I eventually finish it and publish it into a book, so all that stuff is going to be changed/deleted. Thanks for the comment, though!
8656981
This guy just solved the problem!!!
lol no
Yes! More human time please!
I want Jason to keep some of his humanity and stand out from a regular (bat)pony, like making him taller than most ponies (like Big Mac sized) or something like that.
8665617
He'll still want to switch back to being a human. Well... I lied. Nightshine wants him to switch back to a human for more ear scritches lol.
8665631
YES! As long as their is some kind of connection to Jason's humanity I am a happy reader! I just don't want a human adopts pony story to turn into a pony adopts pony story. Oh, and a confrontation with Celestia would be nice!
I eagerly await the next chapter!
This is so good!!!! Hits me right in the feels!!!! ( cause I’m adopted as well) do keep with this darling!!!!!!!!
Why couldn’t have been a necklace? It will be easier to wear as both a pony and a human. Or is it more like a bracelet because I don’t think a hoof would fit into a human ring?
That sounds like a bracelet to me.
9036221
It's a bracelet, yeah. It's not a ring that fits on your finger, but upper arm.
Am I the only one that remembers that they're all super dirty and sweaty from all of the flight training, and that none of them have taken showers?